# My Symphony No. 50



## Billy (Sep 24, 2011)

Here is my new symphony No. 50:






And, this is the poem I wrote to go along with it:

"Lay it there forever"

The unjust annihilation of my usual dream began.
We dropped into the port, making a passage of the sea.
Our ships come to a world, this trusted terrain,
But it's never quite possible to book a dependable way.
Baby fish in the lake work all the while
With the fallen debris of the furrows.
The years are ocean tides, fair and smooth images,
Strange spirits to all, reviving the peaceful man I am - 
A life halting in the shade, knowing this place.
Far over there the fire, flames racing and roaming;
Numerous fallen trees are not enough to be enough
In the course of an idle mountain.
A precipice of life is viewed, 
After my miserable and inferior birth,
In a cover of thought like much
Of old clouds seen from lonely places:
So are joined my thoughts of you.

This calm fullness, nothing, nothing equals it,
Hunting for roses in the evening
Around the drooping or mown grass.
Living in young life
Making the fouled soul fairer.
All is blue here
In a time wider than the air.
A blessed day to recover
The truth late in life.
And a taste of love and life,
A scholar unto each,
Moving with a kind of knowledge.
The self is made of time,
All of it decays with time,
Even the bravest are not done.
A fire in the sunlight is glittering
Lost in the ends of a field - 
All a long terrain
Under a cover of heaven
Sent through that exit
The power to give life.
All could be free;
And wondering at the help
Some face the way
Knowing how to read the terrain
To people that sky.
The sick, lost in a gulf,
Looking across the grassless miles
Of one proven ocean,
Have only a frequent question
Leaving this to scholarship.
It only weighs a little - 
A foolish moth who is in trouble.
A youthful night casts
Shades hopping over the grass.
The bumbling noise of bees
Just became an old prayer,
Just an old prayer that works,
Well spoken words of them
Who know to wonder at the divine.

- Billy


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## Billy (Sep 24, 2011)

I have moved back to San Antonio, Texas, USA, from Hilo, Hawaii just recently, got a new apartment, and am now ready to compose more symphonies in addition to working things out with other kinds of music. I realize that I am not well-liked by the majority of listeners here for one reason or another, but I hope to make amends one day perhaps since we share a love for classical music alike. 

I have worked my way from two new synthesizers to get back to the sounds of the classical orchestra. I would like to put some percussion instruments into my Romantic music but am not quite sure just how to do that yet in the way I compose. I was thinking yesterday that most of my music has a kind of dissonance mixed in with big harmonies, a reflection of my ordinary life as I live it, and the people I see in it too. 

Most people who are not just average listeners will probably critique my lack of form, my freestyle attempts to write music. I know that it might seem obnoxious of me to avoid replying to criticism no matter how constructive for the mere fact that I have nothing to say, but at times I don't. There should indeed be a dialogue with composers and their audience of listeners who know more about some things than others. Everybody has their blind spots I know. I consider myself a Romantic composer, because I like to see the bigger picture. I know that I am full of limitations also and wish not to make anybody feel upset because they think that I have some delusion as to who I am as a composer. I don't wish to make anybody feel angry also because of my musical choices in my symphonies and beyond. 

Yes, I am unhappy with dislikes on my Youtube channel, and happy with the likes. I am not a revolutionary and I do not like the idea of sudden changes without much build up. I am not trying to change anyone either. There are artists on my Facebook page who paint and all they ever talk about is painting. I don't want to be a one-dimensional musician, artist or writer who cannot get away from my own selfishness. 

I think sharing music is great and want to do more since I like the fact that I can share my feelings and moods. I think that I represent these best in the music I make, in order to just be part of a larger community of fellow music listeners who are in my time. 

Please know that even though I do not have much music education (I am self-taught), I don't think that it really matters. I don't think it would hurt to learn more about theory, but I get impatient with anything that slows down my work-flow, especially if I don't think that I will use it. Yet, everything I usually come across I use. After playing for over 30 years, I have memorized many many phrases of music and when I play live I add them from my memory to the piece, choosing carefully as I play, and develop them further. 

These are some of my thoughts on my own style. I will try harder to listen and reply more to others comments and pieces in the future.

- Billy


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## esharpe (May 16, 2013)

No insult meant, but I lost interest at about the 1' 48" mark waiting for something to happen. I do not if other have an issue with the recording but there was a lot of "fuzz" in the recordings, especially when the basses came in.


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## Billy (Sep 24, 2011)

esharpe said:


> No insult meant, but I lost interest at about the 1' 48" mark waiting for something to happen. I do not if other have an issue with the recording but there was a lot of "fuzz" in the recordings, especially when the basses came in.


It's a fuzzy bass.


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## jani (Jun 15, 2012)

Billy i admire your motivation&passion, but if you would redirect all that energy with help of a professional musician/teacher your results would probably go trough the roof.

I still remember how a year ago i still thought that i was the s*it when it came to guitar playing because i am able to shred like crazy but since i was selftaught i realised that i was missing some basic skills, first i was too proud to go to lessons and tried to fix is all myself since " I can do all this stuff and i know players who have played 2x more than me and can't do this". Then i finally swallowed my pride and decided to find a teacher and with his help i have been able to fix more in three weeks than alone in 4 months.

Point of my rant?
Passion&pride is needed for art but too much pride only keeps you back and because of it you can't realise your own full potential.


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## Billy (Sep 24, 2011)

Jani, it's not so much pride, I would say, but a love of solitude which keeps me passionate about learning on my own. I want my music to reflect that loneliness, yet I appreciate teachers and their love, please don't get me wrong. I don't think education really is the issue here, since we do not seek knowledge as much as we seek hope. And, for me that comes from deep within me. I feel that my music reflects that hope and solitude which I seek and therefore I find the style to come out just the way I like. What else am I to do but write a little about my music if I am to post it? I like the fact that you think I can make better music if I were to learn new skills though. Thanks for your comment and listening.


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## StevenOBrien (Jun 27, 2011)

I don't really understand why you continue to post here when you've made it pretty clear to us that you don't care about our opinions, and most of us have made it clear that we don't have any interest in your music as it is.


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## Billy (Sep 24, 2011)

I never said that I don't care for your opinions Steven. I do care what you think, and what you say, sometimes I just have no response to add even though I appreciate the feedback good or bad. I want you to know that I do take you seriously. The way I learn might be a little different and maybe more subtle and patient than you may think.


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## ComposerOfAvantGarde (Dec 2, 2011)

I like the poem.


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## Billy (Sep 24, 2011)

Thanks AV composer!


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## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

Billy, I do hope your style continues to evolve. This one seems a bit more complex and heavy than the previous ones.

I definitely think you have a subtle and patient way of learning about things, and I respect what you are doing. A lot of us are not subtle and patient listeners, so you may just be dealing with different minds. Sometimes without music theory though, its like you are trying to reinvent the wheel. Maybe you want to do that. That's cool. I hope music keeps flowing for you.


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## Billy (Sep 24, 2011)

Thank you Clavichorder. I am changing I know musically, and learning to use my instrument in different ways to play and compose. The audience, your and the others I appreciate, and hope to entertain now and again with my music to some. Thank you for your kind words.


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