# What is important in life?



## Kevin Pearson (Aug 14, 2009)

My dear TC friends and family,

Recent events in my life (my health specifically) have made me question what is really important in my life? I'm 56 years old, which is young by today's standards, and have had some serious health problems in recent years and now again my health is at risk. I don't say that at all to gain sympathy because I want nor need any. What I want is my "experience" in life to be a "gain" to some. I would hope to all but that is unrealistic knowing the human nature.

We are by nature "materialistic" creatures and I, like many of you, have spend my life acquiring and accumulating "things". Why do we do that? Why must we have "things" (vast CD collections, movie collections, fast cool cars, boats whatever) to satisfy us? Even when we acquire that latest "thing" we lusted for did it really satisfy? No! Because if it did we wouldn't be looking for that nest "thing" to add to our collection. Let me say this soberly but that vast CD library you are accumulating is going to mean NOTHING the day you find out you have a terminal illness. I mean NOTHING! What will all you energy you spent in life acquiring these things ultimately mean? Will your children derive ant satisfaction from them?....guess what? NO! They will probably sell them in auction to far less than the real value to pay for the debts you left behind.

Our society places so much value on what we possess but in the end the only thing that will matter is what we have left behind of our character and moral integrity. If we can pass that on to our children then we will have lived a life worth living. You can be the wealthiest man in the world and be the poorest man morally and have touched nobody. Is that how you want to leave this world? Is your accumulation of wealth and material possessions so important? More important that other people who you could have helped and aided? 

Think about it will you? I know many of you here are young and you still have a chance to change your lives to actually mean something. Don't let the only thing said about you at your funeral was that "he loved music and had a damn huge collection". That would be a sad testimony to a life wasted in my opinion.

Kevin


----------



## samurai (Apr 22, 2011)

Kevin, I do hope it is nothing serious. Please let us know how you are doing.


----------



## Head_case (Feb 5, 2010)

Sorry to hear of the turmoil which you're going through with the illness. Illness and life's short time-limited span is hard to think through and easier to fob off by not thinking. I think that's what I did mostly...

Some thoughts. A music collection is personal. When I'm ill, it's a real pleasure to sit at home to listen to music - and be able to change vinyl LP records and CDs  Yes - there's no need to point out that anyone's collection of digital music files will indeed be worthless. I guess most of us will be chuckled out along with the CD collection - the only difference is we'll get burnt into ashes and the CDs mostly are recyclable.

I suppose music is something I appreciate (as is art). However when I'm gone; all one can leave, is one's spiritual trace on others: the sincere heirs aren't interested in the material possessions, big car, big house, small iPhone, the CDs/items to pawn and financial gain. It's more the memory of you; what you were like; specifically - what you were like to be with - memories of someone they loved, who touched their lives. 

Besides, living in the other side of the Atlantic, when I die, I will be wanted - albeit briefly - by our ever conniving government seeking to find new ways to tax the dead, even after a lifetime of paying taxes. Only zombies seem exempt.


----------



## cwarchc (Apr 28, 2012)

Kevin 
I hope your health problems are not too serious.
I've had a couple in the last 2 years. 
It does tend to focus your mind on what "actually" is important in life.
In the west we tend to be pushed into a materialistic way of looking at things.
However if people just stopped running on the "rat race" and thought about things, they would realise that these things are not the "important" things they need.
I re-evaluated my life, after my health scares and look at things differently.
Yes, I still enjoy owning some things, but I'm not driven to have the "best" car, the nicest house, the latest phone, the newest ipad.
My outlook is:
It's the simplest things that matter
Support your children (if you have them) in the pursuit of their dreams (not yours for them)
The only person that stops you doing things is YOU
The only way to learn is to try it
Follow your dreams
Know where you want to go. Set goals - a journey without an endpoint is only a ramble
Make a decision and go for it. You may take detours along the way, who knows where they may lead
Look forward, the past is behind you

