# Be creative! Just for fun, change the ending of some operas



## myaskovsky2002 (Oct 3, 2010)

When the ending is tragic, turn it a happy ending...when is happy turn it tragic or not so good.

Some examples:

Tristan and Isolde got married and lived happily ever after
Il Barbiero di Seviglia: They married the young girl with the old gentleman
Faust: Mephistophele got married with Marguerite and introduced a she-devil friend to Faust...They got married...but...she was a bitch.

Lulu: She got married with Dr. Schön and they had a menage a trois with Countess Geschwitz

Wozzeck got a new job and Marie became a hooker.

Katerina Izmailova: got an excellent job within the Communist party

The nose: the guy never found his nose, he put a carrot instead.

Eugene Oneguin: Eugene and Lensky were friends...very close, they were a gay couple. They got married in Canada...The two girls were unhappy for a while but finally they got married with two old and rich guys. The nani won the lotery and went to Moscow.

Be nice...continue my list...



:lol:

Martin


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## Almaviva (Aug 13, 2010)

Brunnhilde gets pregnant of Siefgried and gives birth to a baby...
Oh wait, that's the ending of the dreadful Copenhagen Ring!:scold:


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## myaskovsky2002 (Oct 3, 2010)

Almaviva said:


> Brunnhilde gets pregnant of Siefgried and gives birth to a baby...
> Oh wait, that's the ending of the dreadful Copenhagen Ring!:scold:


May I add...the baby has printed on his head...666.....LOL

Martin


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## Couchie (Dec 9, 2010)

Siegfried gives the ring to the Rhinemaidens when asked. In return, they tell him how Hagen gave him a potion to fall in love with Gutrune, and that his true love is Brunnhilde, and Hagen has another potion to make him remember. Siegfried kills Hagen, drinks the remembrance potion, finds Brunnhilde and explains what happened, she forgives him. To punish Gunther and Gutrune for their part, they give them each love potions and they fall in love with each other and get married. Siegfried and Brunnhilde go off and live happily ever after. Back in Valhalla, a powerless Wotan grants the mortals, giants and dwarves the right to their own self-determination. He retreats back into Valhalla and resumes a monogamous marriage with Fricka. The Valkyries, with nothing further to do, follow in Brunnhilde's footsteps and seek out mortal husbands and raise happy families. The End.


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## sospiro (Apr 3, 2010)

Tosca - The Sequel

Angelotti wasn't really dead & Tosca survived. The whole thing was a plot between them to get rid of both Scarpia & Cavaradossi. (I always want the bass to have a bigger role )

Tosca & Angelotti escape to Sicily, are reconciled with Marchesa Attavanti & are blissfully happy. But was Scarpia really dead ....?

Some more ideas here.


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## myaskovsky2002 (Oct 3, 2010)

He wasn't. He just got a contract to make a Colgate publicity on TV....But he was expelled when they discovered he had fake teeth.
Scarpia finally went to jail and wa saved by Hitler...who enrolled him...Scarpia hated Schönberg very deeply...as Hitler did.

To be followed...

Martin, with delirious tremends


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## Almaviva (Aug 13, 2010)

Couchie said:


> Siegfried gives the ring to the Rhinemaidens when asked. In return, they tell him how Hagen gave him a potion to fall in love with Gutrune, and that his true love is Brunnhilde, and Hagen has another potion to make him remember. Siegfried kills Hagen, drinks the remembrance potion, finds Brunnhilde and explains what happened, she forgives him. To punish Gunther and Gutrune for their part, they give them each love potions and they fall in love with each other and get married. Siegfried and Brunnhilde go off and live happily ever after. Back in Valhalla, a powerless Wotan grants the mortals, giants and dwarves the right to their own self-determination. He retreats back into Valhalla and resumes a monogamous marriage with Fricka. The Valkyries, with nothing further to do, follow in Brunnhilde's footsteps and seek out mortal husbands and raise happy families. The End.


That's The Ring with Middle Class Family Values. No fun.


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## rgz (Mar 6, 2010)

During the last act of Nozze, there's yet _another_ mixup, and the Count actually *is* romancing Susannah and Figaro is singing of love to the Countess. Turns out, everyone is happy with this arrangement and they agree to swap spouses.


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## rgz (Mar 6, 2010)

After Salome gets Jochannan's head and starts to sing her triumph, a noise is heard from down in the cistern. Sound gets louder and it's revealed that Jochannan has become a zombie and has clambered his way up to Salome to take revenge on her, while his severed head sings a vehement vengeance aria. After Salome has been brutally murdered, she too revives as a zombie and the undead couple lives happily ever after.


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## rgz (Mar 6, 2010)

In Bluebeard's Castle, the 7th room is revealed to be filled with ponies and Bluebeard and Judith ride them around laughing as the curtain falls.


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## rgz (Mar 6, 2010)

As Don Giovanni ends, it's revealed that he was actually the one stabbed in the duel with the Commendatore and everything since the duel has been a fantasy created by his dying mind.

Actually that could almost work.


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## elgar's ghost (Aug 8, 2010)

La Boheme - Mimi has been feigning illness all along as she is essentially a workshy waster who has perfected the art of ill-health related Benefit Fraud. At the end they all celebrate the success of her latest scam by blowing their Giros on bottles of the 19th century precursor to Buckfast.


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## rgz (Mar 6, 2010)

La Sonnambula - Elvino et al never figure out that Amina is sleepwalking. Disgraced and shamed, she takes a new name and runs away to a small village where no one knows her to start her life over, where she catches the eye of a peasant named Nemorino...


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## Sid James (Feb 7, 2009)

It'd be good to see* Wozzeck* get revenge at the end of that opera, maybe bump off his tormentors, the captain & the doctor.

