# Your favorite funny exam answer(s).



## Posie (Aug 18, 2013)

This one my past geology professor announced to the class.

#14. What is regolith? .... I hate science!


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## Taggart (Feb 14, 2013)

1066 and All That is based on exam howlers. Great idea for a thread.


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## Art Rock (Nov 28, 2009)

View attachment 64672


A classic, which most of us will have seen by now.


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## Giordano (Aug 10, 2014)

From _Anguished English_ by Richard Lederer

*The World According to Student Bloopers*

One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eight grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.

The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain. 

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother's son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother's birth mark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his twelve sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites. 

 Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines. 

 Without the Greeks we wouldn't have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns -- Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles appears in The Iliad, by Homer. Homer also wrote The Oddity, in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name. 

 Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. 

 The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello's interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

 Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Danes, King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harold mustarded his troups before the Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was cannonized by Bernard Shaw, and victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense. 

 During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and this was known as Pilgrims Progress.

 George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time became the Father of Our Country. Then the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms. 

 Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, "In onion there is strength." Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career. 

 The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

 The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steam boat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur invented a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of Species. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

 The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.


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## SiegendesLicht (Mar 4, 2012)

Giordano said:


> The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, *ushered in a new error in the anals of human history*.


I think he got that one right


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## elgar's ghost (Aug 8, 2010)

I believe poor ol' Charlie Brown got mercilessly mocked for this:

Teacher: Why does it rain so much in Oregon?

CB: Because they have so many clouds.


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## spokanedaniel (Dec 23, 2014)

Giordano said:


> From _Anguished English_ by Richard Lederer
> 
> *The World According to Student Bloopers* <...snip...>


These are very amusing. I am extremely skeptical of their legitimacy as "student bloopers." This kind of stuff is rightfully very popular around the internet, but there are many elements that do not ring true.

There was a time when certain kinds of adventure fiction began with the author asserting that what he was about to tell was the absolute truth. I've always found such openings to be unnecessary, though perhaps in the age of exploration people were more gullible than they are today and sales of these books may have been helped by widespread belief in them as chronicles rather than fiction.

This persists occasionally even today. The movie Fargo claims in the opening to be based on true events, though in the interview the directors admit it's entirely made up. I found it a real breath of fresh air the first time I heard a storyteller begin by saying "What I am about to tell you are lies."

I think that sometimes these sorts of exam answers are given by students who know perfectly well they are being silly. I've done that myself. Don't know the answer? Make up a funny one. Since I've done that, I'm sure others have as well. If I can't get official credit for knowing the answer, maybe I can get a bit of under-the-table credit for giving the teacher a laugh.


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## Posie (Aug 18, 2013)

spokanedaniel said:


> These are very amusing. I am extremely skeptical of their legitimacy as "student bloopers." This kind of stuff is rightfully very popular around the internet, but there are many elements that do not ring true.
> 
> There was a time when certain kinds of adventure fiction began with the author asserting that what he was about to tell was the absolute truth. I've always found such openings to be unnecessary, though perhaps in the age of exploration people were more gullible than they are today and sales of these books may have been helped by widespread belief in them as chronicles rather than fiction.
> 
> ...


What you say might be true of one or two of them (from the older students), and another one or two might have been embellished for the story, but most of them are conceivably genuine. It may be difficult to relate if you've been a super smart student as long as you can remember. I had average grades through my primary years, and especially after reading my 1st and 2nd grade journals as an adult, I can easily imagine myself writing something like that. I have also heard many anecdotes from K-12 teachers that sound very similar.


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## TurnaboutVox (Sep 22, 2013)

> The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.


Impeccable logic, from a certain standpoint



> Queen Victoria['s]... death was the final event which ended her reign.


Indubitably so!


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## pianississimo (Nov 24, 2014)

> Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.


Probably my favourite bit. It's all hilarious!! 
I wonder if many of them are suffering from Microsoft or Google spelling corrections? The student spells the word wrong, the word processor suggests a correction and the student thinks it looks close enough. So you get a piece which is spelled perfectly but utter dribble!


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## spokanedaniel (Dec 23, 2014)

pianississimo said:


> I wonder if many of them are suffering from Microsoft or Google spelling corrections? The student spells the word wrong, the word processor suggests a correction and the student thinks it looks close enough. So you get a piece which is spelled perfectly but utter dribble!


You don't really need a spelling corrector to obtain utter drivel from the internet. But you do make a good point.

A lot of the "exam answers" sound like the sort of misunderstandings that small children often have. But these are supposed to be exam answers, not very little kids' confusions about similar-sounding words.

The bits are fun. I just don't think it's necessary to claim they are genuine exam answers.