Anyway, enough of my babble

Always dance as though nobody is watching


----------



## Crudblud (Dec 29, 2011)

Well, after I'm gone, that's it, so I reckon my life should mean something to *me* before it means something to anyone else, and I'm the only person who can decide if my life is meaningful. The consumption of entertainment products is a worthwhile pursuit from my perspective, I enjoy it and I don't see any reason to stop any time soon. The composition of music, whether or not anyone else takes it seriously, is also a worthwhile pursuit as far as I'm concerned. I'm not planning on having any heirs, and I doubt I would have any anyway, so my music will be my legacy if it survives and if it doesn't then who cares? I won't know, the people who don't know it won't miss it, and if there are people who know it then it has survived - either way I can't complain.

This is clearly a "young" perspective, but I can't see much changing about my life between now and the time that I'm 50, if I live that long. That said, homelessness is a strong possibility.


----------



## jani (Jun 15, 2012)

What''s important in life?
Happiness! 
How do i think that i can achieve that state?
By Having a dream job, and a great family.
With a great job i mean a profession were you are ambitious and get the feeling that you really achieved something/done something great when get something done + having a good paycheck.
For me that means playing/writing music+some teaching.
Music is the only thing where i have ambition. I received a scholarship/stipend on school on the same year as i started to play guitar, because guitar thought me self-discipline etc...
With a great family i mean a great wife who makes me tick Emotionally, intellectually and se*ually ( censored for tc lol)
and well behaving kids etc...
I think that achieving/getting all that is important for me.
I know that its not gonna be easy but i am gonna try/search until i get those things.

Also i hope that you heal fast Kevin.


----------



## Ramako (Apr 28, 2012)

Yes, Kevin, I hope you get well!

I have only a religious perspective on what matters in life. For me, happiness is never alone: in the words of Byron:



> There rose no day, there roll'd no hour
> Of pleasure unembitter'd;
> And not a trapping deck'd my power
> That gall'd not while it glitter'd.


I have always found that the bitterness overwhelms the pleasure. But that is just me.


----------



## Sonata (Aug 7, 2010)

I am sorry to hear that you've had medical problems, and hope things go better for you. What a major life upheaval.

I don't consider my music collection just "things". Certainly there are other material objects in my life that are just there, uneccessary and dont ensure my happiness. However, my music collection does bring my great joy.

As to what matters the most in my life: family. My family is everything to me. I feel satisfaction from my career in medicine often (though sometimes that gets lost in bueracracy, difficulty with insurance companies, certain patients). Taking some time to enjoy nature brings me peace and fullfillment as well. I am an avid hockey fan, but at the end of the day you could take that away and I don't think that would diminish real joy from my life, the way that losing nature, music, my family, or helping patients would,


----------



## pierrot (Mar 26, 2012)

I could say a lot here but nobody cares about my ideologies. But one thing is certain for *everyone*: your life is only valuable if it's have some value to _somebody else._ Until then, you are just wandering aimlessly through the world.


----------



## Tero (Jun 2, 2012)

You come from nothing. You end up as nothing. What have you lost? Nothing! (Monty Python).


----------



## aleazk (Sep 30, 2011)

I think life is a completely meaningless thing. Said that, all the things that we consider "important" in life will be relative to the framework of values that we have. I think it's not convenient to consider just one thing as _the_ important thing in life (e.g., only family and friends are important, or only work and transcendence are important). I consider important the things that make me happy. And since I think that life is a completely meaningless thing, being happy is the best I can do. . I enjoy music, of course, I enjoy physics and philosophy, which I study, and I enjoy my family. I think I would feel empty without any of them. Also, they are complementary, which is the key I think.


