# My wife hates me watching anything to do with classical mu



## classidaho (May 5, 2009)

I read this thread in an 'Opera' post and I feel the pain.

No one in my family understands my passion for classical tunes, especially opera.

Music is like a wonderful sunset.....There is a definite human need to share it with someone else. 

I know I have this forum to turn to, and I do dearly appreciate it......, but it is not the same as sharing in person, with a loved one.

OK, rant over, and I'll survive.....just hope most of you have a better 'musical' relationship with those you love and live with. Chuck


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## sospiro (Apr 3, 2010)

That is so sad.

I'm on my own but that means nobody complains when I want to indulge my passion. 

Do you think your wife would notice if you sneaked over to London to see Rigoletto with me?


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## Wumbo (Jun 29, 2010)

I have very eccentric taste in music (outside and within Classical) that I find most people can't relate to, and I too feel the sting of disappointment when a friend thinks what I'm listening to sucks.

But luckily, I'm also very open minded and tend to like a few things they like too, so I focus on those things. If you can't relate to your wife's taste in music, it would make you a bit of a hypocrite to complain, so I think you just need to accept this.

The title of this thread is provocative, but you didn't really explain it in the post :S So I guess I assume it's not that big a deal. Just save your classical for when she's not around.


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## HarpsichordConcerto (Jan 1, 2010)

classidaho said:


> I read this thread in an 'Opera' post and I feel the pain.
> 
> No one in my family understands my passion for classical tunes, especially opera.
> 
> ...


You don't sound happy. Is divorce an option?


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## mamascarlatti (Sep 23, 2009)

Sorry to hear this, Chuck. It does suck.

My husband really hates opera so I have to listen with headphones all the time (I'm terrified I'm damaging my hearing). But he will tolerate orchestral music sometimes as long as it's not too loud, and even has his own CDs.

I'm trying to indoctrinate the kids with some success, but discussing a performance with a 7-year-old, while often charming, has its limitations. I go to opera with the 14-year-old and that's OK. I really wish I could discuss it with other adults though, especially people who know more than me about it.

Remember what it was like without the internet - then you really would be isolated!


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## david johnson (Jun 25, 2007)

earphones? hear the music, block out her complaints.


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## jurianbai (Nov 23, 2008)

a quality on bed session will do.


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## Aramis (Mar 1, 2009)

Tell her to smell the glove while you're listening the music.


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## Toccata (Jun 13, 2009)

jurianbai said:


> a quality on bed session will do.


A what? Is that what you call it in Singapore?


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## bassClef (Oct 29, 2006)

My wife doesn't hate classical but she doesn't love it either. I go to concerts on my own, which I don't really mind, while in the concert it's a collective experience, I only feel a bit lonely on my way home - but still I'm happy. At home I mostly enjoy it on headphones, while pumping it up at full volume whenever I'm alone in the house!


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## classidaho (May 5, 2009)

I need to clarify things My wife does not get angry with my love of any and all arts. I just have a need to share that is vacant. She does choose TV over any music, and I do watch some TV with her.)



And sospiro, I will happily share and support you wonderful report on your visit to 'Rigoletto', .


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## Chris (Jun 1, 2010)

There is an unwritten rule in my house that my wife and I don't impose our music on the other, so it's always headphones unless the house is empty. Her music includes Val Doonican and Daniel O'Donnell, but that's the highbrow end.


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## bassClef (Oct 29, 2006)

Chris said:


> There is an unwritten rule in my house that my wife and I don't impose our music on the other, so it's always headphones unless the house is empty. Her music includes Val Doonican and Daniel O'Donnell, but that's the highbrow end.


My sympathies.


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## sospiro (Apr 3, 2010)

classidaho said:


> I need to clarify things  My wife does not get angry with my love of any and all arts. I just have a need to share that is vacant.  She does choose TV over any music, and I do watch some TV with her.


I did not, for one moment, think your wife gets angry with you. I just thought it was a bit sad.

