# One day the single woman went to the grocery store



## violadude (May 2, 2011)

Collaborative story time! One sentence added to the story per post!

One day the single woman went to the grocery store...


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## Cnote11 (Jul 17, 2010)

that was located in Seoul, South Korea to pick up some...


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## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

violadude said:


> Wait a minute, I said she was single in the first sentence >.< You cant change it without an explanation.


Its too messed up anyway. I think you should have been THAT guy, and said, keep it clean. The story might be more interesting. It's a good thread idea, and more will participate if it isn't wantonly dirty.


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## mamascarlatti (Sep 23, 2009)

That's right clavi, keep it clean please.


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## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

Cnote11 said:


> that was located in Seoul, South Korea to pick up some...


ramen packets since she was not a real cook, however in the check out line the latest reader's digest headline caught her eye and it said...


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## Polednice (Sep 13, 2009)

£20 FREE when you deposit £10 to play with Reader's Digest Bingo, at which the single woman returned home to her laptop to indulge in some more lonely gambling...


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## emiellucifuge (May 26, 2009)

. Just as she was getting really into the game, she turned around, and:


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## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

and heard a loud noise from her computer so she turned around to discover that it signified a pop up which was advertising a job interview to which her special talents happened to be suited and it took place in an hour(late), so she downed some coffee, put on adequate makeup and...

edit, sorry to emiel, I posted after Polednice as well, so I squished your post in there with a modification...


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## Cnote11 (Jul 17, 2010)

Since when do Koreans use pounds, Polednice?


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## Polednice (Sep 13, 2009)

Cnote11 said:


> Since when do Koreans use pounds, Polednice?


Since the single woman forced Queen Elizabeth to abdicate, overtook the English throne and invaded South Korea, establishing UK currency. Now stop asking questions - I don't want to reveal any more of this story's ending.


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## Couchie (Dec 9, 2010)

.... fell _asleep _for 5 hours, missing her interview. Upon waking she poured herself a large glass of gin and....


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## Badinerie (May 3, 2008)

Lime, which she got the idea for from a Raymond Chandler book, serialized in a magazine she read in the waiting room of


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## beethovenian (May 2, 2011)

the previous company that called her up for an interview. Except for the gin and lime, the whole magazine was so depressingly boring that she...


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## Couchie (Dec 9, 2010)

beethovenian said:


> the previous company that called her up for an interview. Except for the gin and lime, the whole magazine was so depressingly boring that she...


... fell asleep for 5 hours. Upon waking, she died. Upon examining her body, the mortician was shocked to discover...


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## Polednice (Sep 13, 2009)

A collection of tiny bingo balls lining her digestive tract, each with various inscriptions on them that she'd carved with a nail:


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## Webernite (Sep 4, 2010)

... but the mortician could not be bothered to write down all the inscriptions (in his mortician's notebook), and neither he nor anybody else ever mentioned them again.

[Polednice meant semicolon instead of colon.]


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## Polednice (Sep 13, 2009)

[GRR!]

That was until the coroner's inquest when, given the unusual circumstances surrounding the woman's death, it was demanded that each of the 6,729 inscriptions were read aloud for everyone to hear*:*


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## TresPicos (Mar 21, 2009)

"All inscriptions should be read aloud in public". The secretary sighed, threw away the note and went to get...


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## Polednice (Sep 13, 2009)

The court's microphone system, which she plugged in and triple-checked that all was working adequately before he began to recite the inscriptions on the loud-speaker with great clarity. They read:


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## TresPicos (Mar 21, 2009)

"Belongs to Denny". Like anyone would steal an old loud-speaker, she thought to herself, when suddenly...


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## Polednice (Sep 13, 2009)

the coroner shouted at her: "READ THE INSCRIPTIONS ON THE BINGO BALLS NOW OR YOU'LL LOSE YOUR JOB." Without any more messing around, she began:


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## Dodecaplex (Oct 14, 2011)

"To every ω-consistent recursive class κ of formulae there correspond recursive class signs r, such that neither v Gen r nor Neg (v Gen r) belongs to Flg (κ) (where v is the free variable of r)." Which, apparently, is relevant to the issue because...


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## TresPicos (Mar 21, 2009)

here on the next bingo ball it says...". "Okay, stop", the coroner said. "I get the picture. Hey, sorry for yelling at you. If you..."


