# Touch: Chapter 10



## Huilunsoittaja (Apr 6, 2010)

Days turned to weeks, and soon a month was past. Andrei has succeeded in composing the first movement, and was touching up the second by the end of May. Nadia kept a cool attitude to it all, although certainly less cheerful than before. Whenever she went to Andrei's house, that cheer she had in working with the composition was gone. But rather than being bitter, Nadia kept quiet, and worked as obediently as she could. Andrei didn't know the difference. So she thought.

Nadia walked into Andrei's home another evening to find him doing something rather suspicious. Bent over the manuscript, he was trying to write on them at the corners. It looked very silly, since his eyes weren't even pointed in the direction of the pages.

"What are you doing?" Nadia asked in surprise.

"I'm writing my signature on the pages of the manuscript. Just in case one were to be lost, or, worse case, someone takes this."

Nadia glared at him in silence. It seemed to be another sign of what Maxim was warning her about, that Andrei wouldn't allow her any rights.

"You don't trust me?"

He flung his head up at this remark.

"It's not at all like that! This house isn't thief-proof, and no doubt someone could steal it. I... I do trust you. Please believe that," he spoke rather hurriedly and nervously. Getting back to his signatures, he wrote on top of a signature he had already done on a page corner.

Nadia went pale. What did this all mean? Perhaps he felt his helplessness, and tried to dissuade her from any doubts to hide himself, but what if he was earnest? She was very conflicted over this.

Sergei had long since left the city to go back on duty, and Nadia again found herself isolated. But what was lost with her dear brother's presence was made up with Maxim, who she met almost everyday. One of their favorite things to do together was to go walking around the canals of the city, and going over the bridges. They seemed to have an endless amount of things to speak and laugh about.

One day, walking arm-in-arm, they came across the sight of someone Nadia wished she would never meet again.

"Why, hello there!" Karazov approached them head-on on a walkway. "I say, it's been a while since I last saw you! How are you?"

"Very fine, thank you," Nadia said tersely, and looked anxiously at Maxim.

"So you 2 know each other?" Maxim asked.

"Yes, Maxim, this is my past boss, Mr. Karazov."

"So is this the man you are working with now, are you?" Karazov asked slyly.

"Working?" Nadia was mortified. "In no such way! I... I do something else."

"Then this is a man you are courting then?"

Nadia went pale, but immediately responded.

"That is our business, and I can very well say that... yes, perhaps we are," she looked entreatingly at Maxim, hoping he approved. He personally looked a little surprised too at Karazov's audacity to ask that question, but he took up stride.

" I am Maxim Voronin," he introduced himself with a bow. "and since you seem rather engrossed with Nadia's affairs, I'll put it to you straight: we aren't courting, but you might as well imagine that it will be, and very soon." He smiled at Nadia.

Karazov grinned, but it was very insecure, and Nadia could tell he didn't like what he heard. "Well, so be it!" Nadia thought.

"I see how it is. Have a good day!" he took his hat off and on, and went on his way without another word.

There was a sudden silence between Nadia and Maxim. She felt this incident stirred up an idea that wasn't ready to be put to light, but now it was unavoidable. Maxim had designs on her, and although she was happy, she still felt nervous.

"Is it true then?" she asked softly, as they continued walking. "Are we on that course?"

"Yes, and if it wasn't for that clutz who thought he could say such things, it wouldn't have been as trivialized. Hm... but how do you feel about it?"

"I... I'm happy," she said. But saying it somehow didn't make her feel so happy.

"Well, I'm glad you are..."

They walked in silence for a long time, until they came to Nadia's apartment.

"I guess we shall part now, but not for long," he smiled again.

Nadia had many thoughts cluttering her mind of the last quarter of an hour, and needed to straighten them out.

"Maxim... I... really..."

What was stopping her? Something deep down inside was telling her, "No, you don't love him. Don't say it, at least not yet."

