# Classical music and the toilet



## Klassik

So I came across this article discussing a newly renovated "posh" public restroom in New York that plays classical music. They don't say what kind of classical music they play, but raises some interesting questions. If you could play classical music in your bathroom, what movements would you choose for your bowel movements? What would you not want to hear? Does anyone here actually listen to classical music while on toilet? Will the use of classical music in restrooms help send classical music down the tubes and constipate the market for classical music or will it be the start of a classical music revival?


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## Bulldog

My dad never listened to music while on the toilet, but he did read musical scores. Personally, I enjoy reading Gramophone on the toilet.


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## SixFootScowl

Many of the public rest rooms I have visited play exclusively Cage 4'33"


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## Vaneyes

A Tuba Concerto would be nice.

http://www.townandcountrymag.com/leisure/a9576392/new-york-city-fancy-bathroom/


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## Vaneyes

Bulldog said:


> My dad never listened to music while on the toilet, but he did read musical scores. *Personally, I enjoy reading Gramophone on the toilet.*


And if there's no toilet paper....


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## Totenfeier

Florestan said:


> Many of the public rest rooms I have visited play exclusively Cage 4'33"


And in so doing ("heh-heh...he said doo-ing...heh-heh"), they expand his unique artistic vision to include senses beyond mere hearing.


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## senza sordino

If you're in Vienna, you could "attend" a performance in the opera toilet.


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## Judith

My toilet roll holder is also a radio so I listen to Classic FM!


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## Bulldog

Vaneyes said:


> And if there's no toilet paper....


I assume that everyone pays attention to the paper supply before taking the seat. If not, you will have a major problem.


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## Merl

McDonalds in Glasgow plays classical music nearl yall the time. They were playing Schubert's 3rd when I was in there last Friday.


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## hpowders

Chopin's Minute Waltz. It would help me go when my prostate says "no go" and someone is knocking on my stall door, so I could simply say, "Be out in a minute!!!"


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## Totenfeier

Merl said:


> McDonalds in Glasgow plays classical music nearl yall the time. They were playing Schubert's 3rd when I was in there last Friday.


My ancestors hail from the "auld country" (aye fer Rabbie Burns!), so seeing "McDonalds in Glasgow" in print makes me sad. On behalf of all enlightened Yanks, I am so, so sorry.


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## TxllxT

The new ferry to Texel features sounds from the sea in the toilet-rooms. Very appropriately the seagulls always happen to scream when I become productive... it feels a bit scary as if one's toilet's door gets attacked like in Hitchcock's 'Birds'. But back on track: the only toilet tune I find sitting well is Beethoven's entry of the fifth: ...


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## Klassik

So it seems that someone makes a toilet mat that can be played like a piano while you take care of business. Personally, I'll wait for the harpsichord version. https://www.amazon.com/BigMouth-Inc-Potty-Piano-Hilarious/dp/B00SUZ181C

For some reason Amazon lists that under the doll accessories department. 



Merl said:


> McDonalds in Glasgow plays classical music nearl yall the time. They were playing Schubert's 3rd when I was in there last Friday.


Did you stay and listen to the whole thing? I think you would have to! How were the acoustics?



Judith said:


> My toilet roll holder is also a radio so I listen to Classic FM!


Wow, talk about a diehard classical music fan!


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## Bulldog

Totenfeier said:


> My ancestors hail from the "auld country" (aye fer Rabbie Burns!), so seeing "McDonalds in Glasgow" in print makes me sad. On behalf of all enlightened Yanks, I am so, so sorry.


McDonalds is all over Europe. Could it be that Europeans love McDonalds? When I was in Basel, the local McDonalds was very crowded, but the prices were sky-high. It's not surprising the street sweepers make about $60,000 a year.


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## Klassik

Bulldog said:


> McDonalds is all over Europe. Could it be that Europeans love McDonalds? When I was in Basel, the local McDonalds was very crowded, but the prices were sky-high. It's not surprising the street sweepers make about $60,000 a year.


I once ate at a McDonald's in Nice, France, which overlooked the Mediterranean beaches. Very nice! I believe the reason why I ate there was because of the free, clean toilets of all things! I can't remember if there was classical music there though.

