# Tell a Lie!!



## Bix

We have done this on here before but I cannot find the post.

All you do is tell a lie about the last poster.

I'll do mine in a minnow. Bix :devil:


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## SixFootScowl

Bix is really a cat that a mad scientist wired up to a computer so the cat can think things into posts. Thankfully the mad scientist feeds the cat a steady diet of classical music, which is why the cat came here in the first place.


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## Dr Johnson

Florestan is a whippet breeder made entirely of margarine in the image of Johnny Cash. 

He cannot go out in the daytime for fear of melting.


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## Guest

Dr Johnson is the online name of Ann Widdecombe.


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## Proms Fanatic

dogen had the time of his life with a front row spot at Justin Bieber's latest gig.


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## TurnaboutVox

If you spell "Proms Fanatic" backwards it spells "Satan's morph" because he's really Beelzebub in disguise


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## Huilunsoittaja

TurnaboutVox calls a basket on wheels for carrying shopping purchases a shopping cart.


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese

Huilunsoittaja is really a Fijian harmonica player who lives in a refrigerator during the day, only coming out at night.


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## starthrower

EddieRUKiddingVarese ate a moldy French garbage truck, the driver, and his gloves.


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## Cosmos

starthrower has buried a man under the gazebo  [like in the film The Gazebo (1959) with Glenn Ford and Debbie Reynolds]


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## Celloman

Cosmos is actually Bill Watterson, the creator of the Calvin and Hobbes comic strip.


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## Guest

Celloman is the online name of Susie Derkins.


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## Guest

dogen is one of the most humble of the chief magistrates of Venice or Genoa.


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## Proms Fanatic

MacLeod was in tears as he missed the penalty that would have won the World Cup for Scotland.


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## Weston

Proms Fanatic enjoys early retirement after having sold the patent for the Proms' Personal Pocket Air Freshener to Proctor and Gamble who immediately suppressed the technology.


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## Manxfeeder

Weston really likes cats.


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## clavichorder

Manxfeeder said:


> Weston really likes cats.


Manxfeeder would have you think that he feed's manx's, but in fact what he does is more akin to feeding or eating alongside them, and in case you didn't know, they mostly eat cat food, birds and rodents. I say akin to it, but the inside scoop is that he also _steals_ their food by scooping inside their food box. Its a grand double facade of generosity and neutral eccentricity, hiding a malevolent act of shameless thievery.


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## Lucifer Saudade

Manxfeeder is a feline food container from the Isle of Man.

Ah, you beat me to it. Clavichorder lived life believing he was a useful instrument, little realizing he was merely a spelling mistake. 

Hmm.. that's mean :devil:


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## clavichorder

Lucifer Saudade said:


> Ah, you beat me to it. Clavichorder lived life believing he was a useful instrument, little realizing he was merely a spelling mistake.
> 
> Hmm.. that's mean :devil:




Touche.


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## ArtMusic

clavichorder said:


> Touche.


Clavichorder dislikes the Baroque keyboard music by the Bach family and sons.


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## clavichorder

ArtMusic said:


> Clavichorder dislikes the Baroque keyboard music by the Bach family and sons.


That's right. But mind your manners, I created you.


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## Proms Fanatic

clavichorder holds the world record for having the longest fingernails in the world.


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## Dr Johnson

Proms Fanatic _hates_ Elgar's Pomp and Circumstance March No. 1.


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## Mahlerian

Dr. Johnson has earned not only 1, but 16 Nobel Prizes in a variety of fields.


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## shadowdancer

Mahlerian has a Justin Bieber tattoo at his chest.


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## Barbebleu

Mahlerian is secretly fond of musicals. The more up-beat, the better


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## Barbebleu

Shadow dancer is actually Mahlerian and beat me to it deliberately. :lol:


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## Aramis

Barbebleu's initial intention when registering was using username "Barbapapa", not "Barbebleu", because he identifies with the first of these two fictional characters more. Unfortunately, he misspelled the name.


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## Barbebleu

Aramis said:


> Barbebleu's initial intention when registering was using username "Barbapapa", not "Barbebleu", because he identifies with the first of these two fictional characters more. Unfortunately, he misspelled the name.


And what makes you think that's a lie. Btw how's Porthos and Athos?


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## Dim7

Miss Aramis is a lady because "ara" is a feminine interjection in japanese (she's also an obnoxious japanophone, who won't stop flaunting her japanese skills, unlike me) and "mis" is a misspelled "miss".


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## Dr Johnson

Dim7は日本語を話すことができます


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## TurnaboutVox

Dim7 is a humourless literalist who would rather die than post in STI or AAQWAQ


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## Mahlerian

TurnaboutVox has spent his entire life trying to acquire an American accent by watching soap operas.


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## Dr Johnson

Mahlerian is in fact Tom Lehrer.


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## Dim7

Mahlerian thinks the best thing about Mahler's 8th Symphony is the cool nickname "Symphony of a thousand" and it rocks mainly because of the HUGE and EPIC orchestra required


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## TurnaboutVox

Mahlerian's very favourite composer is Tchaikovsky, and his favourite genre opera. He is also fond of Shostakovich, whose compositional technique he thinks to have been exemplary.


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## TurnaboutVox

TurnaboutVox is always the quickest to respond with a witty riposte on 'Tell a Lie' . (And this was not posted by him)


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## Dr Johnson

TurnaboutVox pioneered a special guitar amplifier mounted on the rotors of a helicopter which unfortunately failed to find favour with anyone at all.


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## Celloman

Dr Johnson is actually a half-reptile/half-human Illuminati who lives under the Denver International Airport and uses TalkClassical as a highly-coded communication source for the New World Order.


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## Dr Johnson

Celloman said:


> Dr Johnson is actually a half-reptile/half-human Illuminati who lives under the Denver International Airport and uses TalkClassical as a highly-coded communication source for the New World Order.


Oh dear! This is true.

Anyway, pressing on, Celloman is made of cellophane and lives in the basement.


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## TurnaboutVox

Celloman's mother was human, but his father was a being made entirely of Cellophane. As a result his opinions are transparent!

Edit: Bl**din' 'eck, Dr Johnson, this is _not_ my day, is it?


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## Dim7

At first I kept misreading TurnaroundBox's username as "TurnaboutVox"


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## Dr Johnson

Dim7 has misread TurnaroundBox as "TurnaboutVox".


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## Mahlerian

Dim7 developed a fear of tritones when he was young and his mother kept him in a crib where each of the walls was three whole steps long.


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## TurnaboutVox

Dim7's name is an anagram of "was an English composer, conductor and pianist. He was a central figure of 7th-century British classical music, with a range of works including opera, other vocal music, orchestral and chamber pieces. His best-known works include the opera"

Edit: Oh, I give up! Substitute '_Mahlerian_' above, if you like!


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## Dr Johnson

TurnaboutVox said:


> Celloman's mother was human, but his father was a being made entirely of Cellophane. As a result his opinions are transparent!
> 
> Edit: Bl**din' 'eck, Dr Johnson, this is _not_ my day, is it?


The cruel vicissitudes of forums.


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## TurnaboutVox

Dr Johnson is a mind reading idea thief and a time-travelling plagiarist


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## Lucifer Saudade

At first I kept misreading Dim7's name as Dm7, until I realized I was in fact reading it right and it's just him being even more incompetent a speller then clavichorder.


