# The sin of being 5 at a concert (or, how to deal with rude adults)



## hreichgott (Dec 31, 2012)

My daughter and I often go to concerts. We go in the afternoon, not at night, and we talk about the music beforehand. Also, we bring books. Sometimes she looks at the books and sometimes not. We have been doing this since she was tiny. She is now 5. 

Let me add as background that my daughter is from a musical family on both sides, and is herself an enthusiastic piano student with the attention span to practice for 20 minutes to an hour a day. We as parents probably err more on the side of strictness than otherwise. There are clear expectations for how she is to behave at concerts: no talking, no kicking, stay in seat etc. Usually she's riveted during some pieces, and twitchy but reasonably self-controlled during others. (Often those are the same pieces during which I am riveted or twitchy.) At times when she was younger she was not able to behave and she was removed to the lobby.

Today we were at a concert and two women in the seats in front of us had frequent and negative reactions to my daughter. Turning around and glaring, saying loudly "SHH!" And what disruptive behavior was my daughter engaging in? Turning pages. In her program and then in one of her books. At one point during the second half one of the women actually put her hand in my daughter's lap, on top of the book, and said "STOP IT."

Each time I protested, "She is only turning pages. The adults do the same." No response from the women. 

The gentleman to my left also turned his program's pages during the concert. They made noise. No one scolded him.
The gentleman to my right had noisy shoes that he frequently shuffled and readjusted on the floor. They were louder than turning pages. No one scolded him.

Sadly, this is not the first time such things have happened to us at concerts. And it's always women who glare or scold my child.

What is this about? Are the standards for concert behavior different for 5-year-olds than for adults? Is the sound of a page turning really so disruptive, and people just feel more free to scold a 5-year-old stranger than an adult stranger? Are 5-year-olds just not supposed to love classical concerts?


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## PetrB (Feb 28, 2012)

No matter what you have done, and are now used to, a child that age is probably turning pages at a higher frequency than the rest of the audience. (pages often turn in a collective "Korean Unison" if there is a vocal text or a programmatic piece detailed in the concert program.)

I would re-think your daughter and page-turning in the light that any minority might be (sadly) forced to think and behave -- you've got to be better than all the non-minority folks who are ready to criticize.

It sounds as if she has enough sense and ability to concentrate that she could happily learn how to turn those pages almost silently.

I've been to concerts in Europe where children her age were in the audience, and they did not need the distraction of a book while in attendance. Don't, by any means, stop bringing her, but I advocate teaching the secret pleasure game of the silent page-turn 

I do congratulate both you and your daughter for how it has gone so far, and from what you've said of her, I'm certain without knowing her that you can get her to learn to turn those pages with silent aplomb.

P.s. Children are often treated badly (or pushed to the margins or back of the line) when they are in the minority, and that ain't right!


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