The real question is if the prostitutes in Europe demand payment in McDonald's Chicken McNuggets like the ones in Florida (Manatee County of all places!) do according to this recent story: http://www.chron.com/crime/article/Florida-women-offers-sex-act-in-exchange-for-11106176.php


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## Merl

Must admit to being impressed with the sound in Glasgow McDonald's. I couldn't tell you the conductor but it sounded mighty fine as I tucked into a Big Mac. Last week it was definitely Chaillys Beethoven 7. I'd know that anywhere.


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese

The Roadside public toilet in the small town of Nhill Australia (where Nihilists live) - Halfway b/n Adelaide and Melbourne plays 24/7 classical music to prevent graffiti.............. go figure

Ps Nhill  is an Australian Aboriginal word believed to be mean "white mist rising from the water" very adapt

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nhill


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## Klassik

EddieRUKiddingVarese said:


> The Roadside public toilet in the small town of Nhill Australia (where Nihilists live) - Halfway b/n Adelaide and Melbourne plays 24/7 classical music to prevent graffiti.............. go figure
> 
> Ps Nhill  is an Australian Aboriginal word believed to be mean "white mist rising from the water" very adapt
> 
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nhill


The highlight from that Wikipedia article: "The indigenous cricketer Dick-a-Dick was born near Nhill about 1834." :lol:

I guess the teenagers hate classical music so much that they run out of there instead of tagging the place up. I wonder if anyone writes their Beethoven number in the stall though. 

Which composer do you think would get the biggest kick out of being played in the bathroom? I think it would have to be Haydn or Mozart. Which one would hate it the most? Beethoven?


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese

Klassik said:


> The highlight from that Wikipedia article: "The indigenous cricketer Dick-a-Dick was born near Nhill about 1834." :lol:
> 
> I guess the teenagers hate classical music so much that they run out of there instead of tagging the place up. I wonder if anyone writes their Beethoven number in the stall though.
> 
> Which composer do you think would get the biggest kick out of being played in the bathroom? I think it would have to be Haydn or Mozart. Which one would hate it the most? Beethoven?


Yeah, Dick a Dick- thought some one would pick that up, good toilet humour hey. He was also a member of the first Australian cricket team to tour England in 1868.

I often stop there for a break on the 8 hour drive from Melb to Adelaide but I am disappointed to report they don't play any Varese but I will have to write my Fav Beethoven No in the stall next time on there - is really weird toilet with no graffiti at all........... its almost like being in church

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick-a-Dick

PS -A replica of Dick-a-Dick's club is held at the Lord's Cricket Ground museum


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## Klassik

EddieRUKiddingVarese said:


> PS -A replica of Dick-a-Dick's club is held at the Lord's Cricket Ground museum


Ah, man, this is too much! :clap: It sounds like he belongs in a Hall of Fame along with American baseball greats Dick Pole, Rusty Kuntz, and NASCAR driver Dick Trickle. :lol:


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## Bettina

Max Reger wrote to a music critic who had given him a negative review: "I am in the smallest room of the house. I have your review in front of me. Soon it will be behind me."


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## hpowders

Bettina said:


> Max Reger wrote to a music critic who had given him a negative review: "I am in the smallest room of the house. I have your review in front of me. Soon it will be behind me."


I wonder if he wrote that in Flushing, New York. I actually used to live there.


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## Totenfeier

Bulldog said:


> McDonalds is all over Europe. Could it be that Europeans love McDonalds? When I was in Basel, the local McDonalds was very crowded, but the prices were sky-high. It's not surprising the street sweepers make about $60,000 a year.


Yes, I know. I'm just bitter, because McDonalds and the topic of this thread have sometimes come together uncomfortably, in my experience. I mean, Scotland gave the world Scotch, and we gave the world the Big Mac and Donald Trump, not that there's any discernible difference between the two. What? This is the toilet thread, right?


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## elgar's ghost

I prefer not to listen to music while on the lavatory - I'm too busy with my own movement.


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## Marinera

I imagine Mozart would've found this topic fascinating.