With Puccini's _*Turandot*_, it would be nice for the servant girl Liu not to top herself off as she does, but end up being hooked up with the Prince (but I don't know what would happen with Princess Turandot, maybe they could make a threesome?). This would probably be more logical than the "real" ending, which I think is ridiculous (him falling in love with a formerly sadistic murderess) but I like the opera anyway, for it's music above all else.

& maybe in _*The Merry Widow*_, if the millionaire heiress Hanna gives her money altruistically to charity, thus really testing the young gigolo Danilo in whether he really loves her or just her money?...


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## waldvogel (Jul 10, 2011)

*Rigoletto* The quartet in the third act begins. Sparafucile enters, turns it into a quintet, and demands of the Duke "What are you doing with my sister?"

He kills the Duke, stuffs his body in a bag, and leaves it there for Rigoletto and Gilda to dance around in the finale.


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## waldvogel (Jul 10, 2011)

*Un Ballo in Maschera*:

The page tells Renato that the King will be dressed in a black mask. Renato sees sixteen people at the ball all wearing a black mask, calculates his odds, and stabs Count Horn to death. The curtain ends with the arrest of Renato, while the King and Amelia make plans for tomorrow evening...


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## waldvogel (Jul 10, 2011)

*Pagliacci*

Canio, heartbroken, puts on his costume and begins his comedy act. And, strangely, considering the circumstances, _he has never been funnier_! The chorus, acting as the audience, give him multiple ovations, and after his performance Canio is hoisted upon the shoulders of the crowd and taken to a nearby trattoria where he meets a lovely girl who announces that she is "his biggest fan."


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## AnaMendoza (Jul 29, 2011)

The original ending of the source material of one famous opera. "When Mrs. Pinkerton called next day at the little house on Higashi Hill it was quite empty."


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## Sid James (Feb 7, 2009)

Yes, Puccini liked to "sex up" death, if that's what you mean, *AnaMendoza*? For one thing that I know, he killed off the servant girl _Liu_ in _Turandot_, when in the original story/play she didn't kill herself...


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## Almaviva (Aug 13, 2010)

Sid James said:


> Yes, Puccini liked to "sex up" death, if that's what you mean, *AnaMendoza*? For one thing that I know, he killed off the servant girl _Liu_ in _Turandot_, when in the original story/play she didn't kill herself...


 That was not Puccini but rather Giuseppe Adami and Renato Simoni, the librettists.


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## violadude (May 2, 2011)

Elektra-Elektra kills her mom and the mom's boyfran' she then realizes that she's been wasting her entire life and decides to take her sisters advice and go have kids....with someone. Chrysothemis has kids with someone too! And then Orestes becomes the new king of Greece...or wherever they are and he has kids too! And then all three sets of kids get to play with each other on weekends! Yay!  Then one of Elektra's kids doesn't like uncle Orestes so much...then he plots his...oh wait this is a happy ending! They all lived happily ever after with no more thoughts interfamilial murder!


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## Almaviva (Aug 13, 2010)

Don Giovanni: The statue trips, falls, and shatters to pieces. Anticipating a bright future, Don Giovanni immediately orders another notebook because his is too full of women's names.


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## Almaviva (Aug 13, 2010)

L'Elisir d'Amore;
Dr. Dulcamara sells the wrong elixir to Nemorino, who turns gay. Ooopss! Now he loves Belcore. Adina drinks it as well and makes out with Giannetta.


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## Almaviva (Aug 13, 2010)

Otello:
Desdemona files a restraining order against Otello. He is arrested for domestic abuse. While he is in jail she finds her inner self and discovers that she is actually a nymphomaniac. She engages in an orgy with Iago, Cassio, Lodovico, Roderigo, and Montano.


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## Sid James (Feb 7, 2009)

Almaviva said:


> That was not Puccini but rather Giuseppe Adami and Renato Simoni, the librettists.


That's a good point, I didn't think about the librettists, but in any case it takes two (or three) to tango. I don't think they'd have changed the plot without the composer's acquiescence to some degree...


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## rgz (Mar 6, 2010)

Almaviva said:


> Otello:
> Desdemona files a restraining order against Otello. He is arrested for domestic abuse. While he is in jail she finds her inner self and discovers that she is actually a nymphomaniac. She engages in an orgy with Iago, Cassio, Lodovico, Roderigo, and Montano.


 :lol:


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## rgz (Mar 6, 2010)

Ariadne auf Naxos: During Zerbinetta's aria, Ariadne starts to feel something she's never felt before. She realizes that she's not despondent over being dumped, it's that she's been pressured to follow societal norms and be with a guy, when in reality she is actually a lesbian. Zerbinetta yields to the tender song of Ariadne and they kick the rest of the troupe off the island, and then invite the Composer (who, we can all agree, is one of those butchy lesbians who like to dress up like a man) to live with them in a polygamous domestic bliss.


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## Xytech (Apr 7, 2011)

Am I sensing a theme of heroines turning lesbian here...?


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## rgz (Mar 6, 2010)

No no, Ariadne doesn't _turn_ lesbian, she's been lesbian the whole time and just never realized it. HUGE difference


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## AnaMendoza (Jul 29, 2011)

Personally, I like the idea of the heroine looking at the tall handsome baritone, and forgetting all about that short uncharismatic tenor she was infatuated with.


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## sospiro (Apr 3, 2010)

AnaMendoza said:


> Personally, I like the idea of the heroine looking at the tall handsome baritone, and forgetting all about that short uncharismatic tenor she was infatuated with.


I quite agree.

If I was Odabella I know who'd I choose & it wouldn't be that wimp Foresto.


