# That thing where people assume training to be a musician is a horrible childhood



## hreichgott

Seems to be a common meme: If someone spends a lot of time making music as a child, s/he must have a horrible childhood. 

I'm sure there are some utterly unforgiving parents who demand crazy amounts of practice every day from talented but not particularly motivated children, mostly due to the parents' own dreams of having a little prodigy, leading to daily battles, misery, etc. But the misery there is about the parent-child relationship, not about hours spent making music.

Playing the piano has been an everyday part of my life since I was tall enough to reach the piano. Formal practice began when my lessons began at age 7. Playing the piano was always one of my four favorite at-home activities, alongside reading books, playing computer games, and playing outside with a neighbor or sibling. Looking back, I think that all of those favorite activities had elements of fun and elements of incredibly hard work (has anyone else ever spent hours trying to master one trick jump in a video game, or building a fort out of tree branches??) I also invested massive amounts of time in all of them. When I wasn't asleep, at school, at a scheduled activity or doing chores, I was logging more and more hours in those favorite activities. During middle school I had a period of laziness, as many do, and I practiced less. Did I do anything worthwhile with the time that freed up? Any marvelous childhood experiences that practice time had prevented me from? Not really. Not anything that I really valued then, and oddly, not really anything that I enjoyed more than music. In theory I could have spent the extra time socializing, but let's be honest, no number of extra hours would have made me an adept socializer, especially not in middle school. Late in middle school I decided I wanted to learn Beethoven's "Pathetique" sonata, a reach at the time but possible with much practice, and I dove back into multi-hour practicing a day and never looked back.

For my students, I push them to practice every single day but for moderate periods of time. Five minutes a day for raw beginners, 10 minutes a day by the end of Suzuki book 1, 20 minutes a day in book 2, 30 minutes a day in book 3 etc. through the beginning of book 6 which is when they have access to advanced music; after that practice time expectations are set according to the student's individual goals. Those times are minimums and I instruct the parents not to push for more than the minimum. My highly motivated students tend to practice for much longer, although getting to the piano in the first place sometimes requires parental pushing even for the most motivated. They're kids, after all.

If we believe Malcolm Gladwell's estimate that you need 10,000 hours to become a real expert at something, then let's count the hours. This structure takes 900 hours to get from beginner to advanced. Let's say that they get there by the beginning of high school. Then the ones who want to become professionals devote 3 hours a day for four years of high school and 4 hours a day for four years of conservatory. That's a pretty conservative estimate for the practice time of motivated students who are doing what they love. All together, assuming 350 practice days per year, that's 10,700 hours by the end of conservatory. (Unless they practiced for more than the minimum as beginning and intermediate students, in which case they have logged more hours.) That's hardly the popular image of sweating under the eye of a scolding parent for 5 hours a day all through childhood.

Moreover, thinking of my own experience and that of my highly motivated students, if we didn't use that childhood time for music practice, what could we have used it for that we would have enjoyed more? We needed some goofing-off time, but would we have enjoyed 5 hours a day of goofing off? Probably not as much as we enjoyed goofing off for an hour, reading for an hour, and playing piano for 2-3 hours.

Making music is a wonderful way to spend a childhood.


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## ptr

It is much the same as with sports me thinks, as long as it is not the parents failed dreams/careers that the Kid is supposed to remedy, then either is lots of fun!

I spent most of my "childhood" making music and it was fun almost all the time! 

/ptr


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## Ukko

Thanks for the insight, _hreichgott_. Being as I am a drifty hillbilly geezer, your post triggered a _ tangential association_. Since the mid-20th C., the desire to _hear_ music must have been a much reduced factor in the need to _make_ music. That seems obvious to me now, but it wasn't a few minutes ago.


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## hreichgott

Hilltroll72 said:


> Since the mid-20th C., the desire to _hear_ music must have been a much reduced factor in the need to _make_ music.


Because of recording technology, you mean? I'm sure that's true. People have always found ways to have music at concerts and parties and even street corners, but being able to surround yourself with it at whim on a daily basis... till recently, you had to BE a musician (or live with one) in order to do that.