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## Tristan

There's nothing like relieving oneself to the sounds of Shostakovich's 7th  

In all seriousness, I prefer classical music to unwind, not to unload. :lol: I'm more of a phone-games-on-the-toilet person. I don't think I'd want to hear classical music in that setting. I'm picky about how I listen to it. I want a quiet comfortable room or a grand symphony hall, hence why I won't listen to it on the train...or in the bathroom. lol


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## Pugg

Besides the "Did/ do you fantasies about you favorite artist", this is the weirdest topic.


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## Dr Johnson




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## Pugg

Dr Johnson said:


>


I get a very strange thoughts about this picture.
( not for publication)


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese

Pugg said:


> I get a very strange thoughts about this picture.
> ( not for publication)


Hopefully nothing to do with Dick-a-Dick


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## Klassik

Dr Johnson said:


>


What were they thinking? That's way too small of a target for men to pee into. Perhaps they should have used timpanis instead. Of course, you could give me one of those jumbo trough urinals that the Astrodome had back in the day and I'd still be off target. 



hpowders said:


> I wonder if he wrote that in Flushing, New York. I actually used to live there.


Speaking of jumbo toilets, did you live near Shea Stadium?


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## Vaneyes

Bulldog said:


> I assume that everyone pays attention to the paper supply before taking the seat. If not, you will have a major problem.


Bidets in Europe. They're good for tired feet, too.


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## Vaneyes

Never a shortage of creative thinkers.


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## hpowders

Vaneyes said:


> Never a shortage of creative thinkers.


I called my local Apple Store. The guys at the Genius Bar never heard of it....the iPoop. Maybe, next year?


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## Vaneyes

hpowders said:


> I called my local Apple Store. The guys at the Genius Bar never heard of it....the iPoop. Maybe, next year?


My wife can relate, after dropping two iPhones in crappers.


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## Klassik

Is anyone here into HIP - historically informed pooping? I guess that would be squatting. If so, do you prefer modern instruments or historical ones (a shovel to dig a hole in the ground)?


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## Klassik

Vaneyes said:


> My wife can relate, after dropping two iPhones in crappers.


I suppose it's a good thing that nobody has said that they use their CDs while on the toilet. That means I can continue to buy used CDs. That said, remind me to never buy a used phone from Tristan or Vaneyes' wife! Is it really a thing to use the phone while on the toilet? Do people actually make calls while taking care of business?


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## hpowders

I will no longer buy used iPods and used CDs from anyone named Charmin or Scott.


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## hpowders

Klassik said:


> What were they thinking? That's way too small of a target for men to pee into. Perhaps they should have used timpanis instead. Of course, you could give me one of those jumbo trough urinals that the Astrodome had back in the day and I'd still be off target.
> 
> Speaking of jumbo toilets, did you live near Shea Stadium?


Yes. I was 2 subway stops away from Shea Stadium. I haven't been back to see the new stadium.

Yes. I was a Mets fan. Hated the Yankees. Still do!


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## Klassik

hpowders said:


> Yes. I was a Mets fan. Hated the Yankees. Still do!


Giants or Jets? Go Big Blue! Both had a history at Shea, but certainly the Jets were there much longer.

So here is a high tech Japanese toilet that has multiple classical music options to choose from. Out of the options presented in the video, which would you pick for your "flushtone?" I'd have to go with Mozart's Marriage of Figaro Overture of course!


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## hpowders

Klassik said:


> Giants or Jets? Go Big Blue! Both had a history at Shea, but certainly the Jets were there much longer.
> 
> So here is a high tech Japanese toilet that has multiple classical music options to choose from. Out of the options presented in the video, which would you pick for your "flushtone?" I'd have to go with Mozart's Marriage of Figaro Overture of course!


I like the Giants. But now I'm living in Tampa, so it's the Bucs, the Rays and the Lightning.


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## hpowders

I ordered that toilet. I hope the color matches. I've been burned before, ordering useful appliances from the internet.


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## Bettina

I wonder if any composers have incorporated flushing sounds into their works. I think it would work pretty well. Someone should compose a Concerto for Toilet and Orchestra. Better yet, let's call it Concerto No. 2 for Toilet and Orchestra.


