# The Saddest Days of Your Lives



## neoshredder (Nov 7, 2011)

Who was with you? How did you get over those days? For me, I was wreckless with jet skiing. I did some crazy things back then. My early teens were not pleasant. Anyways, glad I'm still alive even though I still got some issues. But not as bad as back then.


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## Kevin Pearson (Aug 14, 2009)

Neoshredder - Could you qualify the question more specifically so we know what you mean by saddest? It can have several connotations. I'm not sure if you mean the most depressing day/s? The hardest day/s? Or periods of our lives we would like to forget? Anyway, I don't want to respond not knowing what specific direction you wanted to take the thread.

Kevin


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## Guest (Nov 4, 2012)

The day my mother died (November 15, 1990), the day I discovered my father's body after he committed suicide (January 10, 2000), and the day my fiancée died (May 17, 2000). Time has dulled the pain, but it still hurts. At the time, staying busy as a teacher helped, then losing myself in music. Bach was a huge help.


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## Wandering (Feb 27, 2012)

Kontrapunctus said:


> The day my mother died (November 15, 1990), the day I discovered my father's body after he committed suicide (January 10, 2000), and the day my fiancé died (May 17, 2000). Time has dulled the pain, but it still hurts. At the time, staying busy as a teacher helped, then losing myself in music. Bach was a huge help.


*Confined to a French nursing home at the end of his days, Beckett was asked by a visiting Irish poet what he had found worthwhile about life. "Precious little," came the reported reply. "For bad measure, I watched both my parents die."*

I still have my parents, and enjoy their company while they are still here.

I went through a real depressive period in my early teens. I don't too much look back, rarely; very little point in that, for me anyways, it wouldn't end well and I wouldn't be the wiser for it.


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## Wandering (Feb 27, 2012)

^ That is very tragic by the way, Kontrapunctus. I wasn't trying to be light-hearted.


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## sospiro (Apr 3, 2010)

Kontrapunctus said:


> The day my mother died (November 15, 1990), the day I discovered my father's body after he committed suicide (January 10, 2000), and the day my fiancé died (May 17, 2000). Time has dulled the pain, but it still hurts. At the time, staying busy as a teacher helped, then losing myself in music. Bach was a huge help.


My condolences & my sympathy. What terrible times these must have been for you.

I'm always surprised how some people find ways to survive appalling tragedy in their lives and how other people can't cope with minor setbacks.

Sadly time doesn't 'heal', you just get used to the pain but I hope you continue to find solace in music.


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## neoshredder (Nov 7, 2011)

Kevin Pearson said:


> Neoshredder - Could you qualify the question more specifically so we know what you mean by saddest? It can have several connotations. I'm not sure if you mean the most depressing day/s? The hardest day/s? Or periods of our lives we would like to forget? Anyway, I don't want to respond not knowing what specific direction you wanted to take the thread.
> 
> Kevin


It's pretty straight forward imo. The days where you didn't care what happened to you. I still feel this once in a while but not as intensely as when I was 13. Life can be pretty depressing sometimes.


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## tdc (Jan 17, 2011)

Kontrapunctus said:


> The day my mother died (November 15, 1990), the day I discovered my father's body after he committed suicide (January 10, 2000), and the day my fiancé died (May 17, 2000). Time has dulled the pain, but it still hurts. At the time, staying busy as a teacher helped, then losing myself in music. Bach was a huge help.


Wow that is rough. You are a good man for puling through all that, and finding some comfort in such a constructive activity. (!)

One of my best friends committed suicide in 2003 which would be possibly the saddest day of my life.


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## Guest (Nov 4, 2012)

Thank you. When I think back, I really don't know how I coped. I'm not a particularly spiritual person, so I didn't turn to religion. I guess I was a lot stronger than I ever realized. When my mom died, I had just started teaching, so I was crazy busy, which was a huge help. When my dad died, I had just transferred from middle school to high school, so once again, I was very busy. With my fiancé, I was nearing the end of the school year and knew I had to hold it together. Four years later I met and married a lovely woman. That was a bittersweet day since my parents never got to meet her nor attend the wedding. I can honestly say that music has been a savior for me, though.


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## sospiro (Apr 3, 2010)

Kontrapunctus said:


> Thank you. When I think back, I really don't know how I coped. I'm not a particularly spiritual person, so I didn't turn to religion. I guess I was a lot stronger than I ever realized. When my mom died, I had just started teaching, so I was crazy busy, which was a huge help. When my dad died, I had just transferred from middle school to high school, so once again, I was very busy. With my fiancé, I was nearing the end of the school year and knew I had to hold it together. Four years later I met and married a lovely woman. That was a bittersweet day since my parents never got to meet her nor attend the wedding. I can honestly say that music has been a savior for me, though.


