# Internet Dating



## Polednice (Sep 13, 2009)

Tried it? Averse to it? Use it to determine your next murder victim?

I'm personally glad to see that much of its stigma has been reduced in recent years as I think it's the way forward for the majority of people. Being a useless socialiser, all of my "dating" has been initiated via the internet, and I found love on my fourth attempt! That makes me rather lucky though, and it's because my partner and I adorned our profiles with unlikely interests such as "evolutionary musicology". I think it has potential for all kinds of people though, not just reserved folks like me. So much of dating seems to rely on finding someone superficially attractive and then getting to know them to see how much you have to compromise on their personality - with a dating website with a decent search function, you can skip right to the search for essential personality traits and then filter out all the uglies!


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## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

I tried the dating sites, got one real life date from it and it didn't work out, was a rather difficult experience. But my only relationship came out of the internet though and not thanks to a dating site. A handful of people consisting of the best of my current and recent friendships have come about thanks to the internet. 

Relationships can definitely start on the internet, I believe the potential for starting a good one is even greater for those with very specific interests. But for a relationship to really continue, I think you have to know the person in real life and experience enough time with them. For some people though, it seems to work to skype all the time, I don't know if it would work for me.


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## Cnote11 (Jul 17, 2010)

My fiancee goes to university at St. Andrews in Scotland, so our relationship is reduced to the internet and other means of communication for a portion of the year. I do not see why it cannot work and I think a stigma against it is rather silly. I think it can be a great and useful tool for expanding boundaries and meeting people. I think people think it might take the "human" part out of it, but I find this utterly ridiculous (along with the general sentiment applied in other ways).


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## Polednice (Sep 13, 2009)

clavichorder said:


> I tried the dating sites, got one real life date from it and it didn't work out, was a rather difficult experience. But my only relationship came out of the internet though and not thanks to a dating site. A handful of people consisting of the best of my current and recent friendships have come about thanks to the internet.
> 
> Relationships can definitely start on the internet, I believe the potential for starting a good one is even greater for those with very specific interests. But for a relationship to really continue, I think you have to know the person in real life and experience enough time with them. For some people though, it seems to work to skype all the time, I don't know if it would work for me.


You're right that the human element is key - I couldn't imagine having a complete cyber-relationship with somebody, it's just that the internet is a fantastic tool for starting relationships even with people nearby. My partner lives in Australia and I live in the UK, so that's as long-distance as an LDR is going to get. We obviously rely immensely on Skype - it is our main form of communication every day - but I won't deny that it can be extremely difficult at times. The major thing that keeps me going is that I have already been out there to see him, will be doing so again in a few months, and he'll be studying in the UK soon.



Cnote11 said:


> My fiancee goes to university at St. Andrews in Scotland, so our relationship is reduced to the internet and other means of communication for a portion of the year. I do not see why it cannot work and I think a stigma against it is rather silly. I think it can be a great and useful tool for expanding boundaries and meeting people. I think people think it might take the "human" part out of it, but I find this utterly ridiculous (along with the general sentiment applied in other ways).


Where do you live?


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## Conor71 (Feb 19, 2009)

I have tried Internet dating and have met the Woman who next month, will become my Wife so yes I totally approve it!


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## Cnote11 (Jul 17, 2010)

Polednice, I live in Michigan, USA.

Congrats Conor! Fantastic news and I'm very happy for you.


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## Meaghan (Jul 31, 2010)

I was skeptical about meeting people over the internet until I made friends on TC. It does make it easier to find people with common interests, and if you're lucky, maybe they'll live within driving distance (though maybe they'll be on the opposite side of the world).


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## Philip (Mar 22, 2011)

OKCupid: Best two weeks of my life.


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## Cnote11 (Jul 17, 2010)

I must say, that causes me to yearn for an elaboration.


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## Polednice (Sep 13, 2009)

I made a good friend and a future husband out of OKCupid. Great service, _and_ free - cool statistical blog too.


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## Meaghan (Jul 31, 2010)

Some girl who was trying to get me to become a member of Greenpeace asked me if she recognized me from OKCupid.


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## Cnote11 (Jul 17, 2010)

Well, did she?


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## Meaghan (Jul 31, 2010)

Cnote11 said:


> Well, did she?


Nope. Never used it, and if I did, I wouldn't be "w4w." I was sorry to [doubly] disappoint her, though; she seemed like a nice girl.


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## samurai (Apr 22, 2011)

Conor71 said:


> I have tried Internet dating and have met the Woman who next month, will become my Wife so yes I totally approve it!


