# Our better (?) halves



## ribonucleic (Aug 20, 2014)

The missus is a marvelous woman. That said, she does not appreciate classical music. In fact, she will seldom tolerate its being audible even from an adjacent room. Boulez or Bach, to her it is all anathema.

So just now, while she was out of the house, I took advantage by listening to Mahler's Symphony No. 2, played by the Royal Concertgebouw Orchestra under Richard Chailly in November 2001. 

She came back unexpectedly near the end of the last movement as the chorus was in fortissimo. She glanced at me skeptically and observed, "This is a bit bombastic."

Drawing upon the patience I've learned over 25 years of marriage, I drily explained, "The music is celebrating a special occasion."


----------



## level82rat (Jun 20, 2019)

Music is meant to be enjoyed alone; company improves nothing. It's no drawback if your spouse can't stand classical


----------



## Bulldog (Nov 21, 2013)

level82rat said:


> Music is meant to be enjoyed alone; company improves nothing. It's no drawback if your spouse can't stand classical


Yes, listening alone is preferred. That's why there are concerts all over the world.


----------



## level82rat (Jun 20, 2019)

Bulldog said:


> Yes, listening alone is preferred. That's why there are concerts all over the world.


Simply a vestige of the pre-record world


----------



## mbhaub (Dec 2, 2016)

Classical music is a funny thing: it's men who buy the most recordings, books, scores, and subscribe to classical music magazines, what few are left. But in terms of supporting the local symphony, it's women who take the lead. I do not know one member of the fair sex who collects CDs like some men do. 

My wife let's me indulge in my passion without ever making me feel odd or guilty. There are some cds I put on that she'll even come and ask what it is because she liked it. Today it was a disk of Puccini without words. But she would never put on a classical disk on her own. Over the decades of marriage we've attended NBA and WNBA basketball games, PBR (bull riding) and PRCA (rodeo) events, MLB games, concerts by Neil Diamond, George Strait, Clay Walker, Dolly Parton, Yanni, and such. But when it comes to classical...forget it. She cannot sit through a classical concert. Christmas pops, ok. So I go to my summer festivals solo and it works for us. There was one concert she went to with a nice overture, some opera arias and the Dvorak 8th and the only reason she went was because I conducted. And she went to a Nutcracker I conducted. But otherwise, forget it.


----------



## RandallPeterListens (Feb 9, 2012)

My wife also does not care for classical music. In fact, she doesn't seem to be "involved" with music of any genre. But then again, many people are not. My best friend from high school and college days had the proverbial "tin ear". Sometimes funny or catchy lyrics caught his attention; sometimes "novelty" songs. He just did not seem to hear anything in music. This always amazed me, but as I get older I have met more people who simply are not involved with, or moved by, music.

As to the theme of this post: consider the following - probably 95% of all classical music was written by men. Is it so surprising if it appeals more to men than women? Perhaps if music composition was an activity in the West socially and culturally "assigned" to women rather than men, there would be more women listeners. However, on the other hand, I can't say I have ever heard a piece composed by a woman and was able to say "that was written by a woman, not a man". I perceive no gender differences in classical music at all. Women have just, historically, not been given the same opportunity (let's say, before 1950 or so) to study and write classical music. But maybe when given the chance, the Clara Schumanns and Fanny Mendelssohns of this world simply wrote their music in a style imitating men's composition in a bid for acceptance in a male world?

BTW, ribonucleic, I don't know if I don't somewhat agree with your wife - Mahler can sometimes be bombastic.


----------



## mmsbls (Mar 6, 2011)

I hardly ever listened to classical music before meeting my wife. She was a violinist in a US symphony. Once I had more time after grad school, I began listening almost exclusively to classical. Now our daughter gives cello lessons in our house. I'm quite lucky to have both of them to talk to about music.


