# Things I've learned from Opera



## Almaviva (Aug 13, 2010)

We've all seen this kind of thread in film sites. I thought it would be fun to post the one-liners we've learned from opera, so, I'll start, and I invite people to add to it.

Getting stabbed is very good for your voice.


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## Aksel (Dec 3, 2010)

Stealing jewelery from girls is sure to bring about the end of the world.


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## Sieglinde (Oct 25, 2009)

Read Pratchett's Maskerade. Just read. 

- If you're the Big Bad, make sure you keep a whiney buffo tenor as a pet. Terrorise it.
- If you're a tenor, and a suspicious guy who looks like Spock offers you wealth, success and lots of wenches, RUN! (Bonus point if he's Samuel Ramey.)
- If you're an ill-fated heroine, keep a confidante whom you can sing about the tenor and who can warn you. Never listen to her.
- Any feminist virgin can be convinced sex is good with a long "who can yell stronger and higher" type duet.
- If you're mad, go for coloraturas if you're female, and for dramatic Sprachgesang if you're male. 
- If you're having a forbidden date and your crush's father/brother/guardian is coming, make sure to sing "addio" about ten times. Otherwise you'd never be caught.
- A Zorro-sized mask or a see-through veil is the perfect disguise. Not even your husband or ex will recognize you.
-If a girl is playing a boy, dress her/him as a girl AGAIN. Repeat a few times if necessary.
- The best moment for a long aria is when you have to run and save your mom or sweetheart. There's always time for a high C!
- Big Bads: wear black. Carry around a phallic weapon or stick. Go for the soprano or the treasure.
- If you want to eliminate someone, don't just go, say hello and stab him. Build a complicated plot of lies which includes a lot of singing and will have half of the cast, including yourself, dead.
- For Big Bads, ALWAYS have an aria about how you hate the Hero and enjoy your evilness. Check if there's a lot of brasses in the orchestra. If not, beat your composer.
- Incest is ok as long as you sing.
- You CAN die of deadly flower scent. No, really! You can!


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## Almaviva (Aug 13, 2010)

:lol: Excellent, Sieglinde!


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## jhar26 (Jul 6, 2008)

Even if you look like Mr.Bean you can get a girl that looks like miss world.


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## jhar26 (Jul 6, 2008)

Most students in Puccini's time were 55 years old.


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## sospiro (Apr 3, 2010)

jhar26 said:


> Even if you look like Mr.Bean you can get a girl that looks like miss world.


:lol:

Now I wonder who that would be?


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## jhar26 (Jul 6, 2008)

sospiro said:


> :lol:
> 
> Now I wonder who that would be?


:tiphat:


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## Sieglinde (Oct 25, 2009)

Lol, now I know whom Villazon reminds me!

But Mr. Bean is at least funny.


- Divinations and curses ALWAYS come true.
- Most baritones will sooner or later utter the words "Be mine or the tenor will DIE!" Evil Laugh is optional.
- When a character stabs himself and the chorus is there, they say "Giusto ciel" or "O dei" or any variation of these and do nothing to stop him. They know he'll sing for another ten minutes, stand up twice for high Cs and dramatically fall just before the curtain does.
- Verismo = Husband Is Cuckolded. Stabbing Will Happen. 
- You shall not ask about your new husband's past, or bad things will happen.
- The real reason operatic father figures tend to sacrifice their sons / son types is to have nice, angsty arias about it.
- Likewise, once a tyrannic jerk admits sleeping problems the audience will go "d'awwwww" and want to hug him.


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## Aksel (Dec 3, 2010)

Those are hilarious, Sieglinde! :lol:

If a baritone says he is a prince, don't believe him and go straight for his tenor valet.


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## Aksel (Dec 3, 2010)

Also, you totally get to sleep with your sister if you pull a sword out of a tree.


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## mamascarlatti (Sep 23, 2009)

To paraphrase Anna Russell, if you meet a woman who isn't your aunt, don't fall in love with her. You'll end up with a spear in your back.


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## HarpsichordConcerto (Jan 1, 2010)

It is perfectly alright to contemplate one's life by standing next to one's favourite tree/vegetable.


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## Aksel (Dec 3, 2010)

If someone demands your local Elizabeth Arden employee, just kill them right away. It'll save you a lot of trouble in the future.

Yay for Anna Russel references!


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## Sieglinde (Oct 25, 2009)

Anna Russell rocks. 

If the chorus chases your crush with torches and pitchforks, sing about your favourite hobby back when you were young. It's absolutely the best time. Make it LONG. 

If the mezzo-soprano pleads screaming to STOP and LISTEN before killing the tenor, don't be like "eh, I just kill the tenor first, k?" 

When you're dying of dehydration in a desert, you STILL manage to sing a long aria.

You're a bass king/tzar/emperor and the whiney character tenor is your counsellor? Fire him. NOW.

Contralto mother-in-laws in Slavic opera? Whoever died, they killed them.


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## sospiro (Apr 3, 2010)

Bump

Some of our newer members might like this


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## Dakota (Jun 30, 2012)

From the audience member's point of view: don't drink lots of coffee unless you KNOW there will be an intermission in two hours or less.


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## Hesoos (Jun 9, 2012)

sospiro said:


> :lol:
> 
> Now I wonder who that would be?


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## Hesoos (Jun 9, 2012)

:lol: Really, so fun!!! :lol:
I have the Don Carlo DVD with Villazón, and is so scary, I believe that he had some kind of painful stomach ache during all the opera :lol: , running, throwing himself on the door and crying...
Anyone knows if that guy use drugs? hehe :lol:

A good one Sospiro!!!!

(Is already one hour that I am laughing and just I can't stop)


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## sospiro (Apr 3, 2010)

Hesoos said:


> I have the Don Carlo DVD with Villazón, and is so scary, I believe that he had some kind of painful stomach ache during all the opera :lol: , running, throwing himself on the door and crying...
> Anyone knows if that guy use drugs? hehe :lol:


I know but the DVD is worth it for Simon


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## guythegreg (Jun 15, 2012)

mamascarlatti said:


> To paraphrase Anna Russell, if you meet a woman who isn't your aunt, don't fall in love with her. You'll end up with a spear in your back.


I had never heard of Anna Russell (thank you) and looked her up in Wikipedia: "Russell was born in Maida Vale, London, England,[2][3][4][5][6] though some sources say her birthplace was London, Ontario.[7][8][9] " Isn't that a great first line? lol like, who cares where she was born, England, Canada, blah, blah, blah ...


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## Aksel (Dec 3, 2010)

guythegreg said:


> I had never heard of Anna Russell (thank you) and looked her up in Wikipedia: "Russell was born in Maida Vale, London, England,[2][3][4][5][6] though some sources say her birthplace was London, Ontario.[7][8][9] " Isn't that a great first line? lol like, who cares where she was born, England, Canada, blah, blah, blah ...


It _is_ rather common to start a biography stating the biographied's (yes, it is a word. I just invented it) place and date of birth. But I agree. Not the most exiting introduction.


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## mamascarlatti (Sep 23, 2009)

guythegreg said:


> I had never heard of Anna Russell (thank you) and looked her up in Wikipedia: "Russell was born in Maida Vale, London, England,[2][3][4][5][6] though some sources say her birthplace was London, Ontario.[7][8][9] " Isn't that a great first line? lol like, who cares where she was born, England, Canada, blah, blah, blah ...


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## Aksel (Dec 3, 2010)

Personal favourite:














Also:


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## guythegreg (Jun 15, 2012)

sospiro said:


> Bump
> 
> Some of our newer members might like this


Thanks Annie ... these are GREAT!!


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