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## Dr Johnson

Lucifer Saudade said:


> At first I kept misreading Dim7's name as Dm7, until I realized I was in fact reading it right and it's just him being even more incompetent a speller then clavichorder


Whatever you do, don't accuse him of being a mere minor 7th chord!!


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## Lucifer Saudade

Dr Johnson said:


> Whatever you do, don't accuse him of being a mere minor 7th chord!!


Why, will he assault me with a barrage of minor 7th chords?


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## Dr Johnson

Lucifer Saudade said:


> Why, will he assault me with a barrage of minor 7th chords?


A barrage of something....

:lol:


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## TurnaboutVox

Lucifer Saudade doesn't enjoy posting on TalkClassical, but he stands to inherit a fortune which will only come to him if he posts here every day for the rest of his life, which is why he is melancholy and nostalgic for simpler times.


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## Mahlerian

TurnaboutVox really thought he was going to get away with nobody lying about him for two hours...


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## TurnaboutVox

Mahlerian is still going to be the previous poster when I post this. Oh...


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## Dr Johnson

Mahlerian thought that he would get away without anyone telling the truth about him ever....


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## Dr Johnson

TurnaboutVox said:


> Mahlerian is still going to be the previous poster when I post this. Oh...


No he is'nt!!!!


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## Dr Johnson

Dr Johnson said:


> Mahlerian thought that he would get away without anyone telling the truth about him ever....


Can we synchronise our watches?


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## breakup

Dr Johnson said:


> Can we synchronise our watches?


 Most people are buying automatic transmissions lately, so synchromesh is going out of fashion.


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## Dr Johnson

Bix said:


> We have done this on here before but I cannot find the post.
> 
> All you do is tell a lie about the last poster.


Breakup has grasped exactly how this thread works.


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## ptr

Dr Johnson is nether a doctor nor does he have a johnson, except for his PhD in existentialist mycology...


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## Dr Johnson

ptr is only two inches tall and lives inside a melon called Malcolm.


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## Badinerie

The melon is actually very close and ptr is far away making it look possible to occupy a large fruit.
Dr Johnson is an anarchist...


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## TurnaboutVox

Badinerie and Malcolm the melon go back a long way, from when Malcolm played centre-forward for Newcastle United


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## Mahlerian

Malcolm actually played _American_ football, to the everlasting shame of everyone from the UK, and Badinerie's love of melons is only rivaled by TurnaboutVox's capacity for yodeling.


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## TurnaboutVox

Mahlerian was surprised at the success of my much-performed Concerto for Yodelling Melon with Gherkin chorus


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## Celloman

TurnaboutVox is actually a highly intelligent person.


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## ptr

The fact that T-vox is a very intelligent man is not as much a lie as it is a beer commercial with a hidden subliminal message that Mr Celloman is planning to conquer the world with his new gangsta rap album, get down with the fiddle ya biatch!

/ptr


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## Dr Johnson

ptr is a Hungarian vampire whose new yodelling rap album, _Squeeze My Melon_, is available to anyone who goes round to his house during the hours of darkness.


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## Jeff W

Dr Johnson is a distant relation of Howard Johnson, which explains the orange roof to his house


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## Levanda

I had nice dinner with Jeff W, he was so glad to see me and paid for everything.


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## Celloman

You shoveled the escargot under the table when he wasn't looking.


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## Dr Johnson

"Celloman!
Him a very 
Mellow man!
Him like to
Wear a onesie
And jig about 
In Swansea"


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## clavichorder

Dr Johnson said:


> "Celloman!
> Him a very
> Mellow man!
> Him like to
> Wear a onesie
> And jig about
> In Swansea"


Johnson the doc
Around da clock
talkclassical posts
like he da host
but in the forum
we rightly score'em
for doc to exist
in any top list
we'd need somethin' new
talkclassical's top posers 
that's where we'll put you


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## Dr Johnson

Clavichorder is too kind.


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## clavichorder

Dr Johnson said:


> Clavichorder is too kind.


The mildest of misspelled and obsolete instruments. Ever so slightly misguided though by that Rap music.


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## Lucifer Saudade

They weren't kidding when they said there's a new Doc on the Block. Dre, "that's why it's time for you to check your ***, *****" cuz Dr. Johnson's as good a rapper as clavichorder is a speller. Calvichorder tried to intimidate Dr. Johnson by claiming he was a poser but the Doc wasn't fooled. He knew full well clavichorder was the hypocrite instrument poser, so he said:

"Im rated "R"...this is a warning, ya better void
Poets are paranoid, DJ's D-stroyed"

Clavichoorder stammered to no avail and he...

"Ya tremble like a alcoholic, muscles tighten up
What's that, lighten up! You see a sight but
Suddenly you feel like you're in a horror flick
You grab your heart then wish for tomorrow quick!"

Having almost won the rap battle, Dr Johnson delivered the fatal blow: 

"Music's the clue, when I come your warned
Apocalypse Now, when I'm done, ya gone!"


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## TurnaboutVox

Lucifer Saudade is a celebrated rapper


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## Levanda

TurnaboutVox told me he or she not sure owns biggest collection of classical CDs and don't wish to share it.


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## Mahlerian

Levanda has already hatched a plan to steal 3/4 of TurnaboutVox's enormous CD collection.


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## Lucifer Saudade

TurnaboutVox is a collection hogging female.

** Mahlerian will distract TurnaboutVox with a rare Takemitsu CD while he steals the remaining 1/4th of the collection.


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## TurnaboutVox

Mahlerian's reputation in the musical world of Boston, Mass. is so fierce that promoters of sub-standard musical events are regularly reduced to tears on reading his always polite, but devastating reviews. He has ended many formerly glittering careers!



Levanda said:


> TurnaboutVox told me he or she not sure owns biggest collection of classical CDs and don't wish to share it.


I'm not sure if I'm he or she, or I'm not sure I have the biggest collection of classical CDs, Levanda? For the record, I *am* sure of one of these, but not the other...


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## Headphone Hermit

TurnaboutVox can recommend a very helpful (text ammended to concur with Turnabout's reposte) record shop in Prague that we both know


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## TurnaboutVox

Headphone Hermit has been lured to this thread where he will be devoured by a vicious band of rogue liars, gender obfuscators and reputation thieves.


(PS it was rather well and interestingly stocked, only, like the 'Local Shop for Local People' the proprietor didn't actually seem to want to sell me any of it. So I'm a bit confused as to whether your statement was a lie or not!)


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## SimonNZ

T-Vox tours the UK every summer with his Spinal Tap tribute band Tinnital Sap


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## Lucifer Saudade

... With SimonNZ being his trusted roadie, of course.


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## Dr Johnson

Lucifer Saudade is a kind of fiery Mexican sausage.


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## Levanda

Dr Johnson Dr Johnson is not a doctor I can proof it.


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## Celloman

When you had dinner with him, the steak turned out rare and he couldn't eat it so you knew that he couldn't stand the sight of blood.


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## Dim7

Celloman.... is actually not a cellist - but a violist


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## Dim7

Dim7 is a *******ing ********


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## Celloman

Dim7 said:


> Celloman.... is actually not a cellist - but a violist


How did you know??!!


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## Gaspard de la Nuit

Dim7 is actually a half-diminished 7th. Not only that, sometimes the third isn't even there. I kid you not.


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## TurnaboutVox

Gaspard de la nuit is scared of the dark and always locks himself in his home at dusk. As a result, he's never actually been seen during the night!