----------



## pierrot (Mar 26, 2012)

aleazk said:


> I think life is a completely meaningless thing. Said that, all the things that we consider "important" in life will be relative to the framework of values that we have. I think it's not convenient to consider just one thing as _the_ important thing in life (e.g., only family and friends are important, or only work and transcendence are important). I consider important the things that make me happy. And since I think that life is a completely meaningless thing, being happy is the best I can do. . I enjoy music, of course, I enjoy physics and philosophy, which I study, and I enjoy my family. I think I would feel empty without any of them. Also, they are complementary, which is the key I think.


I. I. I. I. Me. Me. I. I. Me. I. I. I. Me. You need help.


----------



## aleazk (Sep 30, 2011)

pierrot said:


> I. I. I. I. Me. Me. I. I. Me. I. I. I. Me. You need help.


Why?. _I'm_ important for _me_ and my life.


----------



## pierrot (Mar 26, 2012)

aleazk said:


> Why?. _I'm_ important for _me_ and my life.


Let me guess, you think your life is a movie and you are the main character?

Maybe looking for your own happiness could cost the happiness of people around you, think about it.


----------



## aleazk (Sep 30, 2011)

pierrot said:


> Let me guess, you think your life is a movie and you are the main character?
> 
> Maybe looking for your own happiness could cost the happiness of people around you, think about it.


You are extracting things that I never said and based on your prejudice that thinking for one's good is something evil and selfish, which is ridiculous. My happiness also depends on the happiness of my surroundings.


----------



## pierrot (Mar 26, 2012)

aleazk said:


> You are extracting things that I never said and based on your prejudice that thinking for one's good is something evil and selfish, which is ridiculous. My happiness also depends on the happiness of my surroundings.


Whoa.

What I want you to do is to ask yourself this: "Am I able to sacrifice my reputation, my identity and my physical integrity for the sake of somebody else? (i.e: your kids, probably)"


----------



## Ondine (Aug 24, 2012)

Kevin Pearson said:


> My dear TC friends and family,
> 
> Recent events in my life (my health specifically) have made me question what is really important in my life? I'm 56 years old, which is young by today's standards, and have had some serious health problems in recent years and now again my health is at risk. I don't say that at all to gain sympathy because I want nor need any. What I want is my "experience" in life to be a "gain" to some. I would hope to all but that is unrealistic knowing the human nature.
> 
> ...


Thanks for this beautiful reflection Kevin 

As far as I can understand, in my opinion, what is important in this live is to abide within a peaceful mind. That mind will not harm yourself and others and will lead to a better existence for all us. Not being under the torment of hate, greed and confusion.


----------



## Guest (Oct 14, 2012)

pierrot said:


> Whoa.
> 
> What I want you to do is to ask yourself this: "Am I able to sacrifice my reputation, my identity and my physical integrity for the sake of somebody else? (i.e: your kids, probably)"


Well, I can't speak for aleazk, but I'm trying to ask myself your question. I don't understand it, unless you mean (by the bit about physical integrity) would I be willing to suffer physical harm to save my children?

I'm not good on these scenarios. I like to think that I'd do the right thing, but until tested, what can I say?


----------



## Couchie (Dec 9, 2010)

Wagner is important!


----------



## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

I can't say I really know...this is just the stage of life that I'm at.


----------



## moody (Nov 5, 2011)

Couchie said:


> Wagner is important!


I was just waiting for you to appear with that!


----------



## PlaySalieri (Jun 3, 2012)

MacLeod said:


> Well, I can't speak for aleazk, but I'm trying to ask myself your question. I don't understand it, unless you mean (by the bit about physical integrity) would I be willing to suffer physical harm to save my children?
> 
> I'm not good on these scenarios. I like to think that I'd do the right thing, but until tested, what can I say?


Children were at the bottom of the pile of bodies in the german gas chambers.


----------



## Guest (Oct 14, 2012)

stomanek said:


> Children were at the bottom of the pile of bodies in the german gas chambers.


Is this what pierrot was driving at?


----------



## pierrot (Mar 26, 2012)

MacLeod said:


> Well, I can't speak for aleazk, but I'm trying to ask myself your question. I don't understand it, unless you mean (by the bit about physical integrity) would I be willing to suffer physical harm to save my children?
> 
> I'm not good on these scenarios. I like to think that I'd do the right thing, but until tested, what can I say?