What a great photo - you look like a couple very much in love and I wish both of you lots more happiness in the years to come.



classidaho said:


> And sospiro, I will happily share and support your wonderful report on your visit to 'Rigoletto',


 I will bore everybody with my reports.


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## Toccata (Jun 13, 2009)

Chris said:


> There is an unwritten rule in my house that my wife and I don't impose our music on the other, so it's always headphones unless the house is empty. Her music includes Val Doonican and *Daniel O'Donnell*, but that's the highbrow end.


I recall very well a holiday I had a couple of years ago in Ireland, involving a coach tour all around county Donegal and adjacent counties. Our tour guide was bonkers about Daniel O'Donnell, and every time she (the guide, that is) stopped talking about the local scenery she put on the same CD by this artist over and again and again. It was OK to start with but virtually everybody on the coach got thoroughly fed up with this racket after a few days, and in the end we had a vote to decide who among us should politely ask her if we might listen to something else, preferably nothing at all. I got the job, and I well recall the look of shock-horor on this woman's face when I raised the subject. I don't think it went down too well at all judging by the withering look I got. It gives the Irish yet another reason for many of them to hate the English, on top of the potato famine and all and all.


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## tammlcaughlin (Jul 20, 2010)

I love classical music while my wife likes a few pieces here and there but prefers something with words and a beat. 

I think it's such a shame that anyone has to listen to their music in their own home with headphones. It comes across as intolerant. 

I don't always my wife's choice of music but when the TV is off, I never complain when she puts on her music or the kids are listening to Poker Face - as long as I am allowed to put on some classical music when it's my turn.


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## ahansen_cello (Jul 23, 2010)

I married a classical violinist, so I'm in the clear. Maybe you should just keep on showing her pieces that are undeniably moving. I can't believe she wouldn't enjoy it... I just can't...

Have you ever listened to Barber's Adagio for Strings? Breathtaking harmonies, she shouldn't be physiologically able to resist!


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## graaf (Dec 12, 2009)

> There is a definite human need to share it with someone else.


It surely isn't universal. I conceal my love for classics. I don't need much discussion on music anyway, and if I need recommendations, I'm sure many people here would be happy to help me.


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## ahansen_cello (Jul 23, 2010)

I definitely understand the need to share music with those you love. Literally daily my wife and I will be listening to a piece, and we'll just look at each other, knowing fully why we're looking at each other. Then one of us will rush over to the music and rewind to the part we both heard! It means a lot that we can share it.


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## sospiro (Apr 3, 2010)

ahansen_cello said:


> I definitely understand the need to share music with those you love. Literally daily my wife and I will be listening to a piece, and we'll just look at each other, knowing fully why we're looking at each other. Then one of us will rush over to the music and rewind to the part we both heard! It means a lot that we can share it.


How fantastic!! Long may you share your love of music & of each other.


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## Toccata (Jun 13, 2009)

classidaho said:


> No one in my family understands my passion for classical tunes, especially opera.
> 
> Music is like a wonderful sunset.....There is a definite human need to share it with someone else.
> 
> ...


Do not despair. Have you thought about seeking advice from something like "Relate"? They offer counselling on all kinds of personal relationship problems. I dare say they may have a solution for situations where one's wife hates opera. The organisation to which I refer is the UK one, but I suspect there must be a USA equivalent.


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## Edward Elgar (Mar 22, 2006)

Time to get another wife.


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## classidaho (May 5, 2009)

After 52 years, another wife is not an option he he.

I have a private den with the 'Black Rack' pictured in my avatar and I begin my day with NPR, Classical and end my evenings (8 PM [when classical terminates]) 'till the witching area listening to vinyl, CDs and tape. So I'm not deprived in my listening joy, and don't dwell on the lack of companionship.......only when the occasional masterpiece comes on and I long to open the den door and share.........which I do occsionally.

This can be even more dissappointing, waiting for a " wow, that is really nice!", that never comes.

And, I realize that I would never make a positive comment when my daughter's car radio belches 'Rap'! Sorry, no matter what advise I get, I just couldn't do that!


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## dandelion (Jul 26, 2010)

you must be talk with your wife in heart, let her known you.


