# I suffer from depression/anxiety and music keeps me alive.



## C95 (Feb 6, 2017)

Hi everyone. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I've been suffering all this bad stuff since I was 15 years old (I am 23 years old right now) and music has always been my refuge. I discovered Claude Debussy, Sergei Rachmaninoff when I was 16 and it changed my life forever. Music in general, be it a Radiohead album or a piece by Krzysztof Penderecki make me feel alive. It makes me think life is worth living. Art, books, music! I it were not for music, I would have killed myself a long time ago. Has anyone experienced something similar? 



(Sorry for my bad english. Spanish is my language)


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## Phil loves classical (Feb 8, 2017)

I had teenage depression before. It had to do with my world view and it didn't fit with the people around me at the time. Beethoven's music really spoke to me. I don't think you're alone.


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## Captainnumber36 (Jan 19, 2017)

I suffer from paranoid thinking/anxiety, but I'm on medication that really helps me. I'm stable now, and able to work and live a happy, fulfilling life!


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## Phil loves classical (Feb 8, 2017)

I used to be obsessed with lots of weird things: with chicks (guess this one is quite common), with discovering the meaning of life, with trying to be happy. I was trying to gauge the level of how happy I was, and try to get to the level where I wanted to be. Of course it isn't that easy, since we aren't machines, and outlooks change. My conclusion is just to be happy with what you have. I used to think that is just advice people give for the underprivileged :lol:, but it in fact applies to everyone: rich or poor, famous or not. I've had everything I ever wanted, and still felt I had nothing.


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## Art Rock (Nov 28, 2009)

Music has definitely helped me cope with the most problematic times in my life (the death of my mother at age 64 from cancer, the end of a relationship with a girl who I thought would be 'the one', recovering from a heart attack). Keep turning to music, and never give up hope. Things often do get better after a rough patch.


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## Larkenfield (Jun 5, 2017)

Good for all of you! I consider the classics a form of music therapy that I have used for years that the brain loves and feels more peaceful and harmonious. Not a day goes by where I don't feel better about existence after having listened to something great. Tonight it was Shostakovich's 10th Symphony by Dudamel, and what a wild ride and enriching experience that was! Best wishes to everyone. 
:tiphat:


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## beetzart (Dec 30, 2009)

Music has definitely helped me with mental illness. In some ways I feel that if it wasn't for having bipolar I might never have gotten into Beethoven et al, although I can never know that for sure. I have been asked many times over the years by professionals if I consider my love of classical music to be an obsession, I just shrug my shoulders and say if it is it is, I certainly know that I'm not going to stop listening to it. In fact I think it helps more than anything. It makes me cry, the music, and when I cry to music I feel euphoric which is a good thing. So it is like a drug, a drug that no one can make in a lab but was written out by a deaf man 200 years ago or another man who threw himself in the Rhine or another who supposedly drank unboiled water.


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## atsizat (Sep 14, 2015)

Music can be better for being more depressed (I try to feel as depressed as I can with music).


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## Ingélou (Feb 10, 2013)

When I was at university, I suffered from depression and panic attacks. For me, *literature* helped - repeating lines of poetry aloud to myself, and closeting myself with a good novel, not always one that was on my degree course syllabus.

This form of art did two things for me:
1. It took me out of myself.
2. The beauty of it reminded me that there are good, timeless things in the universe that it is worth being alive to appreciate. When I was lost in literature I felt that I was in touch with truth itself, beyond time.

I can imagine that music would do the same jobs even better.

Certainly now, when I have worries about my health or my mother's dementia or an abusive friend or relative, I find that playing my fiddle or listening to early music can help my mood immeasurably.

I feel for all young people in the grip of depression and anxiety. It can be a grim period of one's life. Hang in there, because for many people - for me, and for you too I hope - things do get better. :tiphat:


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## Judith (Nov 11, 2015)

I too suffer from anxiety, depression and worry over stupid things. Easy for people to say "don't worry" but don't know what I feel inside. 
Since taking up classical music seriously three years ago, it has made it easier although I will always worry!!


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## Holden4th (Jul 14, 2017)

Twelve years ago I suffered my first (and I hope only) bout of severe clinical depression. I was offered medication but having seen what it did to other people I declined. Being a musician I naturally turned to music, both playing and listening. I found that listening to some of my favourite composers didn't help as their music matched my moods. However, playing their music gave me some form of release - when I could be bothered that is. My listening saviour was Bach. Somehow his music spoke to me, settled and centered me. It was at this time that i got to know the WTC very well along with some of the cantatas and some glorious organ music. Over a year of music therapy a la JSB and the depression vanished completely. Occasionally it threatens to recur but I am now able to deal with it.


