# lt makes me so upset that one day I will never see my dad again.



## SoloYH (8 mo ago)

I just wish I knew if I will see him in the afterlife. It drives me insane one day I won't have him next to me. I think I finally understand true love, that is my best friend and my father. Do any of you have someone you felt this way/feel this way about?


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## Merl (Jul 28, 2016)

I've not seen my dad (or mam) for 10 years as they live on the other side of the world and it's likely I'll never see them again. I've accepted that now and I live life day to day. No point in looking too far forward as who knows, they may be here longer than me!


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## elgar's ghost (Aug 8, 2010)

I lost my father in 1975 when I was 12. Loved him. Oh dear. How sad. Never mind.


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## espressivo dolente (7 mo ago)

My dad died (a negative word; I prefer to think that he "completed his life cycle") three years ago in his 80s; he choked on a dry cracker and went into cardiac arrest. When I was growing-up he was very much dedicated to his job and as a trick-worker (one week: 8AM-4PM; next week: 4PM-12PM; third week: 12PM-8 AM) I did not see him much or have a lot of contact with him. But after he retired he became a sterling father, considerate and communicative and warm-hearted. Not a day goes by when I don't think about him, or recall funny things he said or did. One time at dinner, my sisters were embroiled in some fierce argument, his gaze turned skyward, raised his arms and sang, remarkably in tune, "Let the sun shine, let the sun shine in..." after the 5th Dimension song popular at that time. Made us all laugh and defused the situation. I don't personally believe in an afterlife; my best recommendation is to love your pops in the present and the now.


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## NoCoPilot (Nov 9, 2020)

I was with my dad when he died, aged 90, in his living room, surrounded by his remaining family (my sister and me). He'd closed out my mother's estate weeks before, and felt he had done everything he wanted to do. He died exactly the way he always said he wanted to, in the living room of the house that he & my mother built from the foundations up.

It was a good life lived. He was ready to go. His health was so fragile at that point that it didn't take much for him to tip the balance (I believe it was 100% intentional, but I'll never be certain).

Unlike my other sister, who passed too soon of cancer and was most definitely not ready to go. Life is a journey, from birth to death, and nobody gets to avoid that final step. It should not be a sad event, if properly planned and done in good time. 

I miss my mom & dad and especially my sister, I was closer to her than my folks. But some day I'll die too, and I want to die with no regrets. No unfinished business. No feelings that I missed anything.

Re afterlife: It must be comforting to be able to believe in something like that. I almost wish I could. Will I get my foreskin back in Heaven?


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## Forster (Apr 22, 2021)

SoloYH said:


> I just wish I knew if I will see him in the afterlife. It drives me insane one day I won't have him next to me. I think I finally understand true love, that is my best friend and my father. Do any of you have someone you felt this way/feel this way about?


My father died about 10 years ago, but since he and my Mum divorced when I was 8 (back in '68), ours was not a typical father/son relationship. Nevertheless, I have a mug for coffee which I use most days that remind me of him (he was a birdwatcher and the mug is decorated with godwits, one of his favourite 'joke' birds) and I still have a momentary start when I think I might have forgotten to send a card on Father's Day.

Now, I have a wife and two sons, and if I let myself play out dismal scenarios about what it will be like if I lose one of them...well, I just stop, remind myself that they're still here, so am I and enjoy their present company.


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## MAS (Apr 15, 2015)

SoloYH said:


> I just wish I knew if I will see him in the afterlife. It drives me insane one day I won't have him next to me. I think I finally understand true love, that is my best friend and my father. Do any of you have someone you felt this way/feel this way about?


Your life energy will join the universal life energy and you will see your loved ones there. Your energy may or may not return earthward if you so choose.


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## SoloYH (8 mo ago)

Thanks for the responses. I will definitely try to spend as much time as possible with him in this life, and I feel lucky to be able to have someone like that, I don't think it's something everyone gets to experience. I want to believe in an afterlife just because I can't accept the fact there will be a time when I have to say goodbye to it all.