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## amfortas (Jun 15, 2011)

In the middle of the great _Der Rosenkavalier_ trio, as the Marschallin selflessly relinquishes her young lover so he can be with another . . . she suddenly turns around and says, "Screw this."

She calls for her retinue of guards, then has Sophie garroted on the spot. A horrified Octavian cries out, "You heartless bitch!" He attacks Marie Therese, trying to break her neck. Before he can succeed, though, the Field Marshall arrives. The Marschallin rushes to her husband, telling him that Octavian has raped her and is now trying to murder her. The Field Marshall has Octavian dragged outside and executed by firing squad. The Marschallin embraces her husband, but he draws his rapier and stabs her. After tossing her lifeless body on the bed, he exits with his men.

The little page boy Mohammed enters, finds Sophie's handkerchief, waves it around, and runs off. Curtain.


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## AnaMendoza (Jul 29, 2011)

amfortas said:


> In the middle of the great _Der Rosenkavalier_ trio, as the Marschallin selflessly relinquishes her young lover so he can be with another . . . she suddenly turns around and says, "Screw this."
> 
> She calls for her retinue of guards, then has Sophie garroted on the spot. A horrified Octavian cries out, "You heartless bitch!" He attacks Marie Therese, trying to break her neck. Before he can succeed, though, the Field Marshall arrives. The Marschallin rushes to her husband, telling him that Octavian has raped her and is now trying to murder her. The Field Marshall has Octavian dragged outside and executed by firing squad. The Marschallin embraces her husband, but he draws his rapier and stabs her. After tossing her lifeless body on the bed, he exits with his men.
> 
> The little page boy Mohammed enters, finds Sophie's handkerchief, waves it around, and runs off. Curtain.


But... but... you didn't change the ENDING!


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## amfortas (Jun 15, 2011)

AnaMendoza said:


> But... but... you didn't change the ENDING!


Some things just can't be improved upon.


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## myaskovsky2002 (Oct 3, 2010)

rgz said:


> During the last act of Nozze, there's yet _another_ mixup, and the Count actually *is* romancing Susannah and Figaro is singing of love to the Countess. Turns out, everyone is happy with this arrangement and they agree to swap spouses.


LOL That makes sense.

Martin


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## myaskovsky2002 (Oct 3, 2010)

rgz said:


> After Salome gets Jochannan's head and starts to sing her triumph, a noise is heard from down in the cistern. Sound gets louder and it's revealed that Jochannan has become a zombie and has clambered his way up to Salome to take revenge on her, while his severed head sings a vehement vengeance aria. After Salome has been brutally murdered, she too revives as a zombie and the undead couple lives happily ever after.


It is different indeed.

Martin, not fancy about zombies


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## myaskovsky2002 (Oct 3, 2010)

rgz said:


> In Bluebeard's Castle, the 7th room is revealed to be filled with ponies and Bluebeard and Judith ride them around laughing as the curtain falls.


nice happy ending!

Martin


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## myaskovsky2002 (Oct 3, 2010)

Aida...and his lover are inside the pyramid...Aida becomes Leia (Star wars) and Radames becomes Lucke Skywalker with his famous sword...They cut the pyramid in a half and escape. Amneris is reallly Loise Lane who's in love with Radamès (Luke). Luke cannot decide and thinks about staying with both of them...(he doesn't know that Leia is his sister!) But Loise is jealous...She kills Aida and... Luke says...ok...Now I have no choice. I'll stay with you. They invite many guests to their wedding: Donald duck and of course Daisy. Goofy couldn't make it...But Mickey mouse is the best man...pluto just chew his bone and Daisy is the maid of honour...

End of story.

To be followed...or changed by you


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## Couchie (Dec 9, 2010)

Tristan und Isolde
The music swells to a climax. Tristan and Isolde raise the draught of death to their lips and drink.

Isolde fakes. Tristan foams at the mouth and dies. "That'll teach you!" she yells. Kurwenal cries "You b*tch!" and stabs Isolde. She dies. Brangäne runs and pushes Kurwenal overboard, who bangs his head on the side of the ship on the way down and drowns. Brangäne dons Isolde's tiara and drapes herself in the royal robe.

When the ship docks she presents herself as Isolde, and relates to Marke how Kurwenal tried to put moves on her. He slayed Tristan by accident when Tristan tried to defend her. In his grief he threw himself overboard. Marke gives a monologue twice as long as it needs to be to relate his sorrow at these events, and then marries Brangäne. They live happily ever after.


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## mamascarlatti (Sep 23, 2009)

sospiro said:


> I quite agree.
> 
> If I was Odabella I know who'd I choose & it wouldn't be that wimp Foresto.


It's That Chest, isn't it?


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## rgz (Mar 6, 2010)

Die Zauberflote: Monostatos manages to stab Sarastro for the Queen, who as she sees his agony feels bad and takes him home to heal him. Sarastro realizes that she's not such a bad sort and, further, that he's been a hugely sexist jerk. Opposites attract, as they say, and they marry and share power equally.
Forget alternate endings, that's how it _should_ end. Damn sexist 18th century men.


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## Almaviva (Aug 13, 2010)

amfortas said:


> In the middle of the great _Der Rosenkavalier_ trio, as the Marschallin selflessly relinquishes her young lover so he can be with another . . . she suddenly turns around and says, "Screw this."
> 
> She calls for her retinue of guards, then has Sophie garroted on the spot. A horrified Octavian cries out, "You heartless bitch!" He attacks Marie Therese, trying to break her neck. Before he can succeed, though, the Field Marshall arrives. The Marschallin rushes to her husband, telling him that Octavian has raped her and is now trying to murder her. The Field Marshall has Octavian dragged outside and executed by firing squad. The Marschallin embraces her husband, but he draws his rapier and stabs her. After tossing her lifeless body on the bed, he exits with his men.
> 
> The little page boy Mohammed enters, finds Sophie's handkerchief, waves it around, and runs off. Curtain.