Hypothetical scenarios aren't very useful, it has to happen to you, so you can know.


----------



## pierrot (Mar 26, 2012)

The physical integrity part is the easiest part, what is hard is to let go for your own reputation and identity to them. Well, at least in our modern society.


----------



## Sonata (Aug 7, 2010)

Giving up your own identity for your kids? Just about anyone with kids knows that you do that to some extent. I don't really think that part ADDs meaning to your life. It's just side effect. I'm not sure how caring for my kids would potentially harm my reputation.....unless it was, say, me killing someone to defend them. (ie, that would give me the reputation of a killer.) And I'm pretty sure I'd do that. If I had to. And the third, giving my life or putting myself in harm's way to save them? You bet. Without a second thought. I would do that for either one of my kids from the very moment they were born.


----------



## pierrot (Mar 26, 2012)

Sonata said:


> Giving up your own identity for your kids? Just about anyone with kids knows that you do that to some extent. I don't really think that part ADDs meaning to your life. It's just side effect. I'm not sure how caring for my kids would protect my reputation.....unless it was, say, me killing someone to defend them. (ie, that would give me the reputation of a killer.) And I'm pretty sure I'd do that. If I had to. And the third, giving my life or putting myself in harm's way to save them? You bet. Without a second thought. I would do that for either one of my kids from the very moment they were born.


Would be very nice if you don't have to do that, but in the case of reputation is this: sometimes is essential to make your image to the kids to be changed so the kids could stand for themselves:



> Did you see that wonderful melodrama, Stella Dallas with Barbara Stanwyck? She has a daughter who wants to marry into the upper class, but she is an embarrassment to her daughter. So, the mother - on purpose - played an extremely vulgar, promiscuous mother in front of her daughter's lover, so that the daughter could drop her, without guilt. The daughter could be furious with her and marry the rich guy. That's a more difficult sacrifice. It's not "I will make a big sacrifice and remain deep in their heart." No, in making the sacrifice, you risk your reputation itself. Is this an extreme case? No, I think every good parent should do this.
> 
> The true temptation of education is how to raise your child by sacrificing your reputation. It's not my son who should admire me as a role model and so on. I'm not saying you should, to be vulgar, ********** in front of your son in order to appear as an idiot. But, to avoid this trap - the typical pedagogical trap, which is, apparently you want to help your son, but the real goal is to remain the ideal figure for your son - you must sacrifice that.


http://www.lacan.com/zizekillinois.htm


----------



## Guest (Oct 14, 2012)

pierrot said:


> The physical integrity part is the easiest part, what is hard is to let go for your own reputation and identity to them. Well, at least in our modern society.


I'm sorry. I don't get it. What are you alluding to?


----------



## Sonata (Aug 7, 2010)

I guess I feel like we're jumping the shark here....I don't think one needs to destroy their reputation to make life meaningful. Regarding that movie: One could surmise that she ISN'T doing the best thing for her daughter, if her daughter's goal is superficial like being wealthy. I don't see how that makes HER life meaningful OR her daughter's.


----------



## pierrot (Mar 26, 2012)

Sonata said:


> I guess I feel like we're jumping the shark here....I don't think one needs to destroy their reputation to make life meaningful. Regarding that movie: One could surmise that she ISN'T doing the best thing for her daughter, if her daughter's goal is superficial like being wealthy. I don't see how that makes HER life meaningful OR her daughter's.


My very point is this:


> but the real goal is to remain the ideal figure for your son - you must sacrifice that.


Somewhere in the future this *will* be necessary no matter what, and your life doesn't have to be meaningful or whatever, the burden is to do what will make them *go on with their lives*. To make them stand up for themselves, that's what she did. If the daughter will be happy or not it's entirely with her from now on, she's not depending on the mother anymore.