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## toucan (Sep 27, 2010)

"My wife hates me watching anything to do with classical music"

Watch porn flicks. That'll be sure to rekindle your wife's love of you.


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## Listener (Sep 20, 2010)

I mostly listen on headphones and listen to music by myself anyway, so differing tastes has never been an issue.


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## Huilunsoittaja (Apr 6, 2010)

Listener said:


> I mostly listen on headphones and listen to music by myself anyway, so differing tastes has never been an issue.


Very much the same. If only the people at school had any idea what I was listening to...


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## Delicious Manager (Jul 16, 2008)

From the very outset of a potential relationship I made it clear - 'Love me, love my music'. Not only is music my soul and passion, it is also my job. Anyone who didn't understand and share this would not last very long with me. I got lucky - my partner shares nearly all my musical tastes (and I hers). We wouldn't have survived if hadn't shared those things.


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## Ian Elliott (Nov 15, 2010)

Tie her up and make her listen to it; it's good for her.


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## myaskovsky2002 (Oct 3, 2010)

I read this thread in an 'Opera' post and I feel the pain.

No one in my family understands my passion for classical tunes, especially opera.

Music is like a wonderful sunset.....There is a definite human need to share it with someone else. 

I know I have this forum to turn to, and I do dearly appreciate it......, but it is not the same as sharing in person, with a loved one.

OK, rant over, and I'll survive.....just hope most of you have a better 'musical' relationship with those you love and live with. Chuck 
===================================================
Here exactly the same pal... Sometimes I'm wondering if my wife loves me. Period.


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## PetrB (Feb 28, 2012)

classidaho said:


> I read this thread in an 'Opera' post and I feel the pain.
> 
> No one in my family understands my passion for classical tunes, especially opera.
> 
> ...


Would she prefer she were a football widow? It is always, regardless of gender, a sort of jealousy when one partner is paying such rapt attention to something other than their partner, and the neglected partner has no similar passion to delve into on their own.

People survive it. Other people are more certain to watch out that their partner has either the same passion, or another, at least then your passion is better understood and respected.


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## PlaySalieri (Jun 3, 2012)

I have a similar problem. First - my wife doesn't like Mozart - a disaster for me. Second - while classical music she does love - she doesn't much like it when I listen in the house when she is around - or in the car. I wanted to take her and my son to covent garden last year to see a Mozart opera - oh no not Mozart again. So I looked at alternatives - Don Carlo? I did not fancy that in place of Le Nozze Di Figaro. I let the matter rest and we ended up not going at all. She's Russian - a BIG romantic music fan - so it has to be Rachmaninov, Tchaikovsky or Beethoven - the famouse bits.


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## Judas Priest Fan (Apr 27, 2018)

I know this is a very old thread, but my wife has ZERO tolerance for classical music 

She watches the stupidest, most primitive TV shows, with the most disgusting modern "pop" music in the background, and doesn´t understand when I ask her to turn that **** down.

But if I play one single second of a piece of classical music that moves me to tears, she immediately says "turn that **** down!".

I know music is always a matter of taste, but still....


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## Enthusiast (Mar 5, 2016)

^ Maybe she was expecting something different when she married someone called Judas Priest Fan.


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## JAS (Mar 6, 2013)

I decided long ago that an appreciation for classical music, more or less in line with my tastes, was an absolute requirement for selecting a potential date . . . and yes, that has had the expected outcome, which is fine by me.


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## flamencosketches (Jan 4, 2019)




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## Ich muss Caligari werden (Jul 15, 2020)

Judas Priest Fan said:


> I know this is a very old thread, but my wife has ZERO tolerance for classical music
> 
> She watches the stupidest, most primitive TV shows, with the most disgusting modern "pop" music in the background, and doesn´t understand when I ask her to turn that **** down.
> 
> ...


This reminds me of a colleague of mine at work: when particularly obnoxious songs came on her and her husband's car radio ("Yummy, Yummy, Yummy, I've Got Love in My Tummy" by the Ohio Express she cited as one of them) he would sometimes turn to her and say: "Shut-up while this is on!" Just for comedic effect, though she was never in the least amused...