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## Gaspard de la Nuit

TurnaboutVox said:


> Gaspard de la nuit is scared of the dark and always locks himself in his home at dusk. As a result, he's never actually been seen during the night!


i thought these were supposed to be lies


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## Dim7

Gaspard de la nuit and TurnaboutVox are actually the same person, since according the rules of this thread each poster is supposed to lie about the previous poster, and Gaspard de la nuit lied about himself in the previous post


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## Mahlerian

Dim7 avoids joke threads in order to maintain a reputation for dignity and gravitas.


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## Dr Johnson

Mahlerian belongs to one of the races of people who worship Lord Lance as a demigod.


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## TurnaboutVox

Dr Johnson fell in love with Scotland and the Scottish people when he visited with Boswell. He especially approved of the food, and returned to London with 2cwt of oats to ensure himself a lifetime's supply!


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## Dr Johnson

TurnaboutVox is in fact Lord Monboddo, whose ideas on evolution predated those of Darwin.


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## TurnaboutVox

Dr Johnson said:


> TurnaboutVox is in fact Lord Monboddo, whose ideas on evolution predated those of Darwin.


Quite close! We studied at the same institution although 250 years apart...












> "Though Darwin now proclaims the law
> And spreads it far abroad, O!
> The man that first the secret saw
> Was honest old Monboddo.
> The architect precedence takes
> Of him that bears the hod, O!
> So up and at them, Land of Cakes,
> We'll vindicate Monboddo."
> 
> Charles Neaves


This I liked 


> He stated at one time that men had caudal appendages (tails); some historians failed to take him very seriously after that remark, even though Monboddo was known to bait his critics with preposterous sayings.


And this also :lol:


> When Monboddo was visiting the Court of King's Bench in London in 1787, part of the floor of the courtroom started to collapse. People rushed out of the building but Monboddo who, at the age of 71, was partially deaf and shortsighted, was the only one not to move. When he was later asked for a reason, he stated that he thought it was "an annual ceremony, with which, as an alien (i.e. a Scotsman), he had nothing to do".


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## Headphone Hermit

TurnaboutVox said:


> Quite close! We studied at the same institution although 250 years apart...


TurnaboutVox was so very proud of the third class degree in Sociology that he 'studied' for at Preston Poly - but such an 'achievement' was hardly a fair reward for the level of effort he put during eight years of 'study' (with multiple repeated assignments and appeals along with numerous instances of bribery) :devil:


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## ptr

Mr Hermit of Headphone fame has no ears, instead he sports a highly sensitive bunny tail each side of his skull!

/ptr


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## Guest

ptr lectured in sociology at Preston Poly.


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## TurnaboutVox

Dogen's real name is Dog-end, but he changed it slightly, shortly after he came to TalkClassical and began to encounter a better class of person.


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## Guest

TurnaboutVox said:


> Dogen's real name is Dog-end, but he changed it slightly, shortly after he came to TalkClassical and began to encounter a better class of person.


Haha all true! Except for the last bit.


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## SimonNZ

Dogen does the moves to "The Macarena" while listening to Beethoven symphonies.


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## Guest

SimonNZ and breakup are one and the same.


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## MrTortoise

MrTortoise: Fresh as a daisy, 24/7.


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## SimonNZ

Mr Tortoise suffers terribly from 'Nam flashbacks during the long nights. He wasn't in the war, the PTSD was obtained after negotiating traffic on a business trip to Hanoi in 2003.


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## MrTortoise

SimonNZ starts a new fashion trend by sporting a handle-bar mustache on his tattoo of John Cage by careful body hair trimming.


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## SimonNZ

_heh, that would mean that before this "manscaping" my John Cage tattoo looked like Chewbacca_


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## MrTortoise

^^^^


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## Dr Johnson

Mr Tortoise is a turtle. The giant turtle who, in some mythology (I forget which), carries the world on his back.


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## TurnaboutVox

In real life SimonNZ and Art Music are close friends who enjoy hanging out. They have never been known to get irritated with one another!


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## Dr Johnson

TurnaboutVox always reads the previous post.

_(enjoyed the extra Mondoddo stuff)_


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## Dim7

TurnaboutVox is ultimately responsible for all the drama and conflict on this forum


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## TurnaboutVox

Dim7 always plays nicely and never teases the other children


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## TurnaboutVox

TurnaboutVox will be spending his summer holidays posting facetious remarks on a ridiculous joke thread on TalkClassical.com


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## Dr Johnson

TurnaboutVox is really Pete Best and runs a fish and chip shop while brooding on what might have been.


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## Dr Johnson

TurnaboutVox said:


> TurnaboutVox will be spending his summer holidays posting facetious remarks on a ridiculous joke thread on TalkClassical.com


Surely this is no lie, Sir?


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## ptr

Doc Johnson is really a blacklisted dentist from Blackpool, he is also know as the mayhem of the mouth!

/ptr


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## Dr Johnson

ptr said:


> Doc Johnson is really a blacklisted dentist from* Blackpool,* he is also know as the mayhem of the mouth!
> 
> /ptr


_(Scunthorpe actually)_

ptr is a hub cap diamond star halo.


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## SimonNZ

Dr. Johnson once appeared on _Stars In Their Eyes_ as Marlene Dietrich, singing "They Call Me Naughty Lola"


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## Dim7

SimonNZ is a timid man who avoids conflict at all costs


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## Dr Johnson

Dim7 initially wanted to be an augmented chord until he discovered Smirnoff.


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## SimonNZ

_dear oh dear...what a reputation to have..._


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## Dr Johnson

SimonNZ is the secret love child of Dan Davin and Edna Everage.


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## ptr

Doc Johnson claims Scunthorpe as his home base, that is a blatant lie if there ever was one!

/ptr


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## Mahlerian

Ptr has actually constructed the world's largest pipe organ, installed in a hidden deep sea nuclear sub facility.


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## ptr

I've recently commissioned the individual behind the user name "Mahlerian" to write a 12 movement Organ Symphony based on transcriptions of the solar eruptions during the 12 months to come as observed by the Solar Observatory on Mallorca.

/ptr


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## Jeff W

D'oh! Got beat to the punch!

ptr owns and operates a secret base in the Arctic from which he plots to take over the world


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## Guest

Jeff W is the protagonist in an unfinished novel by Kafka.


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## Dr Johnson

Dogen is a character in a lesser known work by James Clavell.


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## Guest

Dr. Johnson and his brother invented baby oil.


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## ptr

Kontrapunctus use fake nails so that it clicks when he scratch the ivories of his piano (like in the Joe Ely song!)






/ptr


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## Headphone Hermit

ptr is familiar with the joke (from many years ago) about Dr Johnson's home town - _"if Typhoo put the tea in Britain, who put the **** in Scunthorpe?"_ :devil:


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## ptr

H. Hermie is the premier UK stand up comedian of his generation, his new act will open at The Plowright Theatre, Scunthorpe shortly! Watch this billboard for more information!

/ptr


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## Dr Johnson

ptr works for the Scunthorpe Tourist Board.


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## Jeff W

Dr Johnson isn't actually somewhere in England but is standing right behind every single member of TC!


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## Guest

Jeff W got bored in the Kafka novel and ran off to join the boys and girls in an Enid Blyton novel.


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## Dr Johnson

Dogen is naughty Uncle Quentin from _*Five Go Mad In Dorset.*_


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## Celloman

Dr Johnson is working on a "secret" project at Sellafield.


