# What would happen if Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Schubert and Wagner met in Heaven?



## peeyaj

Interesting Question.

*
What do you think would happen if Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Schubert and Wagner meet in Heaven?*

Hypothetically, these five great composers met in heaven and strike a conversation, what would you think it would be like? What would be demeanor of each of them? Would they greet each other, quarrel, have a debate?

*My hypothetical scenario would be..*

Bach would sit unmovingly, his radiance would probably made the others cringe. Beethoven would be silent, he can't hear anyone.. Schubert, a shy man he was, would be very nervous approaching Beethoven, while Mozart would just compose what he was thinking of. Wagner would watch them with contempt and a sneer to his face.

 

Overall, it would be a grim and very uninteresting meeting for me.

What do you think?? Be creative..


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## Polednice

I think they would all start by fawning over Bach, but find him out to be a boring fraud and so abandon him, and then go off to argue about their varying musical ideals


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## Weston

This is quite fantasy scenario, assuming Wagner goes to heaven as it does. I'll have to suspend my disbelief quite a bit.

Bach would merely urge them all to stop the idle chatter and get back to work.

Mozart would try to get them all to play billiards. Failing that he runs off to find Frank Zappa so he can swap some new fart jokes.

Beethoven would have his hearing restored since he is in heaven, and be so appalled at Wellington's Victory he leaves the group to try scratching his name off every copy.

Schubert, unsuccessful at consoling Beethoven and disappointed at his leaving, walks off to find Papa Haydn instead.

Since he is the only one left standing Wagner assumes this is a sign of his superiority.


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## peeyaj

@Weston

:lol: I can't stop laughing..  Brilliant, sir..


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## haydnfan

They all sit down and hash out and play the best piano quintet. ever.:cheers:


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## Couchie

Well i'm sure after the whole "my music is solely for the glory of God" bit, Bach must have earned himself at least a seat at the head table, just a few seats down from Jesus, so he has more important people to talk to.

The rest would turn to Wagner and ask, "And _you_ are?"

Wagner, infuriated, seeks out the head table. He sees God at the center and asserts: "You're in my seat".


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## Almaviva

Couchie said:


> Well i'm sure after the whole "my music is solely for the glory of God" bit, Bach must have earned himself at least a seat at the head table, just a few seats down from Jesus, so he has more important people to talk to.
> 
> The rest would turn to Wagner and ask, "And _you_ are?"
> 
> Wagner, infuriated, seeks out the head table. He sees God at the center and asserts: "You're in my seat".


Spectacular!!!:tiphat:

Very nice thread!:clap:


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## science

Once the good archangels finish relocating Wagner to more appropriate residence, the others would look for Brahms.


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## Polednice

science said:


> Once the good archangels finish relocating Wagner to more appropriate residence, the others would look for Brahms.


Brahms will be too busy finally making a move on Clara because Robert ended up in hell for that suicide attempt.


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## science

Polednice said:


> Brahms will be too busy finally making a move on Clara because Robert ended up in hell for that suicide attempt.


He's too much of a gentelman, I'd bet, but he'll compose a fine work of music about it.


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## Polednice

science said:


> He's too much of a gentelman, I'd bet, but he'll compose a fine work of music about it.


With Beethoven around?! He'd be too scared of being inferior!


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## science

Polednice said:


> With Beethoven around?! He'd be too scared of being inferior!


That's a good point. Beethoven would probably want to keep it that way too.


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## Polednice

science said:


> That's a good point. Beethoven would probably want to keep it that way too.


I'm sure Brahms wouldn't mind knowing his place with Beethoven above him, but I reckon they'd still mutter in a corner, bitching about Wagner.


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## peeyaj

Wagner always get a bad rap, isn't he?


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## Huilunsoittaja

peeyaj said:


> *
> What do you think would happen if Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Schubert and Wagner meet in Heaven?*


Hmmm...

All 5 of them would be together, and begin this discussion.