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## Judas Priest Fan (Apr 27, 2018)

Enthusiast said:


> ^ Maybe she was expecting something different when she married someone called Judas Priest Fan.


I´m 55 now now and we´ve been together for 35 years. I was always a Metal fan, and I still like Metal, but since discovering Classical a few years ago, it makes up at least 95% of my listening.

And she just doesn´t understand.


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## Oldhoosierdude (May 29, 2016)

Although not an avid classical music listener my spouse does listen to it and goes to concerts most of the time. However, she does not like opera at all. Which is strange because she does like musicals.

As for non family, yes when people who don't know me see that I listen to CM (and that I act in a Shakespeare company. Neither of which I hide.), they often apply the snob stigma. But this is Indiana where you are expected to act inner-city urban or *******. I let people think what they will, they find out differently once they know me.


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## DavidA (Dec 14, 2012)

My wife likes music - she is actually a professional musician. But she doesn’t do opera at all. So what hapoens? I go to opera on my own! Why inflict it on her?


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## mikeh375 (Sep 7, 2017)

I'm lucky, my wife will happily listen to the Dixie Chicks or Henze.


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## Geoff48 (Aug 15, 2020)

When my late wife wife and I were courting she really didn’t know much about classical music only that she didn’t like it. However I suggested we attend an Saturday night orchestral concert together and it wasn’t as bad as she feared. Then I dragged her to the opera. Maybe Simon Boccenegra wasn’t the best choice but it was the only night she could make. She disliked it. But I also had tickets for Trovatore a couple of weeks later and she became hooked. Indeed it was she who always perused the new season’s programme and ensured that we had tickets both for the concerts and the opera. The same thing happened with cricket. I was listening to aTest Match Special on our way back from Scotland and it wasn’t long before we became members of Yorkshire CCC.
And now I am sharing my pleasure with a friend who had no idea about music or theatre but now enjoys coming to the concerts and opera with me occasionally. Can’t interest him in cricket though.


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## Chilham (Jun 18, 2020)

My wife loves Mozart. She seems to dislike most other classical music. I get the occasional, begrudging, "That was quite nice", when I play Bach or Mussorgsky but she's usually disparaging about Dvorak, Brahms, Rachmaninoff, Schubert and especially Mahler. Beethoven seems to get a pass on any comment other than, "He was a lunatic".

C'est la vie.


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## JAS (Mar 6, 2013)

flamencosketches said:


>


To a great extend, I might suggest that what you like _is_ what you are like. This statement assumes, of course, that what you profess to like is not merely a pretense.


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## flamencosketches (Jan 4, 2019)

JAS said:


> To a great extend, I might suggest that what you like _is_ what you are like. This statement assumes, of course, that what you profess to like is not merely a pretense.


I agree, which is why it would be tough for me to bond with (let alone marry) someone with whom I share little common ground in terms of interests, be it music, books or whatever the case may be.


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## JAS (Mar 6, 2013)

flamencosketches said:


> I agree, which is why it would be tough for me to bond with (let alone marry) someone with whom I share little common ground in terms of interests, be it music, books or whatever the case may be.


Unfortunately, it appears that it is not so difficult to bond with someone who is fundamentally incompatible to our intellectual or emotional needs, which is probably why most relationships fail and there is so much divorce. (And in the absence of divorce, so many unhappy marriages.) I have long observed that it is very possible to be attracted to people who are not really a good fit, in more sustainable terms. I often note that opposites may attract, but they don't necessarily stay together. (There are rare examples of where opposing qualities mesh to fill what the other lacks, and do so without causing annoyance, but those are very rare indeed.) Typically, and especially in terms of differences, the precise thing that attracts us to someone is what will eventually drive us mad with anger, given time. (I have watched this happen over and over again.)


