# RIP Ronnie Corbett



## Guest (Mar 31, 2016)

Lighting four candles tonight.


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## Art Rock (Nov 28, 2009)

dogen said:


> Lighting four candles tonight.


Small ones?

RIP Ronnie. I enjoyed your long lasting present in the wonderful world of British Comedy.


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## Figleaf (Jun 10, 2014)

Oh no, another piece of my childhood gone- and with it, one of few adults who was shorter than me. 

Weirdly, only yesterday I was having a conversation with the proprietor of a French DIY store about (garden) fork handles, and specifically the lack of them in this country.

I always liked the songs best of all the things the Two Ronnies did. Apart from the Cornetto ad, their take on 'Funiculi, Funicula' was probably the first 'Neapolitan' song I ever heard. (Italians, look away now...)


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## Guest (Mar 31, 2016)

A man was marooned on a desert island. One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit. 'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks. 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it. She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?' He said, 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a bottle of Scotch and he has a drink. Then she unzips her wet suit a bit more and says, 'And when was the last time you played around?' He looks at her in amazement and says: 'You're not telling me you've got a set of golf clubs in there?'

A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston by-pass. Motorists are asked to be on the look-out for 16 hardened criminals.

We will be talking to an out of work contortionist who says he can no longer make ends meet.

There was a fire at the main Inland Revenue office in London today, but it was put out before any serious good was done.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my right hand.

For some time, my wife's had this ridiculous idea that I'm playing too much golf. Actually, it came to a head at about 11.30 last night. She suddenly shouted at me: "Golf, golf, golf. All you ever think about is bloody golf!". And I'll be honest, it frightened the life out of me. I mean, you don't expect to meet somebody on the 14th green at that time of night.

This is a message for seven honeymoon couples in a hotel in Peebles: Breakfast was served three days ago.

French wine growers fear that this year's vintage may be entirely spoiled due to the grape treaders' sit-in.

West Mercia police announced tonight that they wish to interview a man wearing high heels and frilly knickers, but the chief constable said they must wear their normal uniforms.

It was revealed in a government survey published today that the prime minister is doing the work of two men, Laurel and Hardy.

We'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed a Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame.

After a series of crimes in the Glasgow area, Chief Inspector McTavish has announced that he is looking for a man with one eye. If he doesn't find him, he's going to use both eyes.

We've just heard that in the English Channel, a ship carrying red paint has collided with a ship carrying purple paint. It is believed that both crews have been marooned.

A grandfather has gone missing after eating four cans of baked beans, two cauliflowers and a jar of gherkins. His family have made an emotional appeal for him not to come home for at least a fortnight.

I remember that day clearly, because it was the one day there wasn't a sale at Allied Carpets.

This joke dates back to 256 BC which, as scholars of ancient Egypt will know, was the year of the famous wildcat strike by the amalgamated union of eunuchs and allied sopranos, in a dispute over severance pay.

Since the last joke, I'd like to thank all those of you who have written in with suggestions about what I can do with my act, one or two of you with diagrams.


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## Belowpar (Jan 14, 2015)

He was seriously nuts about Golf. Lived on a house overlooking The Addington GC and enjoyed it so much he bought a holiday home overlooking Muirfield GC. This is one of the hardest Clubs in GB&I to become a member of. I can’t imagine the cream of Scotland’s legal system know or want to associate with too many comics. But he was patient and eventually they invited him to join. I know a couple of people who played with him and they described him as a lovely guy with no airs about him.

Thank you for making me laugh. RIP.


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## Guest (Mar 31, 2016)

Figleaf said:


> Oh no, another piece of my childhood gone- and with it, one of few adults who was shorter than me.
> 
> Weirdly, only yesterday I was having a conversation with the proprietor of a French DIY store about (garden) fork handles, and specifically the lack of them in this country.
> 
> I always liked the songs best of all the things the Two Ronnies did. Apart from the Cornetto ad, their take on 'Funiculi, Funicula' was probably the first 'Neapolitan' song I ever heard. (Italians, look away now...)


I now understood why the Brits won WWII: how can you beat a nation with such sheer bad taste !!!!!!!
Love it.


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## Figleaf (Jun 10, 2014)

TalkingHead said:


> I now understood why the Brits won WWII: how can you beat a nation with such sheer bad taste !!!!!!!
> Love it.


There was bad taste on both sides. Even from a purely musical standpoint, I'd take the Two Ronnies over the Three Tenors! :lol:

*ducks*


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