# Critique for my piece



## minkaloo

Hi! So as the title says, I want people to critique a short piece of mine. (Like what I should I add to it, what does it sound like to you, etc..) I know compared to the others it is not so great so please forgive me for that. Well, here it is  Let the critiquing begin! Yayyy XD


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https://soundcloud.com/django95%2Fsave-us


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## Vasks

Ok, here goes:

The structure of your 2 minute piece : (1) 60 seconds of "pretty music box" (2) 30 seconds of a choir singing "ominous triads" (3) 20 seconds of an orchestra playing "ominous triads with heavy percussive beatings"

When you just read that, what does it tell you about cohesiveness?

If you like the concept of the "pretty music box" being contrasted drastically by an "ominous triads" section (_I'm not really in favor of it because it's all so brief, but I do see the irony of the scary eradicating the pretty_), my suggestion would have been to just have the second half be the choir & orchestra together.


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## rbarata

Apart the lack of variation (it's triads, after triads) there is no continuous and fluid change between the parts. They sound as if they are diferente variations of the same theme glued together.

If I were you, working on this "problem" would make it a lot lot better.


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## minkaloo

Thanks for the advice! And thanks for laying it out for me :L never thought of it like that. Any suggestions on what to add to the song? I want to make it longer.


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## rbarata

I would write a melody to add some motif and variation...that's what I would do for start...but I'm not an expert. So, better wait for some more advices.


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## Vasks

minkaloo;802488 Any suggestions on what to add to the song? I want to make it longer.[/QUOTE said:


> Try this if you feel you can:
> 
> Keep the first minute as is, then bring in the orchestra (without the percussive beatings), then add the choir to the orchestra, then bring in the percussive beatings and crescendo to a pause. Then bring back the "music box" but this time it's more in the minor mode so it's really not pretty any more, then add a soft choir to the new "music box" and then add soft/thin orchestra to those two and fade out.


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## PetrB

minkaloo said:


> Thanks for the advice! And thanks for laying it out for me :L never thought of it like that. Any suggestions on what to add to the song? I want to make it longer.


You're done with this one. The weaknesses are such there is little to learn in a revision or additional writing.

I would suggest, as an exercise, that you take section two and redistribute the chord members so they are not nearly all root position triads in parallel motion, not that doing so will in any way improve this piece, but so you know what several variants of doing just that can do for the next piece you make.

Stop listening or at least paying any much attention to film scores and soundtracks under any dramatic film or television program, no matter how excellent. Your imagination has gone first to one sort of 'standard' set of gestures often found there, and there is almost nothing to learn from them.

You're a near beginner, that is certain, and unless you are Mozart (already proven not, like most everyone else; welcome to the club you are bound and condemned to write bunches more of bad to mediocre short pieces before you get enough experience of that to make the music do something more interesting, and have less of those typical amateur / beginner cliche errors.

There are a million ways to go at it, but I will say, most generally, the two ways to proceed with a piece are by similarity or contrast, the latter having a surprise or sensational value which takes more care -- i.e. surprise me once, good. Keep trying to surprise me in the same piece, I'm no longer surprised because it has lost its effect (ditto if hearing the piece again; we know where the surprises are now

Try another, and think about the whole thing (even if you have no idea of the whole thing when you start.) Again, not recommending any fixes, re-writes or extensions of the piece you've already made, but if you had thought about it more, you _may_ have thought the music box could run while the chorus comes in with it, maybe a single voice, adding more till it is full, while the music box becomes accompaniment or slowly died down or stopped -- a transition and overlap, then, where the listener is pulled through vs. "I hear segment A. stop. I hear segment B. stop, etc.

As a teacher of mine said, it is good to have some plan in mind, if not the notes at least general sequence of events, gestures, those of some sort of defined 'character,' because even if you do not adhere to that plan and the music takes a different direction, when working, _"at least you had a plan to deviate from."_

Write more, don't re-write or add to. Keep in mind the weaknesses in this one. Know that though you thought it was great, it ain't (it has to be great when you're working on it, no faulting anyone there), and that the way to improve is to write another new piece, and then listen to that with all the rigors of the most severe critic to find what is weak in that one -- then do another, etc. etc. etc.

Best regards.


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## minkaloo

Thank you for the taking the time to write this out. I will think about this when I create my next piece, you got me there at "know that though you thought it was great, it ain't," I really did think it was decent but now know it's not that good but hopefully in time I'll get a whole lot better!! Again thank you for the advice


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## PetrB

minkaloo said:


> Thank you for the taking the time to write this out. I will think about this when I create my next piece, you got me there at "know that though you thought it was great, it ain't," I really did think it was decent but now know it's not that good but hopefully in time I'll get a whole lot better!! Again thank you for the advice


What I meant by that, you have to (or benefit most from) start, get through and finish, a piece. Whatever you think of it while doing that, you should be (most are) completely _in love with what they are making,_ and they should then think it is great Otherwise, only the most assured or egomaniac would actually start and finish any piece!

Some musical ability and imagination are clearly present, but like anything, you have to work a lot (and be patient) to further develop that ability. Keep on writing. Push through to the end so you can see / hear what happens... then start another piece and do that again, and again  That is how everybody learns.


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## minkaloo

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR CRITIQUE AND ADVICE!! I really do appreciate it  I will be posting more in the future so I can get guidance from you guys and hopefully will get a lot better in time! Again, thank you everyone


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## differencetone

The music box has an authentic sound but the music of the music box does not sound like music box music. Study actual music boxes on YouTube. Add some dissonance to the choir and expand the this section. The percussion needs more space and syncopation. Don't be afraid to use silence.


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## minkaloo

differencetone said:


> The music box has an authentic sound but the music of the music box does not sound like music box music. Study actual music boxes on YouTube. Add some dissonance to the choir and expand the this section. The percussion needs more space and syncopation. Don't be afraid to use silence.


Thanks for the advice but as PetrB said, I'm done with the song. I just completed my new instrumental and will be posting it to see if I got any better at all. Didn't know I had to study music boxes but if that's what it takes to make a good song, why not?  anyway thanks!


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## minkaloo

Here's my new instrumental guys, critique on please. I want to get better  oh and please give tips for a composer that's starting out! I appreciate it guys! Thank you.


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https://soundcloud.com/django95%2Fbelonging

oh and please forgive the long silence in the intro, forgot to edit it out T.T


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## Bored

minkaloo said:


> Here's my new instrumental guys, critique on please. I want to get better  oh and please give tips for a composer that's starting out! I appreciate it guys! Thank you.
> 
> 
> __
> https://soundcloud.com/django95%2Fbelonging
> 
> oh and please forgive the long silence in the intro, forgot to edit it out T.T


I liked Belonging it has an empathetic mood to it. A lot more emotionally attractive than your other song by far. I mean, this song probably showcased your general musical talent more than your first song did. Otherwise, the song is well-written but it plays a lot on the safe side with its slow notes, which gives off a really great soothing ambiance but I feel like there's something missing to it. I feel a void in the song that needs to be patched up. This song should be re-mastered and maybe add more chords in the background or something to help support the melody and not leave it by itself.

I really enjoyed it though and think that you have a lot of potential.


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## minkaloo

Hi guys! I'm back again with a new song! Haven't been able to compose much lately but hopefully this will suffice, as always critique honestly and given advice is deeply appreciated 


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https://soundcloud.com/django95%2Frhaegars-song


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## minkaloo

@Bored; So sorry for the late reply! Been busy with exams and work but thank you so much for the nice comment and input


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