# Honest Question to the Females on this forum



## BalalaikaBoy (Sep 25, 2014)

Just like the other one, but the reverse 
Well ladeez (and any men/exotic gender peeps who wish to answer), what are some things that you wish men would know/understand better about wpmen in general or you personally?

I am male, but I'll start anyway  (these need not apply to all or even most men, just a large enough number to be a trend worth pointing out)
1) Just because a girl is nice to you does not mean she wants to sleep with you.
2) Conversely, just because you are a "friend" does not necessarily mean she _doesn't_ want to sleep with you.
3) Um...no, you don't get to just explode out of the blue when you had previously given ZERO indication that X behavior was bothering you. you have to communicate with _words_ if you want to be understood.
4) Your girlfriend hitting you isn't any more okay than you hitting her. Any relationship in which one partner is hitting the other needs to end immediately, period. 
5) Before you ask "why can't I get a girlfriend?"....do you look good? ie, are you in shape? do you dress well? do you have good hygiene? just as importantly, are you _seductive_? you don't just walk up to someone and expect them to instantly go on a date with you, and even if you could, you still have to _entice_ them, peek their curiosity and do something to turn the spark into a passionate flame (come to think of it, this is probably more an American problem than one to do with guys specifically. Americans seem to think being seductive and/or romantic is something to sneer at, like it's fake, below them or somehow morally reprehensible). if you answered "no" to any of these...well there you go


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## Musicforawhile (Oct 10, 2014)

I am guilty of number 3 and I know it's not good...

One thing that annoys me is when men assume you have a problem with your body and weight. If I don't want to eat something, men seem to assume it's because I am dieting?? I might already have eaten and I can be fussy about food. And I'm not talking about with someone I am involved with or on a date...but just in general...men who don't know anything about me assume that me not eating means I am dying to be skinny. In actual fact I have a big, healthy appetite and love everything about food from choosing what to buy, smelling fruit in the supermarket, to the cooking and eating, which leads to my next point. When men hear that a woman loves food, loves everything about it...then they think it's because of an emotional problem that you're dealing with by over-eating! I also don't get this guilt feeling women are assumed to feel. I have never felt guilty about eating chocolate, biscuits etc and I don't even get that at all? But on the whole I am sensible and eat healthily. But if I want something or have one of my cravings then I go with it...can't imagine feeling guilty about something I want.

It seems men can't understand that we don't all want to be skinny, and don't all have some pathological relationship with food. And that we can actual be very comfortable with and appreciative of our bodies, and actually love our own bodies.


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## SarahNorthman (Nov 19, 2014)

BalalaikaBoy said:


> Just like the other one, but the reverse
> Well ladeez (and any men/exotic gender peeps who wish to answer), what are some things that you wish men would know/understand better about wpmen in general or you personally?
> 
> I am male, but I'll start anyway  (these need not apply to all or even most men, just a large enough number to be a trend worth pointing out)
> ...


I agree with a lot of what you said,. As for number five I don't want to sound shallow but looks do count for something. Its not everything, but there needs to be an attraction. At risk for sounding awful, but if i am looking for someone to be with long term, I sure am not gonna slum it. How you take care of yourself, how you present yourself how you carry yourself is pretty darn important.

I was watching a buzz feed video where men were talking about what they think it's like to be a woman. Good and bad points alike, one man said what sucks about being a woman is how men precieve what its like to be a woman. I think that definition in this day in age is so skewed and warped. For both men and women alike. Im not going to argue nature versus nurture because all its going to do is start a debate when honestly a bit of both.

My advice to people looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend is go against society's grain where dati dating is concerned. Love yourself enough to respect yourself and whomever you have your sights on. I can honestly say in all of my 25 years the best compliment I have ever gotten was on this forum (in the other thread ironically) from a complete stranger. It was respectful. I believe the art of giving proper compliments is becoming a lost art form. To me telling a man or woman "they are fine" or "your hit that" are so far from compliments its not wven funny. I think there is something to be said for saying she's beautiful or hes handsome. Call me old fashioned if you want. I prefer to be called a self respecting individual. And if thats old fashioned I will take that any day.


