# Some Of My Favorite Siilly Observations



## superhorn (Mar 23, 2010)

Failure has gone to my head . I have every disease but hypochondria .

Don't knock ************ ; it's sex with someone you love !

I went to a general store the other day, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific .

Anywhere is within walking distance if you have the time . 

I never repeat gossip, so listen carefully ! 

I played a blank tape at full blast last night, and the mime in the next apartment went nuts !

Isn't the Grand Canyon just gorges ? Jesus loves you; everybody else thinks you're an idiot !

You ! Out of the gene pool ! Life is a sexually transmitted disease .

Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down . Time is nature's way of keeping everything 
from happening simultaneously .

Never moon a werewolf ! If you take an Asian and spin him around continually, does he become
disoriented ? Is a pig that loses its voice disgruntled ? 

If lawyers cna be disbarred , and clergymen defrocked , does it follow that electricians can be
delighted , musicians denoted , models deposed, cowboys deranged , dry cleaners depressed
and tree surgeons debarked ?

I wanted to be a tree surgeon, but I couldn't stand the sight of sap .

Do employuees of Lipton Tea take coffee breaks ?

If a Jewish guy and a Japanese woman got married and had a baby boy, would they have him circumcized at
a benbihana's restaurant ?


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## Sid James (Feb 7, 2009)

:lol:

I feel yet another cliched 4'33" joke coming up in my mind in response to this one:



superhorn said:


> ...
> I played a blank tape at full blast last night, and the mime in the next apartment went nuts !
> 
> ...


But I think I'll let it go. We got enough jokes about the 'silent sonata' around here...


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## elgar's ghost (Aug 8, 2010)

I think there was an ex-baseball player who came out with offbeat stuff like this. A couple I remember were: 'how can you tell when invisible ink is dry?' and 'why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?'.

Groucho Marx had some great soundbites, of course - 'whoever called it necking was a bad judge of anatomy'.


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## samurai (Apr 22, 2011)

elgars ghost said:


> I think there was an ex-baseball player who came out with offbeat stuff like this. A couple I remember were: 'how can you tell when invisible ink is dry?' and 'why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?'.
> 
> Groucho Marx had some great soundbites, of course - 'whoever called it necking was a bad judge of anatomy'.


Yogi Berra was famous--or infamous--for coming out/up with these oxymorons.


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## cwarchc (Apr 28, 2012)

Groucho, one of my all time favourites

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30. 
Groucho Marx 


:devil:


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## elgar's ghost (Aug 8, 2010)

One absolute corker attributed to Yogi Berra was when he ordered a pizza and the waitress asked him if he wanted it sliced four or eight ways: 'Better make it four, I don't think I can eat eight.'


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## ComposerOfAvantGarde (Dec 2, 2011)

elgars ghost said:


> One absolute corker attributed to Yogi Berra was when he ordered a pizza and the waitress asked him if he wanted it sliced four or eight ways: 'Better make it four, I don't think I can eat eight.'


Reminded me of something that happened today at a cafe when a waitress was checking if we had ordered already.
Waitress: (to my father) Are you right?
Dad: No I'm half right, half left.

the service in that place was terrible.


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## KenOC (Mar 7, 2011)

Yogi Berra was a fount of music wisdom. On jazz: "90% of all Jazz is half improvisation. The other half is the part people play while others are playing something they never played with anyone who played that part. So if you play the wrong part, its right. If you play the right part, it might be right if you play it wrong enough. But if you play it too right, it's wrong."

On syncopation: "That's when the note that you should hear now happens either before or after you hear it. In Jazz, you don't hear notes when they happen because that would be some other type of music. Other types of music can be Jazz, but only if they're the same as something different from those other kinds."


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