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## Giordano (Aug 10, 2014)

pianississimo said:


> [Re: student bloopers]
> *I wonder if many of them are suffering from Microsoft or Google spelling corrections?* The student spells the word wrong, the word processor suggests a correction and the student thinks it looks close enough. So you get a piece which is spelled perfectly but utter dribble!


I read the book more than *three* decades ago. All the bloopers were collected before the age of personal computers.


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## TurnaboutVox (Sep 22, 2013)

> An English teacher in Japan asked their students to answer the question "What would you do if you were shipwrecked on an island?" One student's answer was so deep and existential, it read like poetry.
> 
> "Shipwreck"
> 
> ...


-from "RocketNews24": Bringing you yesterday's news from Japan and Asia, today.


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## CBD (Nov 11, 2013)

In middle school, I guessed that the killing of people in a certain area was called "circumcide".


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## TurnaboutVox (Sep 22, 2013)

> Originally posted by *CBD*
> 
> In middle school, I guessed that the killing of people in a certain area was called "circumcide".


I'm guessing your teacher's response was quite snippy...


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## pianississimo (Nov 24, 2014)

Giordano said:


> I read the book more than *three* decades ago. All the bloopers were collected before the age of personal computers.


really? Well it was a theory!! 
Either the students had great spelling but a poor understanding of words or very sharp wit. I prefer the latter


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## Ingélou (Feb 10, 2013)

There are certain spelling mistakes that persist. 'Minuets' for 'minutes' is a favourite of mine. 'The programme lasted for 45 minuets' conjures up such images of billowing silk and mincing lace. 'Viscous' for 'vicious' is almost as good. 'Tom was usually a kind man but he had a viscous streak' etc.


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## hpowders (Dec 23, 2013)

All I can remember is giving exams, not taking them....and even the memory of the former is gently slipping awayyyyyyyyyy.


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## SixFootScowl (Oct 17, 2011)

Giordano said:


> I read the book more than *three* decades ago. All the bloopers were collected before the age of personal computers.


Probably worse now.


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## Perotin (May 29, 2012)

There was an anecdote in circulation at my former university. A student takes a history exam:
Teacher: What cities was atomic bomb dropped on?
Student: Hiroshima and Nagasaki
Teacher: When did it happen?
Student: On the August 6 and 9, 1945.
Teacher: How many casualties were there?
Student: Around 90 thousand in Hiroshima and 40 thousand in Nagasaki.
Teacher: Names, please!


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## Ingélou (Feb 10, 2013)

^^^^^ Ouch! 
Reminds me of this interesting anecdote told by Matthew Arnold, the Victorian poet:

*All the universities of England sadly deteriorated in their educational standards in the eighteenth century, and Oxford was among them. Lord Eldon, who was Lord Chancellor in the reign of George the Fourth, wrote about his undergraduate days:
"An examination for a degree at Oxford was a farce in my time. I was examined in Hebrew and History. 'What is the Hebrew for the Place of a Skull?' said the Examiner. 'Golgotha,' I replied. 'Who founded University College?' I answered, 'King Alfred.' 'Very well, sir,' said the Examiner, 'then you are competent for your degree'."*


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## Kivimees (Feb 16, 2013)

hpowders said:


> All I can remember is giving exams, not taking them....and even the memory of the former is gently slipping awayyyyyyyyyy.


My memories focus more on "marking" than "giving".


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## SixFootScowl (Oct 17, 2011)

When I was in 4th grade or thereabouts, I was faced with a true/false exam on history. I was not prepared but had a bright idea that if I marked them all true, I should get about half of them right. The result was that I flunked the exam and got to stay after and talk with the teacher that day. :lol:


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## adriesba (Dec 30, 2019)

Hello, old thread...

Anyway, I once took a U.S. government test in high school. The answer to the question was either Earl Warren or Warren Burger, but I apparently was thinking about music subconsciously and put Leonard Warren.


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## Kollwitz (Jun 10, 2018)

I'm a history teacher and one the units I teach is about medicine during the First World War. During a recent test a very studious and reserved student wrote about a photographic source, which showed 'a soldier being banged by two nurses'. It should, rather more prosaically, have said 'bandaged by two nurses'.

One of my politics tutors at University, Vernon Bogdanor, told us about the Earl of Oxford and Asquith having a viva for a fourth class degree and being asked if JS Mill distinguished between higher and lower pleasures. The Earl smugly replied 'No.' (For those of you unfamiliar with Mill, he bangs on about it at great length, in contrast to Bentham who deemed 'pushpin as good as poetry'). Bogdanor also mentioned a student named Pullman, who was known as 'Pullman, fourth class', who was asked to draw a demand curve in a viva. He drew it the correct way, and then when asked to explain why he'd drawn it that way, crossed it out and drew it another way.


