# How to rent ....need some help



## Head_case (Feb 5, 2010)

Okay I.m stuck but I am learning!

Due to be homeless shortly after I handed my notice in. The two elephants bonking upstairs in their own apartment is driving me Shostakovich string quartet no. VIII or Bartok quartet no. IV scherzo stir crazy!

So I put an advert in our local paper:

Male professional classical musician seeking detached studio apartment, with garage, preferably in isolated location. 
Prefer wooden flooring (for acoustic resonance - chipboard wooden floorboard owners need not respond) and high ceilings. Will pay up to £1k/month for a 20sqm2 apartment. Non smoker, no in -laws with six fingers and machetes.

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I had one offer which went like this:

"Hello I saw your advert in the papers. I play piano! I have a seafront apartment which I can offer you for £1, 200/month. It is hared with just myself however it is 70sqm2 with a conservatory."

______________________


What do I do? Do I tell her that I'd like to take hre up on the offer as long as she never plays that blasted piano? a:lol:

I'll get my coat :tiphat:


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## deggial (Jan 20, 2013)

sounds like you might get a friend with benefits along with that flat if you play your cards right


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## OboeKnight (Jan 25, 2013)

Perhaps this is your chance to acquire a love for piano Head_case!


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## Head_case (Feb 5, 2010)

OboeKnight said:


> Perhaps this is your chance to acquire a love for piano Head_case!


That is not a helpful suggestion! :lol:

I think I've had a low uptake on the advert, because potential landlords probably think: "Oh no! Classical musician! ugggg!!!"

I'm not a professional classical musician at all btw. I just left out the comma between "male professional, classical musician". Which was a bit naughty, but I figured if I had advertised it as "male professional, pretty stinking terrible amateur can't play a straight note to save his life kind of screechy classical attempting musician wannabe", it would be a turn off!

But anyway, I figure I might just live in the Shining hotel for a while...

Deggial ...I'm already recoiling from being stalked. The last thing I want, is a landlady who tries to chase after my sprightly baroque Bach quatrains with double handed piano arpeggios lol

What would you write, to market yourself for a potential landlord then?

I can't be the only person who plays an instrument and is homeless. I mean, I'm not reduced to busking for my existence ... yet. Surely landlords do have tenants who play instruments? "


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## ptr (Jan 22, 2013)

Use You skills and invite yourself to the WI where You need to rent (You're in the UK right?) and play a bit for the Ladies or talk about something you know about like String Quartets, there are always someone who have something to let (relatively cheaply) in those kind of organisations (or local church), just to drop the question discretely, that was how I got my first Let after Uni!

/ptr


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## Head_case (Feb 5, 2010)

...please....noo......oo!

Anything so long as it does not require me to take a gender transplant or cross-dressing 

I'm useless at trying to be a sycophant. I haven't got the motivation to even try. 

You can tell I'm a pretty bad actor too. 
















PS - How am I doing?


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## Head_case (Feb 5, 2010)

> that was how I got my first Let after Uni!


My first let after uni, was in a British ex-army ex-council house let shared with some professionals. One of them had a habit of cooking toxic gas releasing poisonous fumes on a Friday night (I think it was called 'curry') which I discovered later, that I was allergic to, due to something in it called 'Substance P'

The other guy was a Burmese refugee practicing Buddhist who seemed to just go "ooooommmmmmmmmmhhhmmmm" throughout the curry attacks whilst I went out cycling or squash in middle of the night.

Your post just reminded me about him, and how happy he would have been to see the Burmese democracy finally reborn.

You're right. I need to take control of finding somewhere to rent.

What kind of rock star should I advertise myself as, seeking to find a place to rent? Away from my fans?


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## ptr (Jan 22, 2013)

Life is hilarious!

Forget about advertising yourself as anything and get out there and cross-pollinate with other people, and the WI equivalent in my corner of the world often have gentlemen to give talks on the most diverse subjects..  
Most of such organisations (and churches) have bulletin boards in the lobby of their meetings halls, perfect place to look and advertise, and my experience is that the people in these circles accept music performers much more redly!