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## wolkaaa (Feb 12, 2017)

Same. The primitive people around me and the world situation in general make me depressed. Good literature and music help to escape the ugly side of our world.


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## chill782002 (Jan 12, 2017)

I had a very stressful job about 15 years ago that required me to work ridiculous hours and left me feeling constantly anxious. Music definitely helped me deal with that, particularly classical music.


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## helenora (Sep 13, 2015)

atsizat said:


> Music can be better for being more depressed (I try to feel as depressed as I can with music).


when I was a teenager I thought it was one of the most beautiful melodies ever composed.

Later I used to avoid listening to it since it always made me feel melancholic.


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## Granate (Jun 25, 2016)

Hi C95 and Welcome to Talk Classical. I don't know which Spanish do you speak, but any is fine. I'm also in my early twenties. Your English is excellent though.

I have been going through very sad times in the last few years, usually related to my studies. Sometimes sad, sometimes anxious. Never in an extreme way. The drawbacks of being very moody. Classical Music is a kind of anesthesia for me. Many times I am awed by what I hear, but never sad. However, in this current moment it has never make me feel more alive. It suppresses my emotions and I thank that because many times I need self-control. Some years ago, going through hard times with self-confidence, I needed to feed my sadness listening to The Weeknd's Trilogy (The Birds Pt.1 & The Zone). I hardly cared for the explicit and dirty lyrics. I just wanted my heart strings to be touched with these dark notes.










In those November 2014 days I was totally anxious for coursework, lonely in my residence and exhaused at night, during many commutings from the city to my hometown at 9PM, I started to listen to Ambient Classical and close my eyes, hoping for the pain to be gone. It turned to be more or less effective, I was feeling empathic with the new genre. This genre led me to listen to Orchestral Classical Music.










These kinds of feelings haven't gone yet. However, from then I've gained a bunch of friends in "real" life, re-discovered Classical Music and joined this forum. I guess I could be happy but it's just my head that it's nuts.
*Many times I need to say this to myself* because I often get too carried away, because I care a lot about what people think of me, because I am afraid. Many beloved people will tell us that everything will be ok and we won't just believe them because we are imprisoned in our psyque.The phrase against it is very simple but must be insistent: *"It's all in your head".* Don't forget it.


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## Krummhorn (Feb 18, 2007)

Classical music is my gyroscope - it keeps my heart and soul cleansed. 

During those rare bouts of depression I simply drive over to my church (2.5 miles) any time of the day or night and play the church organ to my hearts content. I leave totally refreshed and renewed. 

Kh


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## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

Just hope you never encounter a mental health issue or medication issue that makes it so you can't enjoy music anymore. It's been quite a miserable year.


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## SiegendesLicht (Mar 4, 2012)

Krummhorn said:


> Classical music is my gyroscope - it keeps my heart and soul cleansed.
> 
> During those rare bouts of depression I simply drive over to my church (2.5 miles) any time of the day or night *and play the church organ to my hearts content.* I leave totally refreshed and renewed.
> 
> Kh


You are one lucky man, sir!


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## ST4 (Oct 27, 2016)

This is one way that music can function for me but I find everything has to be in moderation, after a while music that once moved me deeply and effected me in massive ways can sound silly to me if I put too much emphasis on it being used as an emotional defense for things I go through. I find writing music sometimes does it to, but then I get sick of my own emotions, so it becomes rather like defecations of emotions, thoughts and suffering, regardless of the music itself. 

I can get really depressed from time to time, when I usually don't even use computers at all for a significant time, forget forums. In those moments, I realize that I don't have the guts, balls or courage to kill myself and that there are too many precautions I have to take care of (I have a lot of stuff stored too), so I just stay on earth.


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## Triplets (Sep 4, 2014)

I've had a lot of life altering stuff happen in the past few years with major surgeries and employment issues. Music has always helped but during some of these times I became so depressed that I lost interest in music as well. In fact I could always gage when I was 'recovering' by my renewed interest in music


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## 20centrfuge (Apr 13, 2007)

I have clinical depression, currently well managed on meds; but, I have had some severe bouts of depression in the past that have made me wish I were dead. Classical music helped a lot. It was a balm of sorts. For some reason, the piece that helped the most is Faure's Requiem.

I wouldn't wish depression on the most vile person in the world. It sucks.


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