# You are a musicophile: Your spouse is ______?



## PetrB (Feb 28, 2012)

I noticed this comment in a thread: *"So many members here seem to tell of being ordered by their spouses to turn that rubbish off when they get home* that it baffles me how they stand the lack of curiosity or desire to share some degree of the pleasure or experience."

Since the partners of active professional or semi-professional musicians 'knew what they were signing up for,' I'm thinking the majority of these pronounced / announced differences are between a non-professional musicophile and their spouse.... [Active professional or semi-professionals are welcome to comment here, but I ask that they state if they are one of those vs. 'just a musicophile.']

Does your mate dislike or hate the fact you spend a lot of time listening to music?
Do they like or dislike, or are they indifferent about -- the music you listen to -- some of the particular repertoire you love -- ask that you play it only when they are out, in the other room, or insist you use headphones? Etc.

Do they share to one degree or another your interest / passion for music, or not at all? What do you think and feel about that? What if any arrangements have you both come to agree upon 'about the music?'


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## DeepR (Apr 13, 2012)

My girlfriend likes that I have a passion for music but doesn't share it and I'm fine with that. I've accepted that music is my personal thing and that my music tastes and interests are too out of the ordinary to share with anyone I know in real life. Everytime I've tried that with friends, girlfriend, or family, there is little or negative response. It's pointless. This is probably the main reason I hang around internet forums, to discuss music with people with similar tastest and interests. Long live the internet.


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## Guest (May 16, 2014)

...not.

How else can I finish the statement?


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## Crudblud (Dec 29, 2011)

My boyfriend is, I think, open to a lot of different musics. He mostly listens to "popular" genres but has expressed interest in having me show him some orchestral music, for instance.


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## Ingélou (Feb 10, 2013)

I think this is a very important point, as music speaks so much to the soul, and we all like to think that we've found our soul-mate. When one partner cares passionately about any art-form, it is part of who they are, and if the other partner doesn't understand or care for that art-form, it is potentially divisive and/or hurtful. We all need to make adjustments, but some are easier to make than others...

Luckily my spouse & I are both interested in music and we enjoy playing duets together.

He also likes some poetry, and Shakespeare, and wooed me by reading me Burns' Tam O'Shanter in the authentic accent. 
However, he is not into good literature as I am, and misses the point completely about subtle seventeenth century poets like Andrew Marvell, or the philosophic novels of George Eliot. I have just about got him to cope with Jane Austen, who is a sine qua non for me. 

When we were first married, it really bothered me that he was such a clod. But I've sort of got used to it over the years, and acknowledge that he has a certain rough-hewn bucolic charm. 
Madame la Marquise


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## ptr (Jan 22, 2013)

I don't really understand? None of the partners I've had has ever complained about my obsession with music, they've all departed due to other differences...

/ptr


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## Matsps (Jan 13, 2014)

Professional (but very part time) musician (I just do occasional music arrangement and piano performing at the moment). 
I've never really gone out with anyone who is a musician or who even likes the same music as I do. I always listen and compose on headphones though; the only time I make noise is if I'm actually on the piano. It seems most people don't mind this and I only have had the very occasional complaint about spending too much time doing music (usually if they are in a bad mood with me generally). 
Sometimes I think it would be nice to date a musician, especially if they would like at least some of the same music and play duets, but in reality I am not involved at all in the music scene/community, so this is very unlikely. I don't think this is not of great importance though - I nearly married a mathematician once, who had absolutely zero interest in any music* I liked and insisted on playing pop music rubbish all the time (about the only music we agreed on was The Who and Billy Idol's Rebel Yell). 

*And these musical differences were not the reasons for ending our engagement.


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## rspader (May 14, 2014)

Music is only one of many interests that my wife and I do not share. We've been happily not sharing for 31 years now.


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## Winterreisender (Jul 13, 2013)

My girlfriend and I actually met at a classical music concert. It was Bach's Matthew Passion on Good Friday a few years back. We both had the same idea of buying standby student tickets on the day, so that we could sit in the best seats. And then we just got chatting during the two very long intervals. It turned out that we were both going to lots of concerts on our own, so I came up with the brilliant idea of meeting up again at a future concert .

She is a music student whilst I am just a keen enthusiast, so if anything I'm the one who has to put up with her, what with her constant instrument practicing and her listening to all manner of strange pieces for "composition" class. She on the other hand has tried to ban me from listening to country music...