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## Polednice (Sep 13, 2009)

"could just stop licking the bingo balls, though, we can get you some help. Here, these people will take you to a nice, safe place where you can get better. Now about those long, complex inscriptions on impossibly small bingo balls - wouldn't she need some kind of advanced-", at that, the single woman burst into the room, nobody yet sure who had actually died after being stuffed with Reader's Digest Bingo balls...


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## Couchie (Dec 9, 2010)

"I'm MARRIED!" the woman screamed, as the crowd gasped in disbelief, and with that the not-so-single woman tripped on the staircase descending into the courtroom, landed on her neck, and died, spilling a glass of gin. The...


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## Polednice (Sep 13, 2009)

insane secretary, while being led from the court room, went from licking half-digested bingo balls to lapping at the gin on the floor before being dragged away while the members of the court began to decide how to deal with the two dead women...


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## Dodecaplex (Oct 14, 2011)

...one of whom sprang straight to back to life. "This story makes no sense whatsoever," she yelled, "and we have to put an end to this madness." Upon hearing those inspiring words, the coroner had a brilliant idea...


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## TresPicos (Mar 21, 2009)

but before he could act on it, his attention was diverted by a spider of considerable size suddenly approaching him at a surprisingly high speed. He closed his eyes and...


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## Polednice (Sep 13, 2009)

was immediately consumed by the spider, which was more than twice his size. The people in the court room started screaming and fumbling over each other in an attempt to get out - the newly revivified woman, given a chance at life for a third time, was crushed under the spider's feet and instantly killed.


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## Couchie (Dec 9, 2010)

With proud strides, the spider took his place behind the Judge's lectern, and striking the gavel twice, began a slow, dignified recital of Keats' _Ode on a Grecian Urn. _"Thou still unravished bride of quietness..."


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## Cnote11 (Jul 17, 2010)

Thou foster-child of silence and slow time, Sylvan historian, who canst thus express.


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## Dodecaplex (Oct 14, 2011)

A flowery tale more lovely than the Rhine
Where ten small children went out to dine;
One choked his little self
And then there remained only nine


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## Polednice (Sep 13, 2009)

Nine more lively little beasts
for me to add to my human feast -
only the living will suffice,
for their squirms when rent with my knife.


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## Dodecaplex (Oct 14, 2011)

The nine children foresaw their fate,
and remained vigilant 'til it was very late;
alas, one overslept his little self
and then there were only eight.
Eight more lively little beasts
for me to add to my human feast.


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## Polednice (Sep 13, 2009)

"That's all very pretty," a bitter voice said, interrupting the spider. "But no one ***** with me." The decoy single woman's corpse was once more filled with life, and she walked purposefully towards the spider while spluttering, bingo balls with incomprehensible inscriptions popping from her digestive orifices uncontrollably.


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## TresPicos (Mar 21, 2009)

Frantically searching for a way out of there, he suddenly heard a familiar voice that did not fit in at all. As he awoke, with the dream rapidly fading from his mind, he found himself panting and covered in sweat, his wife staring at him with concern. "Another nightmare, Frank?". He nodded. "Yes, but this time...


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## Iforgotmypassword (May 16, 2011)

...I myself was the spider". 

She stared into his eyes with a loving concern, brushing the matted hair from his glistening forehead. "I'll call the docor", she whispered to him, "He should know that the dreams are changing". 

He clamped his eyes shut, shaking his head violently as if trying to stir the remaining sensation from his mind. Leaning foreward, he placed his head upon her lap, fingers gripping his own scalp, eyes still tightly clasped. "I'll call him in the morning" he replied, his voice full of a resigned exhaustion.

His wife reached over to flip off the small bed-side lamp which she had turned on previously, but as her hand found the switch a terrible scream like a wounded cougar sprung forth from directly outside their bedroom window.


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## An Die Freude (Apr 23, 2011)

She went to look out the window, and thus saw Beethoven...


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## beethovenian (May 2, 2011)

in agonizing pain, his immortal beloved had apparently threw a flower pot down at him in a attempt to stop him from singing a certain 4 note motif over and over again. Not giving up so easily, Beethoven took out his handkerchief, wipe his bleeding forehead, clear his throat and begin to...


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## An Die Freude (Apr 23, 2011)

sing the Ode to Joy from his Ninth Symphony, by which his Immortal Beloved was so enraptured she...


