# Loss of motivation, stuck on listening to music and the internet



## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

I wish I could rekindle some older interests. Why is it that I used to be so interested in what different elements can do, what planets and stars are made of, or how different animal species are classified, and even speculating about these things? If I had remained interested in these things, I might have a more practical and useful life path ahead of me than I seem to now. Even fiction, its boring to me these days. I struggled through David Copperfield a year and a half ago, and was rather proud of myself, but since then, my ambitions of becoming better read have amounted to very little. Occasionally I can force myself to watch a film and enjoy it. Even within music, as much as I'd like to learn new pieces, compose, all I seem to be able to do is listen and evaluate. And whenever I become interested romantically in someone, I can't do much for myself. 

Such a stale period of my life. Homework is a pain. Perhaps I should declare a leave of absence from talkclassical. I tried to a while back, now I think I'll make it official.


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## Polednice (Sep 13, 2009)

We should leave TC together and do some mutual hobbies! 

I thought I'd reply to this just because I feel the same. Before university (English degree), I was great at maths and even considered getting into astrophysics, but, while I still love watching the odd documentary, my engagement isn't as active as it once was. The same is true of other topics. I wonder if it's just that thing of getting older and realising just how much there is that you _can't_ know? Because of that, I'm left with the feeling that I ought to really focus in on something esoteric (Old English!) and become an expert, rather than try to juggle a passing interest in so many things that I simply wouldn't have the time to cultivate a reasonable knowledge of any of them.


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## Almaviva (Aug 13, 2010)

clavichorder said:


> I wish I could rekindle some older interests. Why is it that I used to be so interested in what different elements can do, what planets and stars are made of, or how different animal species are classified, and even speculating about these things? If I had remained interested in these things, I might have a more practical and useful life path ahead of me than I seem to now. Even fiction, its boring to me these days. I struggled through David Copperfield a year and a half ago, and was rather proud of myself, but since then, my ambitions of becoming better read have amounted to very little. Occasionally I can force myself to watch a film and enjoy it. Even within music, as much as I'd like to learn new pieces, compose, all I seem to be able to do is listen and evaluate. And whenever I become interested romantically in someone, I can't do much for myself.
> 
> Such a stale period of my life. Homework is a pain. Perhaps I should declare a leave of absence from talkclassical. I tried to a while back, now I think I'll make it official.


It looks to me like the problems you're referring to are deeper than whether or not spending time on TalkClassical is desirable for you right now. Maybe you should see someone and discuss this - parents, a school counselor, priest, psychotherapist, whoever fits your situation and has earned your trust. Good luck!


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## Aramis (Mar 1, 2009)

I know what you are talking about and such marasm troubles me since years. Many years I could say, their number is not impressive by itself but considering what part of my life they make it becames even scary.

All I can tell you is that you should better fix it, otherwise, belive me, you will be tormented with bitter regrets. If you have possibility to do something valueable - like practicing you musical skills - then do it or get to the point when you will loathe yourself for wasting precious opportunities that you had. There are many ways of forcing yourself and the strongest one (but also the most woeful) is realization of what you have lost. It's better to get there by strong will than wait for whip to painfully wake you up.


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## Philip (Mar 22, 2011)

join a club at your school and attend weekly meetings, preferably something non-intellectual


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## Ukko (Jun 4, 2010)

Almaviva said:


> It looks to me like the problems you're referring to are deeper than whether or not spending time on TalkClassical is desirable for you right now. Maybe you should see someone and discuss this - parents, a school counselor, priest, psychotherapist, whoever fits your situation and has earned your trust. Good luck!


_Alma_, you forgot to mention Dutch Uncle.

Working with the little data I have re _Clavi_, I can only suggest several months of _Hard Physical Labor_, plenty of nourishing food, no booze, too tired for the first month to do anything after supper but go to bed. No keyboard, no music except Bach - when you can stay awake long enough to listen.


:angel:
:devil:


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## Klavierspieler (Jul 16, 2011)

It sounds (no offence) like you have a self-discipline problem. Have you tried making yourself accountable to another person? Other than that I have to agree with Aramis up there.