I think it is important that my girlfriend and I have this shared passion, otherwise I don't know what we'd talk about, given that most of my other interests are even more obscure than classical music.


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## Guest (May 16, 2014)

The circumstance that people can have very different interests and still be happily married seems very common. I work as a technician for DirecTV and have seen the same thing in my work. I visit the homes of all types of people and have found that older married couples who have been together for a long time very frequenly have divergent television viewing tastes. I would say at least half of these couples often watch their favorite shows in separate rooms because their tastes conflict. Yet they are happily married. So I would expect that tastes in music or any other casual pastime would be handled similarly. After all, marital compatibilty is driven by deeper things such as shared moral values and complimentary character types.

Post Post: I see my first two likes are from the only married couple I know who are both members here. I wonder if there are others. That would be interesting to add to this thread. Cheers to you, Ingélou and Taggart!


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## Varick (Apr 30, 2014)

Winterreisender said:


> She on the other hand has tried to ban me from listening to country music...


Quite often, those that love us do things for our own good, even if at the time, we don't see it that way. You should listen to her on this one!

I'm a musicophile even though I am a trained musician, but not a performer (since college).

My mother told me a long time ago that I didn't necessarily have to find a woman who shared my love of music, but I must find a woman who at LEAST appreciated MY love of music. I have found that.

There are a number of pieces and composers that she does not enjoy, so they go on either when she is not home, or I'll put headphones on.

Although she would rather have me with her at night, all night, she does understand that I need to separate myself sometimes and just go into my world of music.

V


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## mirepoix (Feb 1, 2014)

She's has little to no interest in what I listen to, although recognises how important music is to me. If anything was an eye opener to her it's my desire to sit undisturbed when I listen. But it works out just fine, and at the weekend she'll go out with her friends while I'm in the midst of the music until the early hours with no distractions. It's all cool.


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## mmsbls (Mar 6, 2011)

My wife is a classically trained musician who has played in a professional orchestra and currently plays in a community orchestra. She obviously shares my interest and her playing essentially started my strong interest, but I listen to classical music much more than she does. She would never ask me to turn classical music off, but she does not enjoy most opera. When my daughter and I watch opera, she often reads or does other things.


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## Sonata (Aug 7, 2010)

My husband is a music enthusiast but not nearly to the degree that I am.  My interests in music style are very broad his not as much. On 3-4 hour drive to see my family, we have plenty of music on the iPod that we both enjoy. He never really chooses to listen to classical on his own, but he does like some classical, and I'm starting to feel out what he enjoys more. We both love New-Age piano music and listen to that a lot at night together.

We also both play piano. He would like to play cello, but we still have to pay off the piano :lol: He is a better piano player than I, he can play some by ear and has a better memory as well. I have to work for every note, but that's ok!


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## Muse Wanderer (Feb 16, 2014)

I am a musicophile and my spouse is a musicophobe! 

Few years back I got the bug of music from genres as wide as 40s folk and blues to the 00s alt rock. Now I have been stuck with classical for a few years and she is still waiting for me to move on as often happened in the past! 

Ehhm it's not gonna happen! 
What can possibly surpass a Bach fugue madam!

I tried my best to convert her especially with a lot of Bach covert indoctrination! I left CDs of the WTC for months in the car but no joy. The only partial success was Chopin. I am still working on that one! 

The beauty of our relationship is that our opposing personalities are surprisingly complementary. If I wanted a partner with exact same interests as me I suppose life would be pretty boring I have to say.

I am an enthusiast and by no means a musician although I used to play guitar till the age of 11. Gotta find the time to relearn music but long hours of work as an emergency physician and young family make it prohibitive at the moment. I might go to music lessons with my toddler once she grows up. 
Now that would be fun!


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## SiegendesLicht (Mar 4, 2012)

... a German guy who takes an interest in his own native history and in his fellow countrymen's contributions to the Western civilization (he is not a spouse as yet though). So I was able to introduce him to Wagner's music and to the Wagnerian legendarium. Last October we took a one-day trip to Bayreuth together, and he enjoyed it almost as much as I did. He went to listen to Bach's _Weihnachtsoratorium_ on his own too a couple of times. Maybe he will never be as enthusiastic as I am about music, but he will most definitely never be opposed to it.