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## beethovenian (May 2, 2011)

fainted from euphoria. On falling down, her arms swipe another flower pot on the ledge and it drop right down on Beethoven again. He cursed and screamed in pain, he looked up at the balcony and saw that she wasn't there anymore. Feeling dejected, he


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## Badinerie (May 3, 2008)

said " I thought a little pot couldn't do you any harm! Wait till I see..."


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## Iforgotmypassword (May 16, 2011)

your mother, you fiendish witch! I'll tell her what late night programs you've been watching on television!" and with that, Beethoven stomped into the black of the moonless night. 

When she awoke, the sun was just peeking out from behind the evergreens, surrounding the trees in a blinding hue of gold and crimson. As she stood, blood rushed into her head, beginning a rhythmic thumping between her ears. She reached her hand to the spot where her head had struck the stone floor, delicate fingers caressing the lump which had risen there. 

She peered over the parapet down to the ground, where two flower pots lay shattered upon the grass, the delicate red flowers already beginning to wilt in want of water. 

Suddenly she heard a voice exclaim "...


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## Dodecaplex (Oct 14, 2011)

_"1 
Die Welt ist alles, was der Fall ist. 
1.1 
Die Welt ist die Gesamtheit der Tatsachen, nicht der Dinge. 
2 
Was der Fall ist, die Tatsache, ist das Bestehen von Sachverhalten. 
2.1 
Die Tatsachen begreifen wir in Bildern. 
2.2 
Das Bild hat mit dem Abgebildeten die logische Form der Abbildung gemein. 
3 
Das logische Bild der Tatsachen ist der Gedanke. 
3.1 
Der sinnliche Ausdruck des Gedankens ist das Satzzeichen. 
3.2 
Das Satzzeichen mit der Art und Weise seiner Abbildung ist der Satz. 
4 
Der Gedanke ist der sinnvolle Satz. 
4.1 
Der Satz stellt das Bestehen und Nichtbestehen der Sachverhalte dar. 
4.2 
Der Sinn des Satzes ist seine Übereinstimmung und Nichtübereinstimmung mit den Möglichkeiten des Bestehens und Nichtbestehens der Sachverhalte. 
4.3 
Die Wahrheitsmöglichkeiten der Elementarsätze bedeuten die Möglichkeiten des Bestehens und Nichtbestehens der Sachverhalte. 
4.4 
Der Satz ist der Ausdruck der Übereinstimmung und Nichtübereinstimmung mit den Wahrheitsmöglichkeiten der Elementarsätze. 
5 
Der Satz ist eine Wahrheitsfunktion der Elementarsätze. 
6 
Die allgemeine Form der Wahrheitsfunktion ist . 
6.44 
Nicht wie die Welt ist, ist das Mystische, sondern daß sie ist. 
6.45 
Das Gefühl der Welt als begrenztes Ganzes ist das mystische. 
6.52 
Wir fühlen, daß selbst, wenn alle möglichen wissenschaftlichen Fragen beantwortet sind, unsere Lebensprobleme noch gar nicht berührt sind. Freilich bleibt dann eben keine Frage mehr; und eben dies ist die Antwort. 
6.521 
Die Lösung des Problems des Lebens merkt man am Verschwinden dieses Problems. 
6.522 
Es gibt allerdings Unaussprechliches. Dies zeigt sich, es ist das Mystische. 
6.53 
Die richtige Methode der Philosophie wäre eigentlich die: Nichts zu sagen als was sich sagen läßt, also Sätze der Naturwissenschaft - also etwas, was mit Philosophie nichts zu tun hat -, und dann immer, wenn ein anderer etwas Metaphysisches sagen wollte, ihm nachzuweisen, daß er gewissen Zeichen in seinen Sätzen keine Bedeutung gegeben hat. Diese Methode wäre für den anderen unbefriedigend - er hätte nicht das Gefühl, daß wir ihn Philosophie lehrten - aber sie wäre die einzig streng richtige. 
6.54 
Meine Sätze erläutern dadurch, daß sie der, welcher mich versteht, am Ende als unsinnig erkennt, wenn er durch sie - auf ihnen - über sie hinausgestiegen ist. (Er muß sozusagen die Leiter wegwerfen, nachdem er auf ihr hinaufgestiegen ist). Er muß diese Sätze überwinden, dann sieht er die Welt richtig. 
7 
Wovon man nicht Sprechen kann, darüber muß man schweigen."_

After this short and mystical statement, the voice levitated into the somber, humid air. "Chenquieh," said the voice as it vanished into the shadows. The sky slowly split in half, and...


