# Living Alone or Living Together



## brotagonist (Jul 11, 2013)

Some people like to live in a familial environment, either with spouses, partners, children, relatives, friends, boarders, or what-have-you. They seem to get the bulk of their social interaction from this close set of insiders.

Others prefer to have their living spaces to themselves and get their social interaction away from home.

Me, I like the latter. My home is my quiet place (or noisy place, when I have the music turned up  ) where I can pursue my interests and activities without interference whenever I want. I live in a condo and have the large bedroom set up as a home gymnasium and I sleep in the living room. My place is really more like a bachelor apartment with a gym all in one. I have my furniture and things arranged exactly like I want them and I have no extra space for other things. It seems spacious, despite being small, because I keep everything compact and to a minimum. There is no room for anyone else here. It would be a real nuisance and a total loss of privacy.

How about you?


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## LancsMan (Oct 28, 2013)

Well I live alone, and have done so for a long time. It has many advantages - but has probably made me self centred, not to say selfish. I do get regular chances to experience life in a family by visiting my sisters family, with whom I often go on holiday. But it's great to be able experience her kids in small doses!


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## JCarmel (Feb 3, 2013)

Whether we wish to live alone or not depends upon our needs to share and experience daily life with another human being.
I have the kind of personality that requires to 'share' ...to support someone else & be supported by them...so I don't think that I could survive on my own, I really couldn't....nor would I wish-to for a moment. I just need to communicate!


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## Ingélou (Feb 10, 2013)

I think if you are used to having quiet space round yourself and time to reflect, it's hard to adjust to a people-filled environment. And the more used you get to it, the harder it is to adjust. Conversely, people who grow up in a large social group get lonelier on their own - though in my case, one of six kids, I always liked to get away from the others a bit, as it was a pressurised environment. Lone bike rides to Sheriff Hutton & Huby (villages round York) were the order of my teenage years.

I found it hard to adjust when I first got married (forty years ago) because I am a quiet, reflective person. We were never blessed with children, so when I visited my sister's house, teeming with dogs and kids, though I enjoyed being there, it felt like a kind of relief to leave again.

Now I have the best of both worlds - solitude _a deux_, sharing things, but also each having our own study to look at the computer, play music etc.

If I were not married, I think I'd like to live in an arrangement like a hall of residence, where you have your own space and can retire to solitude, but you are part of a larger community, with people to invite in for coffee. I always loved being in this arrangement at university.

Or hey - I could always join a nunnery?


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## Vaneyes (May 11, 2010)

Living alone, or Loving together. I'm very happy with the latter.


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## JCarmel (Feb 3, 2013)

" Or hey - I could always join a nunnery? "

Oh I don't think so, Ingelou?! I've experienced many years around Convents & being educated by Nuns...though that said, things have changed. People entering religious life now have genuine vocations, methinks. I don't think that that was necessarily completely so perhaps, during my childhood & youth. I found so very few nuns that I could like....


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## Wood (Feb 21, 2013)

This might be a silly question, but why did women wish to become nuns if they didn't have a vocation?


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## Ingélou (Feb 10, 2013)

In the past, it was a convenient lifestyle choice for surplus daughters. In the recent past, nuns may have had a vocation but the culture of the time meant they believed it was right to be harsh. As I'm a convert, I don't have much experience of nuns, but one I knew who died recently, Sister Rose, was a most beautiful person who when Taggart was in hospital twelve years ago with a life-threatening condition, got all the children who served on the altar to pray for him. The consultant said afterwards that he hadn't expected Taggart's kidneys to return and that he'd made 'a remarkable recovery'. 

But hey - it was just a light hearted comment, a joke, right?!?