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## Wilhelm Theophilus (Aug 8, 2020)

John 11.25


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## NoCoPilot (Nov 9, 2020)

Gospel of FSM: 97


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## Highwayman (Jul 16, 2018)

Ezekiel 25:17


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## Krummhorn (Feb 18, 2007)

Lost my Dad in 1990, then Mom in 1991.  Dad was a carpenter by trade and made or rebuilt most of the cabinetry in our homes over the years. Mom was a terrific baker and cake decorator. They paid for all my music lessons, 6 years on the piano then another 6 years on organ. Even after 30+ years of their passing, they are still with me spiritually every day, especially when I am plying my organist trade at the church. They gave me that little push to become a church organist and I was hooked, for life. I have been a professional church organist since 1961 and still love it today as much as I did way back then.

I only wished I had spent more time with my Dad in his carpentry shop. We liked to go boating often too - sailing boats mostly - belonged to a sailing club in Newport Beach (CA) for many years and would go nearly every weekend. 

I played for their funerals ... two of the most difficult services I've ever played in my life, but I felt I owed them at least that much. Half of their ashes are here in a memorial garden, the other halves were distributed into the ocean waters at Deception Point in Washington State.


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## Itullian (Aug 27, 2011)

I believe i will see my departed father and mother again.
I dont believe this world is the only thing.


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## Nate Miller (Oct 24, 2016)

my mom and dad live on the other side of the continent. I get to see them for about 11 or 12 days a year. 

I know that one day, me and mom are going to get back all the time that we missed together

...but I'm Catholic, so its different. For me death is just a transition, not the final word.


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## NoCoPilot (Nov 9, 2020)

Itullian said:


> I believe i will see my departed father and mother again. I dont believe this world is the only thing.


Ah, I wish I could be that hopeful, but I don't want to devalue my time on earth by assuming without evidence that there is more, somewhere, unseen and behind an impenetrable veil.

if you're hoping that "one day me and mom are going to get back all that time we missed," you're devaluing the time you KNOW you have, here and now. Once somebody is dead, they're dead a long time. Better to seize the opportunities while you're both still alive.

With both my mom & dad, I went out of my way to get to know them better, as people, once I was an adult myself and could relate to them person-to-person, rather than parent-to-child. I'm so glad I did.


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## EdwardBast (Nov 25, 2013)

SoloYH said:


> I want to believe in an afterlife just because I can't accept the fact there will be a time when I have to say goodbye to it all.


I lost my father two decades ago and though I respected him I shed no tears. When my mom goes I will be unconsolable. As for having to say goodbye, that's not a sure thing. My dad had no idea he was going and had no chance to say it. To those who can't conceive of their future nonexistence, I usually say: "Do you remember how the preceding billions of years were before you were born? No? Well, it will be just like that when you're gone! Some don't seem to find that comforting.


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## NoCoPilot (Nov 9, 2020)

EdwardBast said:


> To those who can't conceive of their future nonexistence, I usually say: "Do you remember how the preceding billions of years were before you were born? No? Well, it will be just like that when you're gone! Some don't seem to find that comforting.


That touches on the argument I usually give when somebody says, "Well, I can't just believe that when we die our personalities just DISAPPEAR forever."

I reply, "Okay. Where were they BEFORE you were born?"


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## NoCoPilot (Nov 9, 2020)

The experience of consciousness is a fascinating study, and with the advancement of AI it will very likely be up for public discussion in the next decade. Once a computer becomes sentient, would it be a crime to switch it off?

Since a VLSI computer chip is the beginning of a sentient computer, should it be a crime to destroy one? If you own one, are you obligated to build the computer to house it?


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## EvaBaron (Jan 3, 2022)

EdwardBast said:


> To those who can't conceive of their future nonexistence, I usually say: "Do you remember how the preceding billions of years were before you were born? No? Well, it will be just like that when you're gone! Some don't seem to find that comforting.


Exactly, that’s also what I always say. I also don’t understand how you can believe in god. If you use your common sense then you know people long ago came up with different gods for things they couldn’t explain. Now we have the science to explain a lot of those things and some people still believe in god. Crazy


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## FrankinUsa (Aug 3, 2021)

Very sensitive replies. The TC community at its best


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## NoCoPilot (Nov 9, 2020)

Thank you. I have become more tolerant of other people's faith as I have gotten older, as it's mostly-innocuous and harmless. It only becomes a problem when someone in power wants to impose their belief-system on me against my will.

Like that could ever happen, sha.


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## Couchie (Dec 9, 2010)

EvaBaron said:


> Exactly, that’s also what I always say. I also don’t understand how you can believe in god. If you use your common sense then you know people long ago came up with different gods for things they couldn’t explain. Now we have the science to explain a lot of those things and some people still believe in god. Crazy


Science only accounts for material interactions. Tons of other aspects to this existence, such as art, music, literature, philosophy, metaphysics, for which science is totally useless. Science is a hammer, but there is a lot more to reality than just nails. People who live in a strictly scientific world live in a state of abject poverty.

