# Of all the gin joints in the world you had to walk into mine...



## Sid James (Feb 7, 2009)

_...and start singing the Toreador Song from Carmen._

The point of this I hope fun thread is to turn lines from movies, plays maybe even things like poetry and political speeches into lines about classical music.

Be as whimsical as you want.

The line in the title of this thread was from _Casablanca_ btw.

Here's another one:
_
Go ahead, make my day and listen to all of Stockhausen's Licht cycle in the one sitting. So now, do you feel superior to me punk, do you?_

(a take off of _Dirty Harry_, Clint Eastwood's most famous scene pointing his magnum at some punk who may or may not have listened to Stockhausen and felt superior - who the hell knows?)

*Ok over to you.* The most creative contributions win a trip to Hollywood to see Bogey's plaque on the walk of fame and to meet Clint...


----------



## Sid James (Feb 7, 2009)

A variation on Churchill's 'fight on the beaches' speech:

_We shall listen to the Beach Boys on the beaches, we shall listen to Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries on the landing grounds, we shall listen to Beethoven's Pastoral in the fields and in the streets, we shall listen to Mussorgsky's Night on Bare Mountain in the hills; we shall never stop listening to music at the right place and at the right time, NEVER!_


----------



## Ramako (Apr 28, 2012)

A few LOTR (Fellowship) themed ones that spring to mind...

(Perhaps on the subject of Beethoven codas)
The end is never late, Frodo Baggins, nor is it early - it ends precisely when it means to!

(On atonal music)
You... shall not... Clash!!!

One tone to rule them all, one tone to find them,
One tone to bring them all, and in the tonic resolve them!

And outside of LOTR

Schoenberg:
There are more things in heaven and earth, Beethoven, than are dreamt of in your tonality.


----------



## Kieran (Aug 24, 2010)

I know that Arnie definitely said, "I'll be Bach" in the Terminator movies.

In Casablanca, when Rick puts on a CD at the end and Captain Renault asks what it is, Rick replies: "Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful opera..."


----------



## Sid James (Feb 7, 2009)

Another variation on Churchill's 'fight on the beaches' speech:

_We shall listen to the Debussy's La Mer on the beaches, we shall listen to Walton's Spitfire Prelude and Fugue on the landing grounds, we shall listen to Vaughan Williams' Pastoral in the fields and in the streets, we shall listen to Hovhaness' Mysterious Mountain in the hills; we shall never stop listening to music at the right place and at the right time, NEVER!_

& Australian Prime Minister Gough Whitlam's speech after being sacked I'm turning from this "Well may we say 'God save the Queen,' because nothing will save the Governor General" into this:

_Well may we sing 'God Save the Queen,' because nothing will make Freddy Mercury fans happier than that_.

& one from a film I recently watched, 49th Parallel, actor Leslie Howard said this "Grizzly bears. Touchy beasts. You wouldn't like 'em...and they wouldn't like you." My version:

_Wagner fanatics. Touchy people. You wouldn't like 'em...and they wouldn't like you_.


----------



## Guest (Feb 20, 2013)

From "The Last Boy Scout," starring Bruce Willis. Bruce is captured by the bad guys, and one of them, named Milo, says this to Bruce, "You think you are so f***ing cool, don't you? You think you are so f***ing cool. But just once, I would like to hear you scream in pain . . ."
To which Bruce replies, "Play some Karlheinz Stockhausen . . ." (Bruce actually says rap music, but same difference:devil


----------



## Sid James (Feb 7, 2009)

DrMike said:


> .... But just once, I would like to hear you scream in pain . . ."
> To which Bruce replies, "Play some Karlheinz Stockhausen . . ." (Bruce actually says rap music, but same difference:devil


You wicked wicked man :lol: ...


----------



## Weston (Jul 11, 2008)

While we're on Churchill, didn't he mention something about the soft white under-ballet of Europe?


----------



## science (Oct 14, 2010)

You want Tan Dun? You can't handle Tan Dun! Son, we live in a world of Bruckners. And those Bruckners have to be played by men with brass. You weep for Michelle Yeoh, and you curse the bassoons. But I have a greater trombone than you could possibly fathom.