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## Klassik

Bettina said:


> I wonder if any composers have incorporated flushing sounds into their works. I think it would work pretty well. Someone should compose a Concerto for Toilet and Orchestra. Better yet, let's call it Concerto No. 2 for Toilet and Orchestra.


No. 2, of course! :lol:

But the real question would be if the toilet is considered a noble instrument or not!


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## hpowders

Bettina said:


> I wonder if any composers have incorporated flushing sounds into their works. I think it would work pretty well. Someone should compose a Concerto for Toilet and Orchestra. Better yet, let's call it Concerto No. 2 for Toilet and Orchestra.


Yes! Good idea!! Once it's published, we can then an*l-ize it on TC!!


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## hpowders

I just hope when this important Toilet Concerto No. 2 is finally composted, that there is no competitive manure-vering among TC com-posters. That would really stink!!


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## TxllxT

hpowders said:


> I just hope when this important Toilet Concerto No. 2 is finally composted, that there is no competitive manure-vering among TC com-posters. That would really stink!!


Is this Freudian magic: to *compost *Toilet Concerto No.2? Nowadays so much is being composted...


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## hpowders

Marinera said:


> I imagine Mozart would've found this topic fascinating.


Assuming he could read English....


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## Pugg

EddieRUKiddingVarese said:


> Hopefully nothing to do with Dick-a-Dick


Not even cheek to cheek.


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## Klassik

hpowders said:


> Assuming he could read English....


Supposedly Mozart did know some English words. It wouldn't be too surprising if Mozart began his English lessons by starting with the vulgarities!

I wonder how many people have their own separate Wikipedia entry about their toilet humor: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mozart_and_scatology


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## Judith

Just think about it! Composers went to the toilet same way as we do! Well not quite same as they probably didn't have flushing toilets!!!!!


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese

Judith said:


> Just think about it! Composers went to the toilet same way as we do! Well not quite same as they probably didn't have flushing toilets!!!!!


Yeah John hadn't invented them yet


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## hpowders

Klassik said:


> Supposedly Mozart did know some English words. It wouldn't be too surprising if Mozart began his English lessons by starting with the vulgarities!
> 
> I wonder how many people have their own separate Wikipedia entry about their toilet humor: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mozart_and_scatology


I believe Mozart's first English lesson began, "do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, ti, do."

I believe his teacher was Sol Fége.

"Speaking of "do", that will be 6 silver Thalers for today please."

No Thalers on hand? "DO" make the check out to cash.


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## Klassik

Judith said:


> Just think about it! Composers went to the toilet same way as we do! Well not quite same as they probably didn't have flushing toilets!!!!!


Some say that they do their best thinking on the toilet. Personally, the shower is where I do my best thinking. But, anyway, I wonder if any of the great classical music "masterpieces" were developed on a toilet.


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## TxllxT

Mad King Ludwig's mobile toilet. Who knows, did the Master ever sit here?










Herrenchiemsee: here they may have bathed together.










Herrenchiemsee: The King's toilet.

King Ludvig II got the first European flushing toilets in his castles, while his subjects still had to perform their duty in the old medieval way. I didn't find any pics of Richard Wagner's bathrooms, but it's my guess that he wished to relax as a king and wouldn't be satisfied with anything less...


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## Klassik

TxllxT said:


>


Now that's a throne!

Speaking of toilets in Flushing, New York, I came across this story today:



> NEW YORK -- A New York City man is on a mission to flush the cremated remains of his lifelong friend -- a plumber -- down ballpark toilets around the country.
> 
> Tom McDonald tells The New York Times that it's a fitting tribute for Roy Riegel.
> 
> The two baseball fans were childhood friends in Queens, not far from -- wait for it -- Flushing Meadows, where the Mets play...


http://www.espn.com/mlb/story/_/id/19294701/friend-flushes-baseball-fan-remains-ballpark-toilets

So who here wants their remains to be flushed down the toilets at various concert halls around the world? Which concert halls would be on your "bucket" list?


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## Judith

When I was young, we had some family friends that lived in a typical Northern England "back-to-back" house. The toilet was outside down the street shared by the other residents. Such a novelty for me to go outside to the toilet! Loved it! I was only about six at the time!


