# Age gaps in relationships



## Yoshi (Jul 15, 2009)

Would you ever date someone significantly younger/older than you? 

One thing I've noticed is that my friends whose parents have a big age difference, see it as something completely normal. My parents and other couples in my family have age gaps up to 20 years, so for me it was never strange in the sense that I had the proof that those relationships could work. In the other hand, my friend whose parents only have 1 year of difference said his age gap limit to date someone was 2 years. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it tho.

So, what's your view in big age gaps?


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## Dodecaplex (Oct 14, 2011)

The word "MILF" is enough to disprove all age-gap criticizers.




Forgive my being 17 years old.


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## Moira (Apr 1, 2012)

One of our sensation-seeking magazines did an article on a 25 year old man who married a 50 year old woman. They repeated it on the couple's 25th wedding anniversary. At that latter time I was dating a man whose mother was younger than me.


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## Crudblud (Dec 29, 2011)

I have to decide on a case by case basis, but as a strict limit; I won't touch a girl under the age of consent in whatever country I happen to be in, although I don't think I've really ever found myself attracted to girls under the age of 16, or at least girls who claimed to be 16. I say this because I know there are much lower ages of consent in some countries, but I don't know how comfortable I'd be with a 14 year old girl, so that's weird territory for me.

For the record; I'm 22, and most of my romantic/sexual experiences have been with girls between 16 and 20. I'd be interested in trying such things with older women, but I don't fit the "toy boy" image, which I suspect limits my choices in that area significantly.


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## Chi_townPhilly (Apr 21, 2007)

Jan said:


> Would you ever date someone significantly younger/older than you?





Jan said:


> Poll: What should be the limit?


I'm sure you know this already- but this asks two different questions.

For me to say there "should be a limit" sounds like I'm recommending a maximum for others- something I'm not comfortable doing, since I've retained this life-long fondness for liberty. There is one mitigation to this freedom, i.e.: *Crudblud* pointing relevant statutory factors.

Ah, heck- I'll speak a little of my own personal experience- my only serious relationships have been with women who have been older than me. However, the age-difference has been generally relatively small-- one to three years, typically. I'm married to a woman who is (to the nearest year) two years older. The difference was small enough that I wouldn't/didn't even know they were older until after the touchy topic of age was broached.

That's not to say that I ever considered youth to be a disqualifier. If I were single, I'm sure that I could be impressed by a younger woman of preternatural emotional and mental maturity...


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## Yoshi (Jul 15, 2009)

I guess the question on my poll should have been "What's your limit?" instead. I'm having trouble myself voting because of the same reason. I'm not very good with polls...

I have to say my only serious relationships were with men twice my age and I can't imagine myself dating someone younger than me for some reason.


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## Ukko (Jun 4, 2010)

Until the point of serious decrepitude is imminent, chronological age is only superficially (plus legally) relevant. So your question may actually be: How superficial (and legal) are you about relationships?


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## science (Oct 14, 2010)

m < 2f - 12


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## sospiro (Apr 3, 2010)

It doesn't matter as long as neither person is under age. But society treats men & women very differently. A man with a woman 20 years his junior is respected but a woman with a toy-boy is ridiculed.


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## Meaghan (Jul 31, 2010)

The majority of the guys I've been involved with have been younger than me, though only a little younger than me. In theory, I don't much care about age, but I value equality in relationships very highly, and that becomes harder to achieve with large age gaps. _If_ I could relate as peers with a man significantly older than me (a man significantly younger than me right now would be below the age of consent - not okay, or attractive), I would have a relationship with him.


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## Moira (Apr 1, 2012)

Over the years I have dated men both significantly older and significantly younger than I am. Both ways have led to an inequality of experience. When I was 22 I dated a man in his mid-forties. My! The bitchiness I encountered from the wives of his friends! Looking back on it I see the irritation/threat I posed to them. I was childless, pert and relatively innocent, all appealing to (some) men. Yet the fact that I was dating a man so much older than I was led to a lot of insecurity. The majority of his friends were better travelled, better read, more knowledgeable about everything, and it was not always comfortable to be the least experienced in every sphere of life.

Fairly recently I had a little stint with a 27 year old. It was mostly fun while it lasted, but he pouted when the symphony season started and I advised him that he could not be easily accommodated at the last minute because tickets are allocated in advance and to get a third seat together with the other two needs to be organised in advance. He was furious that I elected to go to symphony concerts with a friend instead of with him. No amount of pointing out that the friend and I have been attending the concerts together for decades now and that we have an established routine which I am not willing to upset for someone who had never attended a symphony concert before made him see reason. If that were the only instance of what I considered to be childish behaviour ...  