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## mirepoix (Feb 1, 2014)

I didn't get married until I was 29. By that time almost everyone I knew had already settled down, while I was living the same lifestyle I had been living since I was about 17. This meant I had a (cheap) flat in the arty area of the city, with the living room permanently having lights/backdrops set up, my bed (a mattress) in the corner, while the bedroom was amateurishly sound proofed and contained a drum kit, a turntable, one chest of drawers, a clothing rack (probably pilfered from the wardrobe of a shoot) and many books. To use the shower meant partly dismantling my darkroom. Each of my neighbours had a permanently raised eyebrow, I was the _talk of the steamie_, and it was great. Marriage changed all of that. But I adapted easily to sharing my time and space.

Seven years later I was on my own once more. My new place had no drum kit, but it did have a squat rack, bench, weights, and a heavy bag. The living room was a makeshift studio again, but this time I had a sofa. Wow, civilisation. Then one day I went on holiday, met someone while I was there, came back, sold everything, packed my cameras and lenses and went to live and work in her country for five years. There I was domesticated and it was (probably) the most wonderful time of my life. I was part of a real family.

*Zoom* and it's 2014. I'm middle aged. I have a companion who keeps me on my toes. She doesn't want me to have a studio at home because "We need a break sometimes" (she's in the same business as me) and our living space is furnished lightly with vintage/antique items and heavily via IKEA. We share the cooking, cleaning, and everything good and bad and mundane and exciting about living together.

I only have one remaining 'artifact' from my first place. Today it hangs on the wall in the hallway. Sometime it causes me to be scowled at.









tl;dr: no matter if you're living alone or with someone else, live it 100℅ and with honesty and it'll *all be cool.

*probably


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## Wood (Feb 21, 2013)

Ingélou said:


> In the past, it was a convenient lifestyle choice for surplus daughters. In the recent past, nuns may have had a vocation but the culture of the time meant they believed it was right to be harsh. As I'm a convert, I don't have much experience of nuns, but one I knew who died recently, Sister Rose, was a most beautiful person who when Taggart was in hospital twelve years ago with a life-threatening condition, got all the children who served on the altar to pray for him. The consultant said afterwards that he hadn't expected Taggart's kidneys to return and that he'd made 'a remarkable recovery'.
> 
> But hey - it was just a light hearted comment, a joke, right?!?


Light hearted but genuine, if you see what I mean.

For sure, nuns who devote their lives to caring for people or contemplation, like Sister Rose, I can see how they'd have full and useful lives.

However, I'd imagine it could have been like a prison for the surplus daughters if they had no calling. Interesting, I don't think I've ever given nuns any thought before. They do tend to have quite a low profile.

There must be an interesting social history book about nuns out there somewhere.


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## Guest (May 11, 2014)

I live in a marxist-trotskyist collective. We steal from the rich and feed the poor. I am currently making a new bow and arrow, much to the chagrin of my petit bourgeois neighbours. One must learn to live with the rough and the smooth.


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## Bulldog (Nov 21, 2013)

I got married at age 21, and we had three children. That was great, and it was also great when the kids moved out on their own. So, I've found that living with a few people was fine, living with just a spouse is fine and I anticipate that living alone will be fine (if I outlive my wife which likely won't happen).


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## Blancrocher (Jul 6, 2013)

So long as I have the internet, I don't care who I'm with or where I am.


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## Jos (Oct 14, 2013)

I have never really lived alone. I met my wife at uni when I was 21, we immediately moved in together and married 8 years later. That was 20 years ago yesterday !! 
3 children and 2 dogs. We are lucky to have a big house so everybody can have a retreat, but that is seldomly necessary, thankfully.
And I am happy to have my mancave; to get away from it all.......(also seldomly necessary, the thought alone that I can is nice)

Cheers,
Jos


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## aleazk (Sep 30, 2011)

Accompanied by solitude 

I currently share a flat with a friend of mine, we both are physics students. We are not in our native city (we know each other since highschool). The university here has the best theoretical physics department of the country, so that's why we decided to come here. We share the flat in order to spend less money. Possibly I will live in this way for the next year or two. I plan to go abroad (the US possibly) as soon as I finish my degree here.

I'm reclusive and apollonian while my friend is the opposite.

