# Here is a clarinet joke for any clarinetists with a sense of humor....



## 4/4player

How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.

4/4player


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## Kurkikohtaus

How does a clarinetist get the best parking spaces?

_He leaves his instrument case on the dashboard_.


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## toughcritic

I played some clarinet when I was little. Shouldn't have stopped!


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## Mozart_Oboe_Beethoven

there are too many clarinet jokes, and they're all hilarious!

One oboe/clarinet joke:

How do you keep an oboe from being stolen?

_ Put it in a clarinet case _


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## Christi

toughcritic said:


> * I played some clarinet when I was little. Shouldn't have stopped!


I did too, but I kept breaking reeds 111


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## marval

An oboist noticed at the end of each rehearsal break, one of the clarinetists would look at the inside flap of his jacket before he sat down to resume rehearsal. This continued for several years, and the oboist became quite curious about it.

One day, during hot weather, the clarinetist took off his jacket and went off on break. The oboist waited until everyone was off the platform, looked around, and sneaked over to the jacket. 

He pulled back the flap and saw a little note pinned on the inside. It read: "left hand top, right hand bottom."


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## PostMinimalist

Here's a joke: Guy goes into the john at the concet hall and takes a ****. Another guy comes in and takes a **** next to him but a fountain of **** goes everywhere including all over the first guy. Looking at the other guy's tool he sees that it's full of holes! The second guy says that he has always had this problem. So the first guy gives the second a business card and tells him to go and see this man, to which the second guy replies asking "Is this a doctor?" "No, says the first guy, "It's a clarinet player, he'll show you how to hold it!"
I know tons of these, gathered over the years in orchestras.


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## mueske

post-minimalist said:


> Here's a joke: Guy goes into the john at the concet hall and takes a ****. Another guy comes in and takes a **** next to him but a fountain of **** goes everywhere including all over the first guy. Looking at the other guy's tool he sees that it's full of holes! The second guy says that he has always had this problem. So the first guy gives the second a business card and tells him to go and see this man, to which the second guy replies asking "Is this a doctor?" "No, says the first guy, "It's a clarinet player, he'll show you how to hold it!"
> I know tons of these, gathered over the years in orchestras.


Do share please, do share!


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## ProfessorMaple

What d'you call a trombonist who isn't in a relationship?


Broke.


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## JoeGreen

Do vocalist jokes count?

well anyways...

_What does an alto with a job say?

"Want fries with that?"_


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## PostMinimalist

What do you call a jazz drummer in a suit?

The defendant!


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## Drew97

What's the difference between an onion and an oboe? 

Nobody cries when you chop an oboe in half.


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## Drew93

That's a bit harsh, little sis

What's perfect pitch on a flute?

When it goes straight into the bin without touching the sides


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## Huilunsoittaja

Many of you have probably heard this one...

How do you get 2 piccolos in tune?

Shoot one of them.


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## superhorn

Okay, what's the longest viola joke ? Harold in Italy. Ouch ! (actually I like this piece very much).


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## gmubandgeek

I have a lovely horn joke:

A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?"

"Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all."

The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"

"Ugh!" the first girl exclaimed. "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!"

The next night she went out with a French horn player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"

"Well," the first girl replied, "his kissing was just so-so; but I loved the way he held me!"


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## PicklePepperPiper

Prefer the following version of joke above ^^^
"Well, his kissing was so-so. And he kept trying to shove his hand up my ****!"

-PPP


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## Rasa

What's the difference between a clarinet and an onion? Nobody cries when you chop an onion in half.

How do you make sure your oboe doesn't get stolen? Store it in a clarinet case.


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## Mayerl

I can't remember who gets the credit for this but whoever it was described the clarinet as "an ill woodwind that nobody blows good"


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## Cri-Cri

whats better than one accordian at the bottom of the ocean?

_two accordians at the bottom of the ocean_

my sister plays the accordian  lol


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## Aramis

Check out this joke:

Guy walks the street and suddenly see other guy nervously looking around and then, convinced that nobody sees him, stealing manhole cover. Few days later, the first guy attends classical concert and recognizes thief among musicians - he plays the clarinet AHAHAAHAHH, DIG IT, HE PLAYS THE CLARINET


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## Meaghan

Mayerl said:


> I can't remember who gets the credit for this but whoever it was described the clarinet as "an ill woodwind that nobody blows good"


That would be Danny Kaye (I don't think he wrote it actually, but he's the one who famously performed it), except it was an oboe:

"Pa was forced to be a hobo
Because he played the oboe
And the oboe, it is clearly understood
Is an ill wind that no one blows good."

I think the song is "Anatole of Paris." Kaye was into music-related humor (see also "Tchaikovsky and Other Russians" and "The Little Fiddle").


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## demiangel

Q: What are oboes good for?

A: Kindling for a bassoon fire.


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## Huilunsoittaja

A joke for all musicians, I real life event:

A guy was playing a little song on his violin right before a concert. 
A person in the audience asked, "what song is that?"
The violinist answered, "Oh, it's an old Chinese folk melody called Tu-Ning."


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