Finally a discerning person put OPERA back in Der Rosenkavalier!:tiphat:

:lol:


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## Sieglinde (Oct 25, 2009)

Brünnhilde, despite Hagen's pleas (who is totally in love with her) marches into the funeral pyre. Loud cracks follow, and when the fire burns down, she stands there unburnt, naked, with three baby dragons! :devil: (I just want some director to do this.)

Lucia and Arthur turn out to be made for each other. They live happily ever after while Edgar goes all emo and STILL stabs himself. Fortunately, Enrico realizes they should make peace and heals him, and they become BFFs.

Renato, Riccardo and Amelia solve everything with a happy threesome.

Turandot cries out Kalaf's name and beheads him with and is all *trollface*. As it turns out, Liu faked her death and now she and Turandot can come out and live together.

Leonora realizes Luna is the man and breaks up with Manrico. Manrico kills them both on their wedding. Azucena can't stop laughing. (Just can't make this one happy...)


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## Almaviva (Aug 13, 2010)

Sieglinde said:


> Brünnhilde, despite Hagen's pleas (who is totally in love with her) marches into the funeral pyre. Loud cracks follow, and when the fire burns down, she stands there unburnt, naked, with three baby dragons! :devil: (I just want some director to do this.)


I'd love to see this, as long as Brünnhilde looked as good as Daenerys.


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## myaskovsky2002 (Oct 3, 2010)

amfortas said:


> Some things just can't be improved upon.


mmm...who spoke about improving??? LOL

Martin


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## Sieglinde (Oct 25, 2009)

Almaviva said:


> I'd love to see this, as long as Brünnhilde looked as good as Daenerys.


Well, surely they could find someone pretty and young who also had the voice... 
Daenerys ftw. That girl is pure badass. If only she'd finally come to Westeros (and kick Daario out).


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## myaskovsky2002 (Oct 3, 2010)

Couchie said:


> Tristan und Isolde
> The music swells to a climax. Tristan and Isolde raise the draught of death to their lips and drink.
> 
> Isolde fakes. Tristan foams at the mouth and dies. "That'll teach you!" she yells. Kurwenal cries "You b*tch!" and stabs Isolde. She dies. Brangäne runs and pushes Kurwenal overboard, who bangs his head on the side of the ship on the way down and drowns. Brangäne dons Isolde's tiara and drapes herself in the royal robe.
> ...


We have urgently to change the title then...Marke und Brangäne...

Martin und mein hunde


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## Almaviva (Aug 13, 2010)

Sieglinde said:


> If only she'd finally come to Westeros (and kick Daario out).


 She will, she will. We're still two books out before the end, and of course she'll come to Westeros. I mean, I just hope Martin doesn't die before he writes it, since he's been slow lately.


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## myaskovsky2002 (Oct 3, 2010)

Almaviva said:


> She will, she will. We're still two books out before the end, and of course she'll come to Westeros. I mean, I just hope Martin doesn't die before he writes it, since he's been slow lately.


It doesn't/didn't take too much to get me lost...

I can't find a smiley....

Martin, crying


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## MAuer (Feb 6, 2011)

_La Clemenza di Tito_

When Vitelia confesses her role in the plot against Tito's life, the Emperor loses it. This is just one betrayal too many. The !*@!! with that clemency crap; he orders both Sesto and Vitelia to be thrown to the beasts. When Servilia and Annio protest, he orders them to be tossed to the beasts as well. At this point, he also realizes that breaking up with Berenice was a big mistake and he wants to send Publio to find her. Berenice then steps forward from the crowd of spectators and announces that she'd never really left Rome, but remained out of love and fidelity to Tito. Tito sings "Berenice, perdono," and the opera ends with the citizens of Rome rejoicing at the reconciliation of Tito and Berenice.


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## Almaviva (Aug 13, 2010)

myaskovsky2002 said:


> It doesn't/didn't take too much to get me lost...
> 
> I can't find a smiley....
> 
> Martin, crying


It's a different Martin...
George R. R. Martin, a writer of sci-fi and fantasy novels.
Sorry mate... I didn't want to cause any distress.


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## myaskovsky2002 (Oct 3, 2010)

I'm watching Thais (Renée Fleming) that I legally bought...LOL

But my Thais is different, she became a dancer at Folies-Bergères and a hooker...God punished her but she doesn't mind, she became Obama's lover...the president of the more powwwwwwwwwwwwwerful country in the world...(as they think)...And who's not afraid of USA? Even God. (I ask God for forgiveness for my very bad joke)

Martin


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## MAnna (Sep 19, 2011)

Werther has sent a message to Albert requesting to borrow his pistols, explaining he is going on an extended trip. A servant attempts to deliver the pistols but cannot as Werther must first pass a 7-day background investigation. Charlotte has a terrible premonition and hurries to find Werther. 

At Werther's apartment, Charlotte consoles him by declaring her love. He asks for forgiveness. Outside children are heard singing a Christmas carol. They go out to greet them and Werther is shot by Dick Cheney. After he dies, Charlotte faints.


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## myaskovsky2002 (Oct 3, 2010)

MAnna said:


> Werther has sent a message to Albert requesting to borrow his pistols, explaining he is going on an extended trip. A servant attempts to deliver the pistols but cannot as Werther must first pass a 7-day background investigation. Charlotte has a terrible premonition and hurries to find Werther.
> 
> At Werther's apartment, Charlotte consoles him by declaring her love. He asks for forgiveness. Outside children are heard singing a Christmas carol. They go out to greet them and Werther is shot by Dick Cheney. After he dies, Charlotte faints.