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## Manxfeeder (Oct 19, 2010)

Taggart said:


> 1066 and All That is based on exam howlers. Great idea for a thread.


Is that what that's about? I just thought that was the author trying to be funny. I'll have to dig it out again.


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## senza sordino (Oct 20, 2013)




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## Joe B (Aug 10, 2017)

About 12 years ago when I was teaching math, there was a word problem which I had students complete. The problem went something like this:

*Mrs. Jones is taking her 3 children and her 2 neighbor's children to the movies. If the cost of the movie is $5 each, what will the total cost be?*

Well, everyone quickly answered the question showing me their answers ($25) except for one student. I asked him if there was a problem. He said the problem was impossible to solve. I asked him why he thought that.

His reply, "How am I suppose to know how many children her 2 neighbors have."


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## Pat Fairlea (Dec 9, 2015)

Ingélou said:


> There are certain spelling mistakes that persist. 'Minuets' for 'minutes' is a favourite of mine. 'The programme lasted for 45 minuets' conjures up such images of billowing silk and mincing lace. 'Viscous' for 'vicious' is almost as good. 'Tom was usually a kind man but he had a viscous streak' etc.


I used to see some delightful spelling mistakes. One of my favourites (from a very good student, I might add): "Snails seldom move far of their own violation". I believe/hope she meant 'volition'.


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## Pat Fairlea (Dec 9, 2015)

Joe B said:


> About 12 years ago when I was teaching math, there was a word problem which I had students complete. The problem went something like this:
> 
> *Mrs. Jones is taking her 3 children and her 2 neighbor's children to the movies. If the cost of the movie is $5 each, what will the total cost be?*
> 
> ...


Now that, he said pedantically, shows the importance of correct use of the apostrophe. As used in this case, the meaning clearly could NOT be multiple neighbors, otherwise it would read "...her 2 neighbors' children...".

Thank you for listening. I'll shut up now.


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## senza sordino (Oct 20, 2013)




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## senza sordino (Oct 20, 2013)

I wish I had kept a journal of all of the funny, absurd and completely unreasonable answers I’ve read over the twenty six years of teaching and marking.

Three recent examples: 
After walking or running up the stairs students were asked to calculate the energy used in Calories and to find out how powerful they are. One student calculated that she used 93 million Calories. Another found out she can develop 26 thousand horsepower. 

I once asked students to calculate how long it takes light to travel from the Sun to the Earth. One reply was longer than the age of the universe. The actual answer is 8.3 minutes.

There are many more interesting answers, but, alas, I can’t remember them all.


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## SixFootScowl (Oct 17, 2011)

Pat Fairlea said:


> Now that, he said pedantically, shows the importance of correct use of the apostrophe. As used in this case, the meaning clearly could NOT be multiple neighbors, otherwise it would read "...her 2 neighbors' children...".
> 
> Thank you for listening. I'll shut up now.


And if the student knows that, then they have to guess whether the teacher knows that, which makes answering it difficult. However, if the student understands the punctuation and answers accordingly, then the student has a defensible answer, but may have to get the English teacher involved in the ensuing dispute.


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## jegreenwood (Dec 25, 2015)

Joe B said:


> About 12 years ago when I was teaching math, there was a word problem which I had students complete. The problem went something like this:
> 
> *Mrs. Jones is taking her 3 children and her 2 neighbor's children to the movies. If the cost of the movie is $5 each, what will the total cost be?*
> 
> ...





Pat Fairlea said:


> Now that, he said pedantically, shows the importance of correct use of the apostrophe. As used in this case, the meaning clearly could NOT be multiple neighbors, otherwise it would read "...her 2 neighbors' children...".
> 
> Thank you for listening. I'll shut up now.





SixFootScowl said:


> And if the student knows that, then they have to guess whether the teacher knows that, which makes answering it difficult. However, if the student understands the punctuation and answers accordingly, then the student has a defensible answer, but may have to get the English teacher involved in the ensuing dispute.


All could have - should have - been avoided by proper syntax. "3 children and her neighbor's 2 children." As 2 refers to children, it should be next to it. Poorly drafted question.


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## SixFootScowl (Oct 17, 2011)

jegreenwood said:


> All could have - should have - been avoided by proper syntax. "3 children and her neighbor's 2 children." As 2 refers to children, it should be next to it. Poorly drafted question.


Good point! Now one last thing. We are supposed to spell out the numbers: *three* children and her neighbor's *two *children."


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