# Guitar Player Jokes



## Nate Miller (Oct 24, 2016)

I have a confession to make...I am a guitar player by trade. It's my native tongue and my first instrument. 

Being a guitar player, I've heard you guys snickering while I was getting set up. I know what you are saying..."if you need him to turn down, just put a sheet of music in front of him!"

so there's no need to try and pretend. I know that only banjo players and violists are the target of more musician jokes than guitar players

and in my life among musicians, I 've found that orchestra players have, in fact, the best guitar player jokes. 

so let's hear some! go ahead...I can take it. You know who comes up with all these guitar player jokes, don't you? symphony players with nothing better to do on a Friday night, that's who! :lol:

I'll even get the ball rolling...

Q: How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to do it, and four to say "I can do that"

now over to you guys...go ahead. Let me have it. I'm a guitar player. We have thick skins from all the requests we get for "Freebird"


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## millionrainbows (Jun 23, 2012)

I've only heard a few guitar player jokes, such as the one about sheet music, under the general heading of "musician jokes." The rest are "drummer jokes" and "accordion player" jokes.

That "Freebird" reference sound like a perfect pretext for a guitar player joke.

It would run something like this:

Do you know how to really **** a guitar player off?

Get real drunk and belligerent, and keep shouting out requests for "Freebird" all night long, until he finally gets fed up (he has probably had a few as well, due to your abuse) and screams 

"ENOUGH ALREADY WITH THE FREEBIRD CRAP!!! YOU PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID!!"

Ha ha…that's funny, innit?


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## Nate Miller (Oct 24, 2016)

I think it would be funnier had I not been traumatized by Freebird requests in the late 70s

but I can't believe that there are no guitar player jokes out there. maybe being a guitar player they stick in my memory when I hear them. You know, jokes like....

Q: how do you know someone is a good guitar player?
A: he'll tell you

Q: how can you tell a guitar player is sight reading?
A: his lips are moving

Q: What should you do when a guitar player is standing on your front porch?
A: pay him for the pizza


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese (Jan 8, 2013)

What if you play both Guitar and Banjo- double jeopardy, thank god I don't play Violin also........... Tried it once but the cat didn't like it.


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese (Jan 8, 2013)

*Q: How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune?*
A: All of them, evidently.

*Q: What do you call a guitarist who breaks up with his girlfriend?*
A: Homeless

*Q: What do you call a successful guitarist?*
A: A guy whose wife has 2 jobs.

*Q: What's black and blue and lying in a ditch?*
A: A guitarist who's told too many drummer jokes.

*Q: What's the difference between a Lead Guitarist and a terrorist?*
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

*Q: How can you tell the stage is level at a gig?*
A: The bass Guitarists drools outta both sides of their mouth.


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## Belowpar (Jan 14, 2015)

I had no idea "Freebird" was such a popular request 'back in the day'. I just posted on the worst CD you own thread, about a Bootleg where the loudest sound is the drunks yelling "Play Freebird" at Van Morrison!




Somewhere on a veranda during the halcyon days of the British Empire.


Cecily has newly arrived from the mother country and is not happy.

“This heat is unbearable; tell me how can you bear it?”
The Major General replies
“After a decade or so you’ll be able to tolerate it.”


Cecily “But the flies how can you stand the flies, they never let you be?”
Major General. “What flies? I learnt long ago to ignore them.”


Cecily “The native drummers never stop. It’s incessant and driving me mad! Surely with your power you can make them stop.”
Major General. “Long ago when I was first here I sent out some troops to find them and make them stop. Big mistake. The Base player started his solo….”


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## Jos (Oct 14, 2013)

I tried classical guitar when I was a teenager for about three years.
I'm afraid that I was a bit of a guitarist joke


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## millionrainbows (Jun 23, 2012)

Guitar Player Joke: Gary Richrath


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese (Jan 8, 2013)

Best comment online (repeatable here) is "And I thought the intro to smoke on the water was the easiest thing you could play on guitar...or God damn, this guy is better than Hendrix and Page combined. Lastly I can't believe that people cheered him,he was torturing that guitar."


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## Metalkitsune (Jul 11, 2011)

You're asked about the best amp and you say Marshall and you realize they're talking about the type for their car.

you stand in a guitar shop and decide oh i will buy that guitar,no wait that one,oh wait maybe that one,nope that one for 5 hours.

you always have someone knocking on your door to "Turn it down."

You're in the minority who still uses tubes

You look through a catalog of Musician's Friend,even though you can't afford most of the stuff.


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## ST4 (Oct 27, 2016)

Lil Wayne.............


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## millionrainbows (Jun 23, 2012)

You play guitar because it's cheaper than setting grand pianos on fire...

You play guitar because it's cheaper than setting accordions on fire...

You play guitar because they burn well...

You play guitar because it's easier to replace 6 strings than it is 88...

You play guitar because you can't put a Floyd Rose on a Steinway...


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese (Jan 8, 2013)




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## Pugg (Aug 8, 2014)

Should come with a health warning.


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## millionrainbows (Jun 23, 2012)

You play guitar because you can't run a Steinway through a way-wah pedal.


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## Kjetil Heggelund (Jan 4, 2016)

A guitar player was in his oral examination on music theory...
-What is the subdominant in F-major?
...........(????)
-I thought F-major was the subdominant...


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## Kjetil Heggelund (Jan 4, 2016)

millionrainbows said:


> You play guitar because it's cheaper than setting grand pianos on fire...
> 
> You play guitar because it's cheaper than setting accordions on fire...
> 
> ...


Hey! You CAN put a Floyd Rose on a Steinway, even a cup of coffee.


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese (Jan 8, 2013)

Kjetil Heggelund said:


> Hey! You CAN put a Floyd Rose on a Steinway, even a cup of coffee.


Yeah even a Marshall


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## millionrainbows (Jun 23, 2012)

You play guitar because there was no "Horowitz at Monterrey Pop" where he sets his piano on fire.


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## Guest (Nov 19, 2016)

I think the guitar is a joke by itself. :devil:


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese (Jan 8, 2013)

Kontrapunctus said:


> I think the guitar is a joke by itself. :devil:


I'm gutted ..................said the Guitar


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## millionrainbows (Jun 23, 2012)

Kontrapunctus said:


> I think the guitar is a joke by itself. :devil:


Don't dare tell that to Segovia. He'd turn over in his grave.


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## millionrainbows (Jun 23, 2012)

Kjetil Heggelund said:


> Hey! You CAN put a Floyd Rose on a Steinway, even a cup of coffee.


Then I'd like to put Floyd Rose in a black dress, and have him get on the Steinway and sing some torch songs.


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