It makes me think about poor Anton Webern.

Martin


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## MAuer (Feb 6, 2011)

MAnna said:


> Werther has sent a message to Albert requesting to borrow his pistols, explaining he is going on an extended trip. A servant attempts to deliver the pistols but cannot as Werther must first pass a 7-day background investigation. Charlotte has a terrible premonition and hurries to find Werther.
> 
> At Werther's apartment, Charlotte consoles him by declaring her love. He asks for forgiveness. Outside children are heard singing a Christmas carol. They go out to greet them and Werther is shot by Dick Cheney. After he dies, Charlotte faints.


Oh Lord, the Dick Cheney hunting incident! :lol:


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## myaskovsky2002 (Oct 3, 2010)

*Karmen*. a challenge.

When Almodovar saw Carmen (Bizet) he decided to make a mix of this opera and *Talk to her*...The same elements are there...Bulls, love, sex and more love...Please...I need the ending of this new Karmen....

At your keyboards!

Martin, curious


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## SpleenyRobert (Sep 28, 2011)

Carmen (alternate ending)

The city of Seville is deserted, all are at the arena watching the bullfight; all except one man, Don Jose, walking the streets, mourning for his lost love, Carmen. "Where are you, Carmen, my little flower? We could have had a perfect romance!"

He hears a woman humming in the tavern. Walking through the door, he discovers that it is she, Carmen, fiddling her long raven tresses before a mirror, trying to decide which side a scarlet flower would be prettier.

"You do love me, I knew it! You weren't even at the arena."

"Actually, I was; I just left early to get a better chance to meet Escamillo after the bullfight here, he's got some nice moves."

"What? You are my woman, Carmen; and as such, I demand your total obedience!"

"So you want to be a bully," said Carmen as she unlatched her cape and swirled it around her, shaking it with both hands before him. "Alright, you are my bull then. Toro, toro..."

He lunged at her while she stepped aside with an "Ole!" as he crashed into chairs and tables. The crowd in the arena cheered at that exact moment.

"Is my poor Don Toro hurt? I'm so sorry. I will give you another chance to put me in my place. Toro, toro..."

Again he charged, only to break more chairs, as her triumphant "Ole!" again met with the distant crowd's cheers.

As she positioned herself before an open window, she entreated, "Maybe a third time will be the charm; after all, you must not let a little girl make a monkey out of such a strong bull."

As he fell halfway through the window, she slammed it shut at his waist. As she picked up a broken chair's seat and asked, "Now who do you think is the master, man or woman?"

"I am your lord and master, Carmen!" The loud clap of its seat meeting his seat was met by the clapping of the arena.

[Carmen, to the audience, "They never learn, do they?"]

"I'm getting bored with you, Don Jose," said Carmen as she opened the window all the way and gave him one more good spank, which sent him all the way into the street. "Go home and beg Micaela to take you back; on your knees, if needs be. If you're lucky, she will allow you to obey her, since you really need a woman to tell you what to do."

Picking up the flower again, she still can't decide which side is best; but in the mirror she sees Don Jose coming back, this time with a knife. She steps aside, but with one foot out to trip him. He falls on his own knife, dead. "Tsk, tsk; little boys shouldn't play with knives."

*

The great toreador Escamillo enters the tavern alone. He walks over Don Jose's body with a shrug and demands the best drink in the house.

Carmen speaks. "I've been a fan of yours for some time."

"Of course, like everybody else, and who could blame them; but Gypsy, I'm waiting for that drink."

"You don't understand, I don't work here; the owner, and the rest of the town too, should be here soon. I just thought we could get to know each other over a drink."

"Me? The great Escamillo? With a dirty Gypsy? Is that a feeble attempt at humor? Now get me that drink!"

Carmen brings a bottle and a glass to him.

Grabbing her by her hair, he jerks her close to him, saying, "If I want you, I will take you. Understand, Gypsy bitch?"

"Yeah," as she knees him in the groin, "racist pig!" While he is doubled over, she crashes the bottle over his head. He falls, dead at her feet.

"The law will never give me a break," as she put Don Jose's knife in Escamillo's hand and put the top of the bottle in Jose's hand. "What's the score? Carmen: 2, male chauvinists: zip!" she smiled.

*

Suddenly the tavern owner and the rest of the town burst into the room. "This is terrible!" screamed the owner, "I don't care who killed who, I mean, they're just men..."

"Good observation!" Carmen interrupted.

"...but look at my property damage," the owner continued, "someone, I don't care who, but someone has to pay me for all this mess."

The sheriff stepped forward and said, "It's her fault."

"Mine?" Carmen asked. "I have no control when a couple of stupid men want to fight over me."

"Yes, you have," said the sheriff. "If you didn't look so sexy... come on everybody, doesn't she look sexy? ...then none of this would have happened. You, Carmen, have a responsibility to not look in a way that would drive men wild, the men have no control over their actions; it is you, Carmen, who bares the full responsibility for their actions."

The crowd applauded the speech. Nobody noticed that Carmen took the sheriff's money bag while he was talking.

Magnanimously, she gave the money bag to the tavern owner. "I surrender to the legal judgement of you fine men. This is all I have, I hope it will cover all the damages I caused by my clothing."

The owner looked inside the bag and was astounded by the amount. The sheriff was taking bribes, so of course, it was impressive. "Thank you Carmen, you are a true lady; in fact, it is more than enough. Here, take this gold coin back." He tossed the coin at her and she caught it, safely tucking it in the top of her low-cut dress.

"Thanks," she winked.