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## Vaneyes (May 11, 2010)

The pig has a good thought re hobbies.


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## Chris (Jun 1, 2010)

Part of the problem is choice fatigue. When we have access to so many things we could give our attention to it's hard to focus on one thing. But I don't know what the solution is to 'too many options'.


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## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

Almaviva said:


> Maybe you should see someone and discuss this - parents, a school counselor, priest, psychotherapist, whoever fits your situation and has earned your trust. Good luck!


Re Alma
The problem is, my parents are worn out with me, my good friend and mentor doesn't know what to say about my situation other than that I'm impatient and hard on myself and that I have shown that I'm exceptionally good at avoiding burdensome tasks which are an inevitability(I know this intellectually, but somehow I feel uninspired by that knowledge), and I have a therapist, have had two in my life, and I never know what it amounts to. If I could use TC in moderation, I would, but I find myself waiting for the next thing to happen whenever I post. Its a sort of attention craving thing, and enjoying when people agree with me. That's a problem unto itself that has grown large enough that it overlaps with my other motivational problem, but it comes from a different source, you are right. Still, it wouldn't hurt for me to be off for a while.

Re Hilltroll, I am often tempted to embark on some radical change into a more physically exhausting lifestyle, no kidding. Concerning hard labor, I was really tempted to work with Washington trails this year, but a family plan got in the way. If I fail my math again this quarter, should I go back and take it yet again? Or should I do something radically different than community college? I feel that things must change.

Re Aramis, I have developed a self preservative capacity, with good medication, to not regret sometimes that I failed at this and that, and to be somewhat, just somewhat content over nothing, excepting not having quite the social life I sometimes crave. It is true that sometimes my standards are too high and I do nothing because of it. Somehow I have to find a middle ground, preferably closer to the higher end of achievement.

Re Polednice

I understand exactly what you are saying about delving into the esoteric. That may just be a natural progression of things with certain personalities, I don't know what it means, or if its more good than bad, or vice versa.

Re Philip

That could be a fantastic idea actually. Perhaps I'll poke my nose around campus today since I'm here. Usually I just slack off chatting with people in the music room lobby.


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## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

Klavierspieler said:


> It sounds (no offence) like you have a self-discipline problem. Have you tried making yourself accountable to another person? Other than that I have to agree with Aramis up there.


It certainly boils down to that. Its why I don't have a diploma. As for making myself accountable to another person, I sometimes work for the instrument builder Jack Peters when he needs me if that's what you mean, he's a task master and I just do what he says. I would like to be able to do something for myself as well though.


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## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

Chris said:


> Part of the problem is choice fatigue. When we have access to so many things we could give our attention to it's hard to focus on one thing. But I don't know what the solution is to 'too many options'.


Its true, there's just too much. This connects to Polednice's post. This actually makes me feel hopeful that I can have flaming passion for something, its just that no one thing seems better than the other anymore except for listening to music. There's one book I want to read, but then there's another. There's one piece, then another. Thus I don't start. There's one subject that inspires me, but there's too much info and will I have enough mental energy to go on with my day? It'll just make me depressed when I get distracted and can't concentrate. And I don't exercise anymore.


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## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

Re Phillip again

I went and got a flyer of the different clubs at my school. Several appealing clubs and other extracurricular things. There's a piano club and a soccer club which might be of interest. For things, there seems to be a group that goes to and sees plays and movies and watches films. There's also a Concert Band. These all sound interesting enough to try.


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## CountessAdele (Aug 25, 2011)

Becoming a opera fan and joining TC had a similar effect on me. I lost interest things I used to care about, maybe too much. But they weren't ever really important things, television, movies, fantasy novels and video games. I think thats kind of positive, except now I don't really connect with my friends and family like I used to, none of them are fans and so they don't really get my facination. I guess thats why I'm on TC almost constantly now. All I want to do is listen to music and sing.