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## DavidA (Dec 14, 2012)

Chilham said:


> My wife loves Mozart. She seems to dislike most other classical music. I get the occasional, begrudging, "That was quite nice", when I play Bach or Mussorgsky but she's usually disparaging about Dvorak, Brahms, Rachmaninoff, Schubert and especially Mahler. *Beethoven seems to get a pass on any comment other than, "He was a lunatic".*
> 
> C'est la vie.


Well he was of course. Great music though! :lol:


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## DavidA (Dec 14, 2012)

JAS said:


> Unfortunately, it appears that it is not so difficult to bond with someone who is fundamentally incompatible to our intellectual or emotional needs, which is probably why most relationships fail and there is so much divorce. (And in the absence of divorce, so many unhappy marriages.) I have long observed that it is very possible to be attracted to people who are not really a good fit, in more sustainable terms. I often note that opposites may attract, but they don't necessarily stay together. (There are rare examples of where opposing qualities mesh to fill what the other lacks, and do so without causing annoyance, but those are very rare indeed.) Typically, and especially in terms of differences, the precise thing that attracts us to someone is what will eventually drive us mad with anger, given time. (I have watched this happen over and over again.)


Differences don't mean incompatibility. They can mean a meshing together. Jack Spratt and his wife were opposites but quite compatible. I once got the greatest piece of advice from my father on what made a happy marriage when he said: "Bit of give and take!" I've had nearly 50 years of experience to prove him right!


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## Enthusiast (Mar 5, 2016)

I married someone who was born and brought up in a different (non-Western) culture and who had never heard any of our classical music in her life and had no musical knowledge or experience. She took an almost instant liking to Mozart and also Vivaldi. A little later she got into Beethoven in a major way - he is still her favourite - and she fairly quickly became good at recognising which composer (from among those she had taken a liking to) wrote a piece that she had never heard before. She also discovered a very strong liking for Bob Dylan and Van Morrison, artists she had never encountered previously. 

I would not say that she has gone on to develop a detailed knowledge of the whole range of classical music and generally she doesn't much like modern music (Stravinsky is OK but she calls Bartok "buttock") but she is certainly not uncomfortable with classical music. We have been to concerts and operas together and classical music is a part of our life together even if it is clearly so much more important to me than to her. 

When I married her I never expected any of that but feel fairly sure that without it we would still be as happily married as we are now, after 30 years of marriage.


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## Ich muss Caligari werden (Jul 15, 2020)

As Nietzsche said: "What else is love but understanding and rejoicing in the fact that another person lives, acts, and experiences otherwise than we do?"


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## ThaNotoriousNIC (Jun 29, 2020)

Don't have a wife yet but I hope she will be tolerant of my classical music and opera addiction. 

As for the rest of my family and friends, there are very few people I know that have interest in the genre beyond knowing select pieces in pop culture and some curiosity here and there. My dad has been with me for a couple of performances, notably two operas (Parsifal and Luisa Miller). He absolutely hated Parsifal but did enjoy Luisa Miller (partially because he could tell his friends he saw Placido Domingo). He's never come to be a classical music listener but I appreciate that he tolerates me watching an opera on TV or playing it on my speakers. The rest of my family is pretty much a no-go with my cousins and friends in particular heavily buying into the stigmas and assumptions over classical music and opera. Love them all but don't think I will ever get them to become fans. That's why I am on Talk Classical to discuss pieces with all of you


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## millionrainbows (Jun 23, 2012)

classidaho said:


> I read this thread in an 'Opera' post and I feel the pain.
> 
> No one in my family understands my passion for classical tunes, especially opera.
> 
> ...


That's really too bad about your "wife"...

My wife hates minimalism, and I love it. She keeps nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging, but it doesn't work. In fact, I'm starting to enjoy it.


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## Sequentia (Nov 23, 2011)

Choosing an open-minded, tolerant partner who is not interested in spending most of his/her waking hours expressing disgust in response to the desires and interests of one they claim to love and whom they should, within a healthy relationship, support emotionally and morally, is a reasonable approach, though it is dismissed by many.

Having a partner who listens to "classical music" is no guarantee of bliss either, though. The person could be obsessed with Glass or some other third-rate composer.


