# Ave Verum Corpus, Opus 1, manuscript.



## JamieHoldham

This is going to be my first finished work, I know even though I havent finished it yet because lets say, a possible divine inspiration is why I started this, I didnt intend to but so far it sounds heavenly, I can only imagine what it would be like performed live.. I have only three weeks left now until I will be forced to go to my nearby Job centre because I failed to get a Music theory course, then I will have no time to compose - probally never get a position where I can show any of my work, never get to do what I love, my depression will get worse and worse until I cant deal with it anymore, I dont want to just give up but between counseling and anti-depressent drugs, nothing can fix it, just delay the inevitable

...

Heres what I have done so far, I aim to complete this very soon - within the next couple of days.

For SATB chorus, strings and Basoon / Basset Horn. Adagio tempo.

First page;








Ignore the wrong image of my symphony, accident


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## Samuel Kristopher

You will have time to compose, mate. Obviously not full time, but few of us have that luxury, and even those who make a living from composing probably spend most of their composing time doing commissions and meeting their clients needs - I very much doubt they spend all of their days in a state of divine inspiration and get paid for it. It's easy when you're young to romanticise the creative industry but the reality is that it's a lot of hard work and often doing trivial stuff to make ends meet, while true creative freedom is an intermittent luxury. 

And yeah, that depressed me for a while, but I got over it, and so will you eventually. Now I work two jobs and study full-time, I attend Russian and Piano lessons, play squash once every week or so, and I still find time to jot down music and write my novels. As I've said before, being busy actually increases your productivity. Having less time to do something makes you appreciate the time more and use it more effectively.


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## Alon

I am also inspired more when I am busy, but I think it is because my brain is more active during that time...


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## JamieHoldham

Samuel Kristopher said:


> You will have time to compose, mate. Obviously not full time, but few of us have that luxury, and even those who make a living from composing probably spend most of their composing time doing commissions and meeting their clients needs - I very much doubt they spend all of their days in a state of divine inspiration and get paid for it. It's easy when you're young to romanticise the creative industry but the reality is that it's a lot of hard work and often doing trivial stuff to make ends meet, while true creative freedom is an intermittent luxury.
> 
> And yeah, that depressed me for a while, but I got over it, and so will you eventually. Now I work two jobs and study full-time, I attend Russian and Piano lessons, play squash once every week or so, and I still find time to jot down music and write my novels. As I've said before, being busy actually increases your productivity. Having less time to do something makes you appreciate the time more and use it more effectively.


I get what you are saying totally, but even in the last weeks of my freedom without much else going on I still feel extremely creative and have lots of pieces I am composing simultaneously, to lose the freedom is alot worse to me than having less time and feeling more creative, because I am already creative enough if you get what I am saying. Its a opposite and worse situation sadly.


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## Samuel Kristopher

> but even in the last weeks of my freedom without much else going on I still feel extremely creative and have lots of pieces I am composing simultaneously


But from what we keep hearing you aren't getting far with any of them and you are yet to finish your first piece. Of course when I had all the time to compose I could sit down and doodle all day - what I'm saying is that having less time to do it motivates you to persist more and actually have something to show for your time.

I don't want to sound harsh or anything but everything I'm hearing gives me the impression that you lack discipline in your life and creativity, and discipline comes from having a regular working life. You're also still young (not being condescending), but in the ten years since I was 17, I am a completely different person from the one I used to be - I've learned a lot about how the world works, how people work - heck, even how I work, and I'm still very much young and naive myself.


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## JamieHoldham

Samuel Kristopher said:


> But from what we keep hearing you aren't getting far with any of them and you are yet to finish your first piece. Of course when I had all the time to compose I could sit down and doodle all day - what I'm saying is that having less time to do it motivates you to persist more and actually have something to show for your time.
> 
> I don't want to sound harsh or anything but everything I'm hearing gives me the impression that you lack discipline in your life and creativity, and discipline comes from having a regular working life. You're also still young (not being condescending), but in the ten years since I was 17, I am a completely different person from the one I used to be - I've learned a lot about how the world works, how people work - heck, even how I work, and I'm still very much young and naive myself.