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## Whistler Fred (Feb 6, 2014)

My professional musician experience is in the realm of folk music, but I'm also a classical musicophile. My Lady and I share a lot of musical tastes, and there is almost always music on in our household. But she is not as much a fan of the more experimental types of contemporary music. I once tried playing "Threnody to the Victims of Hiroshima" while we were still dating, and she spent most of the time cringing. 

So my music collection is divided between things we both really like, things I really like and the Kathy doesn't mind listening to, and things I listen to with my headphones or when she's out for the evening.

Even so, that still leaves us a lot of music that we can enjoy together.


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## violadude (May 2, 2011)

My girlfriend of 4 years doesn't know much about music and she mostly listens to what I would call "chick flick music" (as in Jason Mraz and stuff like that). But she has expressed interest in me teaching her some about music. Whenever I explain the musical concepts of the pieces I write in layman terms, she is very responsive to them, which was a very pleasant surprise the first time it happened  .


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## brianvds (May 1, 2013)

I am lucky enough not to be married. If I were, and my spouse told me to switch off that crap, I would not remain married for long.


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## edge (Nov 19, 2011)

I am fortunate to have the most wonderful wife. If I say "Honey, let's go eat somewhere nice and ...." She always replies enthusiastically YES! Opera, orchestra, car races, college wrestling... The "eat somewhere nice" is the key to unlock anything I'd like to do!


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## PetrB (Feb 28, 2012)

edge said:


> I am fortunate to have the most wonderful wife. If I say "Honey, let's go eat somewhere nice and ...." She always replies enthusiastically YES! Opera, orchestra, car races, college wrestling... The "eat somewhere nice" is the key to unlock anything I'd like to do!


smooove opewator


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## Selby (Nov 17, 2012)

My partner and I are both mental health clinicians; no professional music experience whatsoever.

My partner does not like music. 

Nope, you did not misread that. Incomprehensible, right?

The good side: we never fight over who picks the music, because she does not care, within reason (moderate volume and agreeable-ness of sound), so I'm always playing what I want to hear. She loves 'date night.' If I find a fun new restaurant and put on a tie she is more than happy to attend a symphony or ballet. We always have a lot of fun. She did fall asleep during the "Farewell" of Mahler's Das Lied von der Erde last weekend. But, this is covenant love, and I forgive her.

The funny side: she loathes German opera, Wagner in particular. It was actually written in our vows that I would not force her to go to any German opera if she does not force me to watch any 'reality' t.v. show about dating.

The funnier side: the first German opera we attended was planned by her. She bought the tickets and surprised me. We went to Strauss' Salome. Afterwards she said that she loved it!!! It was her favorite show yet!!!!


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## Pysmythe (May 11, 2014)

A music lover, too, but with just about entirely different tastes, and with not so much of a daily interest in it. Luckily, when our oldest kid moved out a few years ago, I was able to transform his attic room into a music room for myself, so that I don't bother her and everyone else as much anymore. She still occasionally likes to hear ME play, though, and will sometimes come up to listen.


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## KenOC (Mar 7, 2011)

My wife is a great fan of Beethoven, Haydn, and Shostakovich. Can't get better than that.


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## Blancrocher (Jul 6, 2013)

Most of our musical tastes coincide, but luckily there are enough differences for me to be able to start an argument about them in case I want to deflect a conversation from something serious like financial matters.


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## Kevin Pearson (Aug 14, 2009)

My wife likes and enjoys classical music but is nowhere near the enthusiast that I am. Her tastes are more restrictive than mine and I consider for her whenever I play something while she is in the room. I can put on almost anything in the Classical or Romantic periods and she is fine but late Romantic or Modern she would leave the room. Also if she has had an exceedingly rough day I can't play anything with too much violin as it grates on her nerves. Fortunately she goes to bed a couple of hours before me and that leaves me plenty of time each evening to play what I want, albeit with headphones on. 

Kevin


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## Bulldog (Nov 21, 2013)

My wife loves reading books; I have headphones for music.


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## Morimur (Jan 23, 2014)

Bulldog said:


> My wife loves reading books; I have headphones for music.


Do the books have pictures? I like pictures.