Thank you for sharing your story with us. After such tragedies it must have taken a lot of courage to keep going.

It's a mystery why a few notes strung together in a certain way can give us such pleasure. Thank goodness for music.


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## violadude (May 2, 2011)

My sadddst dat of my life is when I found out my firend doesnt want to be my friend anymore but I really liked her too but thats ok because vodka and haiwakin punch really helps woth that sort of stuff


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## PetrB (Feb 28, 2012)

sospiro said:


> I'm always surprised how some people find ways to survive appalling tragedy in their lives and how other people can't cope with minor setbacks.


Those profound losses, parents, loved ones -- god forbid, someones child -- force us to deal with them, because they are so enormous they just do not go away until we allow them (and ourselves) time, and we do deal with them.

The minor ones, by comparison, are almost a luxury, and people who have not experienced the 'great' losses can readily think the small ones are 'overwhelming.' Not that I wish the 'practice' of losing both parents, etc. on anyone in order to alter their perspectives about the 'small stuff.'

There is nothing like the larger losses, or the primal threat of your health failing you, to sharpen one's sense of 'what is really important' and what is not. What is not important is most everything, saving the handful of people dear to you, and in addition perhaps, some personal passion for something more independent of people which engages you.

The rest... nothing but later regret you spent so much energy on them.

I sometimes think it would be ideal if we got the knowledge of some of life's later experiences (both the tragic and fulfilling) first, because they are such profoundly clarifying lessons of 'what is important' -- of course that controverts all reality, but


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## Ramako (Apr 28, 2012)

Feeling cheerful, neoshredder?



sospiro said:


> I'm always surprised how some people find ways to survive appalling tragedy in their lives and *how other people can't cope with minor setbacks.*


I am one of those people.



neoshredder said:


> It's pretty straight forward imo. *The days where you didn't care what happened to you*. I still feel this once in a while but not as intensely as when I was 13. Life can be pretty depressing sometimes.


The funny thing is, the worst days of my life would be the time of my parents' divorce, and yet I don't remember the attitude of not caring which has characterized large periods of my life up to the present day. I guess I was too young. I still am young.


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## Lukecash12 (Sep 21, 2009)

Losing grandparents and parents, a sibling, so many friends, losing sight until I couldn't do the work I loved, some other days. Not very sad, but more sobering. Because of the migraines, insomnia, and some other more personal things, my family had me submit myself to some psyche evaluations, which is when I was diagnosed with autism. They told me I was probably going to be manic depressive, which sounded to me overly dramatic. I have no use for depression, so I've not submitted myself to it. Maybe it doesn't work this way for other people, but it has for me. Being depressed just seemed like the most incredibly futile and fruitless activity to me, I didn't see many excuses that could be made for myself, and I had people to take care of.

But there is something that still gets to me. It's that I'm not able to be anyone's dad, biologically. When my physician told me that, it was probably the best candidate for the worst day of my life. I considered adopting, but after enough unsuccessful relationships, I decided that I have too much baggage for marriage, things about me that I don't want someone else to put up with every day. People shouldn't have to deal with such little sleep, such little communication, etc. It just sucks for both of us. So no children for me.


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## sospiro (Apr 3, 2010)

Lukecash12 said:


> Losing grandparents and parents, a sibling, so many friends, losing sight until I couldn't do the work I loved, some other days. Not very sad, but more sobering. Because of the migraines, insomnia, and some other more personal things, my family had me submit myself to some psyche evaluations, which is when I was diagnosed with autism. They told me I was probably going to be manic depressive, which sounded to me overly dramatic. I have no use for depression, so I've not submitted myself to it. Maybe it doesn't work this way for other people, but it has for me. Being depressed just seemed like the most incredibly futile and fruitless activity to me, I didn't see many excuses that could be made for myself, and I had people to take care of.


You've had more troubles than most people will ever have & your positive attitude is inspiring. I know people with depression who seem to enjoy it.



Lukecash12 said:


> But there is something that still gets to me. It's that I'm not able to be anyone's dad, biologically. When my physician told me that, it was probably the best candidate for the worst day of my life. I considered adopting, but after enough unsuccessful relationships, I decided that I have too much baggage for marriage, things about me that I don't want someone else to put up with every day. People shouldn't have to deal with such little sleep, such little communication, etc. It just sucks for both of us. So no children for me.


That is so sad. Especially so when I think of the number of unwanted children & yet someone like you who would make a wonderful Dad, can't have children.