I am not going to say your wrong - I could be but the reason I cant complete any works even with lots of spare time is because I dont spend that much time composing honestly, and when I do I take my written works quite seriously and dont like to many any mistakes at all, otherwise I have to start over again.

Maybe if I were to stick around longer then I would eventually gain discipline as you say, and get a better life - but in the immediant weeks and years I dont really see anything good happenng :/


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## JamieHoldham

Going to reupload a updated page 1, also page 2 & 3 tommorow, then just a couple more pages and it is finished.


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## Samuel Kristopher

> but the reason I cant complete any works even with lots of spare time is because I dont spend that much time composing honestly


Exactly. Having all the time in the world to compose doesn't necessarily translate into being productive. Certainly I've found that's true for me, it's true for all the creative artists I've met, and if you can name a modern-contemporary composer who did nothing but compose to his/her heart's content I will eat all five of my hats.

If you don't spend that much time composing anyway, it makes no sense to say that you have no time to work. Also, depression is regularly associated with having too much unoccupied time - that was also the case for me. Once I just stopped thinking, I got stuck in and built up a good work ethic, the depression was gone within months, and I've been depression free ever since. The busier I get, the happier I am, the more music/literature I write. I get it though - you'll want to feel that your case is different. Maybe it is. But you haven't tried it yet, so, just stop thinking, get a job, get exhausted, fill up your time, build up a work ethic, take pride in being a productive member of society, and watch your life change.


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## JamieHoldham

Samuel Kristopher said:


> Exactly. Having all the time in the world to compose doesn't necessarily translate into being productive. Certainly I've found that's true for me, it's true for all the creative artists I've met, and if you can name a modern-contemporary composer who did nothing but compose to his/her heart's content I will eat all five of my hats.
> 
> If you don't spend that much time composing anyway, it makes no sense to say that you have no time to work. Also, depression is regularly associated with having too much unoccupied time - that was also the case for me. Once I just stopped thinking, I got stuck in and built up a good work ethic, the depression was gone within months, and I've been depression free ever since. The busier I get, the happier I am, the more music/literature I write. I get it though - you'll want to feel that your case is different. Maybe it is. But you haven't tried it yet, so, just stop thinking, get a job, get exhausted, fill up your time, build up a work ethic, take pride in being a productive member of society, and watch your life change.


The main reason I dont compose much - because I can and do actually want to is I have a weird insecurity about composing around anyone and when my parents are around I dont like to.. otherwise I would compose all day and sometimes nights, abandoning everything else I do in my spare time.

And it's not that I dont have time to work without being able to compose - with a part time job I could however that is not the problem it's just that I wont enjoy the job, and dont want to do it, has nothing to do with being lazy it's just that I want to compose something for someone and get paid for that, I know I cant get it right now and I would need a job in the mean time but I would would be in a position looking for a job where I can compose for so long - possibly all my life so whats the point living when that is the only thing I enjoy? Sure I might try but I just dont think it will ever happen..

I know it seems like I am asking for too much, but it's really not, to just do what I love and be able to survive - pay the bills, have somewhere small and cheap to live and have food & water. I dont care for anything else on this planet Earth.


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## Xenakiboy

If I may pull out the "everybody is different" card, I'm not sure it's the same for everyone. I think it depends on a matter of a combination of:
A) your work ethic 
B) where you get your inspiration from 
C) your living conditions 
D) your general mental state (not in a negative thing, but it effects the way you deal with the previous)

When I joined here, I was asking all kinds of questions to see how my composing habits where similar and differed from other composers and I was surprised. 