----------



## Sid James (Feb 7, 2009)

From a certain_ taxi driver_ played by a very young Robert de Niro:
_
You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me about the end of La Boheme when Mimi carcs it and Rodolfo gets emotional and sings that aria with all those amazing tonal modulations? Man, that is my favourite piece by Puccini. He actually worked as a taxi driver before becoming famous...or hang on, was that Steve Reich?..._

& this one a homage to Aussie Peter Finch's famous line in _Network_:

_I'm mad as hell and sick of warhorses, and I'm not going to take Beethoven's 5th anymore! Give me something by the equally great symphonist Mehul. I WANT MY MEHUL NOW! _


----------



## Sid James (Feb 7, 2009)

Marlon Brando in _On The Waterfront_:

_I coulda been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am because I don't understand the philosphical implications of 4'33," not to speak of Wagner's Parsifal or the Can Can by Offenbach..._


----------



## Rapide (Oct 11, 2011)

In response to folks who hate the man/music of my favourite composers, such as Richard Wagner

"_Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn_"


----------



## Kieran (Aug 24, 2010)

Norma Desmond, in Sunset Boulevard:

_"I am big! It's the piano stool that got small!"_

Robert Duvall in Apocalypse Now:

_"I love the smell of Shostoakovich's Suite from The Nose in the morning..."_


----------



## BlazeGlory (Jan 16, 2013)

Barack Obama, after listening to Beethoven's "Consecration Of The House": You didn't build that!


----------



## Ingélou (Feb 10, 2013)

John Wayne, in 'She Wore a Yellow Ribbon' - 'Never arpeggio - it's a sign of weakness'. (For 'never apologize' )

This is a wonderfully witty thread, & a brilliant idea.  If I only knew a bit more, I could think up something more esoteric that would be 'a sign of weakness'.


----------



## oogabooha (Nov 22, 2011)

Dvořák, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. D-voř-ák: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. D. Voř. ák.


----------



## millionrainbows (Jun 23, 2012)

Kieran said:


> I know that Arnie definitely said, "I'll be Bach" in the Terminator movies.
> 
> In Casablanca, when Rick puts on a CD at the end and Captain Renault asks what it is, Rick replies: "Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful opera..."


Oh, you missed an obvious one. The "Arnie" is Schoenberg!:lol:


----------



## millionrainbows (Jun 23, 2012)

"The only thing we have to fear...is atonality itself." -FDR

"I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this Boulez anymore!"

"Listen to me, mister. You're my knight in shining armor. Don't you forget it. You're going to get back to that chord progression, and I'm going to be right behind you, humming the root, and we're gonna resolve, resolve, resolve!" -Katherine Hepburn, On Golden Pond

"Forget it, Jake, it's John Cage." -Chinatown

"Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty Serialist!" -Charlton Heston, Planet of the Apes


----------



## Weston (Jul 11, 2008)

"How do you know Shostakovich?"

"Well, he turned me into Knut Nystedt!" 

Stunned silence

"I got Behr."


----------



## science (Oct 14, 2010)

oogabooha said:


> Dvořák, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. D-voř-ák: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. D. Voř. ák.


Very, very well done.


----------



## science (Oct 14, 2010)

From Shakespeare's _The Tragedy of Prince Timpani_:

To beat, or not to beat, that is the question; 
whether 'tis nobler in the drums to suffer
the strings and brass of orchestral fortune, 
or to take mallets against the sea of copper, 
and while rolling, portamento.


----------



## science (Oct 14, 2010)

What we've got here is failure 
to medicate.
Some musicians, you just can't calm down. 
So you get beta-blockers,
which is the way he sedates. 
Well, he gets it.

Edit: Sorry. Too dark?


----------



## Guest (Feb 21, 2013)

The well-known seen on the bridge from the movie "Monty Python and the Holy Grail."

