# Punography



## superhorn

Here are some groaners :



Getting braces : Putting your money where your mouth is .

Did you hear about the nuclear scientist who swallowed some uranium ? He got atomic ache .

Epitaph in a dog cemetery : "He never met a man he didn't lick ".

Squirrel's NEST: A Nutcracker Suite.

Social Diseases : Germs of endearment .

If Mississippi gave Missouri a New Jersey , what would Delaware ? Idaho, Alaska .

What's the funniest animal in the world ? A stand-up chameleon .

When Eve went streaking through the Garden of Eden, Adam declared that she was absent without leaf .

"One man's Mede is another man's Persian". "Are you Shah ? " "Sultanly ".

She was only a moonshiner's daughter, but he loved her still .

When high heels went out of style, it was a big letdown .

If you fall asleep while reading and sunbathing, you're well red .

Dermitologists start their practices from scratch .

When you go to the dentist and get braces, you'r eputting your money where your mouth is .

What do cats call mice on skateboards ? Meals on wheels .

Archeology students who study the plumbing of ancient Egypt are Pharaoh faucet majors .

Artificial fish : A plastic sturgeon .

Atheists are people with no invisible means of support .

Atheism is a non-prophet organization .

What do you get when you cross Dracula with a pig ? A hampire !

Do turtles wear people neck sweaters ?

One surgeon arguing with another : Suture self .

What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to ? Plymouth Rock !

Dieting : The triumph of mind over platter .

The explorer came down from the North Pole . When he reached the last Lapp, he knew he was at the
Finnish line .

Who comes from down south, is very prejudiced ,and works for Santa Claus ?
Rudolph the ******* reindeer .


It's easy to milk a cow. Any jerk can do it .

Ego : I-dolatry , Garlic : A food never eaten by those practicing breath control .

Illegal : A sick bird . Thongs . What Thinatra things . Lamb : An animal that gets more sheepish with age .

Four Mexicans in quicksand : Quatro sinko .

Two silkworms were in a race . They ended up in a tie .

There were two weevils who rew up on a farm down south . One was very bright and ambitious, went to
Harvard and MIT and became a famous scientist . The other stayed on the farm and never amounted to anything. He became known as the lesser of two weevils .








You may groan away freely ! :lol: :lol: 


:lol:


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## Ukko

Some of those aren't puns.


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## Polednice

Hilltroll72 said:


> Some of those aren't puns.


Sometimes you frustrate me, but other times you do make me laugh!


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## starthrower

He's just too groan up and doesn't find these very punny.


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## Ukko

starthrower said:


> He's just too groan up and doesn't find these very punny.


It's just that I am sort of a pun confectionist. For one thing, I believe that puns should be detectable in speech - so that 'groan' doesn't work. Also, the best puns make some sort of sense with the substituted word.

One example of a non-pun in the OP's list: "It's easy to milk a cow. Any jerk can do it." There is no substituted word. (The fact that there is skill involved in milking a cow is irrelevant.)


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## Polednice

Hilltroll72 said:


> It's just that I am sort of a pun confectionist. For one thing, I believe that puns should be detectable in speech - so that 'groan' doesn't work. Also, the best puns make some sort of sense with the substituted word.
> 
> One example of a non-pun in the OP's list: "It's easy to milk a cow. Any jerk can do it." There is no substituted word. (The fact that there is skill involved in milking a cow is irrelevant.)


What exactly is your working definition of a pun? As far as I know, a pun is something that exploits multiple meanings of a word, which would mean that the cow example you cited is a pun.


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## aleazk

Pornography?, yes, I consume a lot of that...oh, wait...:lol::devil::angel::tiphat:


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## Ukko

Polednice said:


> What exactly is your working definition of a pun? As far as I know, a pun is something that exploits multiple meanings of a word, which would mean that the cow example you cited is a pun.


The substituted word must be at least incongruous in the applied context.


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## Fsharpmajor

Two pieces of rope walk into a bar, and ask for two glasses of beer. The barman says, "I'm sorry, but I can't serve you. You're ropes, both of you. We only serve human beings in this establishment. I'd change it if I could--I'm not a heartless man, and this weather is damned hot--but still, it's the law."

The two ropes go back outside and discuss how to get around this unjust policy. After all, don't ropes sometimes get thirsty, just like everybody else? And do most ropes tend to get violent after they've had a couple of drinks? No. It's only a few bad ones who get really drunk, and hang people.

They come up with a plan. They each tie a knot in their upper six inches of length, to make it look like they have a head, and then they tease the ends apart, above the knot, to make it look as though they have hair. That should do the trick! Then they go back into the bar.

One of the ropes says, "Could I have a Budweiser, please, and also one for my friend here."

The barman says, "Sorry, but I don't think I can serve you. Aren't you a piece of rope?"

The rope replies, "No, sir, I'm afraid not."


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## Ukko

<<_shudder_>>

Good one!

I think the punned phrase is a higher calling than the punned word... [note to _starthrower_: This pun is detectable in speech because of context. There is sufficient warning; 'Two ropes go into a bar'...?]


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## Huilunsoittaja

superhorn said:


> The explorer came down from the North Pole . When he reached the last Lapp, he knew he was at the
> Finnish line .


HAH HAH.

:tiphat:


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## Fsharpmajor

Hilltroll72 said:


> For one thing, I believe that puns should be detectable in speech... Also, the best puns make some sort of sense with the substituted word.


Off the top of my head, the only one I can think of that satisfies both criteria is "absinthe makes the heart grow fonder."


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## starthrower

Hilltroll72 said:


> It's just that I am sort of a pun confectionist. For one thing, I believe that puns should be detectable in speech - so that 'groan' doesn't work. Also, the best puns make some sort of sense with the substituted word.


Yeah, I just used groan due to the original post. But I agree that a number of the examples aren't puns. In fact if you Google puns, you'll find loads of examples of a play on words that aren't true puns.


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## ComposerOfAvantGarde

*I hate puns as much as I hate Elgar.*​:tiphat:


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## regressivetransphobe

that's my favorite Cure album


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## Fsharpmajor

ComposerOfAvantGarde said:


> I hate puns as much as I hate Elgar


Hmm. I've just noticed that ELGAR is an anagram for REGAL. It's not a pun, but it's still worth mentioning, I think.


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## Bowhunter

*What about this one?*



Ukko said:


> <<_shudder_>>
> 
> Good one!
> 
> I think the punned phrase is a higher calling than the punned word... [note to _starthrower_: This pun is detectable in speech because of context. There is sufficient warning; 'Two ropes go into a bar'...?]


You seem to be very knowledgeable about this way of thinking. I am working on something and could use your advice and pick your brain. Could you email me at [email protected]

Thanks!


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## Huilunsoittaja

I can't even quote aleazk's post (no. 7) without taking away the emoticons, but that sure was one heck of a time when we could have even 6 emoticons on a single post! :lol:


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