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## Igneous01 (Jan 27, 2011)

CountessAdele said:


> Becoming a opera fan and joining TC had a similar effect on me. I lost interest things I used to care about, maybe too much. But they weren't ever really important things, television, movies, fantasy novels and video games. I think thats kind of positive, except now I don't really connect with my friends and family like I used to, none of them are fans and so they don't really get my facination. I guess thats why I'm on TC almost constantly now. All I want to do is listen to music and sing.


I think im slowly starting to catch the opera fascination now. I cant stop listening to Lazarus, granted its a choral or sacred type of work, but to me it will only be a matter of weeks (maybe days) before I decide to actually watch an opera, and forever doom my life to being a shut-in Opera addict.


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## Ukko (Jun 4, 2010)

I need your relatives' phone numbers. An intervention is your only hope.


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## Igneous01 (Jan 27, 2011)

i dont have a problem. I dont know what your talking about.


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## Almaviva (Aug 13, 2010)

Igneous01 said:


> i dont have a problem. I dont know what your talking about.


I think Hilltroll was talking to the original poster, not to you.


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## violadude (May 2, 2011)

clavichorder said:


> Even within music, as much as I'd like to learn new pieces, *compose*, all I seem to be able to do is listen and evaluate.


You want some composition lessons? I'm looking for students


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## Almaviva (Aug 13, 2010)

clavichorder said:


> Re Alma
> The problem is, my parents are worn out with me, my good friend and mentor doesn't know what to say about my situation other than that I'm impatient and hard on myself and that I have shown that I'm exceptionally good at avoiding burdensome tasks which are an inevitability(I know this intellectually, but somehow I feel uninspired by that knowledge), and I have a therapist, have had two in my life, and I never know what it amounts to. If I could use TC in moderation, I would, but I find myself waiting for the next thing to happen whenever I post. Its a sort of attention craving thing, and enjoying when people agree with me. That's a problem unto itself that has grown large enough that it overlaps with my other motivational problem, but it comes from a different source, you are right. Still, it wouldn't hurt for me to be off for a while.


Whether or not you should stay away from Talk Classical for a while is not what I was getting at, clavichorder. It's just that the problems you have mentioned in your original post seemed to me (of course I may be wrong about it since I don't know you and can't say from just one post) to be more wide-ranging than a simple case of some Internet addiction (which many of us - including me - go through from time to time, when this place takes up too much of our time).

You know, you mentioned several instances of lack of motivation, of difficulty concentrating and staying on track, of not finding pleasure in things you used to like, of feeling a lack of direction in your life and a lack of accomplishments, and you mentioned difficulties with expressing your romantic interest for someone.

You said that people close to you (parents, mentor) seem to also be at a loss, and you don't see much sense in your psychotherapy.

All of this seems too complex to be dealt with here in Talk Classical. As much as it is nice to get your penpal's attention and to find some comfort and some nice words and suggestions here - and we'll all be happy to provide these things, as we have collectively done in this thread already - I just meant to say that maybe you should see someone closer to your non-cyber life who would have a clearer view of what is going on, and would offer more concrete help, since the problems seem to be piling up and they seem to escape the scope of what some Internet penpals (including me) can tell you.

I mean, maybe you're a bit depressed... (anhedonia, low concentration, low self esteem, etc., could be symptoms of it)... maybe you're going through some developmental crisis (transitioning from high school to college and from college to employment and a young adult's life can be daunting)... maybe it's something different...

My point is, we don't know, and seeing someone up close and in person (either a trusted person or even a professional) might help.

Meanwhile, if you decide to stay away from TC, we'll miss you and hope for your future return, and if you decide to linger around some more, we'll be happy to offer suggestions like Philip's very good one, and offer the little comfort we can offer. But do take care of yourself, buddy, and get help if you need it.

:kiss:


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## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

@ Alma, I appreciate the cyber support anyway, I'm glad to have become a part of TC in this last half year. Concerning getting help from people, in the several arenas of my life that trouble me, I have made steps to meet with a tutor at my college just today. For the emotional and otherwise component, I saw my therapist just today, and the session has left me feeling empty and confused but slightly released, as we talked about everything I have detailed here, and options seemed limited when he asked me if I was willing to work on them, to which I said I didn't know, and I don't know why, but he was really logistical and laid it out saying that options were running out and I had to be willing to try, and something about this made me cry very hard during the session, for the first time in a long time, I'm not a cryer these days. I certainly feel depressed now. I'm not sure what to do, but perhaps I'll update this thread from time to time.