Mozart: "So, Bach, what brings you here?"
Bach: "Peaceful old age. You, Mozart?"
Mozart: "Salieri killed me. I just knew it! And you Beethoven?"
Beethoven: "What?"
Mozart: "What?"
Beethoven: "What? I didn't hear your question."
Mozart: "What? Are you still deaf?"
Beethoven: "Oh! Of course not! I'm just not used to listening to people in general. I died by long illness."
Schubert: "Lucky. Mine was by mercury poisoning."
Wagner: "HAHAHA!"
Schubert: "Shut your mouth, Wagner, you don't even deserve to be here."
Wagner: "Nor do you, Schubert."
(pause)
Beethoven: "...What?"


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## peeyaj

@Huilonsoitajja

Schubert is too humble and timid to say that to Wagner.. Probably, Wagner will bully poor Franz..


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## World Violist

They would all hate each other. End of story. And then Bernstein would try to get a party going and everyone except Mozart would say "Just go away..." (Yes, I think Schubert would go away too, seeing as how partying (or something related...) got him there in the first place). So Bernstein and Mozart would have fun drinking and telling inappropriate jokes.

Wagner and Scriabin would fight over who should usurp God's throne, with Sorabji watching and thinking about how stupid they really were despite his adulation of their music.

And Bach would be all, "Oh my God it's Jesus!" or something like that.


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## Pieck

World Violist said:


> And Bach would be all, "Oh my God it's Jesus!" or something like that.


You made him sound like a groupie


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## elgar's ghost

I imagine a solitude-seeking Mahler would send a cherub to the others with a brief note which says, 'Will you all just go away - I'm still trying to finish my 10th...'.


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## KJohnson

peeyaj said:


> Beethoven would be silent, he can't hear anyone..


It's amazing that, even hypothetically speaking, you imagine people sitting in heaven with agonizing disabilities. ))


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## Il Seraglio

They'd wonder what Wagner was doing there.


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## Serge

Il Seraglio said:


> They'd wonder what Wagner was doing there.


Why, he'd be a party crasher, of course. Somebody has to be.


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## jhar26

Il Seraglio said:


> They'd wonder what Wagner was doing there.


I can imagine Wolfie giving him a pat on the back and asking, "how about a game of billiards, Rich?"


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## HarpsichordConcerto

I cannot imagine Richard Wagner, the anti-Semetic, at the same table with Jesus of Nazareth.


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## Huilunsoittaja

This kinda reminds of this poem I once read in English Class (Anonymous writer) :

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
as I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
by the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven
who made me sputter and gasp--
the thieves, the liars, the sinners,
the alcoholics, the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought
was rotting away in hell,
was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.

And why's everyone so quiet,
so somber? Give me a clue."
"Hush, child," said He "They're all in shock.
No one thought they'd see you."

I don't believe people on Earth will be the same _sinners _in Heaven, of course. And I also believe those who are in Hell are only there because they want to be there. So I think Wagner wanted to be who he was, and... I'll leave it there.


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## Lukecash12

Beethoven and Schubert commented that Mozart's Mass in C minor was the best, or so I believe, so they would probably prostrate themselves before Mozart and be cast out for idolatry.


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## Lukecash12

World Violist said:


> They would all hate each other. End of story. And then Bernstein would try to get a party going and everyone except Mozart would say "Just go away..." (Yes, I think Schubert would go away too, seeing as how partying (or something related...) got him there in the first place). So Bernstein and Mozart would have fun drinking and telling inappropriate jokes.
> 
> Wagner and Scriabin would fight over who should usurp God's throne, with Sorabji watching and thinking about how stupid they really were despite his adulation of their music.
> 
> And Bach would be all, "Oh my God it's Jesus!" or something like that.


Hmmm... Speaking of Sorabji I think he would hang around Alkan and make some really *bleeping* strange music with him.