*

"Not so fast," the sheriff blocked Carmen when she attempted to leave. "Even though you may have paid your debt to the tavern owner, you are still a threat to society, Carmen. It is my duty, my sworn duty, to these citizens of fair Seville to lock you up, you wicked woman, because you will never change. Under my leadership there will never be a threat to law, order, and good old-fashioned values."

The crowd applauded again. You have to understand that it was election year in Seville and the sheriff was always making speeches. This time Carmen took his jail keys while he was talking. In those days, the keys were large, with a large open space to fit on the key ring; so large that each of Carmen's fingers could fit into a key, similar to brass knuckles. After he dragged her off to jail, he said, "Before I lock you up, I must take your valuables for safe keeping. Now I want that gold coin you put in your dress. Do I have to get it myself?" he smirked.

"Didn't your mother teach you to respect a lady?"

"Yes, but you, Carmen, are no la..."

A strong right hook ended that conversation. She unlocked a cell and dragged him in. "A girl needs some protection in a town like Seville," she thought out loud. "This is what I need!" She stripped his gun belt, with its perfectly balanced pearl-handled six gun, from him and put it on herself. "A bit rakish, but I like it. I must not forget the First Commandment of Fashion: ACCESSORIZE! Now what would look good with this gun? I know, this!" She took his badge and pinned it on her dress. "We girls like shiny things!" she laughed. "Don't feel so bad, sheriff," she matronizingly bestowed a kiss on his beaten brow, "everyone knows which gender has all the brains." After locking him up, she decided it would be wisest to take the keys. "Let him call the locksmith, then all the girls in town will get a laugh."

As Carmen departed Seville, there was a deep baritone shouting, "Help me, anyone!" from the jail and then a chorus of soprano giggles.


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## myaskovsky2002 (Oct 3, 2010)

Really impressive finale! LOL

But for Carmen, I had another ending in mind...Let's call it Carmen III (yours being Carmen II)

Don Jose is dead the way you "kill" him and Escamillo has a little problem...His problem is his little...When he sleeps with Carmen she laughs at his... Angry, Escamillo decided to open among his spams those offering to increase...He takes a double dose and Carmen tells him that his...is rather too big now. "No way! I am not an elephant", Escamillo is desperate now, we cannot go backwards. "le mal est fait" and decided to go with a hooker...she won't complaint, he says...Meanwhile, Carmen is laughing frantically...and I believe that is when the curtain falls.


:tiphat:

Martin


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## Almaviva (Aug 13, 2010)

SpleenyRobert said:


> Carmen (alternate ending)
> 
> The city of Seville is deserted, all are at the arena watching the bullfight; all except one man, Don Jose, walking the streets, mourning for his lost love, Carmen. "Where are you, Carmen, my little flower? We could have had a perfect romance!"
> 
> ...


I think your Carmen is more like _La Fanciulla di Siviglia_


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## myaskovsky2002 (Oct 3, 2010)

Almaviva said:


> I think your Carmen is more like _La Fanciulla di Siviglia_


Awesome. I can't stop laughing! Super LOL

Martin


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## SpleenyRobert (Sep 28, 2011)

That's cool, mind if I take it for a title? I usually write formal verse, occassionaly free verse, but rarely straight prose. I'm thinking about putting it up on the prose page at Eratosphere. I've only seen Fanciulla when the Met broadcasted it on PBS. There's limited opera in Vegas. Two opera companies, but taken together there's only one production in about 3 years. The university mounts one every year, often pretty good. The Vanda Series, mostly orchestral and chamber music, brings ballet and opera companies here in alternating years. Other than that, it's broadcast or buying tapes and DVDs (I buy a lot of Handel and Monteverdi).


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## Almaviva (Aug 13, 2010)

Sure, go ahead, but it would be nice if you gave us credit, saying on a foot note "title suggested by a Talk Classical Opera Forum member," maybe this will attract more Google hits and more members for us - it could function as some publicity.


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## Ice Dragon (Jun 20, 2018)

These are funny! Here are my efforts:

L'Orfeo
Orpheus doesn't look behind him.

Carmen 
After being rejected in Act IV, Don Jose says, "Screw you, Carmen!" and goes back to Micaela, who forgives him, and they marry. Having been dishonorably discharged from the army, Jose realises his true calling as a singer and playwright, and writes a revenge fantasy opera in which he murders Carmen. 

La Cenerentola
Turns it that the groom disguised as the Prince really is the Prince. Clorinda marries him, Tisbe becomes his mistress, the father becomes the wine steward, and they all continue to torment Angelina in her new life as a groom's wife. After several years of further abuse, Angelina finally snaps and poisons the wine, killing her father, sisters, and the royal family. She and her husband skip town and are never heard from again. 

Les Troyens 
Someone actually listens to Cassandra and burns the Trojan horse. 

Madama Butterfly
Cio-Cio realises what a jerk Pinkerton is, accepts Prince Yamadori's marriage offer, and has a reasonably happy life. When Pinkerton returns to try to get his son, she tells him to get lost.

Fidelio 
When Leonora steps between her husband and Pizarro, Pizarro shoots her; the bullet goes through them both and they die together in the dungeon after singing a ten-minute love duet.

Die Walkure 
Upon discovering that they're twins, Siegmund and Sieglinde immediately fall out of love with each other, and after pulling the sword from the tree, Siegmund sleeps by the fire. Without the incestuous adultery, Fricka has no reason to oppose Brunnhilde aiding him. Siegmund kills Hunding in the fight, freeing Sieglinde from her abusive marriage and allowing her to pursue her calling as a wandering herbalist. Siegmund then goes after Fafner. Unfortunately, he's barbequed by the dragon, leading Wotan to rethink his plans. The third opera is renamed "Sieglinde" and deals with her path to becoming the hero. She defeats Fafner by trickery, reclaims Nothung, tosses the ring back into the Rhine, keeps the Tarnhelm because who wouldn't want a shapeshifting/invisibility/teleportation helmet, and resumes her peripatetic lifestyle as an herbalist/hero for hire, ending the cycle at three operas. 

