# Am I a Musician???



## Mz B Flute

Music's been everything to me. I've been playing flute for 9 years. I was the best in my class for highschool, everything was just so, easy for me! and Fun! I'm trying to take the next step and continue my music studies into college. 
I've been getting ready for my audition. 


And everything's gone wrong. 

I wasn't playing a lot prior to getting ready, so it's hard to get back into it. But scales are usually so easy for me.... I gotta tell you.. even though I'm use to playing again, scales seem like a nightmare now.. and the sheet music.. something I use to be so passionate about.. are just notes on a page. It's like everything I've ever loved has just..died. And I'm really scared. Because here I am, trying to push myself through all this to fullfill my dreams, and I'm fighting every step of the way! It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to HEAR a song with flute in it. 
Something's really really really wrong. 
I'm wondering if I even WANT to be a musician anymore... I use to be SSOO Passionate about playing.. and the feeling you experience through your songs, and the effect it has on people... and now it seems like I'll never feel that again. I don't know where it went. And I don't know if it will ever come back.

Do you think maybe music just.. isn't the right thing for me to do as a job?? ...I could always just take it as a hobby or even a small second job ( like private music lessons if I feel up to achieving my grade 8) 

Or do you think I'm just really stressed because of the pressure of my audition?


----------



## Polednice

No matter how much of your situation you may try to convey on an internet forum, nobody is ever going to be able to answer that question but yourself. And it would be dubious for anyone to think they could answer it, because no one should push you in the direction of a life-changing decision when we can't properly judge the situation. All I would say is that you should try your best for the audition and then see how you feel after you've done it once there is no reason to be nervous any more.


----------



## Huilunsoittaja

I'm a flutist, a junior in high school. I'll be going through the same things as you soon, but I may have some ideas that may help you.

I also went through a small period where I felt like the music I played was meaningless, and almost doubted whether it was worth playing, but that is gone from me now. How that happened I'm not exactly sure, but it was happening from a bit of depression, which you might be experiencing right now. But here's something that may help: listen to your heart. Music is one of those fields where you can't imagine yourself doing anything else, or you shouldn't try at all. To be a musician is a special calling.

You may be suffering from either of two things: you're getting "psyched" out from the stress, because flute is one of the most competitive fields, or you've come to a point where you have to reanalyze your desires.

If you feel you are just stressed out, try a few things: practice every day, and do breathing exercises to calm yourself down, (what I've learned to work is inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4, etc.) especially right before the audition. The pieces that you feel most stressed about you can try breaking it apart: slow the tempo, work on tone, technique, expression, and do what's called "chunking" where you practice little phrases at a time.

If you feel like you have lost your desire to play flute, than simply go through the audition, and see how it turns out. If you don't get in, it may be a sign that it's not for you, and you may want to think of some other field, whether or not it pertains to music is your decision. You could still become a Music Minor.


----------



## taviyamato

Hello there ! I am a violinist ! I made the same mistake at an audition the first time I screwed up ! but remember never to give up , I realise why I screwed up , I know my mistakes , probably the piece that you were playing was to complicated ! never quit and go to college in college you will have to play in front of people and maybe a lot of your colleagues will **** it up just like you did now , but they will **** it up on a regular basis , that is how college is ! nothing to be embaresed if you screw up ! but after you finnish college you can make a decent living out of music and the piece that you played now will seem very easy ! I respect you a lot because you had the POWER to stand in front of all people ! but your problem now ! your state of spirit is a disaster, a lot of people QUIT because they go wrong on an audition ! do not bee that foulish and try to look at it as a positive experience , remember that music , in nowdays it is just like any other job , you impress your family at first , then your schoolmates , teachers , journalists , and if you are really good , the whole world , but remember that you must not necesairily make an impression , think about the job and the money you can make later on and you might change your mind  , I do not want to hear you talking at 60 years , I was a good musician once , but I quit because some dudes who I do not even remember now laughed , I mean WHAT THE **** go an and go to college do not make the BIG mistake that all do


----------



## paulguterl

I too went through a similar thing, just a little later, and a bit more of a setback.

I started college at 18 as a classical guitar major. Worked my butt off and did great my first year. At least grade wise/recital wise.

Then in my second year I just felt very unfulfilled by it all, and didn't have the drive or desire to practice as much as I should, and that obviously hurt my grades, experience, and overall time. I stayed in school and just did gen ed stuff. After a year of that I decided I needed a break from it all.

I took a year off and just played music and composed and did what _I_ wanted.

I took up piano. I fell in love with it and got back into practicing 4 or more hours a day .

Now I am a composition major as opposed to a performance major.

It turned out I needed to get away from what I was supposed to do and turn to what I wanted to do and tried some new things, learned to enjoy music and playing again.

Maybe try some new things? New styles, maybe even a new instrument? Have you thought about other areas of music than flute performance?


----------