Back to the actual piece posted in the OP, I'm really interested to hear that, when do you plan on typesetting some of these sketched scores? :tiphat:


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## JamieHoldham

Xenakiboy said:


> If I may pull out the "everybody is different" card, I'm not sure it's the same for everyone. I think it depends on a matter of a combination of:
> A) your work ethic
> B) where you get your inspiration from
> C) your living conditions
> D) your general mental state (not in a negative thing, but it effects the way you deal with the previous)
> 
> When I joined here, I was asking all kinds of questions to see how my composing habits where similar and differed from other composers and I was surprised.
> 
> Back to the actual piece posted in the OP, I'm really interested to hear that, when do you plan on typesetting some of these sketched scores? :tiphat:


Honestly, when it's finished even though it is a short piece I would only really put the entire thing in a notation programme if there was a big demand for it, or when all the images are uploaded anyone else is free to put into a notation programme if they really want to hear it that way - if my name is credited on it. Sorry if you really wanted to hear it Xena, but in my opinion I can only barely stand to hear a MIDI keyboard instrument, let alone a entire orchestra, there is no emotion, even with the right notes. And also there is also the fact I cant add the voices in, well I sort of can but the actual words cant be sung at all..


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## Xenakiboy

JamieHoldham said:


> Honestly, when it's finished even though it is a short piece I would only really put the entire thing in a notation programme if there was a big demand for it, or when all the images are uploaded anyone else is free to put into a notation programme if they really want to hear it that way - if my name is credited on it. Sorry if you really wanted to hear it Xena, but in my opinion I can only barely stand to hear a MIDI keyboard instrument, let alone a entire orchestra, there is no emotion, even with the right notes. And also there is also the fact I cant add the voices in, well I sort of can but the actual words cant be sung at all..


I tend to agree about notation programs, they've still got a far way to go till playback is realistically accurate but they do generally work for their intended purpose, which isn't meant to be a finished product. I am very interested in what I've heard about that you are working on! :cheers:


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## Pugg

JamieHoldham said:


> Going to reupload a updated page 1, also page 2 & 3 tommorow, then just a couple more pages and it is finished.


Looking forward to it, going to print it and study it better, ( if that's alright with you).


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## Samuel Kristopher

> I know it seems like I am asking for too much, but it's really not, to just do what I love and be able to survive - pay the bills, have somewhere small and cheap to live and have food & water. I dont care for anything else on this planet Earth.


You just have to learn how to balance your dreams with reality, and that will come with time. I only learnt to do that in the last few years - between the ages of 24-27. I'm still learning. You'll get there. It's fine if you don't believe me - not many do at that age, and I certainly didn't myself, but I just hope you don't kill yourself before you have a chance to find out.


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## JamieHoldham

Pugg said:


> Looking forward to it, going to print it and study it better, ( if that's alright with you).


Thats fine, I do it with other composers myself.


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## Pugg

JamieHoldham said:


> Thats fine, I do it with other composers myself.


I am not going to use them for any other purpose then my own reading, I promise.


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## JamieHoldham

Pugg said:


> I am not going to use them for any other purpose then my own reading, I promise.


Thanks for the assurance, not that I didnt trust you or anyone I have met on this forum so far, been more useful to me than anyone at school ever was.


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## JamieHoldham

Just a small update that I have done everything apart from the last page, going to upload it later today or tommorow latest.


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## JamieHoldham

Reuploaded page 1, with pages 2 / 3 and 4.


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## JamieHoldham

I have completed the last page and the entire composition, will upload the final image tommorow since I cant take one now - need daylight or the picture looks inelegible.


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## Pugg

JamieHoldham said:


> I have completed the last page and the entire composition, will upload the final image tommorow since I cant take one now - need daylight or the picture looks inelegible.


Take your time Jamie, we will still be here .


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## JamieHoldham

Finished my first work - probally because it's such a short piece. Heres the last page, uses the last of the text to modulate from E Minor to D Major and is a Choral with just the SATB chorus and no other instruments apart from a continuo by Cello.









Next - probally some more short religious works, "easy" to make and at the same time I can improve my vocal and choral works at the same time testing out the different timbres of voice types and being able to use polyphony more.


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