/ptr


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## deggial (Jan 20, 2013)

have you tried renting one of those ex-warehouse spaces they let to artists and musicians? just look up a variation of live/work or something to that effect if you're not sure. They might not be quiet, though. As for the insulation, it can be dodgy. But you get a lot of space for your money. Is it important for you to mention you're playing an instrument? You might just not say anything about that and suss out the neighbours when you go to see the place. Some people won't mind.


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## deggial (Jan 20, 2013)

Head_case said:


> The last thing I want, is a landlady who tries to chase after my sprightly baroque Bach quatrains with double handed piano arpeggios lol


depends on the landlady's other skills  _I_ wouldn't say no before meeting her first... she might also knock off some of the rent if she likes your "playing".


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## Head_case (Feb 5, 2010)

Ptr - the only the advert I've ever seen in church is one for the homeless.

I wouldn't have considered myself in that category, but maybe I could sidle up and get some connections there *wink* *wink*

The problem is, I'm too much of a yuppie. Daniel Tosh's joke about running his own charity called "Febreze and the Homeless" makes me think I need to have a shower.



> depends on the landlady's other skills I wouldn't say no before meeting her first... she might also knock off some of the rent if she likes your "playing".


Now now! I'd object. At least I'd better, before my girlfriend does. Besides, that wouldn't make it a piano trio. This would end up becoming a double-entendre ménage-à-trois....

You're right. I'm foolish to advertise what will give the impression: "noise! Disturbance!" I thought honesty was the best policy.

Instead, I'm going to try and sneak a bass tuba in by the back door....


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## ptr (Jan 22, 2013)

Head_case said:


> Instead, I'm going to try and sneak a bass tuba in by the back door....


That's the spirit! Sneaking Tubas in to awkward situations is a sports that has any double-entendre ménage-à-trois beat!

/ptr


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## Head_case (Feb 5, 2010)

It's hard trying to find a detached apartment or studio. Although I have a decent(ish) rented apartment at the moment, the problem is....there is another apartment on top of it.

I was playing flute one evening, and suddenly the shrill earpiercing screech of the landlady cut thick in her screaming: "[indecipherable]... that ffff'ng music."

I rarely play indoors, especially when I know they are in. The separation and insulation between the two apartments is so thin that every noise transmits. This is the problem in coastal cities where rent demand is high. I'm sure this used to be one house or something, and some developer severed the ground floor from the top floor, in order to increase rental value.


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## Vaneyes (May 11, 2010)

Head_case said:


> It's hard trying to find a detached apartment or studio. Although I have a decent(ish) rented apartment at the moment, the problem is....there is another apartment on top of it.
> 
> I was playing flute one evening, and suddenly the shrill earpiercing screech of the landlady cut thick in her screaming: "[indecipherable]... that ffff'ng music."
> 
> I rarely play indoors, especially when I know they are in. The separation and insulation between the two apartments is so thin that every noise transmits. This is the problem in coastal cities where rent demand is high. I'm sure this used to be one house or something, and some developer severed the ground floor from the top floor, in order to increase rental value.


Flute doesn't seem to be an unreasonable noise, and as long as it's before 10 PM, it should be allowed in almost any western civilization jurisdiction. Continue practicing. You can call it, Play for Pay. They pay you to move, AND supply you with a glowing reference.

PEE-ESS: I didn't read your first post. That changes things slightly. LOL


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## Head_case (Feb 5, 2010)

> Flute doesn't seem to be an unreasonable noise


You'd be my ideal neighbour :tiphat:

Well the problem with living in highly populated overdeveloped Europe, beside the river or shoreline, is that landlords, particularly ones who have annexes tied to the main property, have a high sense of entitlement and that entitlement, is not to be disturbed! But for them to behave like teenage elephants is justified as okay and I have to put up with it underneath because they are the landlord and I'm just a tenant 

Over here, what happens if I annoy them, like adopting a 'play for pay' attitude, is that they will serve me an eviction notice and retain my 1 month's rental deposit and cite clause no. x435237 which I have violated.