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## Pugg

Judith said:


> When I was young, we had some family friends that lived in a typical Northern England "back-to-back" house. The toilet was outside down the street shared by the other residents. Such a novelty for me to go outside to the toilet! Loved it! I was only about six at the time!


My parents have friends in rural Belgium and they had the same till about 5 years ago.


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## LezLee

Klassik said:


> Ah, man, this is too much! :clap: It sounds like he belongs in a Hall of Fame along with American baseball greats Dick Pole, Rusty Kuntz, and NASCAR driver Dick Trickle. :lol:


On the old Amazon Music Forum we had a silly game thread involving toilet-related renaming such as Sandy Dunny and Loudon Wainwright the Turd. We knew how to amuse ourselves back then :lol:


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## LezLee

Judith said:


> When I was young, we had some family friends that lived in a typical Northern England "back-to-back" house. The toilet was outside down the street shared by the other residents. Such a novelty for me to go outside to the toilet! Loved it! I was only about six at the time!


My husband's family lived in a flat above a shop in Liverpool. They had their own outside toilet but no bathroom or running hot water. His aunt and uncle didn't have electricity until they were rehoused in 1969.


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## Klassik

It's great to see this wonderful thread up at the top of the Community Forum. :clap:



LezLee said:


> On the old Amazon Music Forum we had a silly game thread involving toilet-related renaming such as Sandy Dunny and Loudon Wainwright the Turd. We knew how to amuse ourselves back then :lol:


I'm convinced that Loo-dwig's Irritable Bowel Disease inspired his Symphony No. 5. The opening rest represents Beethoven's expectations for constipation when sitting on his chamber pot, but then fate knocked.  Fortunately for us, he turned that experience into program music for our enjoyment. It certainly wasn't the first case of medically-inspired program music. _The Bladder-Stone Operation_ from Marin Marais is one earlier example.

Some may question this musicology, but it seems more plausible than some of the things I've heard about Loo-dwig.


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese

Zappa on the Cr*ppa


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## Klassik

EddieRUKiddingVarese said:


> View attachment 103660
> 
> 
> Zappa on the Cr*ppa


How there's some album fart...err....art! 

And, on that topic, it's still Mother's Day here in the US. Happy Mother's Day to the mothers! :tiphat:


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## Capeditiea

When i have learned enough on how the violin, viola, and cello sound, i will have a String Quartet that would be simply a pooing session. 
I; The time on the toilet
II: Scherzo: Flushing the Toilet
III: Using the Plunger


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## LezLee

Further to my post about my husband’s uncle’s lack of electricity, I forgot to mention I inherited his gas iron. My sister thought its use would be facilitated by a gas ironing-board......


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## Klassik

Capeditiea said:


> When i have learned enough on how the violin, viola, and cello sound, i will have a String Quartet that would be simply a pooing session.
> I; The time on the toilet
> II: Scherzo: Flushing the Toilet
> III: Using the Plunger


Ah, this must be your String Quartet No. 2, huh? :tiphat:

I should say that I have plunged the toilet using the melody of _The Blue Danube_ waltz. Hey, if you have to plunge, you might as well have some fun with it.  Perhaps I should use atonal plunging next time?


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## Kivimees

I still have a "dry toilet" (outhouse), but there's no classical music there unless I decide to whistle.


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## Klassik

Kivimees said:


> I still have a "dry toilet" (outhouse), but there's no classical music there unless I decide to whistle.


You could always take a John Corigliano score with you to the outhouse for clean-up duty. :lol: Personally, I prefer a Georges Bidet, but they are pretty rare around these parts.


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## Kivimees

I wonder what capital investment I would need to turn my outhouse into this:


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## Klassik

Kivimees said:


> I wonder what capital investment I would need to turn my outhouse into this:
> 
> View attachment 103683


The toilet seems like an appropriate enough place for opera. :lol:


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## LezLee

Kivimees said:


> I wonder what capital investment I would need to turn my outhouse into this:
> 
> View attachment 103683


I see they have a turdstile


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## Kivimees

Klassik said:


> The toilet seems like an appropriate enough place for opera. :lol:


You're much braver than I am.


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## Klassik

Kivimees said:


> You're much braver than I am.