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## Lukecash12 (Sep 21, 2009)

> You've had more troubles than most people will ever have & your positive attitude is inspiring. I know people with depression who seem to enjoy it.


"Most people will ever have"? Hehehe. No offense, I get where you are coming from, but I've seen so much suffering throughout the history I've studied, seen in front of me, and through family stories. I feel I have a very light load.

My papa, for example, lived during the Great Depression, and his home was the actual definition of a tar paper shack. His home was the last in all of Manteca to get running water and electricity. And to make matters worse, his father was an alcoholic who gambled away any money he got picking fruit anyways. So they lived off of beans. When his brother went off to war, never to return, his brother's fiance moved in and it was up to him to support yet another person who couldn't actually bring home some money. I, on the other hand, had a much more stable upbringing. Also, I happen to live in that house today, which is currently the oldest building in town.

People nowadays watch movies like "O Brother Where Art Thou" and get a kick out of it, but when my papa bought that and watched it, the images and the bluegrass music disturbed him and he threw the movie away. The burning cross in the movie must be vivid enough for people who haven't lived through that era, let alone someone whose uncle had a cross burnt on his porch, over in Ohio.

That I have problems tells me I'm alive, you know? I'm not bogged down by images of horror or anything, which seem to me like a place where you run out of options. I've had options. Enough people haven't for me to really appreciate that. Some things about my life are totally awesome. And I don't live in a tar paper shack. My garden is lovely, my family is great, my church is supportive, and my friends are around every week. It's great to be me.


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## Guest (Nov 4, 2012)

For some reason, I can't edit my posts now, but I need to change fiancé to fiancée since I planned to marry a woman!!


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## mamascarlatti (Sep 23, 2009)

Kontrapunctus said:


> For some reason, I can't edit my posts now, but I need to change fiancé to fiancée since I planned to marry a woman!!


Done. filler text


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## Vaneyes (May 11, 2010)

Parents deaths, friends deaths, JFK/RFK/MLK killings, Simpson murders trial verdict, 9/11, 2008 Wall Street collapse, numerous Republican Party electives and actions.


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## violadude (May 2, 2011)

violadude said:


> My sadddst dat of my life is when I found out my firend doesnt want to be my friend anymore but I really liked her too but thats ok because vodka and haiwakin punch really helps woth that sort of stuff


Woah..sorry guys, I don't even remember typing this at all lol


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## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

Today isn't sad, but quite a rough start. Last weekend was sad. Life is sometimes dismal. But don't worry about it too much.


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## BurningDesire (Jul 15, 2012)

The weeks leading up to my mother dying, followed by the misery that was Elementary School, Middle School, and High School.


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## BurningDesire (Jul 15, 2012)

Vaneyes said:


> Parents deaths, friends deaths


*huuuuuuuuuug*


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## neoshredder (Nov 7, 2011)

Can't believe my grandmother is still alive. But I expect her to die any day now.  I thanked her for my $25 check for my birthday. But it's almost too heartbreaking to talk to her.


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## drpraetorus (Aug 9, 2012)

The day my son died.






Sean Patrick Timothy O'Connor


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## Guest (Nov 9, 2012)

drpraetorus said:


> The day my son died.
> View attachment 9685
> Sean Patrick Timothy O'Connor


I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how awful it would be to lose a child.


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## Alie (Nov 9, 2012)

The day my great-grandmother died, I was already grown up then, 21. And she was the closest person for me from the whole family... 4 years had passed, but I still miss her...


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## Lukecash12 (Sep 21, 2009)

drpraetorus said:


> The day my son died.
> View attachment 9685
> Sean Patrick Timothy O'Connor


A handsome child. I wouldn't regret such a wonderful relationship, but that it didn't go along the natural course must shake your confidence quite a bit. Losing a part of yourself. You gave up that part, but then you had to see it go as well. That's rough.


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## Sonata (Aug 7, 2010)

What a beautiful boy. I am so sorry praetorus.


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## Huilunsoittaja (Apr 6, 2010)

I had a very sad period some weeks ago. I broke up with a good friend, only it revealed he wasn't really a good friend after all. It was a poisonous friendship. Now it's like he died because I will never see/talk to him again, nor do I want to. I hadn't cried that hard in a long, long time. I am recovering, but the week after that period was really hard.


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## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

Huilunsoittaja said:


> I had a very sad period some weeks ago. I broke up with a good friend, only it revealed he wasn't really a good friend after all. It was a poisonous friendship. Now it's like he died because I will never see/talk to him again, nor do I want to. I hadn't cried that hard in a long, long time. I am recovering, but the week after that period was really hard.


Glad to hear you are doing better.


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