# Which animals would be best/worst at running human society



## violadude (May 2, 2011)

Assuming that all animals were smart enough to run human society, but still kept all their individual behavioral patterns, which animals would be best/worst at running human society once we **** up civilization for good.

This is based on a short conversation between myself, Morimur and Woodduck. http://www.talkclassical.com/41117-composers-musical-elitism-2.html

I proposed in the thread that Bonobos might be pretty good at running things besides the STD epidemic and a concerning rise of a matriarchal society.

Upon further consideration, I think Elephants would be pretty good too. They're mostly gentle creatures that just want to be left alone. They even have the courtesy to grieve for their dead, even in their animal-intelligence state.

Ants would be incredibly efficient and probably get us to a utopian Star Trek-like future the fastest. But they might not care about things like art, which would be bad from my point of view.


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## Ilarion (May 22, 2015)

violadude said:


> Assuming that all animals were smart enough to run human society, but still kept all their individual behavioral patterns, which animals would be best/worst at running human society once we **** up civilization for good.
> 
> This is based on a short conversation between myself, Morimur and Woodduck. http://www.talkclassical.com/41117-composers-musical-elitism-2.html
> 
> ...


Respectfully - Do you absolutely and certifiably know if there will be any humans around once we have *done-up* civilization for good?


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## Jos (Oct 14, 2013)

These wonderfull creatures in worldparliament with loving opposition of the bonobos


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## Guest (Dec 8, 2015)

Humans are beyond hope, but I'd personally appreciate a world governed by red pandas. Clearly we'd need to stock up on bamboo first.


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## Dr Johnson (Jun 26, 2015)

My vote goes to the sloth.


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## elgar's ghost (Aug 8, 2010)

violadude said:


> Assuming that all animals were smart enough to run human society, but still kept all their individual behavioral patterns, which animals would be best/worst at running human society once we **** up civilization for good.
> 
> This is based on a short conversation between myself, Morimur and Woodduck. http://www.talkclassical.com/41117-composers-musical-elitism-2.html
> 
> I proposed in the thread that Bonobos might be pretty good at running things besides the STD epidemic and a concerning rise of a matriarchal society.


I gather Bonobo monkeys are usually highly promiscuous and indiscreet about it so a political career certainly could be an option.


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## Dr Johnson (Jun 26, 2015)

If we were descended from bonobos instead of chimps we would spend our time making love not war.


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## Xaltotun (Sep 3, 2010)

I'm for the ants. Screw art!


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## Guest (Dec 8, 2015)

Anything _except_ a Great Ape! (so no to the bonobo!)

Got bad form.


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## Antiquarian (Apr 29, 2014)

Dolphins! My vote is for dolphins, in deference to Douglas Adams.


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## Ilarion (May 22, 2015)

Dr Johnson said:


> My vote goes to the sloth.


Sloth is a human vice = Deadly Sin - Doth saith the Sloth: I hath not sinned - A Sloths slowness is its virtue!


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## Abraham Lincoln (Oct 3, 2015)

Don't cats already run human society? (At least on the internet.)


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## Abraham Lincoln (Oct 3, 2015)

Dr Johnson said:


> If we were descended from bonobos instead of chimps we would spend our time making love not war.


Nope, HUMANS WERE DESCENDED FROM CATS


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## Ilarion (May 22, 2015)

Of course we all know that dogs have owners but cats have staff - And we are the staff...:lol:


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## Dr Johnson (Jun 26, 2015)

dogen said:


> Anything _except_ a Great Ape! (so no to the bonobo!)
> 
> Got bad form.
> 
> View attachment 78659


I didn't realise we had a relative called Pongo.

Sounds like something out of P.G. Wodehouse.


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## Abraham Lincoln (Oct 3, 2015)

Dr Johnson said:


> I didn't realise we had a relative called Pongo.
> 
> Sounds like something out of P.G. Wodehouse.


Wait, humans are related to dalmatians???


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## Guest (Dec 8, 2015)

Dr Johnson said:


> I didn't realise we had a relative called Pongo.
> 
> Sounds like something out of P.G. Wodehouse.


Meet my Uncle.


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## Dr Johnson (Jun 26, 2015)

Abraham Lincoln said:


> Wait, humans are related to dalmatians???


I think you are confusing P.G. Wodehouse, the comic novelist, with Barbara Woodhouse, the dog trainer.


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## Guest (Dec 8, 2015)

Are there no humans living in Dalmatia?


