# Opera is when...



## Don Magnifico X (Jan 27, 2014)

I thought I'd start a fun thread, even though I don't really know how far we can take it.

I recently saw the following quote online:

"Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings." 
― Robert Benchley​
I thought that was a pretty funny quote and really encapsulated how different opera is from all the other dramatic media and musical genres. Nowhere else, except opera, is a guy going to get stabbed and then proceed to sing his heart out while he's dying!

So, to stay with that idea, I thought I'd start a thread where we show how unique Opera is by filling in the part after "Opera is when…".

So I'm going to start:

Opera is when…

...the role of a young, beautiful, Chinese princess can be played by an overweight, middle-aged, caucasian woman.


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## mamascarlatti (Sep 23, 2009)

Opera is when the addition of a small moustache and a silly turban can change your appearance so much that your girlfriend doesn't recognise you.


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## schigolch (Jun 26, 2011)

Opera is when…


...the role of a young, beautiful, Caucasian princess can be played by an overweight, middle-aged, Chinese woman.


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## schigolch (Jun 26, 2011)

Opera is when…




...the role of an overweight, middle-aged, Caucasian woman, can be played by a slender, young, beautiful African-American princess.


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## Revenant (Aug 27, 2013)

Opera is when the only stage in which you can frequently see a caucasian man play Othello as an East African man (when he should be a Moor), *wearing black face*, is in an opera.


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## mamascarlatti (Sep 23, 2009)

Opera is when you can be starved in an underground prison for two years and still emerge so rotund that your wife can't get her arms around you.


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## MAuer (Feb 6, 2011)

Opera is when you can't even tell your own kid apart from that horrid Count's brat, and toss him in the fire instead.


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## DavidA (Dec 14, 2012)

Opera is when twins discover each other, fall in love and produce an offspring. That offspring then finds his aunt and marries her.

Called 'Keeping it in the family!'


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## DavidA (Dec 14, 2012)

Opera is when a dying consumptive can take an awfully long time to say goodbye!


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## sospiro (Apr 3, 2010)

Opera is when…

...the role of a poor. consumptive young flower girl is played by a healthy, chubby middle-aged woman


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## deggial (Jan 20, 2013)

Opera is when teenage boys are played by curvy middle aged women.


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## SiegendesLicht (Mar 4, 2012)

Opera is when three mermaids and one dwarf sing while *under water*.


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## Headphone Hermit (Jan 8, 2014)

opera is when you suspend reality and enjoy yourself for up to four hours

... don't pretend that the story is important, or that the secenery is either realistic, appropriate or makes sense ... don't pretend to understand what is being sung (even if you are fluent in the language), ignore the injustice of gross inequality represented by the audience .... and simply revel in the marriage between orchestral music on a grand scale, the beauty and emotive power of the human voice and the imagination of the composer, conductor, orchestra and singers. 

Just enjoy the sounds!


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## Ingélou (Feb 10, 2013)

Opera is when

eight singers march across the stage again & again, and you're supposed to think the entire Egyptian army has passed by...


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## superhorn (Mar 23, 2010)

Remember Superhorn's law of opera :

THE OPERA HAS YET TO BE WRITTEN WITH A PLOT AS RIDICULOUS AS WHAT HAPPENS IN REAL LIFE !!!!



:lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Ingélou (Feb 10, 2013)

Opera is when

an audience gets so involved in the sufferings of an innocent Japanese wife that they boo the innocent singer who played her oppressor.


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## DavidA (Dec 14, 2012)

Where an army deserter and a matador have a fight while both singing their lungs out!


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## Donata (Dec 28, 2013)

Opera is when 

a singing statue can drag you to hell.


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## deggial (Jan 20, 2013)

^ opera is also when you die at dawn and you're buried before supper time.


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## mamascarlatti (Sep 23, 2009)

Opera is when you manage to grab a set of winning cards from a full deck in 2 seconds flat so that you can cheat at poker and buy your boyfriend's life.

Opera is when the best way you can think of to commit suicide is to go and sit under a poisonous tree.

Opera is when a group of villagers HAVE NEVER HEARD OF SLEEPWALKING!

And my favourite:

Opera is when you inadvertently marry the ghost of a dead nun instead of your girlfriend.


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## Donata (Dec 28, 2013)

Opera is when

violets can be weaponized.


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## mamascarlatti (Sep 23, 2009)

Opera is when a guy trades in his wife in for a newer model, and then suddenly gets a rush of blood to the head and elects to meet a painful burning end with his first love instead of heading off in his Ferrari / chariot with the young girlfriend.


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## aimee (Nov 7, 2013)

Opera is when there're mad scenes in which the playing roles show off their vocal skills and act insanely.


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## mamascarlatti (Sep 23, 2009)

aimee said:


> Opera is when there're mad scenes in which the playing roles show off their vocal skills and act insanely.


Yes, opera is when the main symptom of insanity is insane coloratura.


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## Revenant (Aug 27, 2013)

Baroque opera was when the lover was played by a castrato. Which would explain the mad scenes.


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## Don Magnifico X (Jan 27, 2014)

Wow, this thread has been a lot of fun...good job on all of you for your great and creative responses! I found myself nodding in agreement or laughing out loud several times

I'm going to continue. 