I really prefer to establish my career solidly before 'settle down'. And because of that my prospect is full dedication to it until my 30s or so.

I would say I'm reclusive in part by nature and in part because I need full concentration. Also, my career and cultural tastes tend to alienate me from mainstream/popular culture/society.


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## Cheyenne (Aug 6, 2012)

I noticed, after having given this some thought a long time ago, that I require only a brief amount of time alone in the evening, to reflect, tersely, on what happened, and, secondly, a solitary dawn, whence I can organize my thoughts again. The rest can be filled in various ways. The only problem is that music requires solitude -- well, my music. :lol: I can read through noise.

I have no idea what the future holds for me.


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## Crudblud (Dec 29, 2011)

For reasons I won't go into it is pretty much impossible for me to live and function properly on my own, so although I enjoy being alone with my work most of the day I do need to have someone trustworthy around.


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## Svelte Silhouette (Nov 7, 2013)

I live in a socio-anarchaic commune. 

I heard communes can be fun but mine isn't.


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## Blue Hour (Jan 2, 2012)

I lived on my own from the age of 14 to 17 and then I lived with my partner and later wife for six years until she passed away in 2012. Form then on I've lived on my own again and I must say nothing can compare to living with someone you love. As much as I enjoyed living on my own in the past I was fortunate that we we're able to live the lifestyle we wanted as a couple and share that together.

It's not necessarily the case that finding someone to share your life with will force you to change your life perhaps you just haven't found the right person yet?


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## scratchgolf (Nov 15, 2013)

Blue Hour said:


> I lived on my own from the age of 14 to 17 and then I lived with my partner and later wife for six years until she passed away in 2012. Form then on I've lived on my own again and I must say nothing can compare to living with someone you love. As much as I enjoyed living on my own in the past I was fortunate that we we're able to live the lifestyle we wanted as a couple and share that together.
> 
> It's not necessarily the case that finding someone to share your life with will force you to change your life perhaps you just haven't found the right person yet?


I felt bad clicking "like" so I'll say I'm very sorry for your loss.

I've spent the better part of the last 5 years away from my wife so I have much experience with both. In my younger years, the immature side of me enjoyed those little "vacations" from responsibility but much has changed. My sons miss and need their mother and I'm tired of being alone. We'll probably be apart for another year but after that, I'd rather not spend a single day without my wife at my side.


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## Whistler Fred (Feb 6, 2014)

My Lady and I just celebrated our 34th Wedding Aniversary over the weekend. Our two youngest are still in school and living at home, my two oldests are now married with kids of their own. So I've spent most of my life living in our little community and it has worked well. Part of this is due to common interests that bind us together, including such diverse things as a common faith and a love of Renaissance Faires and role playing games. Part of it is that we respect each others need for a degree of personal time and space. But mostly, we just like each other!


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## Svelte Silhouette (Nov 7, 2013)

Being with someone doesn't prevent you being alone but does save you being lonely. 

I should spend less time in here as this is becoming a daily thing now sometimes morning and nite so nite all.


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## Tristan (Jan 5, 2013)

I always want my room--I don't want to sleep with someone else and have no "sanctuary" to go. But I want that room to be in a house or apartment or what have you with other people in it. "Alone together" works for me. 

But to be honest, I am really looking forward to college next year and having a roommate. I'm sure I'll tire of it soon enough, but I am really looking forward to living with people my own age. My sister is much older than me and she's been out of the house now for years, so I don't know what it's like to live with a guy friend my own age. I think it will be fun


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## Weston (Jul 11, 2008)

Alone is the only way to go for me, but I am starting to get worried about taking care of myself as I get older. Oh, I'm in good health, I just notice I start forgetting to take care of myself, medicines and things. Last weekend I developed a terrible headache and couldn't figure out why. Was I having a stroke? No, I had just forgotten to make coffee that day. How does one forget to have coffee?