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## Huilunsoittaja (Apr 6, 2010)

down came the rain and washed the spider out. Out came the sun and dried up all the rain, and the itsy bitsy...


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## Iforgotmypassword (May 16, 2011)

man woke again from his dream with a jolt. Sweat clinging to his forehead, his eyes wide he sat up in bed panting, a fine stream of perspiration creating an erratic trail down his cheek. 

"I was the spider again" he said to his wife as she sat up, seeing that once again her husband was in emotional distress, "and this time I was in that nursery rhyme... you know the one with the itsy bitsy spider?" 

His wife smiled, "well that doesn't sound all that terrible" 
She turned on her side, facing him with her head in her hand, her curly blond hair spilling down onto the bed, making a terrible mess. Her husband told her to clean it up. 

While she was getting a towel, her husband slowly stood and...


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## beethovenian (May 2, 2011)

approach his wife, he then reach into his pants and took out..


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## Iforgotmypassword (May 16, 2011)

a large cock, which began to crow loudly and flap his wings, upsetting the bedside lamp. It fell to the ground with a crash and from the remains spurng several small...


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## beethovenian (May 2, 2011)

bananas. Feeling hungry but lazy to make breakfast. The wife began to..


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## Dodecaplex (Oct 14, 2011)

Feed herself the bananas through her various orifices, until she...


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## Iforgotmypassword (May 16, 2011)

Began to shrink, the starch within the bananas soaking up all moisture from her body. She let out a small muffled grunt as her lungs collapsed and she...


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## beethovenian (May 2, 2011)

black out. She woke and found herself back at the grocery store. She slowly stood up and saw before her the cheapest banana sale ever, with an uncontrollable urge, she....


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## Iforgotmypassword (May 16, 2011)

purchased the entire crate and invited her entire facebook friend list over to her home for a banana party.


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## Dodecaplex (Oct 14, 2011)

*The End*

Credits:
....
(be creative with the credits btw)


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## Iforgotmypassword (May 16, 2011)

The man woke once again from his dream, his wife absent from the bed, gone away to her mother's for the weekend. He reached to the table next to his bed and pulled a small leatherbound notebook from the drawer. In it he scribbled "I dreamt that all my life and the dreams within it were simply the complex workings of a movie and as the movie ended I awoke". He then stepped outside to get a pear from the tree which grew on the edge of his property line. Suddenly he tripped over a body lying upon the ground, it was Beethoven! The turned and shook the composer roughly...


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## Iforgotmypassword (May 16, 2011)

"Dodecaplex!"

He shouted loudly, his eyes snapping open to reveal eyes aflame with fear. His body twitched and staggered, making the leaves about him to rustle and dance in the windless morning. 

"Cnote11!" 

His face contorted, eyes bulging.

"Polednice and Trespicos!!!" He gasped, failing in an attempt to stand he twisted in the pain afflicted by tormentor unseen. 

"AN

DIE

FREUUUDEeeee"

His mouth glistened now, as he stammered, slavering mucus and spiddle and blood down his front.

"beethoveniannnnnn" the groan escaped him as he sat back against a the large oak hanging it's branches above him

"Badinerie, huilunsoittaja, Webernite....C...cc hh ... couch.. ie" he muttered, turning to his side to retch up upon the earth a large red mass of mucus and gore.

He looked up at the man, who had begun to wonder whether he were not still living within a dream and that the Beethoven suffering before him were not merely part of that dream.

The smile of a lunatic began to arise within the eyes of poor Beethoven, a tired insane grin. "clavichorder" at this he burst into a fit or laughing which was abruptly overtaken by a fit of coughing and retching and groaning, his eyes glazing over. A weak moan escaped his form "emiellucifuge? EMIELLUCIFUGE?" 
His head rolled back as the groan of a man dead escaped his tired lungs, never to inhale again. All was silent.

The man with the dream had long since convinced himself that he was indeed simply in another strange, endless dream and had begun to type on his laptop computer a few feet away from the corpse of the great composer. 
And as camera pans out of this fictional world which may or may not have ever happened at all, one last sentiment can be heard by the man on his computer "Damn it! Iforgotmypassword!"


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