# Is there a piece of music you can't listen to or perform unless you are alone?



## Air (Jul 19, 2008)

You know how we are always told to play or listen to whatever music we love best.

Well, I learned that this is not always true. You see, a couple months ago, I picked up a score of one of my absolute favorite piano pieces in the world, Schumann's Fantasie in C Major. I don't think there's another piece of music in the world I can claim to have as much intimacy with, and it was only a matter of days and weeks before I got the whole thing down inside out. I thought it was going to be a real blast year for competitions, since the deep connection I have with the piece would truly show... and there's no denying a pianist with passion.

Unfortunately, I was wrong. My first experience performing this work in public was in front of my teacher, who had suggested me to pick a piece I truly love. Well, I certainly did her bidding there. But it was probably the most awkward lesson ever. She wanted me to play the piece slowly and correctly, and I couldn't bear the piece like that. My fingers felt rigid and I feel like I was being judged. There was a third-party interrupting the special moments I was having with the music. 

At first, I thought it was pedantry wearing me down. But soon I was also able to perform in front of friends, and show them some of my new repertoire (a regular occurrence for me). Anyone who is familiar with the Fantasie knows that the first and third movements are not particularly quick. And some of the absolutely most lovely moments in these two movements are the slow, intimate major chords where the world seems to stand still and all that exists is you and that one, delicate harmony. But when performing the piece, I couldn't feel that standstill. My friend before me had just pulled off a Chopin Ballade and I felt a sort of "urgency" to match that. I tried not to linger too long on these notes, lest I bore anyone, and as soon as my mindset changed, the magic disappeared. During the Im Legendenton section, I tried to create a grand technical climax. But this was not Schumann. After awhile, I just gave up on the piece. I replaced it with Rachmaninoff's 2nd sonata, which is everything I can ask for in terms of a Romantic showpiece.

I still play the Schumann at home, but even family can be a disturbance at times. It's an alone piece, reserved only for two people, me and the piano, just like an intimate romantic moment or a prayer. It's equally awkward when I listen to the piece and there are people around; it's simply not meant for them to hear. And I don't mean that in a selfish way. Just I'm sure that Schumann wrote his most intimate pieces alone in a room, dreaming of Clara and writing down what was meant for only one person, the centerpiece of his life, to hear. I like to feel that way too when I experience this piece.

Are there any pieces for you that are like this, whether you are listening to it or performing it?


----------



## regressivetransphobe (May 16, 2011)

Any Mahler. I had the 9th playing as background music when I was playing Mario Kart with someone and it was just ****ing ridiculous.


----------



## Dodecaplex (Oct 14, 2011)

Whether or not I play this in public, the whole place becomes empty after the first thirty seconds anyway. So it's not much of a problem for me.


----------



## Klavierspieler (Jul 16, 2011)

I'm with Dodecaplex on this one; I tend to ignore the audience (when I can).


----------