Bridgekeeper: Stop! What . . . is your name?
Arthur: It is Arthur, King of the Britons.
Bridgekeeper: What . . . is your quest?
Arthur: To seek the Holy Grail!
Bridgekeeper: What . . . is the average duration of Beethoven's 9th Symphony?
Arthur: What do you mean? A HIP or non-HIP performance?
Bridgekeeper: Huh? I . . . I don't know that! Aauuugh! (he is ejected from the bridge to plunge to his death)


----------



## Guest (Feb 21, 2013)

Er war ein Punker
Und er lebte in der großen Stadt
Es war Wien, war Vienna
Wo er alles tat
Er hatte Schulden denn er trank
Doch ihn liebten alle Frauen
Und jede rief:
Come on and rock me Amadeus

Amadeus Amadeus, Amadeus
Amadeus Amadeus, Amadeus
Amadeus Amadeus, oh oh oh Amadeus

Er war Superstar
Er war populär
Er war so exaltiert
Because er hatte Flair
Er war ein Virtuose
War ein Rockidol
Und alles rief:
Come on and rock me Amadeus


Oh, wait, that one is real!


----------



## Guest (Feb 21, 2013)

There was something in the air that night
The stars were bright, Vivaldi
They were shining there for you and me
For liberty, Vivaldi
Though we never thought that we could lose
There's no regret
If I had to do the same again
I would, my friend, Vivaldi


----------



## Guest (Feb 21, 2013)

Or who can forget that great Penny Marshall movie, "A Philharmonic of their Own," and particularly the scene where Tom Hanks' character (Jimmy Dugan) is chewing out one of the players (Evelyn). Let's listen in:

Jimmy: Evelyn, could you come here for a second? Which orchestra do you play for?
Evelyn: Well, for yours.
Jimmy: Well I was just wonderin' why you would bring a gut-stringed instrument when we are playing Stravinsky. You tuned your instrument for A=415 Hz, and now the whole orchestra is off because of you. Start using your head. That's the lump that's three feet above your ***.
(Evelyn starts to cry)
Jimmy: Are you crying? Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? There's no crying! THERE'S NO CRYING IN CLASSICAL MUSIC!


----------



## science (Oct 14, 2010)

DrMike said:


> Or who can forget that great Penny Marshall movie, "A Philharmonic of their Own," and particularly the scene where Tom Hanks' character (Jimmy Dugan) is chewing out one of the players (Evelyn). Let's listen in:
> 
> Jimmy: Evelyn, could you come here for a second? Which orchestra do you play for?
> Evelyn: Well, for yours.
> ...


What if at a key moment in the symphony my spit valve bursts open and, oops, my spit comes flying out? That might draw a crowd, right?


----------



## Taggart (Feb 14, 2013)

With reference to rap "music" - one of the few words in English with a silent initial letter C .:devil:


----------



## SiegendesLicht (Mar 4, 2012)

DrMike said:


> Er war ein Punker
> Und er lebte in der großen Stadt
> Es war Wien, war Vienna
> Wo er alles tat
> ...


Why, just WHY do Germans always insist on sticking those random English words into their sentences?


----------



## Guest (Feb 21, 2013)

SiegendesLicht said:


> Why, just WHY do Germans always insist on sticking those random English words into their sentences?


In some cases, they have co-opted English words into their language.


----------



## SiegendesLicht (Mar 4, 2012)

DrMike said:


> In some cases, they have co-opted English words into their language.


I know, but it still exasperates me sometimes. Das T-Shirt, die Party, der Shop, downloaden, killen, recyceln... aaaarrrrrgh!!! And no, this sentiment has nothing to do with Anglo-bashing.


----------



## Mahlerian (Nov 27, 2012)

SiegendesLicht said:


> Why, just WHY do Germans always insist on sticking those random English words into their sentences?


It's even worse with Japanese these days. There's a phenomenon known as "wasei Eigo" (和製英語, roughly Japan-created English), where they stick together English words to mean something different than they mean to native English speakers. These phrases are then contracted so that they make even less sense to those of us who have English as our first language...

Anyway...I suppose I should add something to the topic.

"Use the retrograde inversion, Igor!" - Robert Craft


----------



## millionrainbows (Jun 23, 2012)

Apologies to Science:

To resolve, or not to resolve, that is the question:
Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind to suffer
The Slings and Arrows of outrageous dissonance,
Or to take Arms against a sea of Serialists,
And by opposing end them: to refuse, to listen
No more; and by a refusal, to say we end
The Ear-ache, and the thousand unnatural shocks
That the ear/brain is heir to? 'Tis a silence
Devoutly to be wished. To revel to silence,
To not listen, perchance to dream tonally; Aye, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of silence, what tonal ideas may come,
When we have shuffled off this modernist coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes Calamity of so long life:
For who would bear the Whips and Scorns of Serialism,
The Atonalist's wrong, Elliott Carter's insults,
The bangs of despised Boulez, the Minimalism's delay,
The insolence of Academic composers, and the clashes
That patient merit of new music takes,
When he himself might his Quietus make
With a Corelli concerto? Who would complete Webern boxes bear,
To grimace and fidget under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after modernism,
The undiscovered Country, from whose bourn
No Listener returns, Puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those Bruckner boxes we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of.
Thus Tradition does make Cowards of us all,
And thus the Native hue of I-V7 Resolution
Is sicklied o'er, with the pale cast of Pierot,
And enterprises of indeterminate pitch and harmonic meaning,
With this regard their Current compositions turn awry,
And lose the name of "Good Music." Soft you now,
The fair Philomel? Nymph, in thy prayer
Be all my tone-row permutations remembered.


----------



## Manxfeeder (Oct 19, 2010)

We all know about the lion cub's song, but it was first sung by John Strauss II: "I just can't wait to be Waltz King."


----------



## Manxfeeder (Oct 19, 2010)

millionrainbows said:


> The fair Philomel? Nymph, in thy prayer
> Be all my tone-row permutations remembered.


Aha! The soliloquy that inspired Milton Babbitt!


----------



## Sid James (Feb 7, 2009)

Good on ya guys. I won't think of Hamlet's 'to be or not to be' soliloquy the same way again.

Ok, on to Brad Pitt's famous speech laying down the rules in _Fight Club_ (or is that Talk Classical Club?) -
_
Welcome to Talk Classical Club.

The *first rule* of Talk Classical Club is: you do not talk about Talk Classical Club.

The* second rule* of Talk Classical Club is: you DO NOT talk about Talk Classical Club!

*Third rule* of Talk Classical Club is: if a mod yells "stop!", reminds you of the Terms of Service or locks the thread the conversation is over.

*Fourth rule*: only two guys to a conversation involving the merits of John Cage or atonality, otherwise it risks getting out of hand.

*Fifth rule*: one conversation at a time, fellas. STICK TO THE TOPIC OF THE THREAD!

*Sixth rule*: the conversations should only involve music. No dogmatic pseudo religious ideological gobbledigook. No shooting the messenger!

*Seventh rule*: conversations will go on as long as they have to.

And the* eighth and final rule*: if this is your first time at Talk Classical Club, you have to tell us who your favourite composers are._


----------



## cwarchc (Apr 28, 2012)

Nobody puts Beethoven in a corner


----------



## Sid James (Feb 7, 2009)

A paraphrase of *President Kennedy's* speech to Berliners on the Western side of the Berlin Wall:

_All free men, wherever they may live, are citizens of Berlin, and, therefore, as a free man, I take pride in the words "Ich bin ein Irving Berliner!"_

& I can't resist this fooling around with *Australian Prime Minister R. G. Menzies'* speech bringing Australia into World War II in light of a certain significant anniversary this year. The real speech is here.

_Fellow Australians, 
It is my melancholy duty to inform you officially that in consequence of a persistence by Wagnerites in their invasion of the world's opera houses in 2013, they are celebrating the 200th anniversary of his birth and that, as a result, Australia has also been forced to do this and stage The Ring in Melbourne.
No harder task can fall to the lot of a democratic leader than to make such an announcement._


----------



## AndreasFink (Feb 11, 2013)

Because they like English language.


----------



## AndreasFink (Feb 11, 2013)

siegendeslicht said:


> i know, but it still exasperates me sometimes. Das t-shirt, die party, der shop, downloaden, killen, recyceln... Aaaarrrrrgh!!! And no, this sentiment has nothing to do with anglo-bashing.


and???


----------



## AndreasFink (Feb 11, 2013)

AndreasFink said:


> Because they like English language.


This was my answer to the question of SiegendesLicht:

"Why, just WHY do Germans always insist on sticking those random English words into their sentences?"


----------



## Rapide (Oct 11, 2011)

Sid James said:


> *Sixth rule*: the conversations should only involve music. No dogmatic pseudo religious ideological gobbledigook. No shooting the messenger!


I would amend that to "no dogmatic pseudo religious ideological political gobbledigook".


----------