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## ptr

Celloman is currently slightly out of tune, but this rarely matters as most of his acquaintances are tone blind anyway!

/ptr


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## Levanda

ptr is not from Sweden he is from Russia, I know him I saw him in Leningrad.


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## Lucifer Saudade

Levanda is a song by София Ротару (Sophia Rotaru)


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## Dr Johnson

Lucifer Saudade knew Marie Corelli.


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## ptr

^^ Dr Johnson was the technical consultant at the conception their love child, ArtMusic...
Unfortunately Youtube has erased the video due to its explicit nature, but there is this picture:









/ptr


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## Dr Johnson

ptr was the attending midwife at the above mentioned event.


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## ptr

Indeed I was, I have fought many years to become the first holistic internet based male midwife, the slanderous misconceptions I have had to withstand to become a holistic midwife is unbearable! But Dr Johnson has always been supportive! 

/ptr


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## Dr Johnson

ptr threatened to drink my blood if I didn't co-operate.


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## ptr

But surely, even the most loving cheapskates like Doc J must have it in them to bestow a poor bloodsucker a few pints of deliciousness! Not? :cheers:

/ptr


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## Dr Johnson

ptr said:


> But surely, even the most loving cheapskates like Doc J must have it in them to bestow a poor bloodsucker a few pints of deliciousness! Not? :cheers:
> 
> /ptr


Not.

ptr is in fact an elk who gets drunk by eating rotten apples and head-butts old peoples' homes.


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## Celloman

Dr Johnson is telling the truth.


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## Dr Johnson

Yes, he is....................................


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## ptr

..but please keep in mind that I never touch the senior citizens, I only butt real estate unlike Celloman who have no qualms pestering these pillars that built our society!

/ptr


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## ptr

And yes, Dr Johnsom is the minister of truth and consequence of Freedonia!

/ptr


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## Dr Johnson

That's a canard.................


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## Guest

Mmmm duck soup...


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## geralmar

dogen likes to pay taxes.


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## SimonNZ

geralmar can recite Pi to five hundred places, and considers this his "party favorite"


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## breakup

Shouldn't this thread "Tell a Lie!!" be combined with the other thread "How old are you?", since they both do the same thing.


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## Badinerie

The Fairies at the the bottom of our garden live in fear of the Monachetto from the Italian restaurant across the road. I asked breakup to go across and sort it out with Arturo and his staff....he never came back!


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## MoonlightSonata

Badinerie is named after the musical form of the same name - a slow, stately dance in triple time.


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## SimonNZ

MoonlightSonata took up smoking churchwarden pipes after seeing Lord Of The Rings.


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## ArtMusic

SimonNZ said:


> MoonlightSonata took up smoking churchwarden pipes after seeing Lord Of The Rings.


SimonNZ comes from Lord of the Rings middle earth. (Hint: New Zealand where they shot the movies)


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## breakup

ArtMusic said:


> SimonNZ comes from Lord of the Rings middle earth. (Hint: New Zealand where they shot the movies)


Wait a minute, is that really a lie? I'm calling off topic.


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## MoonlightSonata

breakup said:


> Wait a minute, is that really a lie? I'm calling off topic.


If it is the truth, I must be living in Middle-Earth too.

Excuse me for a moment, my hobbit-hole has a rabbit in it.


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## Dr Johnson

MoonlightSonata played the Mouth of Sauron's horse in The Return Of The King.


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## MoonlightSonata

Dr Johnson said:


> MoonlightSonata played the Mouth of Sauron's horse in The Return Of The King.


Dr Johnson is secretly Peter Jackson.


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## Dim7

MoonlightSonata is a very immature old lady.


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## Dr Johnson

Dim7 is considering lowering his root (no sniggering at the back!) by a semitone and becoming a dominant 7th.


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## MoonlightSonata

Dr Johnson is considering becoming Do Johnson, and then making sockpuppet accounts called Re Johnson, Mi Johnson, Fa Johnson and so on.


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## SimonNZ

_"La Johnson" would sound quite glamorous. He'd have to camp it up a bit for that account._


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## Levanda

SimonNZ is famous pianist, I went to see his concert.


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## TurnaboutVox

Levanda is a grand Hungarian Countess who invites international celebrities to play in her private concert hall.


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## Dr Johnson

Every other Tuesday TurnaboutVox can be found busking outside Caffe Latte in Blackburn, treating passers-by to selection of Black Sabbath numbers, accompanying himself on his ukelele.


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## Guest

Dr Johnson had a small part in the 1977 film Confessions of a Nurse.


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## Dr Johnson

Dogen played the nurse.


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## Guest

...like a ukelele...

<<boom>> tsscchh


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## TurnaboutVox

Dr Johnson said:


> Every other Tuesday TurnaboutVox can be found busking outside Caffe Latte in Blackburn, treating passers-by to selection of Black Sabbath numbers, accompanying himself on his ukelele.


:lol: Haha! The very idea of Blackburn having a Caffe Latte - priceless!


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## Huilunsoittaja

Dogen - I hardly know you enough to tell a lie, so I will say that you probably don't say _lorry_. 

TurnaboutVox - Your current profile piece is red.


----------



## Mahlerian

Huilunsoittaja is the president of the Stravinsky Society of America.


----------



## Huilunsoittaja

Mahlerian is on the board of directors of the World Society for the Advancement of Atonality.


----------



## MoonlightSonata

Huilunsoittaja has an extreme hatred of the music of Glazunov.


----------



## ptr

MS is retired from a long career in agricultural sales (mostly cow feed) and this fact has led him on a long and winding path of hatred against floppy handed interpreters of Ludwig van Beethoven's piano works...

/ptr


----------



## TurnaboutVox

ptr's ignorance of modern and contemporary, especially Scandinavian, chamber music is total. He has no interest at all in the string quartets of Bent Sørensen or Åke Hermanson, and wants it to stay that way. He much prefers to listen to smooth jazz.


----------



## Dr Johnson

When not busking in Blackburn TurnaboutVox likes to ride an ancient motorcycle round the countryside, pausing occasionally to talk to sheep through a megaphone.


----------



## ptr

Dr Johnson is the bearer of absolute truths; TurnaboutVox and I actually compared notes on this at the latest Vincent Motorcycles Owners Club meet in Blackburn!

/ptr


----------



## Dr Johnson

ptr doesn't own a Vincent but likes to go the Owners Club meetings on his Zundapp:


----------



## TurnaboutVox

Dr Johnson said:


> When not busking in Blackburn TurnaboutVox likes to ride an ancient motorcycle round the countryside, pausing occasionally to talk to sheep through a megaphone.


I do. They are very receptive to my ideas. I think.

Back on topic:

Dr Johnson is the least educated, most ignorant man in England. He has an opinion on nothing. He has never said a single thing of note. He could not tell a joke to save his life.


----------



## Dr Johnson

TurnaboutVox said:


> I do. They are very receptive to my ideas. I think.
> 
> Back on topic:
> 
> *Dr Johnson is the least educated, most ignorant man in England. He has an opinion on nothing. He has never said a single thing of note. He could not tell a joke to save his life.*


*
*

_All too true, Sir, all too true._

TurnaboutVox had been keeping a box of porridge oats prisoner in his cellar for the last 10 years.


----------



## TurnaboutVox

Dr Johnson said:


> TurnaboutVox had been keeping a box of porridge oats prisoner in his cellar for the last 10 years.