----------



## eljr (Aug 8, 2015)

mmsbls said:


> I hardly ever listened to classical music before meeting my wife. She was a violinist in a US symphony. Once I had more time after grad school, I began listening almost exclusively to classical. Now our daughter gives cello lessons in our house. I'm quite lucky to have both of them to talk to about music.


I would love to meet a cellist, violinist or pianist and form a relationship. I envy your choices that brought you such good fortunes. 

I have always listened to my music when I wanted. Never has a women come between my music and I. Its a non negotiable. Always has been.


----------



## Chilham (Jun 18, 2020)

My wife loves Mozart. And a bit of Bach and Vivaldi. Pretty much everything else is "Earbuds in".


----------



## Montarsolo (5 mo ago)

My wife was in my class in high school. It was a great class that kept in touch for years. My wife (not yet at that time) took the initiative to go to a concert with former classmates. One after the other had to cancel. In the end we went together and the love spark jumped. So, she likes music. Before I knew her, she regularly listened to Bach cantatas and she plays organ/piano. But it's not an addiction like mine (that also creates friction on a regular basis). And indeed: before the wedding I had built up a huge collection of CDs. She only had a few.

So I regularly have music on in the evening. But only from the Baroque and Classical period. No Beethoven and beyond. I listen to that when I'm alone or with headphone.

I can be deeply touched by music. She has less. Although, earlier this year she was abroad. There in the concert hall was a performance of Shostakovich's 7th Symphony. She asked via WhatsApp: should I go there? I said: 'Shostakovich 7 is very impressive. I would go. But first read about this symphony on Wikipedia'. She did and after the concert she texted: _What a bizarre composition... I really understand that people stand on the chairs or cry.. I thought: what powers humanity has within it. Or to destroy in a war or to create such a composition. Bizarre._
That seemed like an excellent review to me.


----------



## Kreisler jr (Apr 21, 2021)

RandallPeterListens said:


> As to the theme of this post: consider the following - probably 95% of all classical music was written by men. Is it so surprising if it appeals more to men than women?


Yes, it would be surprising.
Most popular music was also written by men, most theatre plays probably as well and so on, and this does not keep women away. And lots of women play classical music (and have for a long time, there have been famous female singers since 300 years or more ago and Mozart wrote concerts for female pianists (Ployer, Paradis) 240 years ago) and attend concerts. I don't think CM appeals less to women. _Record collecting and rambling on the internet about music_ or more generally, monomanically pursuing a hobby, appeals less to women.
If anything, at least in some parts of our culture there have been prejudices against men enjoying classical music ; cf. a book like "Howard's End". In victorian Britain "music lover" was a euphemism for a h*m*s*xual man because "manly men" went hunting or chased vaudeville dancing girls or whatever instead.


----------



## Georgieva (7 mo ago)

I had a really good laugh. Thanks, guys


----------



## Merl (Jul 28, 2016)

Mrs Merl doesn't do classical music apart from the odd soundbite and Barber's Adagio . Her idea of hell is sitting through any classical music concert (particularly string quartet). Doesn't bother me as I like my own time and just whack in my earbuds and have a good listen. I think my habit of playing multiple accounts of the same piece for comparison (and flicking backwards and forwards through movements) would drive her mad, anyway. It would annoy most people on here, tbh. If forced to she can tolerate classical and romantic 'classics' in small measure but as soon as the music gets challenging she'll just say, "What is this s***?". If we're in the car I'll play rock music that we both like. I reserve classical music car listening exclusively to myself (and anyone within earshot of the car when I pull up to traffic lights/pedestrian crossings). I like to play it rather loud.


----------



## Art Rock (Nov 28, 2009)

My wife and I share a love of music, although not necessarily the same music. She does like to listen to some classical works, typically early romantic music and isolated works like Bach's cello suites. Mahler is a bridge too far though. In pop/rock we often like the same acts, and in the car we listen to that type of music exclusively ( a few thousands songs on a stick, on random play). 