Iolanta 
The doctor is not successful in restoring Iolanta's sight, and her father has him killed. Vaudemont is likewise executed, and in her grief, Iolanta throws herself off a cliff. In penance, the king locks himself in his room and starves to death, belting out a huge aria lamenting his poor decisions before dying. 

Robert le Diable
Robert joins his father and becomes Prince of Hell, where he is served by zombie nuns for eternity.

Tannhauser
Wolfram thinks the Venusberg sounds great, and he and Heinrich run to Venus and engage in a threesome. Elisabeth looks down from heaven and thinks, "Why can't I get in on that action?"

Gotterdammerung 
When Siegfried gives Brunnhilde the ring, Alberich's curse is broken: as love was renounced in the name of gold, the curse vanishes when gold is renounced in the name of love. As the two walk along the Rhine river one day, the Rhinemaidens meet them and point out their ring as stolen property. The lovers agree that the ring should be returned to them, and Siegfried vows to forge Brunnhilde a new ring himself. He does so in a riveting scene that rivals the Forging Song in epicness and earwormy-ness. 

Tosca
After Cavaradossi's "E lucevan le stelle" aria, Tosca doesn't show up. Oh, wait...

Das Rheingold
After being rejected by the Rhinemaidens, Alberich says, "Screw you three!" and goes on with his life.


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## Sieglinde (Oct 25, 2009)

*Don Carlo:* Rodrigo wears a goddamn bulletproof vest (no one's gonna notice it under all that brocade and ruffle anyway), fakes his death, then disguises himself as ghostly Carlo Quinto and gets Carlo to safety. Then they run away to Flanders and lead La Résistance and also kiss a lot. Filippo tries to fix his marriage with Elisabetta and stealthily assassinates the Grand Inquisitor.

*Billy Budd:* Vere, instead of making things worse, just claims Claggart had a stroke, everyone quietly agrees "good riddance" and life on board improves a lot. Vere eventually admits his feelings to Billy and they have a beautiful love duet.

*Le nozze di Figaro:* Almaviva does the Standard Baritone Overreaction and starts stabbing people, starting with Cherubino. He then tries to kill Susanna if he can't have her, but thanks to the whole costume switcheroo, accidentally stabs his wife. After the reveal, she dies in his arms (but not before a long, tearful duet). Then he sings an aria, stabs himself halfway through, and sings for several more minutes before he dies. Figaro and Susanna realize they all somehow ended up in a Verdi opera. (Still a better ending than the sequel we don't talk about.)

*La forza del destino:* Carlo and Alvaro give in to that UST and have angry sex instead of fighting. They realize this is exactly what they need and stay together. Eventually they find Leonora. There is some tension because Carlo and her both want Alvaro but they eventually decide they can share him. He gets Sundays off.


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## Jemarchesurtousleschemins (Apr 3, 2017)

waldvogel said:


> *Un Ballo in Maschera*:
> 
> The page tells Renato that the King will be dressed in a black mask. Renato sees sixteen people at the ball all wearing a black mask, calculates his odds, and stabs Count Horn to death. The curtain ends with the arrest of Renato, while the King and Amelia make plans for tomorrow evening...


Sixteen people.  Renato, dude, if you're trying to kill someone, you might want to do it when and only when you actually are 100% sure you're killing the right person.

Also:
"E tu ricevi il MIO!" *stabs Horn*
"DUDE I THOUGHT WE WERE KILLING GUSTAVO!"
"Oh, you're not Gustavo...well, sorry. This is problematic. I was not given a good description."


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## Jemarchesurtousleschemins (Apr 3, 2017)

Also will add a few of my own:

_Don Carlo:_ (AKA the ULTIMATE "needs a happy ending" opera)
Don Carlo and Rodrigo run off to Flanders together, liberate Flanders, and get married (oh come on, they are a GREAT couple). Elisabetta releases Eboli from the "convent or exile" deal and they team up and become an unstoppable duo of warrior princesses who kill the Grand Inquisitor, overthrow Filippo (I do feel bad for him, but he just needs to work out his problems without the added stress of ruling), abolish the Spanish Inquisition, and make Spain the single most forward-thinking, fiercest country in the world (and of course, Flanders is their closest ally and a close second in terms of general awesomeness).

_Eugene Onegin:_ (another VERY BIG "needs a happy ending" opera)
The duel never happens, Onegin acknowledges his feelings for Tatyana, they get married. Lensky is the best man at the wedding and he remains close friends with Onegin and Tatyana. Lensky also finds him another girlfriend and Olga runs off to Paris and becomes very wealthy and famous.

_Die Fledermaus:_ (the only happy-turned-sad as opposed to sad-turned-happy I'll include)
Gabriel believes his wife is having an affair with Alfred, kills both of them, finds out she wasn't, kills himself, still "Revenge of the Bat!", boom! tragic death scene accomplished.

_Les Huguenots_:
Marguerite de Valois manages to clear the air about the Nevers/Valentine situation BEFORE Raoul goes crazy in front of all the French nobles so Valentine and Raoul actually DO get to have a proper wedding ceremony (as opposed to getting married in a cemetery 10 minutes before getting killed off). Someone, I don't even know or care who, shoots the Comte de Saint-Bris before he's able to start the St. Bartholomew's Day Massacre. No massacre, Raoul, Valentine, Marcel, and Nevers all leave Paris and go somewhere with more religious tolerance, Marguerite de Valois hooks up with Urbain, happy ending- done.