The oat kist is not a prisoner, sir. It would be as free to go about its business as I am. But it has signed a contract to rent the cellar, and it has not paid me rent, and thus I have not furnished it with the cellar key.


----------



## ptr

TV's History with the reputed "oat kist" is a well know urban tale of the Blackburn hipster revolution!










/ptr


----------



## Dr Johnson

ptr has been keeping Charles Darwin a prisoner in his cellar for the last 150 years.


----------



## Guest

Dr Johnson is dyslexic.


----------



## ptr

dogen, aka dögen (umlauts important) or as I prefer; dögelito. won several spelling b's as a juvenile and is the current Senior spelling champ of the outer Lancashire regions. Blackburn hardly included!

/ptr


----------



## Dr Johnson

ptr has been known to interfere with dogen's ukelele.


----------



## Guest

Hey I pay good money for that.


----------



## ptr

Made me independently wealthy handling that uke did!

/ptr


----------



## Dr Johnson

With his enormous independent income ptr has set up an institute to investigate whether sheep can be taught to ride a motorcycle.


----------



## Guest

Dr J is straight outta Compton


----------



## TurnaboutVox

I understood dogen's last post perfectly. He is in no way or measure an obscurantist.


----------



## Dr Johnson

TurnaboutVox said:


> *I understood dogen's last post perfectly*. He is in no way or measure an obscurantist.


_
More than I did!_ (but having looked it up on the interwebs, here's the reference for those of us who blinked at that particular moment in the zeitgeist.)

Thus..

TurnaboutVox was a founding member of N.W.A but left to pursue his interest in sheep.


----------



## Dim7

Johnson is Yngwie Malmsteen's....


----------



## TurnaboutVox

Dr Johnson said:


> _
> More than I did!_ (but having looked it up on the interwebs, here's the reference for those of us who blinked at that particular moment in the zeitgeist.)
> 
> Thus..
> 
> TurnaboutVox was a founding member of N.W.A but left to pursue his interest in sheep.


And that Wikipedia entry was meant to...enlighten me? I feel like Alice in Wonderland!


----------



## ptr

T-Vox is really the Mad Hatter, not Alice!

/ptr


----------



## Dr Johnson

ptr keeps Charles Dodgson prisoner in his (capacious) cellar.


----------



## Guest

Dr Johnson said:


> _
> More than I did!_ (but having looked it up on the interwebs, here's the reference for those of us who blinked at that particular moment in the zeitgeist.)
> 
> Thus..
> 
> TurnaboutVox was a founding member of N.W.A but left to pursue his interest in sheep.


Sorry! Sh1t just comes into my head. I can't stop it!


----------



## Guest

TurnaboutVox said:


> And that Wikipedia entry was meant to...enlighten me? I feel like Alice in Wonderland!


Straight outta Compton> film about>NWA>Dr Dre>Dr J


----------



## Guest

Dr Johnson lives in a teapot.


----------



## Dr Johnson

dogen said:


> Dr Johnson lives in a teapot.


_A celestial teapot._


----------



## Lucifer Saudade

Dr Johnson hates this thread. He hates it so much every time a he makes a post he starts to fume and froth and boil like a kettle, spilling his profuse precipitation on his teapot abode.

His frustration causes acute hallucination that he lives in some celestial realm, instead of among his fellow kitchen utensils on dogen's table.


----------



## dzc4627

Lucifer Saudade is a lost salmon who is trying to find the rest of the group. He was misdirected due to him hearing the sound of something being played at the Sydney concert hall.


----------



## Dr Johnson

dzc4627 has composed a concerto for orchestra, concrete giraffe and Large Hadron Collider.


----------



## ptr

The venerable Dr Johnson spent most of his life basking in the shadow of his Younger brother, Professor Johnson, the famous inventor of the non-helix propagation shower-system!

/ptr


----------



## Guest

ptr lives in a mouldy old wine barrel, reading Diogenes.


----------



## Dr Johnson

dogen's ukelele does not go <<boom>> tsscchh, it goes

Hratche-plche
Hratche-plche.


----------



## OldFashionedGirl

Dr. Johnson works as a spy for the M16.


----------



## Dr Johnson

OldFashionedGirl said:


> Dr. Johnson works as a spy for the M16.


_(we call it SIS)_

OldFashionedGirl plays the harp in a Motorhead tribute band.

But only when the moon is full.


----------



## ptr

Dr Johnson is really a pseudonym for Ian Fraser "Lemmy" Kilmister! Rock on man!

/ptr


----------



## Guest

Clinically, Lemmy should be dead.


----------



## Dr Johnson

dogen said:


> Clinically, Lemmy should be dead.


Well, I'm not, so there!

ut:


----------



## Guest

You look a bit pale.


----------



## ptr

..and for the complete reveal, the individual known to some of us as dögen, is when he put on his civilian suit known by the name Micael Kiriakos Delaoglou, and on stage wearing a massive Spandex Jockstrap, Mikkey Döö!

/ptr


----------



## Guest

I don't even understand that. Can we have a picture? (say if it's NSFW)


----------



## ptr

The gentleman on the right is You!










I hope You recognize the blokes to the left, one of them mentioned previously in this thread...

/ptr


----------



## Guest

Lemmy was born in my home town.


----------



## Levanda

dogen got 12 dogs and I am sick of them none stop barking dogs. Do you consider to do something about that.


----------



## Mahlerian

Most of us don't look exactly like our avatars, but Levanda's is, in fact, a photograph, rather than a drawing, as is commonly supposed.


----------



## SeptimalTritone

Mahlerian is actually a spy from North Korea...

I mean, he likes Schoenberg isn't it obvious enough?


----------



## OldFashionedGirl

SeptimalTritone had a romance with Michelle Pfeiffer.


----------



## Dim7

OldFashionedGirl intended to register as "OddFashionedGirl" because of her preference for bizzare attires but misspelled her username


----------



## MoonlightSonata

OldFashionedGirl is so old-fashioned that she still remembers when plainsong was the latest development in modern music.


----------



## TurnaboutVox

Dim7's IQ was once measured at 7, hence...


----------



## MoonlightSonata

Oops, beaten to it. Oh well.
Dim7 is actually a sentient chord that communicates its posts to the people looking after it by using its four notes to create an alphabet like Morse code.


----------



## TurnaboutVox

MS originally intended to register here with the username of _Abendlied unterm gestirnten Himmel, WoO 150_ but then he decided at the last minute to go instead for the totally obscure "Moonlight Sonata", which no-one has ever heard of.


----------



## ptr

After a long day binge drinking at the Bell & Buck down the road he arrived at his mailbox finding a letter telling that he has been bestowed peerage by HRH Maggie the Second, he will henceforth be known as Sir Archibald Turnabout-Vox, the first Viscount of Blackburn! 

/ptr


----------



## Dim7

What's wrong with this thread? Why is everyone writing total BS?



Levanda said:


> dogen got 12 dogs and I am sick of them none stop barking dogs. Do you consider to do something about that.


No, dogen has cats, not dogs. Just because somebody's username has the word "dog" in it does not mean that they have dogs - plus it comes from the name of a japanese buddhist Dōgen Zenji, and is actually completely unrelated to dogs.



Mahlerian said:


> Most of us don't look exactly like our avatars, but Levanda's is, in fact, a photograph, rather than a drawing, as is commonly supposed.