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## Dr Johnson (Jun 26, 2015)

dogen said:


> Are there no humans living in Dalmatia?


Possibly.

Then again, possibly I had my tongue hovering in the vicinity of my cheek.


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## Dr Johnson (Jun 26, 2015)

dogen said:


> Meet my Uncle.
> 
> View attachment 78663


He seems to be eating a discoloured cricket ball. Is this normal?


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## Guest (Dec 8, 2015)

Dr Johnson said:


> He seems to be eating a discoloured cricket ball. Is this normal?


Yes. Obviously Aunty Nigel finds it a really annoying habit, but he just won't stop.


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## Ilarion (May 22, 2015)

dogen said:


> Are there no humans living in Dalmatia?


You are aware that Dalmatia is one of the four historical regions of Croatia?


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## Guest (Dec 8, 2015)

Dr Johnson said:


> Possibly.
> 
> Then again, possibly I had my tongue hovering in the vicinity of my cheek.


I bet you say that to all the ladies.


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## Guest (Dec 8, 2015)

Ilarion said:


> You are aware that Dalmatia is one of the four historical regions of Croatia?


Ever since I looked it up about an hour ago.


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## Ilarion (May 22, 2015)

dogen said:


> I bet you say that to all the ladies.


My oh my - Thats naughty...


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## Dr Johnson (Jun 26, 2015)

Ilarion said:


> My oh my - Thats naughty...


You should hear what I really say.


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## Ilarion (May 22, 2015)

Dr Johnson said:


> You should hear what I really say.


Dr Johnson,

Your current avatar reminds me of Valery Gergiev wearing sunglasses - Really Cool!

You know - Conductor Gergiev of Mariinsky in St. Petersburg


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## Dim7 (Apr 24, 2009)

Dr Johnson said:


> You should hear what I really say.


[Insert a Johnson joke here]


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## Dr Johnson (Jun 26, 2015)

Dim7 said:


> [Insert a Johnson joke here]


You and your johnson.

:lol:


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## Dr Johnson (Jun 26, 2015)

Ilarion said:


> Dr Johnson,
> 
> Your current avatar reminds me of Valery Gergiev wearing sunglasses - Really Cool!
> 
> You know - Conductor Gergiev of Mariinsky in St. Petersburg


I do indeed know of Gergiev. I even have some recordings of his.

I hadn't seen the resemblance myself but I will bear it in mind.


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## Belowpar (Jan 14, 2015)

Beware of the Pig. :tiphat:


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## hpowders (Dec 23, 2013)

They all need nose jobs.


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## trazom (Apr 13, 2009)

Sorry if a serious answer is out of place on this thread, but horses would be among the worst leaders. They're easily frightened, being animals of prey, and they're not the smartest. Any policies they would be able to write down would be based solely influenced by fear--of pretty much anything. Just taking a look at history shows legislation written from irrational fear has had some pretty horrific consequences.


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## Vaneyes (May 11, 2010)

"Meeting called to order."


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## violadude (May 2, 2011)

trazom said:


> *Sorry if a serious answer is out of place on this thread*, but horses would be among the worst leaders. They're easily frightened, being animals of prey, and they're not the smartest. Any policies they would be able to write down would be based solely influenced by fear--of pretty much anything. Just taking a look at history shows legislation written from irrational fear has had some pretty horrific consequences.


Nope, this is exactly the kind of thing I was looking for.


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## aleazk (Sep 30, 2011)

According to G.Orwell in Animal Farm, Pigs would be the worst. According to J.Swift in Gulliver's Travels, Horses would be the best. According to A.Huxley in Island, Humans would be the best. According to A.Huxley in Brave New World, humans would be the worst. lol.


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## Abraham Lincoln (Oct 3, 2015)

trazom said:


> Sorry if a serious answer is out of place on this thread, but horses would be among the worst leaders. They're easily frightened, being animals of prey, and they're not the smartest. Any policies they would be able to write down would be based solely influenced by fear--of pretty much anything. Just taking a look at history shows legislation written from irrational fear has had some pretty horrific consequences.


And to top it all off, we have the MLP fanbase.