Not that I have ever violated any rental agreement in any shape or form: I make so little noise, you'd think my middle name is mouse. It's always been me moving out. Hmmm. Maybe you're right.

I need to start getting the Shure microphone and amp speaker kit and play the flute through that :lol:


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## Head_case (Feb 5, 2010)

Vaneyes...the other good point you make is references.

Is it okay to put my mother down as one reference and the plumber as the other


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## Vaneyes (May 11, 2010)

Head_case said:


> Vaneyes...the other good point you make is references.
> 
> Is it okay to put my mother down as one reference and the plumber as the other


Check and see if there's a Godfather in your 'hood. He might be able to *expedite* matters.


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese (Jan 8, 2013)

I'd make a great reference - I'm sure................

Dear Landlord, 
I, Edgard (Eddie) RU Kidding Varese, do solemnly swear that in my undead state, I can I am qualified to attest that Headcase, is a fine upstanding person of notoriety and a very suitable musical tenant.


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## Head_case (Feb 5, 2010)

EddieRUKiddingVarese said:


> I'd make a great reference - I'm sure................
> 
> Dear Landlord,
> I, Edgard (Eddie) RU Kidding Varese, do solemnly swear that in my undead state, I can I am qualified to attest that Headcase, is a fine upstanding person of notoriety and a very suitable musical tenant.


I went to have a look at an apartment yesterday. it is further afield, out of the capital and more idyllic ... beautiful, rustic styled cottage home. Little fishing port styled streets with a tranquil atmosphere. It looked stunning and I asked the landlord and landlady why it hadn't been let. There are stunning shore line views of the small port and it's in an incredibly tranquil area. It looks like it's shielded by the hills from where the cold south west winds blow in. I was going to pull my flute out to test the echo chamber quality of the street, but decided that wouldn't make a great first impression. It's so beautiful, although more remote than I'm used to, that I wondered.

The landlord answered after looking at the landlady and just said that sometimes people come ...and go.

I was about to jump and say " Yessss! i'll take it"!" My mate jolted me and hauled me out and around the corner, he asked me whether I thought they looked like murderers. "what do you think they meant.......sometimes people come ... and go?"

Anyway, I told him I'd dump his body somewhere and come back myself and talk to the landlord and landlady. I just hope it's still there when I go back. I guess he's just a city inbred like me and he doesn't understand local ways lol. That wasn't an axe-murderers' smile. They were being just friendly.

They didn't ask me for references either


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## deggial (Jan 20, 2013)

^ we know where to start looking in case you stop posting


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## Head_case (Feb 5, 2010)

...I will not be interred!!!

I mean - I will not be deterred!!!

I leave elephant stampede country apartment upstairs above me this week.....so I'm out of time hunting around. Got to get a move - on!


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese (Jan 8, 2013)

mmmm - they did not look like below I hope! At least your not looking to marry them............


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## Head_case (Feb 5, 2010)

EddieRUKiddingVarese said:


> mmmm - they did not look like below I hope! At least your not looking to marry them............


No my future landlord/lady does not look like that.

Those are my in-laws you are making fun of :lol:


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese (Jan 8, 2013)

You stopped posting (well at least here lol), did you find a home or are you now one of the living dead! 

Just thought I'd better check.


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## Head_case (Feb 5, 2010)

Hi Eddie,

Sorry I've been caught up living the life and enjoying the Easter away visiting family and friends!

Yes - it was a stroke of serendipity as I went back and spoke to the landlady and she was really lovely actually. I don't move in until next week which gives me another week to plan ahead. The great thing about it is the private gardens. I'm hoping for spring so that I can play outdoors more once more. They were really genuinely friendly and very welcoming - I don't get that from my current landlord lol. They're just looking to rent out the apartment at reasonable rates, rather than some of the bank adverts where they charge interest at 1038% APR (no kidding - I saw it whilst visiting people with a television set )


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