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## Musicforawhile (Oct 10, 2014)

SarahNorthman said:


> one man said what sucks about being a woman is how men precieve what its like to be a woman. I think that definition in this day in age is so skewed and warped.


Yup, I think so too.


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## science (Oct 14, 2010)

Because I am a man, I think I should answer these questions for the females here.

Edit: My wife literally just hit me.


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## Manxfeeder (Oct 19, 2010)

science said:


> Because I am a man, I think I should answer these questions for the females here.
> 
> Edit: My wife literally just hit me.


We never learn, do we?


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## Giordano (Aug 10, 2014)

SarahNorthman said:


> How you take care of yourself, how you present yourself how you carry yourself is pretty darn important.


Because that's a good indicator of self-confidence (self-esteem/self-love/etc.).


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## SarahNorthman (Nov 19, 2014)

Dufay said:


> Because that's a good indicator of self-confidence (self-esteem/self-love/etc.).


You cant fully love someone else if you dont love yourself first.


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## Huilunsoittaja (Apr 6, 2010)

SarahNorthman said:


> You cant fully love someone else if you dont love yourself first.


Yep, this goes for both genders. Guys who dress well and aren't slobs show to me that they like to take care of themselves for their sake, not just to please others.

WELL, perhaps I can mention a few little traits here and there, although sometimes I feel like I'm not the best representative for women. But here goes nothing. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

1. Women do want sex, but they definitely look at it differently from men. Instead of "Aha! Success!" the way perhaps guys view women as conquests, for women it's "Thank you thank you thank you for YOU!" as in consent is a response to an emotional state already inside that is positive/grateful towards the other. Sex isn't to reach happiness, it happens for women because they _already _reached the level of satisfaction they wanted. (Of course there are exceptions, but I think this is true on a deeper level). Emotional motives are always behind it. Hence why women may be the more likely to get a kick out of just the happiness part of the relationship and not just the sex.

2. Women are already hard enough on each other to look good, so please don't be any _more _rough. We don't doll up for you men out there as much as you think. We like to look _at _ourselves too, not just have other people look at us. That's our inherent desire. Women like non-functional beauty, i.e. beauty that isn't about attracting anyone. We just want to be pretty for the sake of being pretty. ^_^

3. Please stop associating things like "intelligence" or "skill" as a masculine thing. They have _nothing _to do with gender. They are universal characteristic traits. The reason things like "drive like a woman" or "throw like a woman" exist today is because it's actually the lack of _skill _in many women that leads to this stereotype. But it's not the woman's fault. A lack of skill can be in _anyone_. In fact, my dad once told me a story about a famous male soccer player from Latin America who came over to the US to do the first pitch of the New York Yankees first baseball game, and his throw was _terrible!_ "Throw like a soccer player" should be more like it! It's not gender, it's skill. So, why aren't more women skilled?... Is that even true anymore? That's for you to wonder about. Perhaps we women _do _care to be more skilled and you're not letting us be the best we can be because you don't have faith in us, or perhaps we don't care because we value _other _important skills. Like, who _needs _to throw well? Obviously not soccer players. 

4. We are mean sometimes, but do forgive us! We are bitter about many things. Not feelings of inadequacy so much as just angry that people refuse to respect us and acknowledge our adequacy. Women rarely have doubts about their femininity (no need to prove we're women, that all comes out shamelessly!), but what they do doubt is if they are _worth _something despite it all. We wish we could be nicer and not back-stab, but it becomes involuntary. But we do it out of bitterness because we feel helpless in this world many a time. However, if a woman never asks _you _for forgiveness, get out of there. That's also what I consider a "universal" trait of good behavior that needs to be seen in men and women alike, that they say they're sorry when they do something wrong. It's _not _that men have all the apologies to make, I don't believe that.


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## Morimur (Jan 23, 2014)

Just be yourselves, men. Be confident in your identity and respect women (as you would any other person), but do not idolize them -- no human being is worthy of it.


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## Varick (Apr 30, 2014)

science said:


> Because I am a man, I think I should answer these questions for the females here.
> 
> Edit: My wife literally just hit me.


You mean they don't want us to answer for them??????????????????............. Hmmmmmmmmm..... strange....



