# Punography Strikes Again !



## superhorn

Did you hear about the guy whose wife played a practical joke on him by putting firecrackers
in his pancakes ? He really blew his stack !

The first telephone call was only 18 feet apart . It was a close call .

There were two boll weevils who grew up on a farm down south. One was very bright
and ambitious. He went to Harvard and MIT an dbecame a famous scientist.
The other remained on the farm and never amounted to anything.
That one became known as the lesser of two weevils .

Did you hear about the famous contortionist from the Philippines? He was known as
the Manila folder .

Dieting : Girth control .

Who was the fattest knight of the Round Table ? Sir Cumference. He got that way from
eating too much PI. 

How do Chinese lumberjacks cut trees down? They use chop sticks .

People with Bipolar disorder believe in "Easy glum, easy glow".

Chicken coquette : A flirtatious hen .

Psychoceramic : a crackpot .

How do crazy people get through the forest ? They take the psychopath .

Did you hear about the kitchen in the mental institution ? They serve soup to nuts .

Indecision : Under the whether .

What kind of dog do chemists have ? A laboratory retreiver .

Opera: Music that goes in one aria and out the other .

poseidon adventure : All hull broke loose !

Frightened flower arranger : A petrified florist .

Acupuncture : A jab well done .










:lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Roberto

Did you hear about the glass dish in which Johnny Depp served a dahl?

It was the pyrex of the curry bean


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## ComposerOfAvantGarde

Roberto said:


> Did you hear about the glass dish in which Johnny Depp served a dahl?
> 
> It was the pyrex of the curry bean


I detest puns, but I must say that was a good one.


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## Roberto

thanks - not mine of course though - it's the only heptasyllabic pun I know!

What's wrong with puns though - those unexpected coincidences.... ?


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## ComposerOfAvantGarde

Roberto said:


> thanks - not mine of course though - it's the only heptasyllabic pun I know!
> 
> What's wrong with puns though - those unexpected coincidences.... ?


I hate puns for the same reason as I hate Elgar.


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## Roberto

Ooohhh .. now I see!


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## Vaneyes

Oldie-goldies, courtesy of Confucius:



Man who lay woman on ground, get peace on earth.

Passionate kiss like spider web. Lead to undoing of fly.

Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.

He who farts in church, sits in own pew.

Baseball all wrong. Man with four balls can't walk.

Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have ****** time.


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## MaestroViolinist

May I join in? I've got a whole book of really bad jokes... :lol:

_Sign outside a funeral directors:_
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED OR YOUR MUMMY BACK!

_Sign outside a shoe shop:_
COME IN AND HAVE A FIT!

*First Gardener:* I work with thousands under me.
*Second Gardener:* Really?
*First Gardener:* Yes, I cut grass in the cemetery.

*Tom:* Dad makes faces all day.
*Tim:* Why does he do that?
*Tom:* Because he works in a clock factory!

The site foreman had ten very lazy labourers working for him, he decided to try to trick them into doing some work. 
'I've got a nice easy job today for the laziest man here,' he said. 'Will the laziest man please put up his hand.'
Nine hands went up.
Why didn't you put your hand up?' he asked the tenth man.
'Too much trouble,' was the reply.

_What sort of children does a florist have?_
Blooming idiots!

Don't worry if your job is small
And your rewards are few.
Remember that the mighty oak
Was once a nut like you!


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## Lenfer

Vaneyes said:


> Oldie-goldies, courtesy of Confucius:
> 
> Passionate kiss like spider web. Lead to undoing of fly.


Bravo! :lol:


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## superhorn

Opera tryouts: Trial and aria. Classical Jazz : Rock of ages.
Serenade: Swan song. Yodeling: Slope opera .

Why did the cowgirl get fired ? She couldn't keep her calves together !
The religious right wants ot make ************ ilegal, but if the law
passes,it won't work. People will still take the law into their own hands !

Squrrel's nest : A nutcracker suite. Chinese spy: A Peiping Tom.
Golddigger: A human gimmee pig . Harpist: A plucky musician.
Basso Profundo: A deep -thinking fish . A baby usually wakes up in the 
wee-wee hours of the morning . The conductor kept throwing tempo tantrums.
Did you hear about the glassblower who inhaled and got a pane in his stomach ?
Did you hear about the sword eater who goofed? Now he has a semi colon .
An astronomer was asked about UFOs and replied, "No comet ". 
You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think !
The elevator business has its ups and downs.
Bigamist : The fog in Italy .
The janitor's union called for sweeping reforms.


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