----------



## Crudblud (Dec 29, 2011)

You seem to be under the impression that having kids is some inevitable thing that everyone does whether they want to or not, and that they must live their lives first in preparation for and then in slavery to this idea.


----------



## pierrot (Mar 26, 2012)

Crudblud said:


> You seem to be under the impression that having kids is some inevitable thing that everyone does whether they want to or not, and that they must live their lives first in preparation for and then in slavery to this idea.


After you hit 40+ you only will find yourself able to sleep at night without asking yourself "will I do anything useful with the rest of my life?" if you accomplish something for the next generation, if it's *your* kids, it really doesn't matter, but you have pass something.

Sorry for the late answer.


----------



## Sonata (Aug 7, 2010)

many people have done benefit to the next generation without being parents


----------



## pierrot (Mar 26, 2012)

Yes, that's why I said "next generation", it's not necessarily (your) kids.


----------



## Chi_townPhilly (Apr 21, 2007)

Kevin Pearson said:


> *What is important in life?*
> We are by nature "materialistic" creatures and I, like many of you, have spend my life acquiring and accumulating "things".


An "ecumenical" response:


> Sing we for love and idleness
> Naught else is worth the having
> Though I have been in many a land
> There is naught else in living From _"An Immorality"_, Ezra Pound


Now, I believe in that trite phrase "the dignity of work," if for no other reason than its practitioners are less likely to burden others- AND I don't begrudge honest people their material acquisitions, but I (once again) point out that "consumerism" is a self-inflicted condition- and _things_ don't make people truly happy.

Good luck in your impending times of challenge.


----------



## pierrot (Mar 26, 2012)

> Sing we for love and idleness
> Naught else is worth the having
> Though I have been in many a land
> There is naught else in living From "An Immorality", Ezra Pound


And, of course, saying that humans beings are by nature "materialistic" creatures is not only absurd, but egocentric: applying our western modern *social constructions* to all humans in all cultures in history.



> but I (once again) point out that "consumerism" is a *self-inflicted condition*- and things don't make people truly happy.


Dead on.


----------



## Vaneyes (May 11, 2010)

*The Big 5

*A good lover.
A good golf game.
A good Scotch.
A good hifi system.
A good chile recipe.


----------



## neoshredder (Nov 7, 2011)

Important thing in life is to be a good person. Nothing else matters.


----------



## regressivetransphobe (May 16, 2011)

pierrot said:


> And, of course, saying that humans beings are by nature "materialistic" creatures is not only absurd, but egocentric: applying our western modern *social constructions* to all humans in all cultures in history.
> 
> Dead on.


What culture in human history hasn't had things like power hierarchies and status symbols, though? I'd certainly love to visit them.


----------



## starthrower (Dec 11, 2010)

Kevin, I wish you and your family all the best! I enjoy your posts and your enthusiasm for the music you love. We love and collect things like music and books for the beautiful ideas and sounds they impart. I hope you can find some comfort and solace in the things and people you love during this difficult time.


----------



## Sonata (Aug 7, 2010)

regressivetransphobe said:


> What culture in human history hasn't had things like power hierarchies and status symbols, though? I'd certainly love to visit them.


Not many. But there actually are a scant few aboriginal hunter/gatherer societies and monastery-type cloisters that actually do lack heirarchy of any kind. Don't ask me which ones, I don't recall. It is quite rare though, and always small groups numbering in the dozens or less


----------



## pierrot (Mar 26, 2012)

regressivetransphobe said:


> What culture in human history hasn't had things like power hierarchies and status symbols, though? I'd certainly love to visit them.


10th century vikings marauders would certainly not construct their lives around personal-branding and scientism, I guarantee you.


----------



## graaf (Dec 12, 2009)

What a wonderful and profound topic, and how awkwardly it derailed.