I'm just glad she did not inherit the musical taste of her father, who loves to listen to Chinese opera.


----------



## Tarneem (Jan 3, 2022)

I remember I did attend a concert, and there was a young couple in front of me holding hands for the whole time. this is what I call "relationship goal"

I wish, one day I cuddle with my significant other while watching a ballet.


----------



## RandallPeterListens (Feb 9, 2012)

Kreisler jr said:


> Yes, it would be surprising.
> Most popular music was also written by men, most theatre plays probably as well and so on, and this does not keep women away. And lots of women play classical music (and have for a long time, there have been famous female singers since 300 years or more ago and Mozart wrote concerts for female pianists (Ployer, Paradis) 240 years ago) and attend concerts. I don't think CM appeals less to women. _Record collecting and rambling on the internet about music_ or more generally, monomanically pursuing a hobby, appeals less to women.
> If anything, at least in some parts of our culture there have been prejudices against men enjoying classical music ; cf. a book like "Howard's End". In victorian Britain "music lover" was a euphemism for a h*m*s*xual man because "manly men" went hunting or chased vaudeville dancing girls or whatever instead.


Kreisler, Yes, there have always been women singers and instrumentalists in classical music; but in composition, rather few. That's what led me to speculate on whether there was something in classical music which strikes a more responsive chord among male, rather then female, listeners. At the risk of being forever branded as some kind of sexist, "romcom" movies seem to strike a more responsive chord among women (traditionally, but tradition is rather out the window these days) than men. Yes, many men go to "romcom" movies, but they're usually dragged there by wives or girlfriends and politely admit at the end that "yes, that wasn't so bad". Maybe that's some women's reactions to attendance at classical concerts. I guess nowadays it is politically incorrect to speak about basic gender differences, but it was a legitimate subject for discussion in the past.

You make a good point in your last comment, but you are starting to go down the un-PC gender rabbit hole. It does seem that there were a higher percentage of gay male classical music composers (proven or asserted) than in many other professions but it's hard to know what that might mean. Does it mean that classical music appealed to some kind of "sensitive" or "feminine" side stereotypically assigned to gay males, or due to societal and cultural stigmas they just had fewer options to turn to for a profession or career? However, the first would perhaps argue against some kind of inherent "male-ness" in classical music, no?

"Rambling on the internet about music" - it would be interesting to know if the percentage of female classical music composers vis-a-vis men is roughly the same as the percentage of women posters who contribute to the forums on this site. I am guessing it would be pretty similar, but the percentage of female singers and _performers_ of classical music would be much higher. I can't cite anything concrete, but it seems to me I have seen major symphony orchestras in which easily more than half the members are women.


----------



## BBSVK (10 mo ago)

Well, I am the women, and in my experience, more women are open to classical music than men. 
I agree with the post above, that men are in general more extreme about their hobbies, whotever those hobbies are, so more CD collecting and more visiting the internet forums.
My partner does not like classical music. I wonder if his mom ruined things, she kept telling him he should play an instrument to be a complete person or some other nonsens like that. 
As a further misfortune, I am an opera lover, and he hates female operatic voices. He says it gives him an impression of a woman in a fit of hysteria. (Let's face it, many arias are about that  ).
Now my goal is to drag the kids to my side ! I am trying to entice them during the car rides. Only, I need to buy a quiter car


----------



## Manxfeeder (Oct 19, 2010)

I wish I could go to classical concerts with my wife, but she has a lung condition which makes her cough at inopportune times. The last concert we went to together, she was feeling the music so deeply that I could feel her hand tightening its grip, but then she could feel that she was about to start coughing, so she asked to leave. I wish we could share those experiences together, but we can't, so I don't go to concerts anymore.


----------



## eljr (Aug 8, 2015)

Chilham said:


> Pretty much everything else is "Earbuds in".



Don't do it!!!!!!