You really expect us to believe that? I think everyone can easily see that it is a drawing, not a photograph. All of us live in the real world, as opposed to some cartoon world, so we know what realistic people look llike.



SeptimalTritone said:


> Mahlerian is actually a spy from North Korea...
> 
> I mean, he likes Schoenberg isn't it obvious enough?


Geez, how are those related at all?



TurnaboutVox said:


> MS originally intended to register here with the username of _Abendlied unterm gestirnten Himmel, WoO 150_ but then he decided at the last minute to go instead for the totally obscure "Moonlight Sonata", which no-one has ever heard of.


WTF? Moonlight Sonata is a very famous piece. Even people who don't really listen to classical know it.


----------



## Guest

Dim7 said:


> What's wrong with this thread? Why is everyone writing total BS?
> 
> No, dogen has cats, not dogs. Just because somebody's username has the word "dog" in it does not mean that they have dogs - plus it comes from the name of a japanese buddhist Dōgen Zenji, and is actually completely unrelated to dogs.
> 
> You really expect us to believe that? I think everyone can easily see that it is a drawing, not a photograph. All of us live in the real world, as opposed to some cartoon world, so we know what realistic people look llike.
> 
> Geez, how are those related at all?
> 
> WTF? Moonlight Sonata is a very famous piece. Even people who don't really listen to classical know it.


I'd liked to have seen this post BEFORE it was edited.

(and that's a lie)


----------



## ptr

Mr dögen is a straigt line decendant on the male side of Baldrick the first, son of Baldrick the elder in his first marriage to a Miss Turnip-Mash!

/ptr


----------



## Guest

ptr has an umlaut phōbia


----------



## Dr Johnson

dogen's umlaut was made for him by Chode & Trentham of Piccadilly.


----------



## MoonlightSonata

Dr Johnson knows this because he is actually Dōgen Zenji, and keeps a close eye on those using his name.


----------



## Dr Johnson

In fact it is MoonlightSonata who is Dōgen Zenji (a corruption of Toe jam Football) and he knows all and sees all.


----------



## ptr

Dr Johnson is merely a pseudonym for the well known fictional villain Keyser Söze!

/ptr


----------



## Dr Johnson

ptr wrote the popular Swedish comic song "Gloomy Herrings".


----------



## Guest

Dr Johnson is the world's leading expert on affective disorders in oceanic fish.


----------



## Dr Johnson

dogen has a mellotron into which he has inserted tapes of the grunting of gurnards.


----------



## Guest

Dr Johnson and Wilfred "Hide" White were the first explorers to traverse the treacherous North West Passage; from Preston to Blackpool.


----------



## Dr Johnson

dogen said:


> Dr Johnson and Wilfred "Hide" White were the first explorers to traverse the treacherous North West Passage; from Preston to Blackpool.


_Indeed. I shall always regret having to eat Wilfred somewhere near Blackburn golf club due to running out of food. But at least we (in a sense) did it!
_


----------



## Guest

Dr Johnson said:


> _Indeed. I shall always regret having to eat Wilfred somewhere near Blackburn golf club due to running out of food. But at least we (in a sense) did it!
> _


The makeshift shrine that you left, constructed of a knife, fork and upturned Worcester sauce bottle is a fitting tribute to White, and brings a tear to the eye of many a golfer.


----------



## ptr

dogen recently starred as the Black Swan of Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake in a success performance staged by the Blackburn Community Collage Ballet Company.. No animals where harmed or tested in this production!

/ptr


----------



## Dr Johnson

dogen said:


> The makeshift shrine that you left, constructed of a knife, fork and upturned Worcester sauce bottle is a fitting tribute to White, and brings a tear to the eye of many a golfer.


If I may say so, I think that, in its simple dignity, it was on a par with the memorial to Speke (a Nilo praeclarus).

Until ptr came along and stole the Worcester sauce bottle.


----------



## ptr

Sorry, I have an unforgiving need to collect others Worcester sauce bottles, I'm currently undergoing treatment for this with Dr Johnson, he expect a full recovery of this bottle loss!

/ptr


----------



## MoonlightSonata

ptr's Worcester kleptomania started in his youth, when he fought at the Battle of Hastings - it was not an arrow, but a shard from a stolen Worcester sauce bottle that killed Harold!


----------



## Guest

MoonlightSonata has the largest hand ever seen by medical science.


----------



## Dr Johnson

dogen secretly wishes that Worthington E, Double Diamond and Watneys Red Barrel were widely available.


----------



## TurnaboutVox

Worthington E, Double Diamond and Watneys Red Barrel are still widely available in Dr Johnson's home town of Scunthorpe


----------



## Dr Johnson

TurnaboutVox said:


> Worthington E, Double Diamond and Watneys Red Barrel are still widely available in Dr Johnson's home town of Scunthorpe


_Indeed. But only in the Lounge Bar. The Public Bar regards them as effete._


----------



## TurnaboutVox

Dr Johnson said:


> _Indeed. But only in the Lounge Bar. The Public Bar regards them as effete._


Dr Johnson is the effete, intellectual cousin of Viz's 'Biffa Bacon' and 'Mutha' and 'Fatha' are his aunt and uncle respectively.


----------



## Dr Johnson

TurnaboutVox said:


> Dr Johnson is the effete, intellectual cousin of Viz's 'Biffa Bacon' and 'Mutha' and 'Fatha' are his aunt and uncle respectively.


_Dear old Biffa. He never seems to change._

Anyway, back to the lying:

TurnaboutVox enjoys a nice glass of Buckfast Tonic Wine in the evening (and quite possibly the afternoon).


----------



## TurnaboutVox

Did yee spill me Symphonic Metamorphoses?


----------



## TurnaboutVox

Dr Johnson said:


> _Dear old Biffa. He never seems to change._
> 
> Anyway, back to the lying:
> 
> TurnaboutVox enjoys a nice glass of Buckfast Tonic Wine in the evening (and quite possibly the afternoon).


Ah, no, you have me confused with a Glaswegian, sorry. _Sanatogen_ tonic wine is what genteel alcoholics prefer where I come from...


----------



## Dr Johnson

TurnaboutVox often turns to Mrs TurnaboutVox and says "Yon Johnson's bum's always oot the windae."


----------



## MoonlightSonata

Dr Johnson's first name actually _is_ Dr.


----------



## Dr Johnson

MoonlightSonata is in fact a shaman who has taken over TurnaboutVox and, through him, is teasing us about making blank posts.


----------



## Guest

Dr Johnson lives in Lichfield.


----------



## Dim7

Lichfield lives in dogen.


----------



## Levanda

Dim7 is from North Korea. He got brother Kim Jong-un hey hurray their are twins.


----------



## Rhombic

ArtMusic has that username because s/he believes that art and music are two different things.

Edit: apparently I missed a few.

Levanda does not exist. It is a by-product of a meat-processing facility in Salzburg.


----------



## Mahlerian

Rhombic has never even caught a glimpse of three-dimensional space, and he is convinced that it's a myth.


----------



## Balthazar

Mahlerian, in his capacity as International Yodeling Champion 2015, is the spokesperson for the movement to ban cowbells in the Bavarian Alps on humanitarian grounds.


----------



## Dim7

Balthazar is actually the person in his avatar - Jim Carrey, that is.


----------



## Balthazar

While giving James Dean a pedicure on the set of _East of Eden_, Dim7 experienced a severe case of flatulence having eaten not one but three bad burritos for lunch, all but knocking unconscious our unsuspecting hero, but providing the on-set photographer the opportunity to capture an iconic image.