Asking ourselves what is that we want to be said about us at our funeral is one of the most important questions that we can ask ourselves. Unfortunately, we do not ask that question very often. Because we all intrinsically believe we will live forever. As Paul Bowles once said:

Because we don't know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that is so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more, perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.

However, when the time comes to evaluate our lives, next five statements are one of the most often heard:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I remember reading essays by some poet, who once said that it takes a lot of wisdom to grow old without being ugly, bitter and sad. I was young and stupid and I thought "how ridiculous, what is he talking about - that is too easy, the idea is to do something grand with your life". I was too young to understand what he was talking about, and now, although I am not even at the half of my life (hopefully), I already feel how hard it will be to grow old without bitterness, sadness and sense of wasted life. It takes a lot of wisdom and willingness to constantly change, to work with our own sabotaging of ourselves, in order to live life worth living. Rihgt now, I feel that these lyrics define my situation spot on:

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
*And then the one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking*
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but you're older
And shorter of breath and one day closer to death

I really did miss a starting gun, and I do hope there is time for me to catch up with the sun...

One death convict in Alabama said that he thought that he is afraid of death, but he realized that he is in fact afraid of dying before he gets to know himself. I do hope that I get to know myself and, if possible, that I leave someone behind me.

At the end, I just want to say that I do hope things go well for you and that this experience that you're going through will strengthen you and, even more importantly, transform you.

Wish you all the best,
graaf


----------



## Kevin Pearson (Aug 14, 2009)

Thanks to everyone for their replies to my thread. You all have made some interesting contributions and some which are very thought provoking, which was one of my goals in starting the thread to begin with.

I have been recovering at home the last couple of weeks after surgery and reflecting on my life. Initially I had thought I would spend a lot of time listening to music to while away the days of recovery but I found my music almost irritating and grating. I couldn't listen to more than 15 minutes at a time and even then I hardly could get through a piece. I think I was just too physically and emotionally exhausted to enjoy it. I found it more satisfying sitting in quietness and reflection. I started some basic meditation exercises to help me relax, de-stress and re-focus. It has been somewhat helpful. I will likely be returning to work sometime this week. I wish I could stay out another couple of weeks but I don't see how I could afford to nor do I think my doctor would sign papers extending my Family Medical Leave of Absence. 

I am finally starting to enjoy music again but I'm pretty sure that my days of "acquiring" more music to add to my collection are over. With what I own on CD and LP and what I have on my Spotify playlists is already more than I could listen to the rest of my life. With whatever remaining years/months/days God grants me my focus from here on out will be to be more of a blessing to others than a blessing to myself. 

I have more than I need and I have been truly blessed to have been able to enjoy many things and a lot of comfort in my life. My wife and I are looking to possibly relocate and downsize by getting rid of some of the possessions we have acquired. We want to simplify our lifestyle, which will allow us to retire without a lot of financial worries. We've had the American dream and it has left us empty and unfulfilled. I still believe in capitalism and free enterprise though as I hate the idea of state dependency and seeking a free ride and another handout. The idea of being "entitled" to something that you never worked for appalls my sensibilities. It even angers me when I see families come in to the store I work for and buy four cellphone (spending several hundred dollars) and then hand me foodstamps to pay for their groceries!  There's just something wrong and in my opinion even immoral with that picture!

As stated in my first post I do hope that this little topic will make a difference in what people put value on and prioritize in their lives. Life is uncertain and none of us knows what tomorrow may bring. Recently a dear friend of ours died of cancer within two months of her diagnosis. All of us think "it will never happen to me" and we all in some ways (especially when we are young) think we are invincible. But the reality is that life is very fragile and you can be here today and gone the next. You have but one life to live/give. Live it in a sacrificial, just, moral and upright way and you will be able to reflect back in your later years without regrets. Life really is worth living but the highest reward comes from giving and not from taking.

Now that I am recovering I hope to be able for participating more again. Take care my friends and as I am a lifelong Star Trek fan I give you this Vulcan blessing ..."Live long and prosper".

Kevin


----------