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## Azol (Jan 25, 2015)

Sequentia said:


> Having a partner who listens to "classical music" is no guarantee of bliss either, though. The person could be obsessed with Glass or some other third-rate composer.


I see what you did there...


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## Azol (Jan 25, 2015)

millionrainbows said:


> That's really too bad about your "wife"...
> 
> My wife hates minimalism, and I love it. She keeps nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging, but it doesn't work. In fact, I'm starting to enjoy it.


Definitely try Simeon Ten Holt, you'll love it!


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## millionrainbows (Jun 23, 2012)

Azol said:


> Definitely try Simeon Ten Holt, you'll love it!


OK, ok, ok, ok....


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## Enthusiast (Mar 5, 2016)

Sequentia said:


> Choosing an open-minded, tolerant partner who is not interested in spending most of his/her waking hours expressing disgust in response to the desires and interests of one they claim to love and whom they should, within a healthy relationship, support emotionally and morally, is a reasonable approach, though it is dismissed by many.
> 
> Having a partner who listens to "classical music" is no guarantee of bliss either, though. The person could be obsessed with Glass or some other third-rate composer.


And just imagine a household where one wants Karajan, Karajan, Karajan and the other is all for Bernstein but hates Karajan. They would probably kill each other.


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## JAS (Mar 6, 2013)

^^^ there might even be a "do all of the codas" and "never do repeats" death match.


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## Ich muss Caligari werden (Jul 15, 2020)

JAS said:


> ^^^ there might even be a "do all of the codas" and "never do repeats" death match.


"Irreconcilable differences" indeed; I know what side I'm on...


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## vmartell (Feb 9, 2017)

The gamut of experiences is incredible. Obviously shared taste is no prerequisite for love. Thinking that the conflict of taste is what in my case makes the relationship interesting.

My wife respects CM as great art. She recognizes melodies and likes some. Yet she has NEVER, ever requested - hey v! pls play "this" - not once. 

Many times I have expected to see her running into the music room (or my kids for that matter) asking "WHAT IS THAT??? THAT IS AMAZING!" - It has never happened. 

Sometimes I give her a hard time re: her taste - mostly pop that rocks as little as possible. I do use the idea that CM is great art as opposed to pop (even though I like and love lots of it - it's just for the sake of argument). Some times I upset her, but is quickly forgotten...

Many years together now - guess it is what it is! 

v


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## Simon Moon (Oct 10, 2013)

classidaho said:


> I read this thread in an 'Opera' post and I feel the pain.
> 
> No one in my family understands my passion for classical tunes, especially opera.
> 
> ...


I have it pretty good, for the most part.

My wife likes most of the progressive music I listen to: Gentle Giant, Genesis, Zappa, PFM, Deus ex Machina, The Tangent, Arti e Mestieri, Magma, Riverside, etc. And a lot of the fusion I like: Mahavishnu Orchestra, Return to Forever, Brand X, Panzerballett, etc.

But, she can't get in to the classical I listen to. But that's probably mostly because I only listen to 20th century, avant-garde, contemporary classical. If I still listened to more earlier classical, she'd probably more on board.


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## GucciManeIsTheNewWebern (Jul 29, 2020)

Simon Moon said:


> But, she can't get in to the classical I listen to. But that's probably mostly because I only listen to 20th century, avant-garde, contemporary classical. If I still listened to more earlier classical, she'd probably more on board.


I think not having any kind of prior context or experience with the Western art music tradition can make 20th century, avant-garde, contemporary etc. sound jarring or like nonsensical dissonant screeching. It can evoke a lot of different responses: "this is pretentious" or "this is unmusical or just plain bad". Even a lot of people who went to school for music and have music degrees are still under the false assumption that atonal music was intended to have an "intellectual appeal" with no regards to how it actually sounds, as if Schönberg and Co. were generating their music by writing differential calculus equations on a whiteboard.


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## PlaySalieri (Jun 3, 2012)

My wife hates me listening to classical music - esp Mozart - who she knows I adore. Oh and Callas she positively despises.

I am living with my mother at present and divorce papers are being prepared.

No joke.


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