----------



## Hogwash (5 mo ago)

My wife is great. She played violin at a young age and is generally tolerant of my listening selections and really only ever complains about loud volume.


----------



## Manxfeeder (Oct 19, 2010)

Hogwash said:


> My wife is great. She played violin at a young age and is generally tolerant of my listening selections and really only ever complains about loud volume.


My wife also tolerates my listening habits, but she draws the line at Charles Ives. I only listen to him with headphones or when she's not home.


----------



## Bulldog (Nov 21, 2013)

My wife doesn't particularly like classical music, but she respects my preferences. I respect her preference for Willie Nelson, gospel, and world music. We both like blues; she hates jazz.

The above isn't a big deal. There are numerous factors in a marriage much more important than musical preferences.


----------



## eljr (Aug 8, 2015)

I find it interesting that so many posters do not have significant others or wives that share or at least do not intrude on their classical listening preferences. 

It would not be natural to me to be with someone who insisted on silencing my music.


----------



## Branko (3 mo ago)

Quite so. And I find it particularly enjoyable to listen to a recording together with a significant other. Or a live concert/opera.


----------



## Becca (Feb 5, 2015)

level82rat said:


> Music is meant to be enjoyed alone; company improves nothing. It's no drawback if your spouse can't stand classical


Nonsense


----------



## Becca (Feb 5, 2015)

eljr said:


> I find it interesting that so many posters do not have significant others or wives that share or at least do not intrude on their classical listening preferences.


Which is probably why they spend so much time on TC


----------



## Hogwash (5 mo ago)

Becca said:


> Nonsense


Have to agree that music is best meant to be enjoyed and shared with others but listening alone is fine.


----------



## hammeredklavier (Feb 18, 2018)

Becca said:


> Nonsense


& Hogwash


----------



## haziz (Sep 15, 2017)

Well she doesn't exist, therefore I am relatively free to do as I please.


----------



## Hogwash (5 mo ago)

hammeredklavier said:


> & Hogwash


I see where you’re going there 😂


----------



## Enthusiast (Mar 5, 2016)

I mostly listen alone (except when we go to concerts) but Mrs Enthusiast likes quite a lot of classical music and also listens to that mostly alone. I introduced her to the genre (she is South Asian and we met and married in her country) but she has made her own way since then and knows what she likes and doesn't like. When we go to concerts together she invests quite a lot of attention to what is going on in the pieces.

We both like some "rock" (in the broadest sense), folk and reggae music but again not always the same things. I alone in our family like jazz.


----------



## MusicMuse (Nov 21, 2018)

I know many women, including my wife, several friends, and performers who love/like classical music. My classical music teacher (for working on music composition) is a woman. And I know a few women composers through Facebook. 

As RandallPeterListens said, I cannot tell the gender of the composer by listening to a piece. And it is soon going to be that I won't even be able to tell if it's written by a person or by AI!

That said, different strokes for different folks, yes? It's good that we're not all enthusiastic about the same things. What a boring world that would be!

Here's to our better halves, no matter what gender that may be.


----------



## RMinNJ (Apr 3, 2021)

eljr said:


> I find it interesting that so many posters do not have significant others or wives that share or at least do not intrude on their classical listening preferences.
> 
> It would not be natural to me to be with someone who insisted on silencing my music.


I think it's interesting too. I'm still holding out hope of meeting someone who shares my passion for classical music. It's not the most important thing in a relationship but would be nice to have that common interest. I can usually find a friend for the opera or ballet, but for a classical music concert, I'm usually solo  That would never stop me from going though!


----------



## starthrower (Dec 11, 2010)

My wife is cool! She'll listen to anything I put on the stereo from Muddy Waters to Xenakis. But she loves Italian opera, and disco. I'm not big on the latter but it makes her get up and shake her booty so I play along!