Though I can't stand to be around the noise and distractions of others for very long, and one of my greatest fears is having to eventually be put in a "home" with a TV fanatic roommate, I do feel I may need to live with someone eventually just to keep me grounded in reality as I tend to want to focus exclusively on one project or another.


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## Svelte Silhouette (Nov 7, 2013)

Everyone should have some children.

If anyone wants any please let me know.

They'll bring their own music which is my current listening.


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## elgar's ghost (Aug 8, 2010)

I've lived alone since 1988/9 - prior to that I lived with my then-girlfriend for about two years. For many years since I've simply been too selfish with my time (and, I suppose, my resources) and there has always been something of a solitary, introverted - not to say grumpy - side to my character even when I was a bit of a party animal in my teens and twenties. I've never particularly wanted to start a family anyway (perhaps the collective noise made by my boisterous nieces and nephews when they were younger subconsciously put me off the idea). People ask me if I get lonely and my (occasionally) mildly terse stock answer is along the lines that if I did I like to think I would have done something about it by now. I'm not beginning to sound too much like Brahms, am I?


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## cwarchc (Apr 28, 2012)

My wife says unless I fill this in correctly.
I will be living alone


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## TurnaboutVox (Sep 22, 2013)

I live with my partner and our young adult son. Our daughter is at University and has been living away from our home for some years. Home is much quieter without her and her noisy friends!

I need people around me. (I was terribly lonely when I had to live alone as a young man for a short time abroad - that really told me something about myself). I mean that I need other people to fulfill some of my emotional needs - and I think that's true of my partner too. We've been together a long time and get on, mostly. It's companionable. We also spend time apart, have our own friends and pursue different activities. Music is something I listen to mostly alone.

The fly in the ointment is that I have been ill for a long time with a condition which will progress, so I can foresee the day when I will not be able to live without other people to meet my physical needs...


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## Ingélou (Feb 10, 2013)

Sorry to hear that, TurnaboutVox. Hope it's a long way off. 

Your living arrangements sound really cool. I too remember being lonely when I was completely on my own as a student sometimes. 

Writing & listening & reading - living in one's head - can only take a person so far. Singing or playing in a group might be a way forward for me if I'm left on my own in the future; but I hope I never have to make the experiment.


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## Winterreisender (Jul 13, 2013)

Whilst living in Germany I share a small flat with a Spanish chap who regularly seems to invite Heidelberg's entire Spanish population over for extremely irritating parties. These parties generally involve loud music, lots of shouting until the early hours and a very messy kitchen the next morning. On the plus side, I can be as irritating as I like (e.g. blasting loud country music from my room) without having to worry about him having the nerve to complain. Oh the joys of student accommodation.

My student situation in England was much better, however, as I rented a house with a much saner group of individuals. None of us were interested in parties in the typical student sense, but we did occasionally invite other Classics students over for dinner parties, lol. This was an ideal set-up as we could socialise in the evenings but then retire to our individual rooms at night. I look forward to returning to this arrangement next year.


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## deggial (Jan 20, 2013)

RudyKens said:


> If anyone wants any please let me know.


we'll get someone to adopt you.


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## Varick (Apr 30, 2014)

Crudblud said:


> For reasons I won't go into it is pretty much impossible for me to live and function properly on my own, so although I enjoy being alone with my work most of the day I do need to have someone trustworthy around.


That reminds me of a great line that my favorite stand up comic, Bill Burr said during a routine: "It's not good to live alone for too long. It's not healthy because what used to be, '_Nah, don't say that_' suddenly becomes, '_ah f#*k it, say it, see what happens._'"



TurnaboutVox said:


> I live with my partner and our young adult son. Our daughter is at University and has been living away from our home for some years. Home is much quieter without her and her noisy friends!
> 
> I need people around me. (I was terribly lonely when I had to live alone as a young man for a short time abroad - that really told me something about myself). I mean that I need other people to fulfill some of my emotional needs - and I think that's true of my partner too. We've been together a long time and get on, mostly. It's companionable. We also spend time apart, have our own friends and pursue different activities. Music is something I listen to mostly alone.
> 
> The fly in the ointment is that I have been ill for a long time with a condition which will progress, so I can foresee the day when I will not be able to live without other people to meet my physical needs...