Jesus would tell Bach that he wrote the Passion all wrong, and then ask why Wagner, Scriabin, and Bernstein are there, only to have his curiosity satisfied by the Father telling Him that they brought the cake and ought to be able to attend the party they provided cake for.

Brahms would be bent over and be paddled with wooden switches by a line of dissatisfied composers whose works he had made arrangements and transcriptions of. Chopin would violently attack Godowsky for making his etudes into "purely technical studies". Salieri, Beethoven, and Czerny would call each other copycats. Rachmaninov would play his Italian Polka over and over and over, ad nauseum. Feinberg would be cutting his wrists with Tchaikovsky, Shostakovich, and Mosolov, while John Cage records their groaning and whining to sell it for a hefty profit. Sumera, Glass, and Xenakis would become a trifecta that composes rhythmic, repetitive, and endless "whitenoise" made on an A-track. Gounoud, Thalberg, Scharwenka, Britten, and Kachayaturian would go unnoticed as they write awesome music.


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## LordBlackudder

the same things modern mustiuans would do. they would talk about sausages and beer (because they're german), their current jobs and if they could help each other with employment. than go home.


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## Polednice

Lukecash12 said:


> Brahms would be bent over and be paddled with wooden switches by a line of dissatisfied composers whose works he had made arrangements and transcriptions of.


:O It's the filthy Liszt who deserves that treatment!


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## Chi_townPhilly

*Singular perspective*

I'd like to reflect on this question from the perspective of Wagner- as Wagner is the closest thing in music to a "specialty interest" of mine.

1) Re: "what's Wagner doing in heaven?" If one believes in late-in-life conversions, or even "death bed" conversions, I think it's wrong to entirely dismiss the possibility for Wagner- whose final composition, _Parsifal_, is his closest approach to directly religious material. [In fact, it's so much so that Nietzsche, a fomer devotee, railed in agitation against it.]

2) Wagner & Beethoven- If Wagner were in this company, I have little doubt that he would attempt to befriend Beethoven. In fact, Wagner wrote a short-story about such an attempt- _A Pilgrimage to Beethoven_. The issue about Beethoven's response to _him_ is probably a murkier matter. Still, one thing about Wagner is- consistent with someone who wrotes reams of self-justifying material, he was always seeking acknowledgement of approval. Would he get it from old Ludwig? Probably not to the greatest extent of his comfort. I think Richard would be more admiring of Ludwig than vice-versa.

3) Wagner & Mozart- Wagner penned a famous paraphrase of the 'Apostles' Creed' that begins "I believe in God, Mozart, and Beethoven." This suggests equal admiration for Mozart- but really, the matter is a bit less clear. An oft-circulated story concerns Wagner's first travel to Bayreuth, where (he was told) one of the larger opera-stages in Europe was housed. Upon seeing its lack of depth, he concluded that his operas wouldn't be well-served on the old stage, saying "_my_ Music Dramas *cannot* be put on in this *Mozart-house!*" Then, upon arriving at the idea of constructing an all-new _Festspielhaus_, he added "that's okay- I won't burn this one... I will simply _tower over it!_"

4) Common ground- Of the above set of composers, two share a common Saxon connection. Since I'm writing about Wagner, you can rapidly guess that he's one- the other one- is Bach. Although Leipzig and Dresden both played big roles in the life of the young Wagner, Leipzig was the city of Wagner's birth. It is also the city most closely associated with Bach- and in fact, I'm told that the modern visitor to Leipzig is never made to forget that "it's Bach's town." One wonders how much the two Saxon-born composers could discuss concerning their shared site of residence. As it's common knowledge that Bach travelled little while he lived, perhaps they could more readily discuss such things than some of the others.


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## peeyaj

Wagner would still be an as* though.. 

<hides to Couchie>


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## GraemeG

Being musicians, they would all probably complain about how little money they have, and how they should be profiting from the advent of recordings...