----------



## Rackon (Apr 9, 2013)

RMinNJ said:


> I think it's interesting too. I'm still holding out hope of meeting someone who shares my passion for classical music. It's not the most important thing in a relationship but would be nice to have that common interest. I can usually find a friend for the opera or ballet, but for a classical music concert, I'm usually solo  That would never stop me from going though!


Don’t give up! I met my husband at a Met Live in HD transmission of Meistersinger in 2014. I’m a former organist and choral singer with 1600 CDs, 1200+ of which are classical (used to have many more). He is a former principal bassoonist with our symphony orchestra. He has around 4000 LPs. When house shopping one of our priorities was a library room for LPs, CDs, books and sheet music. We just celebrated our wedding anniversary two days ago. Going alone never stopped me from seeing anything I was interested in seeing, but it’s wonderful to share the live experience with someone special. I’ve turned him on to Balanchine and Monteverdi - he’s helped me to a deeper appreciation of Bruckner. Sometimes he looks at me and says, “I can’t believe I found a woman who loves Hindemith!”


----------



## RMinNJ (Apr 3, 2021)

Rackon said:


> Don’t give up! I met my husband at a Met Live in HD transmission of Meistersinger in 2014. I’m a former organist and choral singer with 1600 CDs, 1200+ of which are classical (used to have many more). He is a former principal bassoonist with our symphony orchestra. He has around 4000 LPs. When house shopping one of our priorities was a library room for LPs, CDs, books and sheet music. We just celebrated our wedding anniversary two days ago. Going alone never stopped me from seeing anything I was interested in seeing, but it’s wonderful to share the live experience with someone special. I’ve turned him on to Balanchine and Monteverdi - he’s helped me to a deeper appreciation of Bruckner. Sometimes he looks at me and says, “I can’t believe I found a woman who loves Hindemith!”


That is so wonderful! I love that. You sound made for each other - mazel tov! 🥰


----------



## Scherzi Cat (8 mo ago)

I am blessed with a love of MUSIC. Classical is only one the many genres I love. My wife on the other hand likes country and classic rock. I attend a lot of concerts that she likes, because well, I like them too. So since I indulge her musical whims, I thought she should join me at a classical concert when Nicola Benedetti came into town. She is an artist that I have an obvious crush on, mush as my wife has on Tim McGraw. She was kind enough to attend with me, but I could tell she was bored to the point of struggling to stay awake. i won't put her through it again. I will just enjoy my recordings and look at the pictures of the beautiful and talented young musicians on the album art. I had my real life fling with Nicola for that 2 hour concert and that will have to do.


----------



## mikeh375 (Sep 7, 2017)

My wife was a grade 8 with distinction clarinettist before I first met her at a party where we ended up discussing Mahler to the exclusion of everybody else. She likes Henze and Messiaen too, so that's cool with me. She also likes Abba, Dolly Parton, Motown and prefers the Stones to the Beatles (that last is not cool by the scouse me).
She also likes going to the piano after a few wines to "channel Boulez". This entails here putting her fingers down anywhere and playing in a very free yet musical manner whilst giggling (she has some competence on the piano too). I love and hate her for that 'abuse' but will admit to my ears being pricked and intrigued by the occasional "lucky find" chord amongst the laughter.


----------



## Animal the Drummer (Nov 14, 2015)

Dreadful sorry Clementine, but I too am a Scouser and I too prefer the Stones....


----------



## Simon Moon (Oct 10, 2013)

My fiancé and I have a fairly large overlap with out musical tastes.

Most of our overlap in in prog (Gentle Giant, Genesis, Yes, PFM, Banco, Echolyn, etc) and jazz (Mahavishnu Orchestra, Return to Forever, Oregon, Miles, Weather Report, Keith Jarrett, Herbie, Allan Holdsworth, etc).

But, although she can appreciate it, she does not (yet) like classical, especially the post WWII classical I listen to. She also doesn't enjoy some of the avant-garde jazz I listen to either. 

Even though we have a fairly large overlap in tastes, we tend to listen alone, for the most part.


----------