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## SixFootScowl (Oct 17, 2011)

My wife is just not into music, but does accompany me to concerts (two so far but planning more). Other than that she really does not like to listen to music at all. I guess that is a good thing because what if she liked something horrible like John Tesh?

My daughter is very narrowly into select songs and guitar, but does like For Unto Us and Hallelujah from Handel's Messiah--just those two though and no others.

But my son is really into music and much the same type as I am into. For example, we both bought the same 87 CD complete Beethoven set.


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## Manxfeeder (Oct 19, 2010)

My wife is indifferent to classical music. It used to bother me, but then I realized that if we both liked it, one day she'd want to listen to Amy Beach and I'd be in the corner grousing about wanting to listen to Shostakovich.


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## Lunasong (Mar 15, 2011)

He's not. He rarely comes to even my and my son's concerts (we don't perform together). I am used to going alone if there is a concert I want to hear. Going alone is no problem at a ticketed event, but sometimes it feels a bit awkward if it's one of those outdoor concerts to which one brings her own chair.


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## GioCar (Oct 30, 2013)

My wife loves horses, not music. She is an experienced rider.
We reached this tradeoff: we go together to see show jumping competitions 4/5 times a year, we go together to concerts/opera 4/5 times a year...
It works.


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## Pysmythe (May 11, 2014)

GioCar said:


> My wife loves horses, not music. She is an experienced rider.
> We reached this tradeoff: we go together to see show jumping competitions 4/5 times a year, we go together to concerts/opera 4/5 times a year...
> It works.


Sounds like you two know what a marriage is all about. :tiphat:


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## geralmar (Feb 15, 2013)

My wife won't let me listen to classical music, not even on headphones. A decade ago, I smuggled a CD of Mahler's fifth symphony (Scherchen) into the house. Unfortunately, a few days later she found the receipt. She became hysterical and started screaming at me, accusing me of "betraying our marriage." I decided the hell with it, and disconnected my stereo. I now get my classical "fix" by visiting websites such as this and listening to snatches of classical music when I'm alone in the car. I recently discovered there is classical music on Youtube, and I can listen there if I'm discreet about it. I miss my stereo, though.


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## violadude (May 2, 2011)

geralmar said:


> My wife won't let me listen to classical music, not even on headphones. A decade ago, I smuggled a CD of Mahler's fifth symphony (Scherchen) into the house. Unfortunately, a few days later she found the receipt. She became hysterical and started screaming at me, accusing me of "betraying our marriage." I decided the hell with it, and disconnected my stereo. I now get my classical "fix" by visiting websites such as this and listening to snatches of classical music when I'm alone in the car. I recently discovered there is classical music on Youtube, and I can listen there if I'm discreet about it. I miss my stereo, though.


Dude...

Does she give reasons why she "won't let you" listen to classical music?


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## geralmar (Feb 15, 2013)

It's "psycho-****."


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## violadude (May 2, 2011)

geralmar said:


> It's "psycho-****."


Well, I'm no marriage counselor and I don't know where you live or what the customs are like but all things equal I wouldn't let your significant other control you like that.

Just my 2 cents.


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## SixFootScowl (Oct 17, 2011)

geralmar said:


> My wife won't let me listen to classical music, not even on headphones. A decade ago, I smuggled a CD of Mahler's fifth symphony (Scherchen) into the house. Unfortunately, a few days later she found the receipt. She became hysterical and started screaming at me, accusing me of "betraying our marriage." I decided the hell with it, and disconnected my stereo. I now get my classical "fix" by visiting websites such as this and listening to snatches of classical music when I'm alone in the car. I recently discovered there is classical music on Youtube, and I can listen there if I'm discreet about it. I miss my stereo, though.


It doesn't make sense to me. It's not like you are bringing home pornography in which she would be entirely justified to have such a response.

As long as you are spending quality time doing things with her, there is no reason I can imagine why you shouldn't be able to listen to classical music in your spare time. I listen mostly with one ear bud and take it out when we are going for a walk or otherwise doing something special together. Also you can listen in the car on your way to work? I do listen to the earbud in the car much of the time even if she is with me. With only one ear bud I can hold a conversation by turning the music down. Really just like background music. Two people in a marriage have to have their own space to some degree and will have different interests that have to be balanced.