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## Almaviva (Aug 13, 2010)

clavichorder said:


> @ Alma, I appreciate the cyber support anyway, I'm glad to have become a part of TC in this last half year. Concerning getting help from people, in the several arenas of my life that trouble me, I have made steps to meet with a tutor at my college just today. For the emotional and otherwise component, I saw my therapist just today, and the session has left me feeling empty and confused but slightly released, as we talked about everything I have detailed here, and options seemed limited when he asked me if I was willing to work on them, to which I said I didn't know, and I don't know why, but he was really logistical and laid it out saying that options were running out and I had to be willing to try, and something about this made me cry very hard during the session, for the first time in a long time, I'm not a cryer these days. I certainly feel depressed now. I'm not sure what to do, but perhaps I'll update this thread from time to time.


Well it looks like your trying the right steps. Good for you that you're getting help. These things can be painful and long but they can pay off at the end.


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## Sid James (Feb 7, 2009)

I agree with Alma. It is good to get help. Also with what Philip said, along the lines of that, a hobby involving doing things with other people is great. I think you're brave admitting these feelings here. IMO, a lot of people start obsessing about things, whether it be music or whatever else, to fill a void in their lives. I myself realise it's been in that way with me to an extent. I'm now cutting back on music, music, music and doing other things & they can be just simple things. I think it's good here at TC but too much of a good thing can in the end not be that good. I myself am aiming towards balance in my life & working out these things in practice takes time. So just be patient & things will work out eventually. Try stay positive...


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## Chrythes (Oct 13, 2011)

I am in a similar situation. For about 2 years i've been having problems focusing on one area, and i quickly lose interest in what i do. I studied Psychology for 2 years, but during the second year i decided that i couldn't continue any more - i totally lost my interest in my studies, friends and family. I lost my passion and started getting into deep depression more frequently than before. This led to a certain degree of drug abuse - almost everyday i was smoking marijuana, which i found to be very helpful as it worked as an anti-depressant for me, and during those rare social occasion that i decided to go to (and always got depressed afterwards) i drank more than before. All this time i was concious about my actions and knew that i was only running from my problems. I even got advised by my GP to see a Psychotherapist but for some reason i decided that i will manage by my own, and well, "time" will heal this. Also i was in a poor (and still am) financial situation, and couldn't afford any therapy. So after the end of the second year of my studies i decided to quit Psychology and try doing what i loved the most - music. I packed my stuff and flew to Dundee, Scotland to live with a friend. I thought that this will help me to get away from all the distractions that were present in my home-town, i wanted more time for myself and for music (playing the classical guitar) and thought that getting a job will do me some good. I've been living here for about 5 months and it's becoming worse. Combined with my lack of self-confidence, social anxiety, depression and lack of support (which sometimes i think i just ignore for some reason) i really don't see myself in the future at all. Now i've experienced on my own skin that Seneca was right when he said that we always take our vices wherever we go, and I regret not going to a psychotherapist when i was advised to. I'm 21 years old, so i still hope it's not too late for me before i really fall into the pit. 
I don't know how old are you, but at least you seek help and not postpone such a great problem that can be potentially devastating. And really, time heals/changes nothing - actions make difference. A person can stay the same until the day he enters his coffin if he does nothing.
Anyway, as far as i know, usually these problems are treated with cognitive behavioural therapy, but then again - i am not a therapist. I am just wondering what your therapist suggested that you do?
In any case, i wish you find your passion and a solid niche in life.


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## Ukko (Jun 4, 2010)

Almaviva said:


> I think Hilltroll was talking to the original poster, not to you.


Nope, to _Igneous_. An opera addiction is a serious thing.

I have already advised _Clavi_. We uneducated hillbilly therapists are very quick on the draw.


