# Viola Jokes—Everyone Share Your Favourites!



## Turangalîla (Jan 29, 2012)

Okay, I'll start:

Q: How many violists does it take to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies?

A: Ten-one to stir the batter and nine to peel the M&Ms. :lol:


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## jani (Jun 15, 2012)

I don't know any viola jokes but here is a great and simple guitar joke.
How many guitarists it takes to change a light bulb?
9,000 Because one changes the bulb and rest of them tell how much better they could have done it.


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## waldvogel (Jul 10, 2011)

This is a variation of a long one that I heard on the radio one day:

A musician played in the last row of the violas in the Fargo, North Dakota Philharmonic. She wasn't happy in her job, to put it mildly. The gig paid so poorly that she had to scrimp on everything. One day she was at a garage sale, looking for a lamp for her apartment. She bought a dirty old brass lamp, took it home, and began to polish it up. Needless to say, a genie appeared and, times being what they are now, granted her a wish. She said that she was unhappy with her musical career, and wanted to improve herself.

Shortly thereafter, the conductor noticed how much better she was playing, and she moved up to the front row of the viola section. Soon the principal retired, and she got that job. Feeling good about herself, she applied for a violist's job with the New York Philharmonic, and got it. She also got gigs with string quartets in New York. One day Simon Rattle was in New York and saw her play in chamber music. He offered her a job as a violist with the Berlin Philharmonic. She arrived there, and within a brief period of time had risen to be the principal viola player in the Berlin Philharmonic.

But she still wanted to improve, and so she tried rubbing her magic lamp to get the genie out. The genie arrived, and the musician told him that she still wanted to improve her musical status. The genie agreed, and promised that she would need to go to sleep; but that when she woke up, her position would be improved.

When the musician awoke, she was sitting in the last row of the second violins in the Fargo Philharmonic.


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## Turangalîla (Jan 29, 2012)

^^ AHAHA both of those were quite funny. Here's another one.


Q: Why shouldn't you drive a Mini with four violas in it off of a cliff?

A: Because you could fit in at least one more! :lol:


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## jani (Jun 15, 2012)

How can you make a electric guitarist stop playing? Put a sheet music in front of him/her!
How can you make a violinist stop playing? Take his/her sheet music away from him/her.


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## Norse (May 10, 2010)

I only know one:

What's the similarity between lightning and the fingers of a violist?

Neither strikes the same place twice.


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## Lunasong (Mar 15, 2011)

Over 70 different viola jokes and counting posted in this thread
http://www.talkclassical.com/15068-most-incredibly-lame-classical.html
but the above are new!


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## Turangalîla (Jan 29, 2012)

^ That was very amusing 


Q: What are the two differences between a violin and a viola?

A: i) The viola burns longer.
ii) The viola holds more beer.


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## regressivetransphobe (May 16, 2011)

what did the violist say after he did a magic trick




viola


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## pendereckiobsessed (Sep 21, 2012)

(I LOVE viola jokes, even though I am a violist! )

What do you call a viola with 2 brain cells?

*
Pregnant!*


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