That said, I don't think there's an afterlife, nor reincarnation/rebirth for that matter. After thinking about these matters long and hard enough, they present too many problems and they are all far less preferable to non-existence.


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## Wilhelm Theophilus (Aug 8, 2020)

NoCoPilot said:


> Thank you. I have become more tolerant of other people's faith as I have gotten older, as it's mostly-innocuous and harmless. It only becomes a problem when someone in power wants to impose their belief-system on me against my will.
> 
> Like that could ever happen, sha.


I still struggle to tolerate unbelievers


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## NoCoPilot (Nov 9, 2020)

Couchie said:


> Science only accounts for material interactions. Tons of other aspects to this existence, such as art, music, literature, philosophy, metaphysics, for which science is totally useless. Science is a hammer, but there is a lot more to reality than just nails. People who live in a strictly scientific world live in a state of abject poverty.


I think just the opposite. The wondrous complexity and beauty of this world is enhanced immeasurably by knowing it's all a product of chance and necessity.

If there was an unseen architect behind everything it would be mundane and, dare I say, pretty poorly designed.


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## Luchesi (Mar 15, 2013)

NoCoPilot said:


> I think just the opposite. The wondrous complexity and beauty of this world is enhanced immeasurably by knowing it's all a product of chance and necessity.
> 
> If there was an unseen architect behind everything it would be mundane and, dare I say, pretty poorly designed.


A leader of his people called upon his god in order to escape a tyrant and overwhelming military odds. It worked, but eventually the people wanted gold and prized-possessions and sex and all the more immediate rewards. So in a sense they rebelled against the old god, and this impulse continued on and off down through centuries. I find it fascinating that this is the tradition that gave rise to the largest religions (the religions from the Eastern thoughts about life and contemplation are just as large).

Only in the last few decades has science discovered the very rare and convuluted reasons why we enjoy such long-term favorable and stable conditions here on this planet. The reasons can be thought of as supernatural miracles (of probabilities). For me it's definitely something to be religiously grateful/respectful for, every day.

"So works this music upon earth
God so admits it, sends it forth.
To add another worth to worth—

A new creation-bloom that rounds
The old creation, and expounds
His Beautiful in tuneful sounds."


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## Barbebleu (May 17, 2015)

NoCoPilot said:


> That touches on the argument I usually give when somebody says, "Well, I can't just believe that when we die our personalities just DISAPPEAR forever."
> 
> I reply, "Okay. Where were they BEFORE you were born?"


When someone asks what happens after you are dead I usually tell them - lots of things, you just won’t be involved!


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## Barbebleu (May 17, 2015)

Wilhelm Theophilus said:


> I still struggle to tolerate unbelievers


Yep, I think that’s the problem with most ‘believers’. A distinct lack of tolerance.


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## Wilhelm Theophilus (Aug 8, 2020)

Barbebleu said:


> Yep, I think that’s the problem with most ‘believers’. A distinct lack of tolerance.


Are you being intolerant towards my intolerance?


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## Barbebleu (May 17, 2015)

Wilhelm Theophilus said:


> Are you being intolerant towards my intolerance?


Absolutely!


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## Luchesi (Mar 15, 2013)

Barbebleu said:


> Yep, I think that’s the problem with most ‘believers’. A distinct lack of tolerance.


But what if they're right and they're getting the message out?


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## Barbebleu (May 17, 2015)

Luchesi said:


> But what if they're right and they're getting the message out?


You would be confusing me with someone who cared. Right or wrong I don’t need the ‘message’ thanks. Whatever their message is I‘ll be much obliged if they keep it to themselves. I too have a message but I don’t feel the need to foist it on anyone else. That and the fact it might get me banned from the site!


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## Art Rock (Nov 28, 2009)

A reminder that *general discussions about religion are not allowed in this thread*. From our rules:



> A special forum has been created for Political and/or Religious discussions that are related to Classical Music. In general political comments and posts are not allowed on Talk Classical, neither in threads nor posts in its forums, social groups, visitor messaging, blogs, avatars, and signatures, other than those specified related solely to Classical Music in this special dedicated forum. For religious comments and posts, the same holds, except that religious statements are allowed in signatures, and general religious threads and posts are allowed in the social groups.