By the same token I am rather fond of an older man who refuses to get 'involved' because he has a serious terminal disease and he doesn't wish to be be a burden 'later'. 

So, it is my experience that there are disadvantages in forming relationships with people much older or much younger and that these disadvantages simply change according to the perspective from which one looks at it. 

Having said that, relationships are so difficult at the best of times that if all other things work then age should be (fairly) irrelevant.


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## Ukko (Jun 4, 2010)

Meaghan said:


> [...]
> In theory, I don't much care about age, but I value equality in relationships very highly, and that becomes harder to achieve with large age gaps. _If_ could relate as peers with a man significantly older than me...
> [...]


[Note: no ulterior motive here, I do not pass the decrepitude test]
The 'harder to achieve' thing is unarguable, I think. My question is how you would go about assessing the existence and/or quality of the peer relationship. Man/woman relationships (always?) begin with façades in place for both parties, eh?


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## Meaghan (Jul 31, 2010)

Who here has seen the film Harold and Maude?


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## Meaghan (Jul 31, 2010)

Hilltroll72 said:


> [Note: no ulterior motive here, I do not pass the decrepitude test]
> The 'harder to achieve' thing is unarguable, I think. My question is how you would go about assessing the existence and/or quality of the peer relationship. Man/woman relationships (always?) begin with façades in place for both parties, eh?


I think I would base it on whether, as I got to know him, I ever felt like a silly little girl. If he was old _enough,_ I probably would, which is why it is very unlikely that I would date anyone over 30 right now. I need to be _roughly as_ independent, capable, and knowledgeable as any guy I date (not _exactly as_, but no big discrepancies), so I think once I get a bit older and am no longer a student and no longer financially dependent on my parents, age will make less of a difference.


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## kv466 (May 18, 2011)

I've been in relationships where there have only been a couple of years difference and I've been in a couple where I was up to ten years older. Conversely, I've been the youngin' learning all the tricks of the trade from a woman fifteen years my elder; this was when I was 21 and she was 36 and was not old in any way. Now that I'm nearing 36 myself I find me gravitating more toward my own age again. I'm not going to completely discount ever going back to a woman way younger than me. Like Wooderson said, "I get older, they stay the same age."


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## elgar's ghost (Aug 8, 2010)

I've been a toy boy in the past so why shouldn't I be a sugar daddy now (apart from the lack of readies)? 

I would be uneasy in squiring a woman who's parents were younger than me, though.


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## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

I asked out a women who turned out to be 25(I was 19 at the time) some months ago. I wonder if my intimidation due to the relative life experience discrepancy gave her mixed signals and maybe that's why I wasn't confident enough to ask her to go out again. There was never any overt rejection, but I was afraid that she was going to decide I was too young. Then again, it may have just been chemistry, or the fact that I never followed up.

So for some reason 6 years seemed like a lot in numbers, but she didn't look or seem particularly more mature than me.


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## violadude (May 2, 2011)

I don't think there needs to be a limit as long as they are both consenting adults. However, age gaps do cause some problems. People in different stages in their life are going to have different goals and desires a lot of the time. But if you can make it work for yourself good for you! 

My girlfriend at the moment is 5 years older than me, 25 to 20.


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## Art Rock (Nov 28, 2009)

My wife (we've been married for 12 years now) is 15 years younger. Works for us. I have seen 15 years older the other way work as well for colleagues. Whatever floats your boat.


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## regressivetransphobe (May 16, 2011)

Why is 1 an option? If I knew someone dating a one year old, I'd try to get them thrown in prison!


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## violadude (May 2, 2011)

regressivetransphobe said:


> Why is 1 an option? If I knew someone dating a one year old, I'd try to get them thrown in prison!


It's referring to a 1 year gap in the relationship, not "dating" a 1 year old.


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## Cnote11 (Jul 17, 2010)

I voted for "no limits". People should be able to date babies fresh out of the womb.


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## violadude (May 2, 2011)

Cnote11 said:


> I voted for "no limits". People should be able to date babies fresh out of the womb.


You'd have to have a pretty loose definition of dating.


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## Lisztian (Oct 10, 2011)

Age literally means nothing to me when it comes to dating. It's 100% about the who the person is, regardless of age.


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## Philip (Mar 22, 2011)

I have no prejudice and i am open to basically anyone of legal age, however all the girls that had me interested were between +2 and -5 years of my age. What is wrong with me?!


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## Cnote11 (Jul 17, 2010)

I don't think I could date someone too much younger than myself. We're at different stages of life and maturity and it doesn't seem like it would mesh well. However, case to case is different.


