# The opera jokes thread!



## BalalaikaBoy (Sep 25, 2014)

because I'm bored.....
I'll start with a few I've come up with over the years:

They should call him Joan Sutherland, cuz that D was spectacular.

Q: What do a third party candidate and a the bottom 2/3 of a tenor's range have in common?
A: No one supports them.

Q: What do a nun and a soprano desperate for roles have in common?
A: The amount of time they spend on their knees.

Q: Why did Handel shop at GoodWill?
A: He was baroque as hell.

Q: What do you get when you cross a soprano and the Wicked Witch of the West?
A: a woman who melts when she has to sight read.


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## SixFootScowl (Oct 17, 2011)

Wasn't there one like this:

How does a Diva screw in a light bulb?

She just hold the bulb and the world revolves around her.


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## superhorn (Mar 23, 2010)

What's the difference between an opera diva and a pit bull ? Jewelry .

How is a tenor's brain different from a normal person's brain ? There's resonance where the brain is supposed to be .

What's the difference between a coloratura soprano and a seamstress ? A seamstress tucks between frills, and a coloratura soprano . . . . . . .


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## Jacred (Jan 14, 2017)

How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?
6. One to change the bulb and five to say, "It's too high for him!"


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## Vox Gabrieli (Jan 9, 2017)

I've decided that I am not good with jokes.


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## Woodduck (Mar 17, 2014)

Richard Macduff said:


> I've decided that I am not good with jokes.


Neither am I. I'm better at finding humor in what others take (too) seriously.


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## SixFootScowl (Oct 17, 2011)

Richard Macduff said:


> I've decided that I am not good with jokes.


I just find other people's jokes.


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## Pugg (Aug 8, 2014)

Richard Macduff said:


> I've decided that I am not good with jokes.


Me neither.......


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## DavidA (Dec 14, 2012)

Toscanini in one off his rages is reputed to have grabbed a sopranos ample bosom and yelled: "If only these were brains!"


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## BalalaikaBoy (Sep 25, 2014)

superhorn said:


> What's the difference between an opera diva and a pit bull ? Jewelry .


hahahahahaha! :lol:


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## Meyerbeer Smith (Mar 25, 2016)

The aftermath of Prince Orlovsky's party: After drinking themselves sily on champagne, the morning after. The guests stumble in,bleary eyed. Eisenstein, the worse for wear, is sitting in a chair, his foot heavily bandaged and resting on a stool. (He's intrigued by a Russian musician to whom Orlovsky introduced him, and has some splendid ideas for staging Russian history on nitrate.) Falk and Blind enter, leaning heavily on crutches, and wincing every time their toe hits the ground.

Orlovsky appears, glass in hand, and dances around, singing:
"Chacun a son gout."


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## nina foresti (Mar 11, 2014)

Q: What's the difference between a soprano singing a hymn in church and a girl in a bathtub?
A: The soprano has hope in her soul....


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## znapschatz (Feb 28, 2016)

Wagner's _Ring Cycle_ debuted in August, 1876, and will wind up sometime next month.


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## ma7730 (Jun 8, 2015)

BalalaikaBoy said:


> They should call him Joan Sutherland, cuz that D was spectacular.


Do you find yourself using this one a lot? :lol:


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## BalalaikaBoy (Sep 25, 2014)

ma7730 said:


> Do you find yourself using this one a lot? :lol:


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## Scopitone (Nov 22, 2015)

nina foresti said:


> Q: What's the difference between a soprano singing a hymn in church and a girl in a bathtub?
> A: The soprano has hope in her soul....


Took me a second. :lol:


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## russetvelvet (Oct 14, 2016)

It might be too slapstickish, but I literally ROFLed when I saw a fellow mezzo complain, perhaps due to frustration at learning a new piece: "Che _the heck will I _farò senza Euridice!"


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