I always find it fascinating to think how composers would have reacted "had they lived a little longer."
If Mozart had lived until the mere age of 47, he'd have heard the Eroica symphony. How would he have reacted to that?
What would Mozart's post-Eroica music have sounded like...?
cheers,
GG


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## superhorn

Food Fight !!!!!!!!!!!












:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Taneyev

Wagner in Heaven??? Never! He should be deep, very, very deep.


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## Igneous01

Stravinsky would ask Wagner and Schubert to go for a swim with him.


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## Lukecash12

Polednice said:


> I think they would all start by fawning over Bach, but find him out to be a boring fraud and so abandon him, and then go off to argue about their varying musical ideals


Naw, they would be left out of the VIP room that Bach is in with the Apostles, Prophets, and Patriarchs.


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## DavidA

I think the first thing the guys would do is to throw Wagner out as he doesn't belong there!


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## TxllxT

I smell a distinct _odeur_ of *Bratwurst* in this heaven.


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## violadude

TxllxT said:


> I smell a distinct _odeur_ of *Bratwurst* in this heaven.


What about Mac and Cheese! It's mine and Beethoven's favorite dish!


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## TxllxT

violadude said:


> What about Mac and Cheese! It's mine and Beethoven's favorite dish!


I suggest we add Violadude to the team: What would happen if Bach, Beethoven etc. + Violadude met in heaven :lol:


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## SiegendesLicht

TxllxT said:


> I smell a distinct _odeur_ of *Bratwurst* in this heaven.


They need to make sure they have enough of this:









and it will be heaven indeed.


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## dionisio

Simple:

FIGHT! (Street Fighter style)


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## dionisio

My bet is on Wagner


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## WavesOfParadox

Bach, with implied superiority, would go off and chat with Jesus.

Schubert, Mozart, and Beethoven then built this:










Sensing the distress, Schoenberg, Berg, and Webern took action.










A gang war erupted between the First and Second Viennese Schools. Wagner, trapped between the two extremes, panicked and stuck his head in a hole. The news of conflict spread across heaven, branching out to other eras. Soon enough, Scarlatti and Babbitt were tossing frequencies at each other. The Romantic composers remained neutral, allowing them to evolve their music, instead of wasting it on the battlefield.

And that is why the music of heaven is neo-Romantic. Mahler went on to make his "Symphony of Ten Billion", including a choir of actual angels.


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## PetrB

And what if there is no afterlife? And what, as some say, all ego and sense of self is erased when you walk in the door, not knowing or caring what your name was, even?

Welcome to heaven, all. Here's your Kazoo.


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## ArtMusic

I think they would all compose one huge and best ever mass setting to glorify God. They all wrote mass setting; well, except for Wagner I think but they all wrote music for the voice anyway.


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## Wandering

I'm guessing that a huge quarrel would break out over the last Psalm?


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## neoshredder

The music in Heaven is neo-baroque.


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese

neoshredder said:


> The music in Heaven is neo-baroque.


Yep followed by war, pestilence, murder and four horseman of the apocalypse

God - they might even become modern composers up there


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## jani

Imagine a normal house ( a living room) Schubert&Mozart are playing on the floor, they are playing their favorite game guess notes in the chord cluster, Schubert isn't happy because he keeps loosing to Mozart all the time.
You see papa Bach swinging on his rocking chair, while Wagner is watching the presidential debate.
Then Beethoven slams the door open and starts to read his favorite poems to out loud with a very passionate tone.
Someone knocks to their door Mozart and Schubert run to the door all excited and they open the door and see.

( THE POSTER BELOW ME WILL CONTINUE THE STORY!!!)


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese

jani said:


> Imagine a normal house ( a living room) Schubert&Mozart are playing on the floor, they are playing their favorite game guess notes in the chord cluster, Schubert isn't happy because he keeps loosing to Mozart all the time.
> You see papa Bach swinging on his rocking chair, while Wagner is watching the presidential debate.
> Then Beethoven slams the door open and starts to read his favorite poems to out loud with a very passionate tone.
> Someone knocks to their door Mozart and Schubert run to the door all excited and they open the door and see.
> 
> ( THE POSTER BELOW ME WILL CONTINUE THE STORY!!!)