Conor71, That's great news indeed! Congratulations and best wishes to you and your future wife!


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## Igneous01 (Jan 27, 2011)

tried, nothing came out of it though. gave up afterwards. nuff said.


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## sospiro (Apr 3, 2010)

Meaghan said:


> I was sceptical about meeting people over the internet until I made friends on TC. It does make it easier to find people with common interests, and if you're lucky, maybe they'll live within driving distance (though maybe they'll be on the opposite side of the world).


I'm the same, I used to be very sceptical but like Meaghan, I've made some real friends through TC. I've also made what is now a really good friend through an opera singer's fan site & we had a great time together when we met up for an opera. But these are just friends/heterosexual friends.

I'm not looking for luurve but if I was I think I'd have a go at internet dating.


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## sospiro (Apr 3, 2010)

Conor71 said:


> I have tried Internet dating and have met the Woman who next month, will become my Wife so yes I totally approve it!


Awww - that's great! Congratulations.


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## sospiro (Apr 3, 2010)

Polednice said:


> I made a good friend and a future husband out of OKCupid. Great service, _and_ free - cool statistical blog too.


:kiss: Fantastic news Poley! Congratulations!


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## eorrific (May 14, 2011)

Conor71 said:


> I have tried Internet dating and have met the Woman who next month, will become my Wife so yes I totally approve it!


Congratulation, Conor! :clap:
And Polednice! :clap:

Never used dating sites, but I have once signed up as a joint effort (between me and my high school friends) to prank a teacher who often neglect the class to chat on a dating website.


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## Moira (Apr 1, 2012)

I have tried the dating sites, but for some reason I only land up with the men who only want a female to talk to about sex while they wank. 

Well, not entirely true. I had a real time date with someone who reckoned he was intelligent (he wasn't, someone else must have been writing to me, although to be fair I did agree to meet him far too soon after the correspondence started).

And ... I did meet someone who turned out to be the person with whom a mutual friend was trying to hook me up. We're still friends today, but nothing more than friendship ever came of that.


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## Crudblud (Dec 29, 2011)

It seems to me to be the on-line equivalent of going fishing, throwing out a net, drinking beer all day and then seeing what happened to get caught in the net. You pick your parameters, the net is created, you throw it out there and see what's going on when you get back from work. You see what I'm saying?

Furthermore, and I know this is a cruel stereotype, but it does seem to be the last refuge of the desperate woman who in decades prior would have spent her evening reading harlequin romance novels and sloshing cheap plonk like it was going out of production, or the desperate man who would spend most of his time reading pulp comics about badasses who had women crawling all over them approximately 99.9% of each day and watching Debbie Does Dallas at the local *** showroom. It has also given rise to the peculiar character type best described by this (gender relative because I'm not going to type out two examples each time for the sake of being PC) statement; "I'm really lonely and desperate but I will only date a man who is 6'0" or above and can bench 300," where desperation need no longer correspond to a lack of choice because you have the all-hiding mask of computer technology on your side. The people who subscribe to this "desperate with precise standards" idea are almost always doomed to repeat this mistake again and again because everything goes so well until the magical six foot muscle man finds out you aren't the tight-bellied, DD cupped former Victoria's Secret model you professed to be, and you go on the world's laziest hunt for the next plastic factory hunk out of nothing more than stubborn pride and an inability to be honest with yourself.

I'm not going to say there aren't honest people on these sites, because there are always exceptions, but the one place you can concoct lies so fanciful you may actually end up forgetting who you are is the internet, and you're encouraged to do it so that the status quo of superficiality is maintained. It might be less convenient, but those of you who are desperately looking for your ideal mate might want to take a good long look at yourselves in the mirror, admit that you are who you are, and meet new people face to face instead of profile to profile. I think you'll find that much more interesting and fulfilling.


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## Polednice (Sep 13, 2009)

Crudblud said:


> It seems to me to be the on-line equivalent of going fishing, throwing out a net, drinking beer all day and then seeing what happened to get caught in the net. You pick your parameters, the net is created, you throw it out there and see what's going on when you get back from work. You see what I'm saying?


I find this precision approach much more preferable to the standard alternative which I find to be prowling and predatory based on appearance, with characteristics taken into consideration only after you've established sexual attraction. It takes much more time to find someone you really connect with, and you're much more likely to compromise on personality so long as you find someone who's good in bed.