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese (Jan 8, 2013)

Jemarchesurtousleschemins said:


> Also will add a few of my own:
> 
> _Don Carlo:_ (AKA the ULTIMATE "needs a happy ending" opera)
> Don Carlo and Rodrigo run off to Flanders together, liberate Flanders, and get married (oh come on, they are a GREAT couple). Elisabetta releases Eboli from the "convent or exile" deal and they team up and become an unstoppable duo of warrior princesses who kill the Grand Inquisitor, overthrow Filippo (I do feel bad for him, but he just needs to work out his problems without the added stress of ruling), abolish the Spanish Inquisition, and make Spain the single most forward-thinking, fiercest country in the world (and of course, Flanders is their closest ally and a close second in terms of general awesomeness).
> ...


Jemarchesurtousleschemins
Congratulations on the longest name in TC


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## Jemarchesurtousleschemins (Apr 3, 2017)

EddieRUKiddingVarese said:


> Jemarchesurtousleschemins
> Congratulations on the longest name in TC


Thank you very much.


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## les24preludes (May 1, 2018)

Die Meistersinger:

Yet another unbelievable plot here - why would a rich gold dealer want to marry his only daughter off to a singer-songwriter, when there are perfectly good lawyers, doctors etc about? 

So after she's been shoehorned into this weirdo arranged marriage and all the hordes of apprentices and cult members have their sing-song and knees-up, Eva comes onstage and delivers her final aria where she pours beer over the heads of the nearest revellers and announces she's off to Ibiza to party with the fast set, and anyway she's LGBT which nobody has yet noticed.


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## Ice Dragon (Jun 20, 2018)

I've got a few more:

La Fanciulla del West
Rance discovers Minnie cheating at cards and shoots her in the head. He then arrests Johnson, who's hanged for his crimes. 

Tosca (take two)
In Act I, Mario realises how unreasonably jealous Tosca is and dumps her. A short time later, she meets a soldier who's still smarting after being dumped by a gypsy for a toreador. Tosca and Don Jose hit it off and are happily jealous together.

Pelleas et Melisande
Golaud gets sick of Melisande's mysteriousness and divorces her. Before Pelleas and her can marry, a woman shows up with the whole story: Melisande is a con artist who pretends amnesia and mysteriousness to ensnare wealthy husbands. The king orders her to fish her crown, which is just a theatre prop, out of the pond, and she is paraded around the city while the public jeer. She's then banished from the kingdom, and comes upon a other town where she decides to try the same ruse again.

Tristan und Isolde
When Tristan offers Isolde his sword, she takes it and cuts off his head. She then sails the ship into the rocks, killing herself.

The Love for Three Oranges
The prince, getting hungry in the desert, eats the oranges. He's then indicted in charges of cannibalism.

La Gioconda
After Gioconda tells that Laura is still alive, the couple are so happy that they invite Gioconda to take part in a menage a trois, and the three have a happy polyamorous relationship.


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## superhorn (Mar 23, 2010)

Bizet was planning a sequel to Carmen shortly before he died . In the new opera, Don Jose is arrested by the police and interrogated brutally , with considerable beatings and torture . 
So he files a lawsuit against them because he was not read his rights when they arrested him . 
The sequel was to be called "Carmen Miranda ".


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## elgar's ghost (Aug 8, 2010)

Sid James said:


> It'd be good to see* Wozzeck* get revenge at the end of that opera, maybe bump off his tormentors, the captain & the doctor.


I would have thought Wozzeck would have wanted to kill the Drum Major more than anyone - not only did the latter seduce his woman but he also beat Wozzeck up in front of his comrades in the barrack-room.


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## Sieglinde (Oct 25, 2009)

Simon just tells everyone right away that Amelia is his daughter instead of keeping it secret for... reasons? (I never understood this.) Paolo probably still tries to start **** but Fiesco is on to him and yeets him out the window. Everyone can now live happily as a family. 

Trovatore: Leonora rethinks her life choices and dumps her boring tenor, then actually hits it off with di Luna (he's nearly always hotter and has better music anyway).


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## Ice Dragon (Jun 20, 2018)

I came up with a few more.

Meistersinger
Beckmesser's sordid take on Walther's poem is seen as brilliant and he wins the contest. Eva refuses to marry him and decides to join a convent. Severely depressed, Walther commits suicide outside Eva's window. Meanwhile, Beckmesser sets the poem to better music, commissions the inventions of several new instruments, and invents heavy metal several decades early. 

Falstaff
Upon seeing everyone in disguise as elves and fairies, the terrified Falstaff has a heart attack and dies.

Ariadne auf Naxos 
During the double performance, the composer, angry at the fusion of his opera and comic dancing, reappears and shoots everyone in the burlesque group. 

Peter Grimes 
After Grimes' death, his ghost creates a hurricane, which wipes out everyone in his community except his fiancee. 

Werther
Werther realizes how boring Charlotte is and gives up on her. He goes to the ball and hits it off with the much more interesting Sophie. They marry and have happy lives, which Charlotte, stuck in a boring marriage with Albert, envies. Trying to spice up her life, Charlotte asks him to have an affair with her, which he refuses. In an effort to gain his sympathy, she threatens to shoot herself, which fails because the pistol wasn't loaded. Disgusted with her, Werther leaves the house. Charlotte puts the pistols away, not knowing that the other one was loaded: it goes off and severs her spine, leaving her an invalid.

L'elisir d'amore
Shortly after their marriage, Adina, who has shown herself able to quickly and easily transfer her affections to other men, has a fling with Dulcamara. Nemorino, realizing that she only married him for his money, shoots her, then skips town and joins the army anyway.


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