# Please critique this piece of mine



## AmateurComposer

I composed this piece for children to dance to. I published it elsewhere, and as far as I can tell, it was well received. I would appreciate constructive criticism about it, such as points regarding what could have be done differently which might have inproved the piece. While I do not have any plans to modify this piece, I will be happy to keep comments in mind for the benefit of composing future music.

Thanks in advance.


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## chillowack

Very simple and repetitive. The minor key sounds almost eerie, and I don't know if "eerie" music is the best kind for children to dance to. A "happy" major chord might be more appropriate.

Also, the tempo is quite accelerated for a children's dance tune--the little ones would have to move quite rapidly to keep up.

The fast tempo, combined with the eerie minor key, somehow conjures an image of *wicked midgets* in my mind, like maybe circus performers dancing around distractingly while picking people's pockets during the Renaissance.

That's probably not the kind of input you were looking for, but those are my honest impressions.


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## AmateurComposer

chillowack said:


> Also, the tempo is quite accelerated for a children's dance tune--the little ones would have to move quite rapidly to keep up.


What children age group do you have in mind?

If a choreographer who is interested in using this piece for planning a dance performance approaches me regarding the tempo, I am willing to discuss the matter, and able to provide an audio file where the tempo is modified to the level we agree upon.



chillowack said:


> That's probably not the kind of input you were looking for, but those are my honest impressions.


Since I am expecting "critique" rather than compliments, your input is very welcome and appreciated. True, you provide it from a different point of view than the one I was expecting (I am hoping for comments suggesting improvement to the orchestration of this quintet), but your comments are constructive and provide food for thoughts. Thank you very much.


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## emiellucifuge

Just looking at the score the harmony is quite odd?
What is the first chord? Im rubbish with transposing instruments but it loks like the clarinet is playing a D and the horn an F, which dont fit in the chord that the other instruments seem to be playing ( an a minor)


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## emiellucifuge

Ah nevermind i dont think the score is written in transposed state in which case it all makes sense.


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## AmateurComposer

emiellucifuge said:


> Just looking at the score the harmony is quite odd?
> What is the first chord? Im rubbish with transposing instruments but it loks like the clarinet is playing a D and the horn an F, which dont fit in the chord that the other instruments seem to be playing ( an a minor)
> 
> Ah nevermind i dont think the score is written in transposed state in which case it all makes sense


If you look carefully at the score, you will notice that both transposing instruments, the clarinet and the horn, are labeled "actual sound"

The individual parts for these two instruments (which are not presented here) are noted by their respective fingering keys.


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## emiellucifuge

Yes thank you for clarifying?

How much thought have you put into chord progression and harmonic movement? Or is this a spontaneous piece? 

What kind of feeling are you trying to bring across, relevant to the fact that it is a piece for children to dance too?


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## AmateurComposer

emiellucifuge said:


> How much thought have you put into chord progression and harmonic movement? Or is this a spontaneous piece?


Spontaneous. However, I am interested in your concerns, and would appreciate it greatly if you would elaborate and point to some specific examples.



emiellucifuge said:


> What kind of feeling are you trying to bring across, relevant to the fact that it is a piece for children to dance too?


The joy of childhood.


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## MJTTOMB

The joy of childhood? why is it in a minor key if that was your purpose?

Not criticizing, just wondering what your logic was there.


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## AmateurComposer

emiellucifuge said:


> Or is this a spontaneous piece?





AmateurComposer said:


> Spontaneous.





MJTTOMB said:


> The joy of childhood? why is it in a minor key if that was your purpose?
> 
> Not criticizing, just wondering what your logic was there.


Logic in spontaneity?


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## janne

Thats not too bad. I actually enjoyed it, thanks.


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## hlolli

Good rythm stretto. And the orchestration is not bad too, not overdosing on the flute in sopran, but the bass may lack diversity. As for haromny it whould be more "traditional" to have the main theme a place where tension gets off, but it seem to work for you to have superstrong progressions in main theme, remindes me of Bartok children album.


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## AmateurComposer

janne said:


> Thats not too bad. I actually enjoyed it, thanks.


Thank you, Janne, very much. It is nice to hear from a listener who appreciates my music and does not mind a joyful tune in a minor key.


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## AmateurComposer

hlolli said:


> Good rythm stretto. And the orchestration is not bad too, not overdosing on the flute in sopran, but the bass may lack diversity. As for haromny it whould be more "traditional" to have the main theme a place where tension gets off, but it seem to work for you to have superstrong progressions in main theme, remindes me of Bartok children album.


Thank you, hlolli, for your constructive comments. I am curious to know how you would like me to add diversity to the bass. Please elaborate, and if necessary, feel free to write down a few measures of the bass according to your preference, numbering them according to my score. I will be happy to consider your concept of bass diversity for my future compositions.


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