[That one actually hurt a bit, Dim. Dean had much better hair than Carrey.]


----------



## Dr Johnson

Balthazar is really Warren Buffett, the Sage of Omaha.


----------



## Balthazar

Dr Johnson has recently decided to go back and finish up his GED following the failure of his ill-conceived one-man show as the stock-picking drag queen Wanda Bouffé, the Parsley of Cleveland.


----------



## Guest

Balthazar's beatitudes are more beastly than previously thought.


----------



## TurnaboutVox

Dogen's soliloquies on porridge are particularly noted in the UK, where he often takes it upon himself to comment at length on oatmeal-based cereals in the 'Comments' section of the 'Guardian' newspaper


----------



## Guest

Hey, that's true!


----------



## MoonlightSonata

Dogen is a professional porridge-maker.


----------



## Dr Johnson

MoonlightSonata loves dogen's porridge so much he has been known to swim in it.


----------



## Balthazar

"Dr" Johnson was awarded his honorary title by completing a correspondence course in aromatherapy.


----------



## Guest

Balthazar runs an internet business that offers correspondence courses in alternative medicines, New Age therapies, esoteric French literature and Masonic ritual items.


----------



## MoonlightSonata

Dogen inhabits the mystical spaces between tones.


----------



## Guest

MoonlightSonata said:


> Dogen inhabits the mystical spaces between tones.


It's a nice place to live.


----------



## Dr Johnson

dogen's porridge is the glue that holds the universe together.


----------



## ptr

Dr Johnson is the proprietor of the justly famous Doc J's Ice Cream Van, he often cruze the Scunthorpe back roads peddlin' grey market import ice cream sandwiches! 

/ptr


----------



## Dr Johnson

ptr said:


> Dr Johnson is the proprietor of the justly famous Doc J's Ice Cream Van, he often cruze the Scunthorpe back roads *peddlin' grey market import ice cream sandwiches!*
> 
> /ptr


And very popular they are too!


----------



## TurnaboutVox

ptr is an itinerant salesman of _inlagd sill_ who can be found throughout Gotland selling his wares from the back of a bicycle. He is famous for his whistled renditions of Per Mårtensson chamber music, which he uses to alert housewives to the arrival of his mobile fish stall!



ptr said:


> Dr Johnson is the proprietor of the justly famous Doc J's Ice Cream Van, he often cruze the Scunthorpe back roads peddlin' grey market import ice cream sandwiches!
> 
> /ptr


I wondered who that was!


----------



## ptr

The art of pickling herring is something I learnt from my grandmother, she was a master pickler! Sir Turnabout-Vox as he is known in Germany once ate a bucketful of unpickled herring in a dare to prove his high fidelity!

/ptr


----------



## Dr Johnson

Once a month TurnaboutVox loads a huge container of porridge on to the back of his Francis Barnett (see picture below, porridge not shown), rides into Blackburn and throws large spoonfuls of the stuff at pedestrians.


----------



## TurnaboutVox

Dr Johnson said:


> Once a month TurnaboutVox loads a huge container of porridge on to the back of his Francis Barnett (see picture below, porridge not shown), rides into Blackburn and throws large spoonfuls of the stuff at pedestrians.


The porridge itself may not be shown but those are the special wide porridge-dyed trousers used in those days by the army's motorised porridge distribution division. This is 'Oop North', lad, we wasted nothing! Happy days, though...


----------



## hpowders

Post deleted.


----------



## omega

hpowders said:


> hpowders has decided to remain on TC full time in his quest for 20,000 posts.


Hurray!
:cheers:

[Wait, is this a lie or not? Time will tell.]


----------



## Dim7

Dim7 is going to catch hpowders in post count.


----------



## hpowders

Dim7 said:


> Dim7 is going to catch hpowders in post count.


Post deleted.


----------



## hpowders

Post deleted.


----------



## hpowders

omega said:


> Hurray!
> :cheers:
> 
> [Wait, is this a lie or not? Time will tell.]


I might ask the same of your "Hurray!"


----------



## TurnaboutVox

This thread has gone somewhat off topic, folks. For the elucidation of our esteemed returnee hpowders, the idea is that each poster makes a statement that is untrue about the previous poster, only I take so long to compose my lies that inevitably someone else has posted before I have finished, leading to cries of disgust etc.

But I'll see if I can start us off again:

hpowders would regularly exceed the 40 000 character limit in each of his posts before his 'holiday' from TC. He used to call himself the 'pithy poster' because you had to work your way through so much pith to reach the 'fruit' of his ideas.


----------



## Balthazar

TurnaboutVox supplements his income as a voice double for Dame Maggie Smith when she comes down with a cold during filming.


----------



## Dr Johnson

Balthazar used to play the triangle in The Funk Brothers.


----------



## MoonlightSonata

Dr Johnson secretly harbours a unicorn in his cellar.


----------



## Dr Johnson

MoonlightSonata lusts after my unicorn (which is why it is in the cellar).


----------



## ptr

Young Master M. Sonata is neither, nor, or on the whole, but never miss the opportunity to digest a few Cornetto Ice Cones as long as they are free like the wind!

/ptr


----------



## OldFashionedGirl

ptr is an alien.


----------



## ptr

OldFashionedGirl said:


> ptr is an alien.


Indeed I am, are you interested in conceiving a completely new race with me? Please!

/ptr


----------



## omega

This thread is not ambiguous.


----------



## Dr Johnson

omega plans to steal OldFashionedGirl from ptr as he takes her to the Vincent Owners Club rally in Blackburn on the back of his trusty Zundapp.

(rapidly adapted to take account of omega's post getting just before mine)


----------



## omega

My plan failed since Dr Johnson punctured the tyres of my Zundapp during the night.


----------



## manyene

omega always gets the last word in a discussion


----------



## TurnaboutVox

Manyene is lying when he says that he lives on the West Lancashire plane since his avatar makes it clear that he lives on the West Lancashire _airship_.


----------



## omega

Now, we all know what TurnaboutVox was doing this week.


----------



## Dr Johnson

omega owns a drone which he has nicknamed "Peeping Tom".


----------



## MoonlightSonata

Dr Johnson is a stowaway in the drone.


----------



## Dr Johnson

MoonLightSonata wants to be a stowaway in the drone.


----------



## ptr

Dr Johnson was exiled from Stornoway in his teens, his heart never left, his thoughts always soar above the Shetlands! But his flesh will never return... 

/ptr


----------



## Dr Johnson

....his flesh will never return because, like the Nazgûl, he was enslaved by the ring which ptr gave him.


----------



## ptr

..and that ring is firmly attached to Dr Johnson's nose tethering him to the pole of middle earth...

/ptr


----------



## Dr Johnson

...or not, for, with one single bound he was free,and the Valar came and thrust ptr and his Zundapp though the Door of Night...


----------



## omega

hpowders is in fact Persichetti's son. He left the forum since Dr Johnson had discovered his secret.


----------



## Dr Johnson

omega promised not to betray the secret with which I had foolishly entrusted him. I'd like to say that I blame myself. But it would be a lie.


----------



## Guest

Dr Johnson has webbed feet.


----------



## Dr Johnson

dogen has got hold of the keys to the drug cupboard again.


----------



## Guest

Hardly news since it was you that lent them to me.


----------



## Dr Johnson

om shontay!
:lol:


----------



## ptr

Dr Johnson has the most obnoxious avatar this side of Betelgeuse! (Shown above!)