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## Dodecaplex (Oct 14, 2011)

Philip said:


> I have no prejudice and i am open to basically anyone of legal age, however all the girls that had me interested were between +2 and -5 years of my age. What is wrong with me?!


You like Eisenstein primes?


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## Philip (Mar 22, 2011)

Dodecaplex said:


> You like Eisenstein primes?


Love ALL primes <3


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## Wicked_one (Aug 18, 2010)

I always thought that +/- 2 around your age is the best deal. 

Surely, it depends on the person. One might fancy the older people, one might be just a hopeless romantic for the very young ones. Love has no age limits, but it can really point out the creepy people out there.


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## Camilla (Apr 7, 2010)

I wouldn't date significantly younger than me, although I would date older. I am 26, and feel that my limit would be to date someone who is late 40s. That said, I would probably have my concerns if this were to happen.


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## elgar's ghost (Aug 8, 2010)

Camilla said:


> I wouldn't date significantly younger than me, although I would date older. I am 26, and feel that my limit would be to date someone who is late 40s. That said, I would probably have my concerns if this were to happen.


I would respect Camilla's judgement here - just 17 posts in 2 years tells me that she must weigh her words very carefully.


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## Camilla (Apr 7, 2010)

elgars ghost said:


> I would respect Camilla's judgement here - just 17 posts in 2 years tells me that she must weigh her words very carefully.


I don't live on the internet I'm afraid.


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## Huilunsoittaja (Apr 6, 2010)

Age boundaries disappear at my school of music. I'm good friends with grad students and even doctorate students, even though I'm a 1st year undergrad. It is bizarre, but I think that's my personality, that I get along with people older than me. Could be a sign I will marry someone significantly older than me, but I can't say for sure.

As for dating a doctorate student...  It would be bizarre, but I sure hope so! However, I think I need to match with them at a spiritual level first, and then age wouldn't matter. There's been several times in my life where I couldn't even take one step because of differences in spirituality between me and another guy, as opposed to age, personality, etc.

To give an example of an unusual relationship... in one month, my only and older brother will be marrying a lady 6 years older than himself! But it truly was meant to be.


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## regressivetransphobe (May 16, 2011)

violadude said:


> It's referring to a 1 year gap in the relationship, not "dating" a 1 year old.


I know  is my sense of humor that esoteric?


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## Chrythes (Oct 13, 2011)

No, but is dating a 3 or 5 years old considered fine?


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## regressivetransphobe (May 16, 2011)

Listing every number below 18 wouldn't have had quite the same punch.


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## Yoshi (Jul 15, 2009)

Chrythes said:


> No, but is dating a 3 or 5 years old considered fine?


And 10 or 15 years old is fine then?


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## Lenfer (Aug 15, 2011)

There are no limits on love, I would prefer to be roughly the same age as my other half which I am. However if I was born 20 years before or after and met him and fell in love I wouldn't want age to stand in the way.


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## ComposerOfAvantGarde (Dec 2, 2011)

30 years. After that it's difficult for it not to be paedophilia.


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## Mordred (Mar 15, 2012)

My girlfriend is 11 years younger, I am 35 she is 24, and it works simply because of differences in maturity. I am very immature for my age and she is mature for hers! I think this is why large age gaps are quite common - older guy - younger girl. Men take longer to mature in certain area. e.g. commitment, whereas women are ready to commit from about the age of nine!
If I could go back in time and grab the idiot 24 year old I was then and bring him to this current day and introduce him to my girlfriend now she would be in hysterics. The large age gaps work because of the general slow maturing of the male species vs females plus all the weird stuff girls are into like father figures, facial hair, money etc which is hard to procure when you're young!
So big gaps are great - as in older guy younger girl - the bigger the better - but not the other way round - N.B. Demi Moore Ashton Kucher. We men as we get older get more 'distinguished looking' handsome etc so we can get away with it!


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## mamascarlatti (Sep 23, 2009)

I'm married to someone 15 years older than me. We're still together after 20 years. I'll admit that it's not always ideal, and I don't like the idea he's so likely to die well before me, but it terms of our relationship per se I don't really notice the difference.


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## ComposerOfAvantGarde (Dec 2, 2011)

It may be of interest that composer Philip Glass's fourth(?) wife, Holly Critchlow (now divorced) is thirty years younger than him.


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## Guest (Apr 30, 2012)

There's still a lot of prejudice about regarding women being older than men. But many women look young these days and are young in outlook, so it wouldn't matter so much being with a younger man AS LONG AS HE HAD THE CASH. I think money becomes very important once you are both over 40 and have been in previous relationships. A lot of people are out to get all the money they can - being gold-diggers. That is a huge trap for the over 50 brigade, particularly women. My sisters, both single and in their 50's, won't touch men who have no money. It just isn't on, no matter how old or young if they are without means!! So, other things enter the equation as we age. I have loved somebody 36 years my senior, 22 years my senior and 8 years my junior, but a partner dying well before you do is a huge issue later on too.

