# Ostracism



## millionrainbows (Jun 23, 2012)

Culled from various sources, the following excerpts may well explain the increasing violence we have seen in America.

What is ostracism?

Ostracism is any act of banishing, shunning, ignoring, or excluding. It can be carried out by one individual upon another or by a group. It comes in many forms and levels of severity. Most of us can relate to common examples: feeling left out, giving or receiving the silent treatment, time-outs for misbehavior, locking oneself in a room after an argument, hanging up the phone in mid-conversation, unanswered email, and ending a friendship or relationship. A few of us have experienced other more severe forms of ostracism: peer rejection in schools, excommunication, banishment, or solitary confinement.

Recent studies have shown that the emotional impact of rejection and ostracism upon an individual can be devastating, especially if the form of ostracism used was severe and prolonged. Although the emotional wounds are not visible to the naked eye, they can be more painful and longer lasting than physical wounds.

Most kinds of ostracism are hurtful and not recommended, as there are usually better ways to set boundaries and resolve conflicts. Occasionally, ostracism is necessary, such as removing oneself from a violent or life threatening situation.

Most of us probably would think it would be better to be invisible than to be bullied or harassed at work. Yet when you talk to the people having experienced it, that's not the case, and data shows that. Anecdotally, people say to be ignored and invisible at work is extremely painful.

Human beings are social animals; the ability to interact with others is among our most basic requirements. For all mammals, social distance from the group is every bit as dangerous as hunger, thirst, or physical injury. In human societies, ostracism can mean death if the target is deemed outside the protection of the law or cut off from group support, including access to food.

Because ostracism can be so deadly, researchers think we have developed acute sensitivity to it. It can freak us out even more than being hit, ridiculed or yelled at, causing our bodies and minds to suffer exquisitely. Our need to belong is so strong that we experience psychological and physical effects right away. Neuro-scientists have found that social rejection is experienced much like physical pain - connected to the same neural circuitry.

In the short-term, ostracism can create a bad mood or other forms of physiological arousal. If it goes on, it can cause low self-esteem, profound feelings of helplessness, self-imposed isolation, and suicidal thoughts.

The work of Lowell Gaernter and Jonathan Iuzzini suggests that people who perceive that they have been rejected or excluded by a group are more likely to harm multiple persons if they become violent.

Why is the pain so acute? When you are the object of a heated argument, you may feel angry, but at least you are interacting with someone. When you get the silent treatment, a common form of ostracism, you feel as if you don't even exist. There's no playing field on which to influence the relationship or situation - you may not even know the nature of the offense. *The imposition of silence is a power play that expresses the ultimate contempt for the target:* as George Bernard Shaw put it, *"Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn." *The one giving the silent treatment - whether it's not answering email, turning away in the middle of a conversation, or pretending not to hear a question - gets to feel control. In not explaining the cause, the perpetrator delivers particular pain. The message is loud and clear: *"You do not matter."*

Another reason ostracism hurts so badly is that the hurt is not confined to the period when it happens. Researchers find that all you have to do is relive a past ostracism episode, or even imagine a future event, and you will feel psychological agony. So intense is the pain of ostracism that even being rejected from a despised group makes people upset. Observing ostracism distresses even bystanders.

Unlike other forms of retaliation, like termination, demotion or a poor performance review, ostracism is difficult to document and probably won't qualify for legal intervention. It is extremely effective because it prevents the target from being able to do his or her work properly, which can create grounds for retaliation that appear to be legitimate.

So just how bad is shunning and ostracism? Williams has found that people who are ostracized suffer deeply, including the obvious loss of self-esteem and depression, but also including physiological symptoms such as ulcers, suppression of the immune system, anxiety, psychosis (in prolonged isolation, such as prisoners kept in solitary confinement), and a loss of feeling valued or having any meaningful existence. But perhaps more troubling is the rage that is associated with being ostracized.

*People who are ostracized may not initially realize what is happening, only having a vague sense that something is wrong, that maybe people are mad at them, and they are often unsure of their perceptions and wonder if they are imaging it.* But once it is undeniable that they are being shunned, their pain first intensifies, then turns to anger and rage. People feel rage when they have lost all sense of control, and no one will intervene to help them, while going to great lengths to keep the person excluded and deprived of control. Moreover, the human need for inclusion and recognition is so great, that when a person has lost all sense of control over their social environment through shunning, *they may resort to anti-social acts of aggression just to regain it. *


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