/ptr


----------



## Dr Johnson

ptr said:


> Dr Johnson has the most obnoxious avatar this side of Betelgeuse! (Shown above!)
> 
> /ptr


Obnoxious it certainly is, but, to be pedantic, it is not an avatar.

Not yet, at any rate.


----------



## Dim7

Dr Johnson is not the main character in this thread.


----------



## Mahlerian

Dim7 secretly believes that if he accumulates enough minor thirds, one will eventually grow up to become a major third.


----------



## Dim7

Mahlerian is atonal.


----------



## ptr

Dim7 is distinctly polytonal!

/ptr


----------



## TurnaboutVox

ptr plays ondes martinot in Visby Symphony Orchestra concerts, but the leader has begged him not to since he's not actually a member of the orchestra!


----------



## Dr Johnson

TurnaboutVox sometimes wanders the streets of Preston claiming to be the Duke of Saxe-Coburg-Saalfeld.


----------



## ptr

Dr Johnson is one of the omnipresent identities of the famous Australian composer Peter Scunthorpe (RIP)

/ptr


----------



## MoonlightSonata

ptr has had a variety of orange named in his honour.


----------



## Guest

Moonlight doesn't know which flag he likes best.


----------



## ptr

Oh yes I have, and its more sour then a lemon and more bitter then a grapefruit and it had a bright blue sheen from being enhanced with polonium (Prokofiev even wrote an opera about these fruits). dögen is actually an octogenarian wearing a rubber mask!

/ptr


----------



## Dr Johnson

ptr is a rubber octopus with a hard bright blue polonium lemon squeezer.


----------



## omega

Dr Johnson only squeezes ptr-oranges on ptr's lemon squeezer.


----------



## Dr Johnson

omega invented the _double entendre_ while examining his alpha in the bath.


----------



## Guest

Under carefully controlled conditions, Dr Johnson developed the single entendre. Unfortunately, it never caught on (with the sole exception of Royston Vasey) and, disconsolate, Dr Johnson moved away from the field of comedic tropes.


----------



## Dr Johnson

dogen had a small part in Carry On Camping.*

*_Not_ a small part in Barbara Windsor, as has been previously and incorrectly reported.


----------



## ptr

Dr Johnson is convinced that he is an incarnation of Barbara Cartland's Pekinese Mai Mai!

/ptr


----------



## Dr Johnson

All Barbara Cartland's novels were ghostwritten by ptr. He also influenced her wardrobe; when she visited him one day to see how the latest work was progressing she was immediately taken with the pink chiffon peignoir he was wearing as he tapped away on his Remington and copied his style from that moment on.


----------



## MoonlightSonata

Dr Johnson knows all this because he secretly _is_ Barbara Cartland.


----------



## Dr Johnson

MoonlightSonata knows this because he has stalked Barbara for many years.


----------



## MoonlightSonata

To assist me in this endeavour, Dr Johnson built me a time machine - necessary, because she died almost exactly a year before I was born.


----------



## Dr Johnson

MoonlightSonata said:


> To assist me in this endeavour, Dr Johnson built me a time machine - necessary, *because she died almost exactly a year before I was born.*


Selfish old biddy!


----------



## TurnaboutVox

Dr Johnson said:


> TurnaboutVox sometimes wanders the streets of Preston claiming to be the Duke of Saxe-Coburg-Saalfeld.


What do you mean, 'claiming'?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dr Johnson only accidentally joined TalkClassical when he was looking for an Ancient Greek language web forum.


----------



## Dim7

TurnaboutVox is trying to hack this site, to edit the forum software so that he (but nobody else) can like his own posts...


----------



## TurnaboutVox

Dim7 said:


> TurnaboutVox is trying to hack this site, to edit the forum software so that he (but nobody else) can like his own posts...


Dim7 is actually a deeply serious poster who prefers to keep out of the 'humorous' threads on TC. His posts have been cruelly subverted and satirised by an unholy triumvirate of moderators headed by Mahlerian, and reposted in threads such as this one.


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## Dim7

TurnaboutVox's posts are embarrassingly inappropriate for a forum that one would hope strives for some maturity.


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## ptr

Dim7 is the prime mister of a diminished third world nation currently at war with hyper reality 7..

/ptr


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## TurnaboutVox

ptr's ambition is to be Prime Minister of an independent Gotland, in which the Visby symphony orchestra will be forced to incorporate his ondes martinot playing into every concert, and his mobile fish-stall will have monopoly rights across the land.


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## ptr

It is evident from the preposterous concoction uttered above that Brother Turnabout-Vox has never left the confines of the Blackpool Waterfront Monastery for winch he has been the keen herb gardener for the last 50 years! (It is thought that these herbs rarely reach the kitchen of said establishment..  )

/ptr


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## Dr Johnson

TurnaboutVox said:


> (1) What do you mean, 'claiming'?
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> (2) Dr Johnson only accidentally joined TalkClassical when he was looking for an Ancient Greek language web forum.


(1) Doctor will be with you soon.

(2) πῶς γάρ οὐ?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ptr has franchised out his entire marijuana growing enterprise to TurnaboutVox and his band of merry monks.


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## Guest

Dr Johnson is only called Dr because of his propensity for snorting penicillin.


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## Dr Johnson

dogen is a Florentine Pogen.


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## TurnaboutVox

ptr said:


> It is evident from the preposterous concoction uttered above that Brother Turnabout-Vox has never left the confines of the Blackpool Waterfront Monastery for winch he has been the keen herb gardener for the last 50 years! (It is thought that these herbs rarely reach the kitchen of said establishment..  )
> 
> /ptr


ptr, on a working holiday in Blackpool recently, right in front of the Waterfront Monastery


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## ptr

Brother Turnabout-Vox also earn an extra penny for the monastery as one of the UK's most celebrated papalrazzi!

/ptr


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## TurnaboutVox

ptr said:


> Brother Turnabout-Vox also earn an extra penny for the monastery as one of the UK's most celebrated papalrazzi!
> 
> /ptr


I like the idea that Pope Francis has an official "Papalrazzi" to ensure good publicity shots. Sure, I'm in!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ptr and Dim7 are conducting a Scandinavian bromance that is likely to bring Sweden and Finland closer together


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## Dr Johnson

TurnaboutVox is planning to publish a book containing the best of his large collection of photographs of seaside ice cream vendors.


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## ptr

Dr Johnson on his last holiday in Benidorm spent the better part of the week end hiding in a drinks cabinet!

/ptr


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## Dr Johnson

ptr said:


> Dr Johnson on his last holiday in Benidorm spent the better part of the week end hiding in a drinks cabinet!
> 
> /ptr


Indeed I did. Although I cannot now remember why.


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## Lucifer Saudade

Dr Johnson has long stopped posting in this thread and is now enjoying his vacation in Benidorm. He has only bothered to reply out of concern for being missed too much by his truth-telling comrades. 

Indeed some people have erroneously began to think that this thread is his favoured holiday destination, little realizing it is actually his current abode.


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## Dr Johnson

Lucifer Saudade said:


> Dr Johnson has long stopped posting in this thread and is now enjoying his vacation in Benidorm. He has only bothered to reply out of concern for being missed too much by his truth-telling comrades.
> 
> Indeed some people have erroneously began to think that this thread is his favoured holiday destination, little realizing it is actually his current abode.


All of this is true.


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