And now a joke. A man in his late 60's was bragging to his friends that he'd just been married to a woman in her 20's and that it was great!! One of the friends asked him, "How did you do it? Did you tell her you were in your late 40's?" He replied, "Oh no, I told her I was 89"!!!!!

A real-life anecdote. My late father used to say, "Nobody wants to live to 90 - unless they're 89"!!


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## Krummhorn (Feb 18, 2007)

Consenting age between two adults should have no age barriers. In all but one of my relationships, I was the older but only by 8, 12 or 4 years respectively. My first wife was 4 years my senior. My present wife is 4 years younger. 

Age is just a silly number that our various governments use to determine which tax bracket we are in and get billed accordingly. :lol:

Kh


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## Guest (May 4, 2012)

Age isn't really just "a silly number" - it's real - and people break up with each other on the basis of age because it invariably means they have different expectations being at a different stage of life. When I said I had loved people hugely different from me in age I meant platonically, but we were very close in values and ideals - but, of course, these were never put "to the test" in a relationship. That would have been very different. Imagine having children, for example, with somebody 36 years older than you are. Ask Rupert Murdoch's partner about the "joys" of that. My own husband is 7 years my senior and that's enough, especially now that we're older and health issues arise. But, psychologically, it matters not one bit about age differences in relationships between the sexes and in serious friendships. I've had friends 25 years my junior and we've been very close. Most of you are talking about "consenting" relationships between people, i.e. lovers - large age gaps have physical repercussions, and that's as far as I'm going with THAT!! Let me summarize by saying that in the "reproductive years" the less of a gap the better.


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## Badinerie (May 3, 2008)

I have never had a serious relationship with anyone younger than myself apart from my wife( 3 Years younger) but she has always been a little more mature for her age. I never really related to younger women or women of my own age and always ended up with older women. Usually about a 5 year age gap. Apart from once in my twenties I had a 'fling' with a very nice woman in her 40's. She was recently divorced ( as was I) and we were good for each other right then. Physical age isnt as important a being emotionally and or intellectually and culturally matched. Intellectually Culturally with small c's of course!


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## Guest (May 5, 2012)

All very interesting posts here and thanks for sharing!


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## Moscow-Mahler (Jul 8, 2010)

I won't be having a relationship with a guy younger than *22 y.o. * I need a man, not some infantile boy (even physically attractive), who is afraid of his parents, who can be verbally aggressive and dominant in virtual, but is totally inexpierenced in reality etc. I do not want a headache.


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## ComposerOfAvantGarde (Dec 2, 2011)

Moscow-Mahler said:


> I won't be having a relationship with a guy younger than *22 y.o. * I need a man, not some infantile boy (even physically attractive), who is afraid of his parents, who can be verbally aggressive and dominant in virtual, but is totally inexpierenced in reality etc. I do not want a headache.


Perfect description of me. :lol:


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## moody (Nov 5, 2011)

ComposerOfAvantGarde said:


> Perfect description of me. :lol:


You want to have a relationship with him?


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## ComposerOfAvantGarde (Dec 2, 2011)

moody said:


> You want to have a relationship with him?


No I was pointing out that I would be a "headache" to Moscow-Mahler.


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## myaskovsky2002 (Oct 3, 2010)

About me. I am sooooooo old, and I feel soooooooooooooooo young. Age is an accident! I feel 27. I am 42... No, let me count...60! That sounds terrifying.

Martin


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## LordBlackudder (Nov 13, 2010)

in some countries the age to date is 21 and others its 18.

but here its 16.

haha.

i vote no age matters.


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## Huilunsoittaja (Apr 6, 2010)

I got a better question.

What should the distance gap be for a date? :tiphat:

- 2 feet

- .1 mi

- 40 mi

-900 mi

- no limits (date someone at any distance)


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## ComposerOfAvantGarde (Dec 2, 2011)

Huilunsoittaja said:


> I got a better question.
> 
> What should the distance gap be for a date? :tiphat:
> 
> ...


