# Anton: Chapter 12



## Huilunsoittaja (Apr 6, 2010)

Anton did become another person.
It was not that Anton refused to talk of the incident, but in fact he did on many occasions. But when he talked, it was always with a bitter tongue. He sank into drink further and further, skipping more days at Conservatory, and Sergei began to be very frightened for him. He knew it was time to say something important to him, to lift his spirits.
It was a cold Fall afternoon, and the sun was no longer to be seen behind the street buildings. Sergei and Anton were walking together and came to a small park that was nearby the Conservatory.
"Anton, there's something I want to talk to you about," Sergei began.
"No doubt you will be wasting your breath."
"It's not true Anton! I'm concerned about you."
"I know you are, thank you. But there's nothing you can do."
"But there's something you can do."
Anton grimaced. "Well, what would that be?"
"I hesitate to say this even now..." Sergei spoke evenly and slowly, but he was very afraid of Anton's response at what he was about to say.
"What is it?"
"You need to let Katerina go."
Anton was quiet for a long time, and they stood together in silence.
"I can't," he finally said.
"Why not?"
"There was - is - no one else out there for me."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because she CAME to me!" he snapped. "The moment I saw her, I ... I knew she was sent... but sent to torment me." He began walking away.
"Are you so bitter now against her? Was it her fault it all went wrong?" Sergei followed him.
"Perhaps, and perhaps not. It makes no difference now. Fate is cruel. Life is cruel. But nonetheless... I will not let her go."
Sergei sighed. "So, you will not marry another."
Anton frowned mightily, and almost looked on the verge of tears, but he turned his face away.
"No."
"I see... but are you ever going to get your spirit back?"
"Spirit..."
Anton stopped and looked around.
"I will live for music. That is enough for me. And... dreams."
Sergei didn't respond, and let Anton go on his way.

Because Anton had kept the affair relatively secret, very few knew what had actually happened to him. Rather than seeing a significant change, some noticed almost nothing, but Anton began to build an unusual reputation as a character that bordered on... the unstable.
Anton was still the most loved composition professor at the Conservatory, particularly for his ability to associate with his students much more closely than others, and yet maintain superiority. But also because he could say some of the most bold and eccentric things. Mood changes were what he was most known for. But he seemed to enjoy it all, in an eccentric fashion.
The Friday night meetings continued still under the lead of Anton and Sergei, although Sergei was a lot more busy ever since he took the Directorship of the Conservatory. Although composers came and went, often into oblivion, 3 budding composers stood out: the first was Alexander Tikhonovich, who was only 3 years younger than him, but then came Alexander Nikolayevich and soon Sergei Vasilievich, his favorite.
Yes, many thoughts Anton kept secret for these years and he was exceedingly wary of all ramifications for the things we was planning inside.
"So do you still think about Katerina Karlovna?" Sergei once asked about 2 years after the incident.
"I do."
"What kind of feelings?"
Anton would sneer, and smoothed his mustache.
"You will see very clearly, dearest Sergei."
"Oh? You have plans?"
"Perhaps."
"Of hate or love?"
"... What's the difference?"


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