Opera is when...

...every character on stage and the choir can be singing different lyrics at the same time, and still mange to produce the most delightful noise.


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## mamascarlatti (Sep 23, 2009)

Opera is when people die for no more reason than they are a bit disappointed in love.


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## aimee (Nov 7, 2013)

Opera is when the entire cast has a rendezvous in jail for another champagne toast.


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## Sloe (May 9, 2014)

mamascarlatti said:


> Opera is when people die for no more reason than they are a bit disappointed in love.


Opera is when people die because it is time to finish the opera.


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## nina foresti (Mar 11, 2014)

Opera is when a character named Ernani can decide on his wedding night, simply because he made a sacred vow to his enemy Silva that if Silva ever blew a hunting horn, Ernani would kill himself on the spot, (new wife or no new wife).


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## Celloman (Sep 30, 2006)

Opera is the only sport in which athletes can peak in their late fifties.


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## Albert7 (Nov 16, 2014)

Opera is when I can see something interdiscliplinary... a combination of science, theater, music, politicalized productions, mathematics, and just lovely singing!


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## Couac Addict (Oct 16, 2013)

Opera is where a man can be assassinated by a chicken.


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## Celloman (Sep 30, 2006)

Opera is when twenty nuns all get their heads lobbed off, then stand up to take their curtain bows.


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## DonAlfonso (Oct 4, 2014)

Opera is when assassins wander the streets offering their services to total strangers.


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## Albert7 (Nov 16, 2014)

Celloman said:


> Opera is when twenty nuns all get their heads lobbed off, then stand up to take their curtain bows.


Let's talk about ice-skating nuns can we?


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## Cavaradossi (Aug 2, 2012)

Opera is when a group of fifty-odd, generally middle-aged men clamber across the stage and insist on singing in a hushed mezzo forte about how quiet they need to be to accomplish their kidnapping/assassination/smuggling conspiracy.


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## Celloman (Sep 30, 2006)

Opera is when you can sing at the top of your lungs without being "heard" by any of the other characters on the stage.


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## Couac Addict (Oct 16, 2013)

Opera is when parents don't do their research and the Cunning Little Vixen gets a shotgun unloaded in her face in front of a thousand children.

Welcome to opera, kids.


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## Celloman (Sep 30, 2006)

Opera is when you ride a real horse across a fire-engulfed stage and jump into a swirling mass of flames, 
all the while singing about how the gods pissed you off.


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## Sloe (May 9, 2014)

Celloman said:


> Opera is when you ride a real horse across a fire-engulfed stage and jump into a swirling mass of flames,
> .


Opera is when you are expected to do that and instead give birth to a baby.


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## Queen of the Nerds (Dec 22, 2014)

Opera is when the girl you love is in love with you but she pretty much kisses up to a pompous soldier which makes you think you've lost her forever but then she buys back your soldier papers and declares her love for you, discarding said pompous soldier in the process... All because of two bottles of Bordeaux.


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## Sloe (May 9, 2014)

Opera is when all all parts of the world in every era looks like Europe in the twentieth century.


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## nina foresti (Mar 11, 2014)

Opera is when you tell your new bride that you are sorry but a horn just sounded and therefore, rather than spend your wedding night with her, you have to honor a promise to kill yourself instead.


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## Tedski (Jul 8, 2015)

Opera is when the comic relief is sung with as much gravitas as the serious parts.


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## Queen of the Nerds (Dec 22, 2014)

Opera is when parties are good for exactly zero people involved, and on a somewhat related note, is also when every prophecy or premonition comes true.


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## Queen of the Nerds (Dec 22, 2014)

Another one:
Opera is when if your dad has an opinion on your love affairs (eg _La Traviata_ and _Louise_), he's totally wrong 100% of the time, but if he has concerns about your health, you should _probably_ listen, lest you be murdered by a violin-playing sorcerer who also killed your mom.

One more:
Opera is when people get warned at least 4 times about them being murdered, don't listen, shrug it off with gusto, and then get murdered at an event they're holding for no apparent reason whatsoever.


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## The Conte (May 31, 2015)

Queen of the Nerds said:


> Another one:
> 
> One more:
> Opera is when people get warned at least 4 times about them being murdered, don't listen, shrug it off with gusto, and then get murdered at an event they're holding for no apparent reason whatsoever.


:lol:

N. (fifteen characters)


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## The Conte (May 31, 2015)

Opera is when polite, respectable, middle class people start a 'riot' in public because their diva had them in tears.

N.


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## Sonata (Aug 7, 2010)

Opera is when you're exhausted from listening to several hours of the Ring and you tell yourself _just one more hour_ then I'll take a break.....and you do, three hours later.


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## Sonata (Aug 7, 2010)

Queen of the Nerds said:


> Another one:u
> 
> One more:
> Opera is when people get warned at least 4 times about them being murdered, don't listen, shrug it off with gusto, and then get murdered at an event they're holding for no apparent reason whatsoever.


Yes! And I love how Pavarotti plays this up. He's almost like "oh you think I'll be murdered? Ha ha jolly good old chap!"


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## DavidA (Dec 14, 2012)

A conductor (Katajan) engages a young soprano (Caballe) who then finds he has written into her contract that she has to lose 30 lbs weight!


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