Miles Davis - as they have all become jazz/ funk fans and proceed to hang off every word that Miles says and inquire incessantly about bending notes- (who would have guess that !!)


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## superhorn

I thik they'd have a food fight !


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## Sieglinde

In Heaven? How? I thought the only composers who made it to Heaven are Grieg and Liszt, because Hell has almost everyone...  Even Aziraphale admits Hell has better music.


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese

Ah well hell is a better place from composers..... allows freedom of thought!

How would john Cage go in heaven with Schubert, Mozart, Bach, Wagner and Beethoven - do youthink they would play ginn rummy?


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## peeyaj

Some of the posts here are very funny..


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## Elie

Maybe they are all sitting together in a cup of coffee; they are listening to each one's work and sharing their opinions; everybody are impressed by everbody's work, everybody have a beautiful universe; and maybe they do a group work and create, in the heaven, a beautiful work; they understand each other, all are working together, so the beautiful work is going so fast that mouvements are being coming one by one, I just can't imagine how it could feel like!  :angel:


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## clockworkmurderer

As they walked in the door, these 8 unnamed Violin Sonatas of HIF Biber would be playing, at which all of them but Wagner would drop to their knees in awe. Wagner, too proud for his own good, would stuff his fingers in his ears.


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## Pugg

Elie said:


> Maybe they are all sitting together in a cup of coffee; they are listening to each one's work and sharing their opinions; everybody are impressed by everybody's work, everybody have a beautiful universe; and maybe they do a group work and create, in the heaven, a beautiful work; they understand each other, all are working together, so the beautiful work is going so fast that movements are being coming one by one, I just can't imagine how it could feel like!  :angel:


I can see that picture :lol:


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## TxllxT

Today is Ascension Day; time for 'WWHI'-thoughts (What Would Happen If)...


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## Lukecash12

Bach would say to the other three: what are you doing here?


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## Rhombic

Everyone would look down on Bach, due to notions of how Baroque music was further away from any of their styles. Schubert would be all day all about Beethoven because that's what he did in life so he might as well. Hopefully get some more symphonies, string quartets, lieder, fugues, operas...


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## Crystal

Bach: What is this?
Mozart, Beethoven, Schubert, Wagner: Piano!


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## Pat Fairlea

This thread sounds like an answer to 'Worst TV Reality Show in the World'!


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## hpowders

Well, if I was manning the gate, Wagner and Schubert would be courteously asked to leave and I would be placing direct calls for Schumann and Brahms to take their places.


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## Tallisman

Bach would be furiously scribbling down fugues and Mozart would be peeking over his shoulder and taking notes.

Wagner would go and find Stravinsky and they'd really hit it off and talk for hours: 'How the heck did either of us get into heaven?!'

Beethoven would go off and find Schoenberg and they'd bond because of their respective deafness.


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## scratchgolf

I haven't read all responses so it's possible someone already said this better. 

Bach would play Goldberg 1-5 and they would all listen silently
Then Mozart would play a very familiar tune, and Bach would smile like a proud father.
Then Beethoven would begin playing the third Movement of his 25th Piano Sonata. Mozart will smile like a proud father and Bach would remain silent like a grandfather. 
Then Schubert would hesitantly stand and ask the previous performers to take his turn. They refuse and Wagner places a hand on Schubert's shoulder and says, "Show us what you can do." He begins playing Impromptus 1 and continues on to 2 without hesitation or thought. Bach is now asleep. Mozart is pleased. Beethoven is watching those little finger move with grace. And Wagner is deep in stoic thought. Wagner realizes then what his true value is and picks up the tab. There is nothing he'd love more than for them to join him at Bayreuth, for a heavenly performance of Parsifal, with all characters playing themselves. But then he looks down at Schubert, who's still playing, and he looks at the other three sleeping. His voice cannot be heard in this room. Not ever again. And slowly he turns and walks away, with the sounds of Schubert ringing in his heart. He's on his way to apologize to Brahms, after Brahms gets finished apologizing to Schumann.