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## PetrB

Thank you for this post!

I've run into it frequently enough. I started involvement with being given a record player and several classical LP's (Janacek, Prokofiev, Bach, Rimsky-Korsakov) somewhere around age four or five, commenced piano lessons at age six and 'just never stopped.'

Daily, from age six, I had to be urged out of the house to 'go play' and not sit at the piano practicing all afternoon and reading through all the other pieces in the books I was working from. Ditto for 'weekends.' I recall, too, taking lessons eleven months a year all the way through until conservatory.

Way more than often, once given that history I hear a very cliche response, "Oh, I see. You had such a horrible childhood that you retreated / escaped into music and piano playing." 
My now pat, set and practiced response to that particular cant of kitchen shrink malarkey is, 
_"Wow, you are *really* a romantic."_

Fact is, prior the gift of the record player and LP's, it was that my 'play time' had me constantly dancing about, animating / choreographing my toys to some inner music I must have been hearing, and that proclivity noticed, the furtherance to allow it to develop, if that were to be, was provided by first that gift of 'my own record player and LP's'. The piano lessons soon were the second very logical step after it was plain that when four, then five, my interest and depth of involvement had increased, and it was thought it would likely not be supplanted by something other (often the case with the more than serial passions / enthusiasms of young children

I put in what was necessary, from the first lesson far more than the prescribed half hour per day, while never at all having any notion of or feeling I was 'sacrificing' a more 'normal' kid's pursuits or social interactions. [If you don't feel you're missing out on something, you can not claim you made any 'sacrifice.' LOL.]

...and, hey! I had recordings first, was first a 'passive' listener. That turns no one into a permanent passive listener, nor do I believe it at all slow down anyone innately interested in _making music in any way_ vs. 'just listening.'

It is most often the promising prodigy who is pushed far beyond acceptable limits, and many of them 'break down or away' in mid-adolescence, around aged fourteen, and are never heard from again. Blame the parents, teachers, and those adults around that youngster who were greedy for fame, money, indirect recognition gained by riding the prodigies coattails, etc. Many of those children are doing it 'to please,' and because it gains them tons of attention. If the primary compulsion to be in music was not there, they were young monkey's with 'a freakish knack,' perhaps never 'destined' to be a musician?

More recently, the under college level grading systems have set up a very unhealthy scenario where parents have turned their child's level of achievement into a war of attrition, the ammunition being competitive-style boasting rights about 'what level exam' Johnny or Janie has passed, putting pressure on kids who are not conservatory bound as well as those few who are... not at all 'nice,' and I believe a corrosive attitude / factor I am most happy did not exist in my youth.

I am convinced that those 'who go all the way,' have never needed prodding, coddling, or 'motivational speeches.' They are self-determined, and willful in that they almost have no 'choice' as to pursue it 'all the way,' because music, like a virus which never leaves your body, 'bit them' - and deeply, early on. Their 'drive' is a compulsion, not 'an ambition.'

I think it is quite similar for all those who are 'amateur' players of anything, in any musical genre. 'Just listening' does not fully satisfy, and even if they will never get to a high professional technical level in whichever genre they prefer, they too, are acting upon / driven by "compulsion" vs. "ambition."

The professionals who end up professionals, for all the machinations of training, beginning and maintaining a career, have still more 'fallen into it,' than they dwelt upon or calculated the course all the way along their long path... just doing what it seemed _they had to do._

Considering the investment of funds and time, and the relatively 'late arrival' to a 'payoff' of even a modicum regular income, who else but those who were utterly compelled would choose such an 'impractical' career and stay the course until it was achieved? Those who do, do it because they have to, rather than having chosen a four or six year study, a business degree or anything which may have been selected with at least as much of an eye to that study offering a far greater possibility of a steady career almost immediately after graduation.