So let's stop that general discussion about religion now.


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## NoCoPilot (Nov 9, 2020)

Art Rock said:


> * So* let's stop that general discussion about religion now.


I was afraid we were wandering off the reservation into forbidden territory.

I would just say to the original poster: cherish your loved ones while you're both still alive. It's the only thing that's sure.


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## NoCoPilot (Nov 9, 2020)

SoloYH said:


> I think I finally understand true love, that is my best friend and my father. Do any of you have someone you felt this way/feel this way about?


Coupla years ago my wife had a health scare, had an abnormal scan of her bladder and the doctor thought it might be cancer. Luckily it turned out not to be.

But it was the first time I contemplated her dying before me, and I didn't like the idea. She's younger than me & takes better care of herself, so after 34 years of marriage I just always assumed she'd outlive me.

The idea of losing her was terrifying. Not a day has gone by since that I haven't told her I love her, and that she is more precious to me than myself.


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## Shaughnessy (Dec 31, 2020)

What you're doing is burying someone who isn't actually dead and mourning someone who hasn't passed away.

You have a chance to do something today that many of us never will - To say everything that you ever wanted to say to the person that you most wanted to say them to...

To apologize for everything that you did say and probably shouldn't have...

To be with someone who's right there beside you - Right next to you - To be with someone who is more than a memory - who is more than a photograph in a frame on a dresser...

To reminisce about the best days of your lives with the person that you lived through them with and to make amends for the mistakes made during the worst days of your lives

And the time to do that is now... Not later - Not tomorrow or next week - Now... Because as much as you wish that it never will end, someday it will...

But if you can look back and say "I did the best I could with what I had - I may not have been perfect - but I always persevered even when I knew that I was failing" - You will be able to find a sense of peace and comfort that will carry you through your heart-break and onto the rest of your days. 

You're too young to know it now but there are worst things in life than death - when you see someone whose life consists of nothing but the endless torment of pain - To see them literally writhing in agony - There will come a moment of clarity in which you realize that death can be more of a blessing that a curse.

There will be time enough for real wakes and real funerals - Don't spend any further time attending imaginary ones...


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## espressivo dolente (7 mo ago)

NoCoPilot said:


> The experience of consciousness is a fascinating study, and with the advancement of AI it will very likely be up for public discussion in the next decade. Once a computer becomes sentient, would it be a crime to switch it off?
> 
> Since a VLSI computer chip is the beginning of a sentient computer, should it be a crime to destroy one? If you own one, are you obligated to build the computer to house it?


I remember reading somewhere...someone questioned the morality of deleting ones and zeros...


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## SoloYH (8 mo ago)

Sorry I didn't know about no religious discussions. I didn't mean to phrase this in that way, I jsut felt so emotional lately that this might be it for humans. One life. 

Has anyone thought all the great musicians felt emotions stronger than others, and how that was able to translate into music and their work?


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## NoCoPilot (Nov 9, 2020)

Sure. Lots of musicians wrote "for the ages," knowing their work would outlive them. Or at least, hoping.


SoloYH said:


> I jsut felt so emotional lately that this might be it for humans. One life.


You know, if you look at it the other way 'round, it is precisely the ephemeral nature of life that makes it so precious. If we all lived forever time wouldn't mean anything.


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## Luchesi (Mar 15, 2013)

NoCoPilot said:


> Sure. Lots of musicians wrote "for the ages," knowing their work would outlive them. Or at least, hoping.
> 
> You know, if you look at it the other way 'round, it is precisely the ephemeral nature of life that makes it so precious. If we all lived forever time wouldn't mean anything.


Limited lifespans had to be invented, but maybe humans can fix theirs.


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## NoCoPilot (Nov 9, 2020)

That would be a VERY BAD IDEA. If you think progress is hard now, consider how impossible it would be if people in power, rich people, lived to 150. Yikes.


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## Vasks (Dec 9, 2013)

Shaughnessy said:


> You have a chance to do something today that many of us never will - To say everything that you ever wanted to say to the person that you most wanted to say them to...


That happened to me unintentionally. My mother was slowly recovering from a serious medical situation and I lived very far away and could visit her only a few times, for a few days each, that year. One day, while visiting, we wound up talking about _"everything that WE ever wanted to say to each other"_ and as it turned out unknowingly, that would be my last visit as a month later she died. Boy, do I feel grateful for that day.