"Shh," he put his hand on her mouth, "I see you have been in turmoil. It's alright..."

"Then I should say it now," she finally said, "I'm... unsure of myself."

Maxim frowned, that same pathetic look that Nadia so disliked. She hated the idea of hurting him.

"I see..." he dropped his eyes, and turned away. "Well, good-bye," and he made off to go right away.

"Wait!"

He stopped and turned around slowly, still frowning.

Nadia didn't know what to say, she was so conflicted. They stared at each other.

"Not yet, please give me time, maybe tomorrow. I will... make a decision."

"Very well, as you wish," he bowed, and walked away.

That night at Andrei's Nadia could barely focus. Andrei was beginning his sights on the 3rd movement, which would be very slow and somber. Nadia got down the details, and remained mostly taciturn. Andrei sensed something was on her mind, but was said nothing, until they were about to wrap up.

"Nadia, I've noticed there's been a change with you in the last few weeks. Are you well?"

"I am, but it's not really anything you should know," she replied, a little bitterly. "I don't want you to get all caught up in things happening with me, I work them out myself."

"Do you now?"

"Yes."

"Do you have any social support?"

"Of course I do!" she said, annoyed. "Likely more than you."

"Yes, very likely."

Nadia felt the evenness of his voice was hiding something. He wasn't mad or even bitter. He was speaking in as gentle way as he could.

"Do you... ever feel alone, Andrei?"

"Yes, very much."

"What do you do to feel better?"

"Huh! Nothing. I just get used to it. It's what my life is."

"I see... well, for me, I've been... rather lonely for a long time. I have friends, but almost none who are close to me. My brother is one of my only intimate friends. I think... something is going wrong."

Andrei frowned fiercely, and turned to face Nadia directly from his seat at the piano. Nadia was sitting across from him in another chair.

"Perhaps it's something you should talk to your God about."

"God?" that thought came to Nadia with a start. She felt like she barely thought about God anymore. He was falling to the sideline for her, with her work and her relation to Maxim. Nadia felt very uneasy.

"Has He helped you before?"

"Well, yes."

"He might help you again."

"Ah! What would you know?" Nadia said bitterly. She instantly regretted saying that, and looked up at Andrei.

Andrei seemed to stare intensely into the floor, looking for something. He began breathing heavily, and could not sit still.

"You are right," he said. "I don't know anything. I never did. But one thing I have known..."

"What?"

"...Never mind."

The way Andrei talked to her, Nadia was still unsure of his feelings for her. We would withdraw for the most part, and recently he had, but in a spite. A lot was not being said between them, and Nadia knew her own silence about many things didn't help.

One of the greatest things that had disturbed Nadia of late was the incongruency between what Maxim had said about Andrei and how he actually acted. Things could be interpreted in different ways, but Nadia had seen through much of it now. Andrei was a sad soul, who, although he had had conflicts in the past with many, had been betrayed by his friends who never visited him now. It was as if he was left for dead. And even then, Andrei talked how it was not likely he was all left alone.

"Those who really know how to hurt someone don't neglect a man when he is down. Like vultures, they will circle, and finish him off," he once said, speaking cruelly of his own situation. Nadia had then objected to that cynical attitude, but she was starting to understand. She began to wonder how these "vultures" would appear. And thinking of Maxim, this made her more concerned.

Now, it was silent between them. Nadia stared at him, regretful and pained. Everything was so confusing, she didn't know what to believe anymore. She decided it would be best to just go away.

"Wait," he said as heard her get up. "I know you probably need to get going, but tomorrow, I have something I want to give and tell you about."

"Oh?"

"Yes, wait until tomorrow."

"Alright," Nadia once again stepped out the door, and looked up into the sky. There was a faint light coming from the west where the sun has set so late. The weather was calm, but rather stifling.

Going into her carriage, Nadia looked down the alley nearby, to see a silhouette of a man standing in the shadows. An icy chill came over her, but she turned away. She didn't want to know.


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