Crudblud said:


> I'm not going to say there aren't honest people on these sites, because there are always exceptions, but the one place you can concoct lies so fanciful you may actually end up forgetting who you are is the internet, and you're encouraged to do it so that the status quo of superficiality is maintained. It might be less convenient, but those of you who are desperately looking for your ideal mate might want to take a good long look at yourselves in the mirror, admit that you are who you are, and meet new people face to face instead of profile to profile. I think you'll find that much more interesting and fulfilling.


I think this is very short-sighted. Although there are some liars, internet dating does not provide some alternate universe where you can be someone else - it is just a different meeting venue to something like a night-club or a friend setting you up. The whole point is to use it to meet people face-to-face, and liars will soon be caught and rejected. Your characterisation of people as desperate is also extremely unfair - if you were take a look at a site like OKCupid, you'd be surprised to find an overwhelming number of normal people; the same people who you'd meet in a bar who just happen to be intelligent and open-minded enough to keep their options open by putting themselves online too.


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## Crudblud (Dec 29, 2011)

^Then maybe I'm just too cynical for dating.


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## SiegendesLicht (Mar 4, 2012)

I have met my true love on the Internet. Since we live about 1500 km apart it is pretty unlikely we would have ever met in real life. However it was not a dating site we got to know one another on, but rather a forum devoted mostly to political, cultural and other suchlike discussions. Neither of us came there in order to find a partner, it simply happened. And yes, he is even more conservative than I. 

I still distrust dating sites though. They look to me like the first place for all kinds of perverts to flock to.


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## regressivetransphobe (May 16, 2011)

SiegendesLicht said:


> Neither of us came there in order to find a partner, it simply happened.


This is the only way things ever work out.


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## Polednice (Sep 13, 2009)

SiegendesLicht said:


> I still distrust dating sites though. They look to me like the first place for all kinds of perverts to flock to.


And bars and night-clubs aren't? I'd feel much safer online.


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## Cnote11 (Jul 17, 2010)

I don't step foot in bars and nightclubs. Now _those_ are desperate people with one thing in mind. (Hyperbole)


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## SiegendesLicht (Mar 4, 2012)

Polednice said:


> And bars and night-clubs aren't? I'd feel much safer online.


Sure, until you want to meet the person on the other side of the screen in real life. Actually, I was scared to death as well when I landed in his hometown Berlin for the first time.


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## Polednice (Sep 13, 2009)

SiegendesLicht said:


> Sure, until you want to meet the person on the other side of the screen in real life. Actually, I was scared to death as well when I landed in his hometown Berlin for the first time.


Skype first.


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## SiegendesLicht (Mar 4, 2012)

Polednice said:


> Skype first.


Definitely! But it is still much scarier than getting to know the person face to face from the very beginning and observing his behavior in various situations. And considering the amount of lying and pretense that goes on at dating sites they are even scarier.


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## Cnote11 (Jul 17, 2010)

I find their is an absurd amount of lying and pretense in most relationships period. I think that trend needs to change.


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## Fsharpmajor (Dec 14, 2008)

Even the Daily Mash has an online dating service these days:

*http://thedailymashdates.co.uk/*

I'm not sure whether this is satire, or actually the real thing.


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## Krummhorn (Feb 18, 2007)

My present wife and I met on match [dot] com in late 2004 - actually, she found me and instigated the first anonymous email. 
She was located on the other side of town ... we met in person in a very public place a month later, and hit it off from the get go. We have been together ever since, and tied the knot officially in 2008.

So, yes ... I believe people may have good success meeting someone online ... there is someone out there for each and every one of us ... sometimes it takes many years to find the "right" one ... in my case, three failed marriages and 34 years later, there she was.

Kh


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## Lukecash12 (Sep 21, 2009)

Krummhorn said:


> My present wife and I met on match [dot] com in late 2004 - actually, she found me and instigated the first anonymous email.
> She was located on the other side of town ... we met in person in a very public place a month later, and hit it off from the get go. We have been together ever since, and tied the knot officially in 2008.
> 
> So, yes ... I believe people may have good success meeting someone online ... there is someone out there for each and every one of us ... sometimes it takes many years to find the "right" one ... in my case, three failed marriages and 34 years later, there she was.
> ...


Interesting. Online dating didn't seem like something for my age group, but I guess that might not be the case.


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## Guest (Apr 8, 2012)

I met my wife via internet dating!


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## Badinerie (May 3, 2008)

It seems to work. My brother in law met his wife on such a site and they seem happy as pigs in muck! I dont think it would work for me but Im probably too cautious in general.


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