# Don't Ask Me Why: Chapter 22



## Huilunsoittaja (Apr 6, 2010)

Things were uneventful for Marie the following weeks, but it wasn't wanted. She felt stagnant, like nothing was developing. Day in and day out, she worked, but she rarely met anyone. Tanya was so swamped with work that they rarely met after Marie's birthday, and so was everyone else. Alex and Ernest were neither to be seen, except at Lab Orchestra. Also, there were fewer large concerts this semester than the ones before.

At night was the only time that Marie could practice, besides the weekends. It was a time of solace and relaxation for her, and she resurrected old pieces of music to do for fun. Marie bought a new piece, the gorgeous Poulenc Flute Sonata, and tried to work on it steadily for several months. If only there was a chance to play it for something...

The first choral concert that Tanya was in wasn't until late-February, and the other one wasn't scheduled until mid-April. However, both of these concerts were longer and more elaborate in their performances. Marie went to the February choral concert anyhow, as well as the symphony orchestra concert. The Orchestra featured Shostakovich's 8th Symphony, a monumental piece that spanned the majority of the concert program. It was a piece that Marie found both terrifying and exhilarating. The choral concert two nights after featured other excellent music too.

"Tanya has such a wonderful voice, she totally could sing a solo," Marie thought to herself. "I would love to hear her do that in April... I wish I could sing..."

Marie felt more isolated than ever. She never really belonged anywhere, and although she was playing her flute now, it didn't matter. She always felt like an outsider. While everyone struggled around her with hard music and classes, she only did the same work as before, and had no way to sympathize.

Marie hoped something would change very soon.

Tanya had a strange pleasure from working herself so hard. The farther she went into her studies, the more she obsessed over it. Each night, she would come home late, sometimes staying up later with more homework. Besides alcohol, she became increasingly dependent on caffeine to get her through the days. But a handful of times she found a lounge in the music library that she could hide in and sleep overnight. She began planning her nights more and more so that way, staying as long as she could from the apartment as possible.

She couldn't stand it there anymore.

Marcus had been working day and night as well on his studies, perfecting his dissertation project, and his other secret composition that he wouldn't share with Marie. Both had long since stopped having meals together, and would only talk for shorts amount of time each day. They drifted farther and farther from each other until neither really cared, so Tanya thought.

One evening Marie came home and watched TV by herself, eating a cup of Ramen noodles. She was continually humming melodies to herself, trying to memorize her music. For the last few weeks, she was making plans for conducting the Vocal Quartets, and she was ready to begin the rehearsals the next week.

A little bit later, Marcus, wearing his black winter overcoat, entered into the apartment. As soon as he stepped in and saw Tanya, who didn't even look at him, he slowed down his step. He hung up his overcoat on a wall hook, but he didn't move from the corner. Instead, he stared at Tanya silently for a few seconds before she looked up in suspicion.

"What?" she muttered.

Marcus' expression was indiscernible. He just stared silently into her eyes. Thinking to himself.

"What are you up to?" he smiled lightly.

Tanya lifted up her cup to him.

"Anything interesting on TV?"

Tanya shook her head.

Marcus came and sat next to her. She averted her eyes.

"Hey," Marcus took a lock away from Tanya's face. "What's wrong?"

"What's been wrong you mean," Tanya muttered, and put down her cup on a table in front of her.

"Yes, we've been too busy. But let's have this time together, hm?"

Tanya hesitated to answer. Marcus put his arm around her shoulder and tried to kiss her, but she flinched, and stood up.

"I don't know," she said softly, watching him gravely.

"Why not?"

"I'm... tired."

"But so am I. And yet I still love you."

Tanya glared at him but couldn't say anything.

"Tanya... do you still love me?" Marcus stood up, and held Tanya's hands.

She could only stare. The truth was, he was slipping farther and farther away in her desires. His face didn't please her anymore, it was too plain. He was not tall enough. Not as tall as Ernest. Marcus annoyed her with his often whining tone of voice. He always made her look bad or unintelligent, especially in public. There was no use pretending anymore.

And yet...

"Oh Marcus..." Tanya grabbed his shoulders and took him close to her. "I don't know what's been happening to me."

"Or what's been happening to me. But we can't give up on each other, not now."

"No," Tanya gripped his shirt tightly in her hands.

"God, you don't even know how much you bewitch me!" Marcus suddenly cried, and kissed her on the lips.

Marcus knew how to seduce Tanya when he wanted, and she just about melted in her arms. Tanya's deepest desire could not be restrained, no matter who she set her sights on. She wanted to be wanted, and she would do anything to satisfy that desire. And now she was satisfied, and thus perfectly happy, if only for a moment.

And everything would have been perfect, if only moments later Marcus suddenly cursed.

"No!" he took his hands away from the Tanya, and started holding his head. "God, not now!"

"Marcus?" Tanya stood up, bewildered.

Marcus seemed to be having an immense headache, but it wasn't that.

"Forgive me, the..." he couldn't finish his sentence, and suddenly stormed out of the room into his study.

Tanya could only stare on in shock. What on earth was happening to Marcus?

A pang went through her heart. Was he being controlled by his music, to the point of abandoning her? She felt herself breathing quickly, and she immediately went to her bedroom, and locked the door.

It wasn't the last time she would lock herself in.


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