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## Morimur (Jan 23, 2014)

geralmar said:


> My wife won't let me listen to classical music, not even on headphones. A decade ago, I smuggled a CD of Mahler's fifth symphony (Scherchen) into the house. Unfortunately, a few days later she found the receipt. She became hysterical and started screaming at me, accusing me of "betraying our marriage." I decided the hell with it, and disconnected my stereo. I now get my classical "fix" by visiting websites such as this and listening to snatches of classical music when I'm alone in the car. I recently discovered there is classical music on Youtube, and I can listen there if I'm discreet about it. I miss my stereo, though.


That's messed up. Put your big boy pants on, geralmar.


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## Huilunsoittaja (Apr 6, 2010)

Lunasong said:


> He's not. *He rarely comes to even my and my son's concerts (we don't perform together).* I am used to going alone if there is a concert I want to hear. Going alone is no problem at a ticketed event, but sometimes it feels a bit awkward if it's one of those outdoor concerts to which one brings her own chair.


AGHHH!!!That ticks me off more than anything else people have said about "indifferent" spouses! My dad is unmusical, but he really wants to go to my concerts and also my mom's! My dad even wanted to go alone without my mom (who couldn't make it) to a concert I was performing in a few weeks ago, and I can tell you that the program was nothing less than challenging. The whole program was 20th century music, although Copland and Reich are not the typical "modernist" names, but all the pieces were very long, each a continuous 20 minutes and upwards. Even though he has little opinion of the music (if I ask him what was his favorite part of the program, he doesn't really have an answer), he still wants to support me! I think that's dreadful that he wouldn't even want to support his own wife, let alone child! 

I'm happily single, but I've found that the men that I'm most attracted to don't necessarily have my music tastes all the way, but we have _some _common ground. I want to marry a man that knows classical music that I don't know, so that he can open avenues for me (and vice versa with my knowledge). If they are eclectic, that is fine. If he wants to listen to pop music, he can go ahead, but I would love it if he is sensitive enough to try to get me into it in a good way, not a compulsive way. I find that nowadays, I can let a lot of music sorta bounce off my brain so that I don't feel anything, negative or positive, and I think that's what will help me tolerate things that my spouse would love. But as I said, better that he lovingly convinces me to join him than I either be repelled or made indifferent.


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## Lunasong (Mar 15, 2011)

^^He's not unmusical, in fact he was the first "professional" musician in our family, and still the only one to win the paid job through audition. He just says he has better things to do with his time than sit quietly in a hall for two hours.
He has come to every concert in which the group is playing a composition my son wrote.


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## Dustin (Mar 30, 2012)

geralmar said:


> My wife won't let me listen to classical music, not even on headphones. A decade ago, I smuggled a CD of Mahler's fifth symphony (Scherchen) into the house. Unfortunately, a few days later she found the receipt. She became hysterical and started screaming at me, accusing me of "betraying our marriage." I decided the hell with it, and disconnected my stereo. I now get my classical "fix" by visiting websites such as this and listening to snatches of classical music when I'm alone in the car. I recently discovered there is classical music on Youtube, and I can listen there if I'm discreet about it. I miss my stereo, though.


I'm pretty sure this is a joke LOL. And a good bit of humor at that. Gave me a pretty good laugh.


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## Xaltotun (Sep 3, 2010)

My wife loves classical music as much as I do; we started this musical journey together, from scratch. And if she wouldn't like it, I would be actively converting her all the time - I can be very persuasive. But as it is, I don't need to do that. It is great to have someone in the house who will listen to my endless rants about classical music and shows genuine interest. I couldn't imagine not being able to share my passions with the person who is the most important to me. Might work with someone else, wouldn't work with me.


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## Picander (May 8, 2013)

My ex-wife? I'm a musicophile, so I suppose she's a "musicophile-phobic".


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## Blake (Nov 6, 2013)

violadude said:


> Well, I'm no marriage counselor and I don't know where you live or what the customs are like but all things equal I wouldn't let your significant other control you like that.
> 
> Just my 2 cents.


He can't be serious. That's not a spouse... that's a slave-driver. I'd put an end to that crap right quick.

Hmm, music or someone who treats me like I just got shipped in from Africa in the colonial days? Ughh, this is a hard one...


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## Ingélou (Feb 10, 2013)

There are always two sides to a marriage. Banning a spouse from listening to music sounds harsh, but I've heard of marriages that failed because one party was just too busy with outside interests to pay any attention to the other, who was starved of emotional support. I don't suppose for one moment that that's what happening here - I only mention it because I don't think urging people to divorce on the basis of one internet post is kind or reasonable. Let husband & wife sort things out together, if they can.