Huilunsoittaja said:


> 1. Women do want sex, but they definitely look at it differently from men. Instead of "Aha! Success!" the way perhaps guys view women as conquests, for women it's "Thank you thank you thank you for YOU!" as in consent is a response to an emotional state already inside that is positive/grateful towards the other. Sex isn't to reach happiness, it happens for women because they _already _reached the level of satisfaction they wanted. (Of course there are exceptions, but I think this is true on a deeper level). Emotional motives are always behind it. Hence why women may be the more likely to get a kick out of just the happiness part of the relationship and not just the sex.


One of the clearest and concise statements about how women view sex I have ever read! Well done!!!

V


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## hpowders (Dec 23, 2013)

I printed it out. Unfortunately, I coulda used this course on female thinking over 30 years ago. Dang it!!


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## Huilunsoittaja (Apr 6, 2010)

hpowders said:


> I printed it out. Unfortunately, I coulda used this course on female thinking over 30 years ago. Dang it!!


Aha! Success! :tiphat:

Actually I'm not sure how many women could actually articulate those ideas, since it's so involuntary, even taken for granted. However, I've always been interested in psychology and my creative writing hobby has helped me clarify things for myself even. Writing romances that actually work takes some reflection.


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## science (Oct 14, 2010)

So, I'll add one.... 

As far as I can tell, one thing women like (perhaps even more than men do) is to be appreciated as unique individuals. This thread may be destined for less popularity than the "what men wish women knew about men in general" not only because the men here outnumber the women here but because women wish to be known not "in general" but "in particular."


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## Figleaf (Jun 10, 2014)

science said:


> So, I'll add one....
> 
> As far as I can tell, one thing women like (perhaps even more than men do) is to be appreciated as unique individuals. This thread may be destined for less popularity than the "what men wish women knew about men in general" not only because the men here outnumber the women here but because women wish to be known not "in general" but "in particular."


You know us better than we know ourselves, Science 

I know that all my life, I wanted to be appreciated as a unique individual, at least until I gave up on romantic relationships after my youngest was born and her dad left. In the case of all the relationships I had, my 'individuality' was something I had to consciously suppress because men seem to want a yes-woman with a cheerful attitude and no discernible personality besides. To the extent that I was appreciated, it was only for things like looks and intelligence and being younger than the man, and those things were probably more appreciated for their social prestige than for their intrinsic worth, whatever that may have been. It does seem that men have a rather negative attitude to women's personalities, noticing the things we do that bug them but not giving full credit for our good qualities. In my case, after a brief initial infatuation, the best any man would offer was a grudging tolerance of my presence provided I didn't step out of line, show any emotion, or talk too much. Ironically, the one person in my life who really does appreciate my unique individiality is both a male and the product of one of the unsatisfactory relationships I mentioned: namely, my son, who tolerates my eccentricity with mostly good humour, laughs at my jokes and generally has no problem with my being around him. It's too early to tell what sort of partner he'll be for some lucky person in the future, but I hope our closeness has made him able to appreciate women as unique individuals.


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## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

I want to be appreciated as a unique individual too! Not some generic guy...

I have a few female friends who don't seem to appreciate my uniqueness enough to date me, but do like to have me hanging around them in part because of some of my more generic and physical guy qualities.

I'm both flattered and sad by this.


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## hpowders (Dec 23, 2013)

science said:


> Because I am a man, I think I should answer these questions for the females here.
> 
> Edit: My wife literally just hit me.


One would think you would have learned to duck by now!


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## science (Oct 14, 2010)

hpowders said:


> One would think you would have learned to duck by now!


Of course I have - she almost never connects with my head these days, unless I'm asleep.


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## Posie (Aug 18, 2013)

clavichorder said:


> I want to be appreciated as a unique individual too! Not some generic guy...
> 
> I have a few female friends who don't seem to appreciate my uniqueness enough to date me, but do like to have me hanging around them in part because of some of my more generic and physical guy qualities.
> 
> I'm both flattered and sad by this.


It's arguably better to have a generic looking face because people are more likely to trust you. I trust that you won't use that for evil.


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