In that category of being seemingly blithe to the consequences of their pursuits are mainly Artists and academics: the post college age waiter still making roads into an acting career, those who are 'oddly older' in those service jobs, are often people with less than practical academic / career pursuits. "British Economics in the era of John Locke." (How many jobs are there related to Philosophy for the Philosophy major? <g>) Painting; Acting; Writer; Composer; Performing musicians, etc. The 'choice' has nothing to do with 'bravery,' because -- I'll say it again -- it is almost as if the discipline chose them, and they are compelled to follow through.

None but the compelled would be so 'impractical' as to calculatedly opt for or 'decide' upon a career in the fine arts


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## hreichgott

that was beautiful, PetrB, thank you for sharing it.


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## PetrB

hreichgott said:


> that was beautiful, PetrB, thank you for sharing it.


It may just be the supportive argument for 'all artists are crazy,' but we'll let that one go as a non-worry, because people generally think it anyway, and will come up with their 'proofs' just like those desperate to 'prove' atonality is 'wrong,' LOL.

If they only knew, 'otherwise' how 'average' so many artists are


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## Praeludium

Nice posts here, thank you !

I have the opposite story. To put it shortly : I feel like music gave a meaning to my life, and am both happy I'm studying music now and very bitter because I started music at 14/15 and classical music at roughly 16...
I wish I had an "horrible childhood" spent playing and listening to music, rather than just playing videogames and somewhat trying to socialize (the best moments were reading books I liked) and by music I mean classical music (not only that but still !) ! I remember being fascinated by my friend playing the saxophone though.
Instead I had a childhood where I was bored, often bullied, etc. 

In France, peoples are often cricticising the conservatories because it's too hard, too elitist, there are exams, you have to study solfège right from the start, etc. 
You actually get extremely competent teachers (at the level of what would be an university teacher in the USA, believe it or not*) teaching you music for a few hundred euros a year... (I think my conservatory is at about 300€/year)
I think it's the same kind of mentality. I also think that's why it's so complicated for teachers today, and why the level keeps going down : a lot of persons think proper education is bad. Work ethic, intellectual curiosity, etc. is only taught to children by a few parents who understood how important it is (that's why half of the children being successful at school have teachers as parents). 
So with this state of mind it's easy to end up thinking that children who have to work a little bit everyday on their instruments are poor unlucky children.

Of course the extreme opposite also exists but it's much rarer isn't it ?


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## Trumpetcat

THANK YOU. My parents are non-musicians and have no idea. I'd give anything to go back in time and be forced to play piano, or trumpet, or to sing, at age 8 or younger. Or dance, even. I didn't respond well to suggestions as a kid, but when I was kinda forced to do something I just took on the job and did it wonderfully lol. I'd be tons better now. But maybe it's just that my time has come? Maybe I wouldn't have grown to love music this much, had I started earlier? Right now I love music like I have never before loved it and have really long practice sessions.. It's pretty complicated in my opinion!


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## hreichgott

You're welcome and nice to meet you, Trumpetcat!
Go for it with those long practice sessions. Maybe you just needed to get to a place where you were doing it for yourself?
What do you play? or sing?


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## Ingélou

I think it's wrong to think people with 'musical childhoods' had a terrible time. Obviously any parent who wants to produce excellence can go too far & some parents will be overbearing. One thinks of the tennis world. But like Trumpetcat I wish my parents had been more encouraging of my violin playing when I was a child. I had five siblings & was therefore banished to my bedroom to practise - not the best place in winter, though I was allowed a fan heater. But there was no musical environment, and as academic excellence was demanded, the violin went...

Without going as far as the 'Tiger-Mother' (wonderful read!), I do think one has to insist sometimes when a child objects. How many times have my pupils groaned, or told me they don't want to do maths, or said English is boring - but if I said, okay, you can do some more painting or whatever, I'd have been failing in my duty. And usually, once we started the lesson, they showed signs of actually enjoying it!


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## Trumpetcat

Thanks Heather, haha I play trumpet! Obvious from my username lol. I don't sing, although I like to! I didn't know what I wanted to be, and for some reason didn't know how much I actually like this! So yeah I found my comfortable place and am becoming a practice freak / music nerd in general...totally fine with it.


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