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## Blancrocher (Jul 6, 2013)

geralmar said:


> My wife won't let me listen to classical music, not even on headphones. A decade ago, I smuggled a CD of Mahler's fifth symphony (Scherchen) into the house. Unfortunately, a few days later she found the receipt. She became hysterical and started screaming at me, accusing me of "betraying our marriage." I decided the hell with it, and disconnected my stereo. I now get my classical "fix" by visiting websites such as this and listening to snatches of classical music when I'm alone in the car. I recently discovered there is classical music on Youtube, and I can listen there if I'm discreet about it. I miss my stereo, though.


I feel your pain, geralmar. My wife and I had a rocky period a few years ago. I had made the big mistake of typing "Prokofiev + Lang Lang" on our shared computer and then forgot to delete the search history. Later that night she of course typed "Prokofiev" and Firefox revealed my transgression.

I had to do a lot of laundry and cleaning before I could get out of the doghouse after that.


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## Blake (Nov 6, 2013)

Ingélou said:


> There are always two sides to a marriage. Banning a spouse from listening to music sounds harsh, but I've heard of marriages that failed because one party was just too busy with outside interests to pay any attention to the other, who was starved of emotional support. I don't suppose for one moment that that's what happening here - I only mention it because I don't think urging people to divorce on the basis of one internet post is kind or reasonable. Let husband & wife sort things out together, if they can.


No way. An immediate divorce is in order....

By the way, if anyone is silly enough to end it because of one offhanded post... well, there are apparently other issues that need to be addressed.


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## aleazk (Sep 30, 2011)

Blancrocher said:


> I feel your pain, geralmar. My wife and I had a rocky period a few years ago. I had made the big mistake of typing "Prokofiev + Lang Lang" on our shared computer and then forgot to delete the search history. Later that night she of course typed "Prokofiev" and Firefox revealed my transgression.
> 
> I had to do a lot of laundry and cleaning before I could get out of the doghouse after that.


Lang Lang??? I think even the dog house doesn't meet the standard of suffering you deserved!


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## chalkpie (Oct 5, 2011)

Crazy. .


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## hreichgott (Dec 31, 2012)

As a teenage pianist I accompanied for a beautiful, intense, and nerdy teenage violinist. 10 years later we were married.

She doesn't enjoy all the music that I like (particularly post-Dvorak) but I enjoy everything she likes so there's enough common ground. "Music" in our house pretty much means classical music.

She hates listening to me practice but then so does everyone else.


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## alan davis (Oct 16, 2013)

My wife is a country girl at heart and her idea of a classical duet is Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers belting out a tune together. That besides I love her to death.


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## PetrB (Feb 28, 2012)

hreichgott said:


> As a teenage pianist I accompanied for a beautiful, intense, and nerdy teenage violinist. 10 years later we were married.
> 
> She doesn't enjoy all the music that I like (particularly post-Dvorak) but I enjoy everything she likes so there's enough common ground. "Music" in our house pretty much means classical music.
> 
> She hates listening to me practice but then so does everyone else.


LOL. That wouldn't be the first instrumentalist who ended up married to their accompanist.


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## Svelte Silhouette (Nov 7, 2013)

My spouse knows her place. Yum Yum.


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## JCarmel (Feb 3, 2013)

Because we are all individuals and unique, there will always be differing and divergent tastes in music between two otherwise compatible personalities. 
But the idea that one wouldn't want and indeed require to share one's music with one's partner is almost incomprehensible to me. But then I realise that as a personality, I need and desire to share those things in life that are 'life-enhancing' and feed the inner spirit, provide fun, enjoyment and add zest and absorbing interest to one's existence.

Music is surely the greatest of the Arts and therefore it interacts with our personality & moves us at the deepest level, so why would one choose a life partner that one cannot share this most important aspect of one's life with? We all have diverging tastes but I suspect that not enough effort is made to ensure that we do appreciate and share each other's tastes & point of view & try harder to see what the other person isn't understanding or appreciating about what we like. Not to do so is to allow 'ignorance' to continue and ignorance is at the heart of all that has caused divergence and difficulty in the history of life on this planet?!
Of course, life is a whole lot more than listening to music and compromises have to be made along the way but still...not being able to share the larger part of the music you love & through which you express yourself at such a profound level is almost incomprehensible?!