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## gellio

It is my dream that there is a heaven, and it is my dream that since his death Mozart has written 300+ new operas, and I can spend eternity exploring them.


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese

A picture of Bettina meeting Beethoven


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## ST4

gellio said:


> It is my dream that there is a heaven, and it is my dream that since his death Mozart has written 300+ new operas, and I can spend eternity exploring them.


And the god took off his mash and costume, to reveal a red man with devil horns :devil:

*THIS ISN'T HEAVEN, THIS IS HELL!!!!!!!!!*


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## hpowders

EddieRUKiddingVarese said:


> A picture of Bettina meeting Beethoven


Heh! Heh!. Funny stuff!


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## Botschaft

Beethoven would still be deaf in heaven? So much for "Ich werde im Himmel hören!".



hpowders said:


> Well, if I was manning the gate, Wagner and Schubert would be courteously asked to leave and I would be placing direct calls for Schumann and Brahms to take their places.


Brahms would be going straight to hell, unfortunately.


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## hpowders

EddieRUKiddingVarese said:


> A picture of Bettina meeting Beethoven


Seems to be heaven on earth....just like planned.


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## hpowders

EddieRUKiddingVarese said:


> A picture of Bettina meeting Beethoven


That finger span is awesome. No wonder Beethoven was such a fine pianist.

A trilling display!


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## hpowders

EddieRUKiddingVarese said:


> A picture of Bettina meeting Beethoven


Obviously Beethoven was a vegetarian; admirably controlled his body mass. Not as awkward as the biographies indicated.


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## ArtMusic

Beethoven, Mozart, Schubert and Wagner will convince Bach to write an opera.


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese

ArtMusic said:


> Beethoven, Mozart, Schubert and Wagner will convince Bach to write an opera.


No, that would be in Hell obviously......................


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## JeffD

Little Johnny sat in his fourth grade class listening to the teacher tell the story of Chicken Little (Henny Penny). The teacher asked Johnny "what would you say if Chicken Little told you "the sky is falling"? 

Johnny said, "I would say "Holy Cow, a talking chicken!!"


So Mozart, Bach, Beethoven and Schubert, are sitting together in the same room at the same time.

And not only that, but they are dead.

And there is a heaven. Which implies consciousness transcends the body and exists eternally after death.

And you ask me what would they say to each other?


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## Tallisman

JeffD said:


> Little Johnny sat in his fourth grade class listening to the teacher tell the story of Chicken Little (Henny Penny). The teacher asked Johnny "what would you say if Chicken Little told you "the sky is falling"?
> 
> Johnny said, "I would say "Holy Cow, a talking chicken!!"
> 
> So Mozart, Bach, Beethoven and Schubert, are sitting together in the same room at the same time.
> 
> And not only that, but they are dead.
> 
> And there is a heaven. Which implies consciousness transcends the body and exists eternally after death.
> 
> And you ask me what would they say to each other?


You must be great fun at those Upstate New York parties :lol:


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## JeffD

Tallisman said:


> You must be great fun at those Upstate New York parties :lol:


I do seem to have a "point of view'. I recall one of those "what would you do if you won the lottery" discussions, where I said something like: "I would worry about what other extremely unlikely things were about to happen."


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## TennysonsHarp

Bach would be awestruck to be in the presence of God, to whom he dedicated all his work; Mozart would ask anyone if they liked billiards, or else he would tell raunchy joke after raunchy joke, being the man-child he was; Schubert would be geeking out while in the presence of Beethoven, hardly able to muster the courage to talk to his idol, who in turn would be tearing up at being able to hear crystal-clearly again. Wagner would probably be off by himself, trying to cause an argument with Mahler or Bruckner.


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese

I'd like to see that


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