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## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

Chrythes said:


> I am in a similar situation. For about 2 years i've been having problems focusing on one area, and i quickly lose interest in what i do. I studied Psychology for 2 years, but during the second year i decided that i couldn't continue any more - i totally lost my interest in my studies, friends and family. I lost my passion and started getting into deep depression more frequently than before. This led to a certain degree of drug abuse - almost everyday i was smoking marijuana, which i found to be very helpful as it worked as an anti-depressant for me, and during those rare social occasion that i decided to go to (and always got depressed afterwards) i drank more than before. All this time i was concious about my actions and knew that i was only running from my problems. I even got advised by my GP to see a Psychotherapist but for some reason i decided that i will manage by my own, and well, "time" will heal this. Also i was in a poor (and still am) financial situation, and couldn't afford any therapy. So after the end of the second year of my studies i decided to quit Psychology and try doing what i loved the most - music. I packed my stuff and flew to Dundee, Scotland to live with a friend. I thought that this will help me to get away from all the distractions that were present in my home-town, i wanted more time for myself and for music (playing the classical guitar) and thought that getting a job will do me some good. I've been living here for about 5 months and it's becoming worse. Combined with my lack of self-confidence, social anxiety, depression and lack of support (which sometimes i think i just ignore for some reason) i really don't see myself in the future at all. Now i've experienced on my own skin that Seneca was right when he said that we always take our vices wherever we go, and I regret not going to a psychotherapist when i was advised to. I'm 21 years old, so i still hope it's not too late for me before i really fall into the pit.
> I don't know how old are you, but at least you seek help and not postpone such a great problem that can be potentially devastating. And really, time heals/changes nothing - actions make difference. A person can stay the same until the day he enters his coffin if he does nothing.
> Anyway, as far as i know, usually these problems are treated with cognitive behavioural therapy, but then again - i am not a therapist. I am just wondering what your therapist suggested that you do?
> In any case, i wish you find your passion and a solid niche in life.


I'm really sorry to hear that life has been so hard for you these past few years Chrythes. It does however sound like you've done something, you perhaps haven't seen a psychotherapist, but its at least half a reason not to since you have an unsuitable financial situation, and you've moved to Scotland and made an attempt to get a job. Too late? Change takes practice, and I've been sluffing due to this one issue with not getting my math homework done ever since I was sick for two days, everything has been on the back burner for two weeks and I've just failed a math test, I can only hope that I still pass this course or else it will be the second time I've failed it. If I don't do it, I'll feel bad about myself, but there is something self destructive going on, I don't think I'll ever know what its about, I just have to keep fighting it. Anyway, I've got to run, but I appreciated you sharing.


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## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

CountessAdele said:


> Becoming a opera fan and joining TC had a similar effect on me. I lost interest things I used to care about, maybe too much. But they weren't ever really important things, television, movies, fantasy novels and video games. I think thats kind of positive, except now I don't really connect with my friends and family like I used to, none of them are fans and so they don't really get my facination. I guess thats why I'm on TC almost constantly now. All I want to do is listen to music and sing.


Your story almost sounds positive! Its like a fresh and exciting new addiction, almost a story that shows that new addictions and passions can happen very readily at an older age(I think you are 19, my age, but you know how I'm complaining about this so...). There are downsides to be sure, but TC, its quite the site. Herlocksholmes had to resort to drastic measures, much to the moderators chagrin!


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## Ukko (Jun 4, 2010)

clavichorder said:


> Herlocksholmes had to resort to drastic measures, much to the moderators chagrin!


_Herlocksholmes_' remedy has a potentially serious drawback: the Talk Classical site is still open to him; he just can't post; can't send PMs to friends he has made only via TC, nor can they contact him through that channel.

If his only motive was to stop wasting time, good move. If the TC Experience had become an escape from other problems, I hope he had a back-up plan.