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## Svelte Silhouette (Nov 7, 2013)

If music be the food of love


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## Varick (Apr 30, 2014)

geralmar said:


> My wife won't let me listen to classical music, not even on headphones. A decade ago, I smuggled a CD of Mahler's fifth symphony (Scherchen) into the house. Unfortunately, a few days later she found the receipt. She became hysterical and started screaming at me, accusing me of "betraying our marriage." I decided the hell with it, and disconnected my stereo. I now get my classical "fix" by visiting websites such as this and listening to snatches of classical music when I'm alone in the car. I recently discovered there is classical music on Youtube, and I can listen there if I'm discreet about it. I miss my stereo, though.


This couldn't possibly be a serious post. It is kind of funny.

However, if for some unimaginable reason it is serious, well then what can I say? The emasculation of the Western Male is more advanced than I feared.

V


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## Blake (Nov 6, 2013)

I'm sure he was joking. It's simply too absurd otherwise. But, this is an absurd world....


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## Posie (Aug 18, 2013)

Maybe I'm immature, but for me, bad taste in music is a deal breaker. Sorry. I've already lived with it for too long.


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## PetrB (Feb 28, 2012)

geralmar said:


> My wife won't let me listen to classical music, not even on headphones. A decade ago, I smuggled a CD of Mahler's fifth symphony (Scherchen) into the house. Unfortunately, a few days later she found the receipt. She became hysterical and started screaming at me, accusing me of "betraying our marriage." I decided the hell with it, and disconnected my stereo. I now get my classical "fix" by visiting websites such as this and listening to snatches of classical music when I'm alone in the car. I recently discovered there is classical music on Youtube, and I can listen there if I'm discreet about it. I miss my stereo, though.


Is this half of a story? I.e. Do we get to ask -- and is there a counterbalance answer to -- what Mr. does not allow the Mrs.?


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## PetrB (Feb 28, 2012)

Varick said:


> This couldn't possibly be a serious post. It is kind of funny.
> 
> However, if for some unimaginable reason it is serious, well then what can I say? The emasculation of the Western Male is more advanced than I feared.
> 
> V


There is an imbalanced myth about spousal abuse, physical or mental, i.e. men as are much victims of women as vice versa.


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## Varick (Apr 30, 2014)

marinasabina said:


> Maybe I'm immature, but for me, bad taste in music is a deal breaker. Sorry. I've already lived with it for too long.


I hear ya! I remember in college, I was on a date with a girl and we got on the topic of music and were talking about our favorite bands. But when she said, _"But... My favorite band of ALL time, is Duran Duran"_ I think I choked on a breadstick. Needless to say, it was our first and last date.

V


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## Varick (Apr 30, 2014)

PetrB said:


> There is an imbalanced myth about spousal abuse, physical or mental, i.e. men as are much victims of women as vice versa.


And that's when a man needs to "man-up" and walk out. Very few woman physically abuse men. Usually that happens when the woman is 6'3" & 260 pounds, the man is 5'7" & 150 pounds, and they each drink a pitcher of manhattans a day.

This is one of my favorite skits by my favorite stand up comic. Warning: There is "adult language."






Hysterical!

V


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## Varick (Apr 30, 2014)

Whoops, wrong clip (even though that one is funny too), but this is the clip I thought I linked to. This is his take on the female versions of wife beaters. 12 minutes of comedy gold: (again, Warning: Strong language).






V


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## Blake (Nov 6, 2013)

A dependency-based relationship is simply dealing with your weaknesses by latching onto someone else. It's just a matter of survival based on fear, and the relationship won't get too far in the richer levels of existence.


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## Headphone Hermit (Jan 8, 2014)

answer is in the name .... and the strapline below!

Wouldn't swap her for anyone else - why should I take an interest in handbags or shoes just because she likes them?