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## Ilarion (May 22, 2015)

*Horses would be the worst leaders*

Yeah, and Mark Twain had an infinite point when he stated the following: *Washington DC is a stud farm for jackasses.*


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## hagridindminor (Nov 5, 2015)

im suprised no one said dolphins


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## aleazk (Sep 30, 2011)

hagridindminor said:


> im suprised no one said dolphins


Yeah... it seems they were just like us, that's why:


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## Strange Magic (Sep 14, 2015)

Read _City_ by Clifford Simak, one of the very greatest SciFi novels of the 1950s. You'll find both dogs and ants with working societies, the ants having mastered industrialization and the dogs articulate speech.


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## Gaspard de la Nuit (Oct 20, 2014)

dogen said:


> Meet my Uncle.
> 
> View attachment 78663


don't tell me that's his natural hair color


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## Guest (Dec 12, 2015)

Gaspard de la Nuit said:


> don't tell me that's his natural hair color


Well OK he is a little vain.


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## Guest (Dec 12, 2015)

hagridindminor said:


> im suprised no one said dolphins


You must have Antiquarian on Ignore!


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## KenOC (Mar 7, 2011)

"I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas."

-Jack Handey


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## Morimur (Jan 23, 2014)

Dr Johnson said:


> My vote goes to the sloth.


I second that!

Long live the Sloth, king of all mammals!


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## hpowders (Dec 23, 2013)

The human animals are obviously the worst.

Best, would be any animal showing fiscal restraint and the ability to tell the truth.


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## TurnaboutVox (Sep 22, 2013)

Dr Johnson said:


> He seems to be eating a discoloured cricket ball. Is this normal?


It's one of those new pink day-night test match balls. I guess giving it to a primate to gnaw wouldn't be the worst thing to do with it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cats would be the worst creatures at running post-apocalypse human society. Utterly psychopathic, they snuggle up with you and howl to be fed or let out, but then turn on you tooth-and-claw with no warning and attempt to remove your hand.

If it was large enough, a cat would kill you and play with the corpse before leaving you on the lawn in favour of something easier to eat.


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## Richannes Wrahms (Jan 6, 2014)

I'd rather try a cephalopod.


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## Abraham Lincoln (Oct 3, 2015)

TurnaboutVox said:


> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> Cats would be the worst creatures at running post-apocalypse human society. Utterly psychopathic, they snuggle up with you and howl to be fed or let out, but then turn on you tooth-and-claw with no warning and attempt to remove your hand.
> 
> If it was large enough, a cat would kill you and play with the corpse before leaving you on the lawn in favour of something easier to eat.


Lies!
I hereby declare TurnaboutVox guilty of slander!


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## TurnaboutVox (Sep 22, 2013)

Abraham Lincoln said:


> Lies!
> I hereby declare TurnaboutVox guilty of slander!


Owner of a domestic cat, and three previous incumbents to the post, over 30 years, with the scars to prove it!

P.S. I knew you 'declared' people guilty in the US - _pace_ Gitmo


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## Dr Johnson (Jun 26, 2015)

As a former cat owner I support TurnaboutVox's assessment of feline nature,


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## Guest (Dec 16, 2015)

Well, ailurophiles it's started....

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/dec/16/disgruntled-siberian-city-wants-cat-for-mayor


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## Blancrocher (Jul 6, 2013)

violadude said:


> Assuming that all animals were smart enough to run human society, but still kept all their individual behavioral patterns, which animals would be best/worst at running human society once we **** up civilization for good.


I think that dung beetles would probably be the best at it.


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## KenOC (Mar 7, 2011)

I think the big cats would be the best for running human society. Obviously, they wouldn't allow us to kill each other since they would be carefully managing us as their food supply.


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## Abraham Lincoln (Oct 3, 2015)

dogen said:


> Well, ailurophiles it's started....
> 
> http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/dec/16/disgruntled-siberian-city-wants-cat-for-mayor


GO CAT GO!!!! 

It really serves those corrupt politicians right


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## Richannes Wrahms (Jan 6, 2014)

How could one ever trust a beast without tentacles?


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## Abraham Lincoln (Oct 3, 2015)

Richannes Wrahms said:


> How could one ever trust a beast without tentacles?


Ahem, Richannes. Last thing we need is...well, I probably shouldn't finish this sentence.


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## isorhythm (Jan 2, 2015)

violadude said:


> Ants would be incredibly efficient and probably get us to a utopian Star Trek-like future the fastest.


You know Star Trek actually explored this theme!











Dolphins are evil. I believe they're the only other animal known to kill for sport.

What about humpback whales? Sort of the elephants of the sea, right? They're different enough from us that it would be a nice clean break, but at the same time, social and musical.


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