# I was wondering about the psychological side of being a musician



## purplerain (Dec 11, 2012)

Like is it really like an emotional roller coaster. Do u sometimes regret your profession?


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## Cavaradossi (Aug 2, 2012)

Can't speak to that, but I know I have many moments when I regret _not_ being a professional musician.


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## Huilunsoittaja (Apr 6, 2010)

purplerain said:


> Like is it really like an emotional roller coaster. Do u sometimes regret your profession?


I'd love to share with you. 

I'm technically a professional because I've made a little bit of money with my flute/piccolo, and I've just recently offered to do a gig in Washington DC (not for pay unfortunately, but for experience). But I'm just a student, and haven't made anything significant yet.

But I have never regretted my profession. I only regret not having opportunities as much as I'd like, though I can't complain right now, things are going really well for me. I would like to private teach, and I haven't gotten that chance yet.

There are different kinds of musicians I think. Some have more instability that others, more doubts, others more anxiety, others more ruthlessness. Some musicians think they can covet and kill to get to where they want, driving themselves to their wit's end to get what they want, be that practicing ruthlessly, competing ruthlessly, or spending ruthlessly to get or do new things.

But this here is an account close to my heart:

Ever since I started loving music, I started wanting to _be _music. I didn't just want to listen, I wanted to create it, to make it with my flute. I wanted to immerse myself in the sound. Now that I'm in music school, my dream has come true. I've played amazing pieces in many ensembles, and the experience of being on that stage with a giant audience cheering after an epic work like a symphony is indescribable. It's never just about, "I did it!" but it's a team experience. It's really personal, one plays with dear friends, not just colleagues. That happened twice, I played 2nd flute in Tchaikovsky's 5th Symphony, and 3rd flute/piccolo in Rachmaninoff's 2nd Symphony in 2 different orchestras here at my university, and each time I felt I had completed a huge journey that can never be repeated again. They were once-in-a-lifetime experiences in their own personal way, despite that I may play them again elsewhere in my life.

I know for certain now that I've never been more happy in my life as I am right now where I am. Nothing else can cut it for me. And I think happiness, and love, is what really motivates all great musicians. The challenges ahead are daunting: grad-school auditions are in 2 years from now for me, and that will be some of the most pivotal playing that I will ever do in my life I think, besides getting a professional position somewhere. And yet, I've already come this far, to be in a great undergrad music school, and I feel like I'm living my life to the fullest.

I am more stable that most players I think because of this. I'm naturally a type-B personality, and I do well in high-stress situations more than others. That's part of what it takes to be a good player: talent, musicianship, courage, and hope. My religious faith drives me more than anything, I'm optimistic despite the odds. Sure, I get nervous sometimes, but I hold onto my faith the most then. Much of playing gets very personal, to the point you can't keep "yourself" out of the performance. Better to actually _be _happy when one plays than to fake happiness, although one may sound the same either way. But one will be better off for it.

Just a few thoughts.


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## PetrB (Feb 28, 2012)

Explain, explicitly please, 'emotional rollercoaster' in the context of your work. There is nothing to specifically address in response to such a general catchphrase. 

We need specifics: what sort of professional you are, what job or jobs you are speaking about, and a bit about you, at least if you expect any sort of worthwhile response.


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## samurai (Apr 22, 2011)

PetrB said:


> Explain, explicitly please, 'emotional rollercoaster' in the context of your work. There is nothing to specifically address in response to such a general catchphrase.
> 
> We need specifics: what sort of professional you are, what job or jobs you are speaking about, and a bit about you, at least if you expect any sort of worthwhile response.


@ PetrB, You beat me to the punch on this one. Well put indeed! Thank you.


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## Praeludium (Oct 9, 2011)

The bad part for me is to teach kids who mostly don't want to be there, or just don't care (and don't practice). There's nothing more awful than having to "work" with a student who didn't actually work at home. That's really boring. It's more about how to motivate the child and relationship than music - and, honestly, when you're a music teacher, you're paid to teach music and not to be a coach, alternative parent, mentor, music teacher and juggler.