I'm not afraid of opera fans. 

What does a constipated opera fan say when they go to the toilet?

*Götterdämmedung!*


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## Kivimees

Lest any opera fans take offense, the Opera Toilet in Vienna actually serenades its 'clients' with the Blue Danube Waltz. :lol:


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## Klassik

Kivimees said:


> Lest any opera fans take offense, the Opera Toilet in Vienna actually serenades its 'clients' with the Blue Danube Waltz. :lol:


That sounds misleading, but I guess it's a positive in this case. :lol: As I've mentioned before here and elsewhere, I've been known to urinate and plunge the toilet to the Blue Danube waltz. Sometimes we have to spice up everyday activities.


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## Kivimees

Klassik said:


> That sounds misleading, but I guess it's a positive in this case. :lol: As I've mentioned before here and elsewhere, I've been known to urinate and plunge the toilet to the Blue Danube waltz. Sometimes we have to spice up everyday activities.


But would you pay for the privilege?


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## Klassik

Kivimees said:


> But would you pay for the privilege?


Nein .


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## Kivimees

Klassik said:


> Nein .


So one vote 'no' for my capital investment.


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## Kivimees

I have to say that I'm bitterly disappointed. I was hoping to take early retirement by topping my miserable pension with people paying to use my classical music outhouse.


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## Klassik

Kivimees said:


> I have to say that I'm bitterly disappointed. I was hoping to take early retirement by topping my miserable pension with people paying to use my classical music outhouse.


You might be in luck if you skip the opera. Perhaps constipated people will want some Raisin Brahms.


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## Capeditiea

Klassik said:


> You might be in luck if you skip the opera. Perhaps constipated people will want some Raisin Brahms.


:O will they turn into Brahms?


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## Klassik

Capeditiea said:


> :O will they turn into Brahms?


I don't know, Brahms seemed to be more of a sausage kind of guy than a bran type. Perhaps Brahms was horribly constipated. What do the TC musicologists have to say about this? :lol:


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## Capeditiea

Klassik said:


> I don't know, Brahms seemed to be more of a sausage kind of guy than a bran type. Perhaps Brahms was horribly constipated. What do the TC musicologists have to say about this? :lol:


Perhaps Raison Brahms will come in a sausage flavour too... i mean sausage is a popular breakfast food, so why not?


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## Klassik

Capeditiea said:


> Perhaps Raison Brahms will come in a sausage flavour too... i mean sausage is a popular breakfast food, so why not?


Now that I think about it, it is strange that there hasn't been a sausage-flavored cereal that I know of at least. I wonder what this cereal should be called. Brahms' Sausage Logs?


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## Capeditiea

Klassik said:


> Now that I think about it, it is strange that there hasn't been a sausage-flavored cereal that I know of at least. I wonder what this cereal should be called. Brahms' Sausage Logs?


it will also turn the milk brown.


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese

Capeditiea said:


> it will also turn the milk brown.


In Oz we have cereal made out of old Iron Men........... Called Iron Men Food....... its just what we do with old Surfers and the like and any shark attack victims  Keep the blood of the beaches......


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## Capeditiea

EddieRUKiddingVarese said:


> In Oz we have cereal made out of old Iron Men........... Called Iron Men Food....... its just what we do with old Surfers and the like and any shark attack victims  Keep the blood of the beaches......
> 
> View attachment 103694


first huntsman spiders, now this... WHAT THE HELL DIMENSION IS AUSTRALIA IN?


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## StrangeHocusPocus

My my I wonder who would be the best composer of classical music in a toilet context 
I'll go for Carl Czerny or Marcel Poot


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## Klassik

StrangeHocusPocus said:


> My my I wonder who would be the best composer of classical music in a toilet context
> I'll go for Carl Czerny


Czerny, the composer of delightful, but little-known string quartets and piano trios? No way. If you have not listened to his music, you should take the plunge. It won't leave you flush since there's nothing dumpy about it. His toe-tapping piano trios will give your clogs more action than they've seen in a long time.

Czerny's teacher, Beethoven, OTOH, would be a great candidate given his poor aroma and irritable bowl disease. I think we know what his favorite composing chair must have been.


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