So sorry to hear about your condition. I hope something comes along soon that allows you to live a much longer, healthier, and happy life.

I lived alone since I graduated college for almost 15 years in NYC. Getting paid traveling the world in the music industry as a bachelor was a blessed experience, and a blast. Then I met the woman who is now my wife, moved out of NYC and live with her in NJ

My wife is awesome, but sometimes I do wonder if I was meant to be married. I can't tell you how often I LOVE to be alone. Every time (which isn't often) she goes out with her friends at night, or goes away with her daughter for a few days, I am in absolute heaven.

It's such a catch 22 because as Crudblud alluded to, my wife has made me a better man (still a lot of work to do in that department), and I believe that marriage is often much better for men than it is for women even though the stereotypes (which have a good deal of truth to them) are of women dreaming of their wedding day since childhood and men never wanting to get married. Women civilize men and I think that's a very important thing.

So I often struggle with what my *mind* knows is good for me, which is to be with my wife and what my *heart* often longs for, which is solitude with occasional interactions with people. Funny thing is, I'm very outgoing in social occasions and easily mingle with people from all walks of life. But boy, do I enjoy being alone as well, more than almost any one else I've ever met.

V


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## Bulldog (Nov 21, 2013)

Varick said:


> That reminds me of a great line that my favorite stand up comic, Bill Burr said during a routine: "It's not good to live alone for too long. It's not healthy because what used to be, '_Nah, don't say that_' suddenly becomes, '_ah f#*k it, say it, see what happens._'"
> 
> So sorry to hear about your condition. I hope something comes along soon that allows you to live a much longer, healthier, and happy life.
> 
> ...


My situation is very similar to yours; I'm just surprised you don't think more favorably of it. The way I see it, I have the best of both worlds. I love being with my wife, adult kids and grandchildren, and I sure love being alone. My wife being much more sociable than I am, I have a sufficient amount of alone time. Put another way, I have the amount of alone time that I have, and I eat it up. I don't think about the balance of it all or about why this or that; no point to it.


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## Morimur (Jan 23, 2014)

I am not very sociable and even as a single man, I was alone most of the time. It's important to learn how to be alone because that's how we'll leave this world. I am married now and sometimes I do miss solitude but then she gives me plenty of space so it's not bad.


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## Svelte Silhouette (Nov 7, 2013)

Who'd live with me


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## hpowders (Dec 23, 2013)

or me!!!! :lol::lol:

I'm self-centered, demanding and incorrigible!!:tiphat:

Start the bidding, ladies!!


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## Svelte Silhouette (Nov 7, 2013)

As long as anyone who lives with me can put up with noisy music of my choosing any time of day or night I'm free.

I should have said loud as noisy is something like Justin Bieber


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## Varick (Apr 30, 2014)

Bulldog said:


> My situation is very similar to yours; I'm just surprised you don't think more favorably of it. The way I see it, I have the best of both worlds. I love being with my wife, adult kids and grandchildren, and I sure love being alone. My wife being much more sociable than I am, I have a sufficient amount of alone time. Put another way, I have the amount of alone time that I have, and I eat it up. I don't think about the balance of it all or about why this or that; no point to it.


Well you have a great attitude about it. I agree, and I always try to make best of every situation. But it does sound like you experience a little more "alone" time than I do. Or at least, the amount of alone time you have is sufficient for you. However, my wife rarely enjoys doing anything without me. I just try to concentrate on that blessing: My spouse LOVES to be with me. There's a lot of people out there who would kill for someone like that in their life. But it still doesn't negate the longing for solitude.

V


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## Varick (Apr 30, 2014)

Wow. Didn't realize this board was so uptight.

V


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