Is this about the guy that you like who lives far away in another city? Well I'd say NO LIMITS as long as it is _actually possible._

As for distance after the date: RIGHT ON TOP OF EACH OTHER


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## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

Huilunsoittaja said:


> What should the distance gap be for a date? :tiphat:


This is strongly dependent upon the both the individual qualities of the two people(i.e., what you both are willing to put up with and are comfortable with) involved and their style of chemistry. In some cases, it won't work unless you can see each other regularly. On the other hand, I've known people who have considered themselves in relationships via skype interaction before they ever met and sometimes they even break up before they get that chance! There is certainly a middle ground(meeting every once in a while and skyping(talking on phone, ect.) regularly to fill the distance), but many would argue that such a middle ground is still on the extreme for most people. Personally, I think a relationship where you can physically be in the presence of someone often enough(how often?) has a greater chance of being solid than in cases where that isn't possible. Unless you have weirdly _perfect_ and also _immediate _chemistry, there will be kinks to "work out" in any relationship that will be greatly assisted by being in their physical presence.

To this day, I have met in person, I think 6 people that I would almost certainly not have met otherwise were it not for the internet. 3 of them I am still on excellent terms with, one is my girlfriend, one is my piano teacher and best friend; another is a good friend; 1 I'm on okay terms with though we haven't talked consistently in a while; 1 I haven't talked with in in half a year(former lover and best friend) and another I only saw on 1 date and she was iffy about seeing me again so I didn't follow up. I also had a few close and semi-close internet friends who I've never met and probably never will. All of them I've met lived in my area, the pacific northwest, except the one who was from Dubai(now that's a long ways away!). His family was of the nature and disposition to come and try to start fresh in Seattle since they'd been here before, so I had 5 months with him or so. That was the most unusual case. I guess I am becoming a bit of an expert on this...


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## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

Another funny thing, the only person I met that I didn't become close with I met on a dating site...lol.


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## ComposerOfAvantGarde (Dec 2, 2011)

clavichorder said:


> This is strongly dependent upon the both the individual qualities of the two people(i.e., what you both are willing to put up with and are comfortable with) involved and their style of chemistry. In some cases, it won't work unless you can see each other regularly. On the other hand, I've known people who have considered themselves in relationships via skype interaction before they ever met and sometimes they even break up before they get that chance! There is certainly a middle ground(meeting every once in a while and skyping(talking on phone, ect.) regularly to fill the distance), but many would argue that such a middle ground is still on the extreme for most people. Personally, I think a relationship where you can physically be in the presence of someone often enough(how often?) has a greater chance of being solid than in cases where that isn't possible. Unless you have weirdly _perfect_ and also _immediate _chemistry, there will be kinks to "work out" in any relationship that will be greatly assisted by being in their physical presence.
> 
> To this day, I have met in person, I think 6 people that I would almost certainly not have met otherwise were it not for the internet. 3 of them I am still on excellent terms with, one is my girlfriend, one is my piano teacher and best friend; another is a good friend; 1 I'm on okay terms with though we haven't talked consistently in a while; 1 I haven't talked with in in half a year(former lover and best friend) and another I only saw on 1 date and she was iffy about seeing me again so I didn't follow up. I also had a few close and semi-close internet friends who I've never met and probably never will. All of them I've met lived in my area, the pacific northwest, except the one who was from Dubai(now that's a long ways away!). His family was of the nature and disposition to come and try to start fresh in Seattle since they'd been here before, so I had 5 months with him or so. That was the most unusual case. I guess I am becoming a bit of an expert on this...


tl dr  blahblahvlaj


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## Guest (Jun 23, 2012)

If I found any young girl (any age) that found me attractive I would be in like a shot.


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## myaskovsky2002 (Oct 3, 2010)

It depends.

Martin


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## Guest (Jul 1, 2012)

*@Martin * Depends on what? I mean legal age of course, and not ugly or deformed or 12ft tall or 6ft wide or smelly or not really attractive in a gorgeous way etc


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## Guest (Jul 2, 2012)

I dated a woman who was 14 years older, but I married a woman 3 years younger than me.


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## ComposerOfAvantGarde (Dec 2, 2011)

Kontrapunctus said:


> I dated a woman who was 14 years older, but I married a woman 3 years younger than me.


Why would you do something like that to your wife?! What did your wife say when she found about this _older_ woman?


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## Guest (Jul 2, 2012)

ComposerOfAvantGarde said:


> Why would you do something like that to your wife?! What did your wife say when she found about this _older_ woman?


LOL...you have quite the wit!


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## AlainB (Nov 20, 2011)

Being 19 myself, I can't really say I prefer that much younger people – not to assume that I think young people can't be mature or any of the such, since that's not the case. In-fact, I would definitely prefer a few years older than I would be. At this moment, I draw the line at about 35 years of age, so I suppose choosing '15' in the poll will do.


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## Guest (Jul 4, 2012)

Young males want older woman to gain experience, old males want young woman "I don't know why" beats me, mumble mumble mumble.


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