Maybe you weren't thinking about that when you said professional musician, but the reality is that most musicians have to teach to make a living. And that most of them can't affort refusing/excluding bad students who are useless and not even interested.

You seem to have a quite romanticised vision of what being a musician is. I'm a full-time music student. From what I know the life of a professional musician is mainly :
1) Struggling to get the opportunity to get a concert (to get to work...)
2) Working a lot. _A lot_. And you're expected to be _extremely_ good and competent at something very difficult.
3) At the end earning 50% less than the guy next door who is plumber (I have nothing against plumbers, this was just an example. Plumber is a real job but you just don't have to practice many thousand of hours to become plumber)

And for the (very) few who succeed in having a full-time career as concert artist, the problem seems to be mainly that they need/want to practice a lot but actually have to spend their time in airplanes/airports.

Is it a bad portrait enough ? q:

I actually perfectly accept the fact that I'll probably struggle financially whatever I do and whatever my level is. And that I have very little chance of having a career, and that even if I got to have a career, things are extremely complicated...
Because at the end I'll do what I want. 
A while ago, I read a post of a computer engineer who was complaining that he thought that by studying computer engineering instead of music he'd get enough money to live properly and play a great piano in his free time, but that instead of that what he got was getting blind behind a computer screen and not earning more money than if he were musician. 
Since we live in complicated times economically and that jobs are scarce anyway, I just do what I like. (I'd have done it anyway)

So, the main reason for me (and most of music students, I guess) to try to be a professional musician is that I can't picture myself doing something else than music (actually, I can, but it'd be even more impossible to live properly doing anything of what I appreciate and admire : arts and sciences). 
No I don't regret to study music. 
But I'd be fine dying like Schubert if I could product the same kind of work  In other words I'm fine with it because I don't have the same expectations than most persons (included those of my age).

edit: What drives me is mainly the fact that music is the best thing I can do with my life. And I feel good and alive when listening to music. What drives me is the hope to create new music, both as a composer and as a guitarist, as well as the fact that new music actually need musicians to promote it. I want to keep the music I believe in alive. But now I'm just studying.


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## drpraetorus (Aug 9, 2012)

we're all insane


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## violadude (May 2, 2011)

purplerain said:


> Like is it really like an emotional roller coaster. Do u sometimes regret your profession?


I would be an emotional roller coaster with or without music. Music is just the outlet I've found to express my emotional rollercoasterness.


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## millionrainbows (Jun 23, 2012)

You'd better be a "good boy" from a good Mid-Atlantic family, like Huilunsoittaja, and choose an academic path, because yes, the "music business" is a roller coaster, and you'd better be _centered_ or *the Beast* will eat you alive. _*Ha ha haaaa!*_ You'd better be religious, too, and don't drink! Are you an electric guitar player? Forget it! Be an accountant!


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## Head_case (Feb 5, 2010)

millionrainbows said:


> You'd better be a "good boy" ........ like Huilunsoittaja,


Ouch!. Huilunsoittaja - go moderator go! 



> Like is it really like an emotional roller coaster. Do u sometimes regret your profession?


Aren't emotional roller coaster lives.....dependent on the personalities?

The personality type just happens to end up in a professional niche


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## Krummhorn (Feb 18, 2007)

purplerain said:


> Like is it really like an emotional roller coaster. Do u sometimes regret your profession?


Never ... only wish I could devote even more time to it than I do - not for lack of gigs or work, but more time for composing and arranging.

My parents got me started in my profession when I was 12½ years of age ... they 'volunteered' me in a sense, and I am forever grateful for that jump start. Now, over 52 years later I'm still at it and purely enjoying every minute.

I know that someday I will have to get my organ shoes bronzed and give all my music away to a university ... only because I won't be able to play anymore due to physical limitations because of the natural aging process. Until then, it's been a wonderful ride and I have absolutely no regrets.

Music ... classical music ... is my emotional outlet. I can get recharged by playing and/or listening - I love my piano at home, and the church where I am the organist is only 16 miles away.

Kh ♫


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