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## Ravellian (Aug 17, 2009)

I understand how you feel, clavi. To me, the thing that helps most is to just keep myself as busy as possible with menial tasks: school, music, clubs, work, whatever. If you're in school, try getting a part-time job or joining a social group. For some reason, the busier I am, the happier I feel about myself, and this in turn gets me more motivated to work extra hard on the things I _really_ care about: music research, educational reading, etc.


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## CountessAdele (Aug 25, 2011)

clavichorder said:


> Your story almost sounds positive! Its like a fresh and exciting new addiction, almost a story that shows that new addictions and passions can happen very readily at an older age(I think you are 19, my age, but you know how I'm complaining about this so...). There are downsides to be sure, but TC, its quite the site. Herlocksholmes had to resort to drastic measures, much to the moderators chagrin!


Yes, except for the slight new distance between my loved ones and me, my "addiction" has actually opened my eyes. Because of opera I now want to learn several new languages, travel the globe, learn to play the piano, learn to sing (thats the one I'm tackling right now), and to accomplish all these things I know I have to do well in school so its pushed me to study harder, and in order to pay for all this I had to get a job. And that job, being waitressing, has actually helped my people skills. TC is my down time.

In fact I was actually depressed before I found opera. You see I was, and still am, in that "transition period" when you're going to college and suddenly you have to decide what you're going to do for the rest of your life and all your decisions seem so final and you're terrified of choosing wrong but theres nothing that draws you. Yeah I've thought about it alot. Anyway I was living on my own for the first time in a strange city and I started to sink into depression, I missed a lot of classes and even failed a few, so then I felt extremely guilty because my parents worked hard to send me to school and I kept screwing up, and I couldn't find that ever elusive "passion", so I just contined to spiral.

Then one day I was wasting time on Youtube when I stumbled across a little 3 minute clip of Diana Damrau singing the Queen of the Night's famous aria. And I was so entranced by it, seriously it only took 3 minutes to get me hooked, and in the ensuing months I was very scared that I would get bored of opera like I had of so many other hobbies and interests. But I never did and even though it hasn't been _that_ long I'm just ecstatic that my love for it is as strong now as when I first thought 'Huh thats a scary looking lady I think I'll check it out'. So after I realized that this might be my "passion" I tried to learn as much as I could, I joined TC and met all you lovely, quirky, enthusiastic people. And then, realizing that I definately want to be an opera singer, I got my act together (see paragraph one).

So basically opera gave me a direction, and inspired me to just be better. Diana Damrau, opera, and TC are very important to me. I'm not saying just run out find your passion, like run to the store and pick up some milk, I feel extremely lucky to have found something I love so much. I don't know what exactly you're going through, and there isn't much more I can say that hasn't been posted already, just know that I _somewhat_ get how it feels and that you're in my thoughts! I really hope you find what you need!

Sorry this post was so long and so sappy!


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## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

@CountessAdele

This may be premature, but I have had several passions that waver on and off in the last few years. The few people I've told about my latest interest are rolling their eyes thinking its just another one of my phases. Indeed, I still love Russian Piano music, and early Keyboard music and don't know how to make these two mix. In addition, construction of musical instruments fascinates me, and the latest is Indian music, that's what people are skeptical about. I'm just going with it, I had a moment like you describe, I watched a classic Bengali film, "The Music Room" last weekend and now I've emailed local Indian music instructors concerning music appreciation, and Tabla and Sitar playing. I don't know which of these instruments I will want to pick. But I still love Medtner, the idea of piano improv and composing, early keyboard music, and want to build instruments. So many nebulous things going on. I'm probably never going to give up on Western classical music, I don't foresee Indian music taking over, but I am quite curious. 

As for school clubs, I've emailed local club organizers, the Piano club, the Indoor Soccer club(went and played today, I'm beat up now), and Concert Band. I really hope this piano club is good. I have a big sheet for reference so I can keep looking if I want more to do.

I'm feeling a bit more optimistic. I still haven't started my catchup working binge on Math, I'm having some downtime right now but will not post here too much because I know I will anticipate responses if I do. But nonetheless, I feel it is more possible than before. I can't believe how much this has affected my mood and perception of myself, but I'm trying to put that behind me and continue.


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