Love having the headphones on whilst she watches repeats of 'You've been framed' - togetherness is more important than liking the same things to me


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## Headphone Hermit (Jan 8, 2014)

geralmar said:


> My wife won't let me listen to classical music, not even on headphones. A decade ago, I smuggled a CD of Mahler's fifth symphony (Scherchen) into the house. Unfortunately, a few days later she found the receipt. She became hysterical and started screaming at me, accusing me of "betraying our marriage." I decided the hell with it, and disconnected my stereo. I now get my classical "fix" by visiting websites such as this and listening to snatches of classical music when I'm alone in the car. I recently discovered there is classical music on Youtube, and I can listen there if I'm discreet about it. I miss my stereo, though.


I hope this isn't true, but I lived with someone for five ears who acted like this. Really! She hated all my classical music and denegrated it as 'Mad Monk Music' (polyphony) or 'Strangling Cats Music' (string quartets) .... she also hated any solo-instrumentalist music (classical or rock) etc etc etc. She also refused to allow me to listen on headphones as they 'cut her out of what I was doing'. The hi-fi was put away as it was 'untidy in the living room'. Consequently, I gave up listening for years, except in the car when I was on my own.

Saying it now, I cannot understand why I stuck it for more than a day or two, but I was in a complex situation, was younger and less confident, and thought the positives outweighed the negatives. For many of us, we have to learn the hard way, sometimes, and it might take us many years to get to 'a good place'

..... oh, and yes, I am with a far better woman who still doesn't like classical music, but so what? I can enjoy it on my own anytime I want, I have the hi-fi in the living room, I can buy as many CDs as I want, I can go to concerts if I wish etc etc etc!


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## hpowders (Dec 23, 2013)

^^^^That's the spirit! Life's too damn short! Enjoy your music!!


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## Krummhorn (Feb 18, 2007)

My wife would rather listen to other venues as opposed to classical. But, she does attend classical concerts with me and loves to hear me play the piano at home as well as me playing at church on the weekends. 

She has been my page turner on occasion, but does not read music, so I must cue here with a nod. 

When we are out and about in the car on trips, we take an equal number of CD's to play on the way. Most of the stuff she prefers, I also like (John Denver, Karen Carpenter, etc), so it all works out for us.


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## PetrB (Feb 28, 2012)

Varick said:


> And that's when a man needs to "man-up" and walk out. Very few woman physically abuse men. Usually that happens when the woman is 6'3" & 260 pounds, the man is 5'7" & 150 pounds, and they each drink a pitcher of manhattans a day.
> 
> This is one of my favorite skits by my favorite stand up comic. Warning: There is "adult language."
> 
> ...


You need neither much weight or bulk to boil some water with sugar and toss it at your spouse... such events have happened -- there is nothing funny about them -- and yeah, it is time for the man to man up as much as it would be time for any abused women to women up.


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## TurnaboutVox (Sep 22, 2013)

Mrs. Vox is remarkably tolerant and patient with my musicophilia, most of the time.

Our tastes have never really coincided much, as the classical music she likes is classical and early romantic orchestral 'favourites' for the most part (and Brahms - imagine!). I do have a man-cave in the garden now where my listening is much less audible to others.

She accompanies me and our son to 2 - 3 classical concerts a year, and enjoys them (I think). She even elected to come to Elektra with me for my birthday a year or two ago, but she definitely didn't enjoy that. And I did, but I didn't enjoy that she didn't have a good time.

Our son is up for any musical experience, but with a definite preference for challenging modern and contemporary music of all sorts, and our daughter will happily listen to what I have on the Hi-Fi, or go to the odd classical concert with us or her friends in London, though it's not a big part of her musical 'life'. We have never forced classical music on our children, but it's been around the house all through their lives.


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## SiegendesLicht (Mar 4, 2012)

It's not only musicophiles that sometimes have a problem with their wives/girlfriends being intolerant towards their hobbies. I've read similar stories to the one posted earlier, on bikers' and hiking/backpacking forums. Honestly, I don't get the reasons a woman would treat her man like this. There is more to a good relationship that merely physical attraction, and that includes understanding the other person's mental and spiritual world, his passions, whatever he is enthusiastic about. Besides, any man and woman needs some space and time to himself, to be alone. Family life does not consist only of work, housework, sex and sitting together in front of the TV either.


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## hpowders (Dec 23, 2013)

–––––––––classically challenged.


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## SixFootScowl (Oct 17, 2011)

My wife and I are 100 percent compatible in religion and that is a huge blessing. The other stuff can be worked out, but religion is intregal to our lives and it would be very hard to be mixed on that.


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