# Simple waltz for piano - romantic style (work in progress)



## Swosh (Feb 25, 2018)

Started this yesterday, might be finished soon. Any criticism, please!! Have a nice day


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## SergeOfArniVillage (Feb 12, 2014)

I like your way of writing. It's straightforward, clear, and shows focus.

While in general I don't mind some of your unusual choices in the L.H.'s accompaniment, sometimes I think it sounds a bit more "hollow" than you intend. For example, I actually really like how in the first 2 bars, both times on the 2nd beat, you have the A# and G# playing around chromatically with the B and A in the L.H. It sounds really cool! But then ms. 3, we have a small disaster. Notice how in ms. 1-2, you actually successfully manage to "cheat." Even though in both measures the 3rd beat has an empty 5th or an empty 4th, you quickly outline the whole harmonic chord in the triplets, and since it's up-tempo, it manages not to sound too "hollow". But on measure 3, you essentially have a unison on the 2nd beat followed by parallel 5ths, and it sounds _really_ awkward!

However, the good news is that it's super easy to fix. In keeping with the tone of your piece, I could see the R.H. of ms. 3 staying the same. Just make ms. 3's L.H. 2nd beat A a whole quarter note like last measure, and then on the 3rd beat, write the same kind of triplet you wrote in that last 2 measures. In this case, it'd be, descending, D-A-F#. Then, measure 4, move that G in the L.H. an octave up, and voila, easy adjustment. Granted, ms. 4 has a similar issue on the 2nd beat, but the fact you keep momentum going somehow sounds ok.

I'm nitpicking, but the reason I'm doing it is because, for one thing, I really like the majority of your writing here. It might be romantic style, but it still sounds like _your_ language, instead of a copy of another composer. Another reason is that since your writing sounds convincing for the most part, it makes sections where you wrote carelessly _really_ stand out. Granted, it may be, perhaps, because this is a rough draft, but even so, if you work with a critical eye even when just writing a draft, it can help you get a clearer picture of what you want to do with the piece, and where you want to take it. Instead of thinking, "does this note/arpeggio/chord belong here in this one measure?", you'll be focused on the bigger picture of how you want to _develop_ your piece, which is much better use of your time and brainpower.

In short, I really like what you've written here, and I look forward to hearing the completed piece. Thanks for sharing! :tiphat:


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## Swosh (Feb 25, 2018)

Wow, I wasn't expecting so much feedback haha. This is invaluable thank you! Yes, I tend to not give my full attention towards some bars, or I just can't figure out what sounds good in a certain measure. I'm rather new to composing and am still trying to learn lol. Above all, I appreciate that you feel it isn't a copy of another composer!! I do need help with conceptualizing a WHOLE work (bigger picture), rather than just going bar by bar. Any ideas on how to do that? What other bars do you think need work so far?


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## Phil loves classical (Feb 8, 2017)

I really think you should separate those voices both in the treble and bass. The first notes of the first few bars are a separate voice from the rest of those notes. Also you have a lot of ties that could be eliminated if you separate the voices.


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## Swosh (Feb 25, 2018)

What do you mean by that? Could you explain more?


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## Phil loves classical (Feb 8, 2017)

Swosh said:


> What do you mean by that? Could you explain more?


See this example. There are notes with stems going down and stems going up on the same staff. Those are separate voices. You hold the notes of the ones with longer duration, while playing those with shorter duration on the same hand. You have a lot of ties that could be eliminated with the lower notes on a separate voice, like for example in some of your triplets, you have some lower notes with ties that could be replaced with a quarter note outside of the triplet (like in bar 23 of your piece).


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## Swosh (Feb 25, 2018)

Oh I see!!! Yes I understand haha. I don't know how to do that on Sibelius


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## Swosh (Feb 25, 2018)

Continued:


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## Captainnumber36 (Jan 19, 2017)

I feel you should try to build stronger hooks, but that's just my take!  It's still impressive.


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## Swosh (Feb 25, 2018)

I understand what you mean, thanks!


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## Vasks (Dec 9, 2013)

Swosh said:


> Oh I see!!! Yes I understand haha. I don't know how to do that on Sibelius


Use the "Keypad" for up to 4 voices per staff (they're at the bottom numbered 1-4). Sibelius is a powerful tool.


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## SergeOfArniVillage (Feb 12, 2014)

Swosh said:


> I do need help with conceptualizing a WHOLE work (bigger picture), rather than just going bar by bar. Any ideas on how to do that?


Sorry, I can't think of any advice as to _how_ to do so. I think it might be something that just comes with experience.


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## Phil loves classical (Feb 8, 2017)

Swosh said:


> Wow, I wasn't expecting so much feedback haha. This is invaluable thank you! Yes, I tend to not give my full attention towards some bars, or I just can't figure out what sounds good in a certain measure. I'm rather new to composing and am still trying to learn lol. Above all, I appreciate that you feel it isn't a copy of another composer!! I do need help with conceptualizing a WHOLE work (bigger picture), rather than just going bar by bar. Any ideas on how to do that? What other bars do you think need work so far?


A lot of Chopin's works are in ternary form ABA. That's just a suggestion. In bar 16 you seem to set up to return to the tonic which gives a satisfying end to the part A, but go into some other chords, which is ok for a while, but it never went back to make a complete A section. Some of the stuff especially past bar 31 suits to be in a B section. But you never really made a clear transfer from A to B.


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