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## progmatist (Apr 3, 2021)

I've been watching my parents' health decline before my eyes. They named me as executor of their estate when they go, because my 2 brothers are completely irresponsible. Added to the pain of losing my folks will be my brothers dragging me into court because they feel they're being shortchanged.


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## Luchesi (Mar 15, 2013)

NoCoPilot said:


> That would be a VERY BAD IDEA. If you think progress is hard now, consider how impossible it would be if people in power, rich people, lived to 150. Yikes.


They say that this generation born today will be the last generation to die.

They've been saying that for 20 years.


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## NoCoPilot (Nov 9, 2020)

progmatist said:


> I've been watching my parents' health decline before my eyes. They named me as executor of their estate when they go, because my 2 brothers are completely irresponsible. Added to the pain of losing my folks will be my brothers dragging me into court because they feel they're being shortchanged.


You could do what I did, divide the estate equally.... with a big extra chunk to yourself for "estate services." Believe me, it can be a lot of work. My dad TRIED -- for 30 years -- to "put his estate in order" and throw away all his unfinished projects and his coffee can of bent nails and the rusty old tools he inherited from his *grand*father, but he just couldn't do it. He said the cost of our inheritance would be doing what he couldn't do for himself. It fell on me, and it took about 6 months. Plus, his estate was in a trust and we had to go to court to get a TEDRA.


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## NoCoPilot (Nov 9, 2020)

Luchesi said:


> They say that this generation born today will be the last generation to die.
> 
> They've been saying that for 20 years.


Just like fusion.


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## geralmar (Feb 15, 2013)

My mother died suddenly in 1994. My trivial but greatest frustration is I never got to ask her if she liked the "Jurassic Park" movie.

Also I remember bringing her ashes back from the funeral home, stopping at a park to collect my thoughts, then getting irrationally angry at a squirrel gamboling on the grass, oblivious to my grief.

Two nights later I awoke out of a restless sleep to find my mother standing by my bed in the dark. She spoke a few soft words then vanished. I regret not remembering her words; however I was sick with fever and likely hallucinating. I have never seen her since.


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## progmatist (Apr 3, 2021)

NoCoPilot said:


> You could do what I did, divide the estate equally.... with a big extra chunk to yourself for "estate services." Believe me, it can be a lot of work. My dad TRIED -- for 30 years -- to "put his estate in order" and throw away all his unfinished projects and his coffee can of bent nails and the rusty old tools he inherited from his *grand*father, but he just couldn't do it. He said the cost of our inheritance would be doing what he couldn't do for himself. It fell on me, and it took about 6 months. Plus, his estate was in a trust and we had to go to court to get a TEDRA.


My younger brother has had a lifetime sense of entitlement and poor work ethic. Whatever I give him, he'll think he deserves more. I won't be taking any of the estate for myself because it would adversely affect my own finances.


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## Ingélou (Feb 10, 2013)

My father died suddenly of heart disease when I was eighteen and it was hard to come to terms with. Indeed, I had a breakdown a few years later. I hope for an afterlife, but nobody knows, so I think you're absolutely right, OP, to savour and appreciate what you've got while you have it. My mother outlived my father by 48 years & died shortly after her 97th birthday after several years with dementia. Things between us were fraught at times, but I tried my best to show her that I loved her & wanted what was best for her, and that is a comfort now, even though five years later I still sometimes find the loss of her almost unbearably sad.


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## NoCoPilot (Nov 9, 2020)

progmatist said:


> My younger brother has had a lifetime sense of entitlement and poor work ethic. Whatever I give him, he'll think he deserves more. I won't be taking any of the estate for myself because it would adversely affect my own finances.


I'd reconsider that, if I were you. Even if you have to pay some taxes on it, it's something. And inheritance taxes don't kick in until the estate is over $12 million in the U.S., because rich people write all the rules.


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## progmatist (Apr 3, 2021)

NoCoPilot said:


> I'd reconsider that, if I were you. Even if you have to pay some taxes on it, it's something. And inheritance taxes don't kick in until the estate is over $12 million in the U.S., because rich people write all the rules.


I can pay all taxes and liabilities directly from the estate's assets. Without claiming any assets for myself personally.


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## SoloYH (8 mo ago)

I don't know why but I just want to put this out to the world. Love you so much dad!


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