# The chicken



## Daniel (Jul 11, 2004)

Why did the chicken cross the road?:

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDP A: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?

IMMANUEL KANT: The chicken was acting out of a sense of duty to cross the road, as chickens have traditionally crossed roads throughout history.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens. I have never known any chickens.


----------



## becky (Jul 19, 2004)

> _Originally posted by daniel_@Aug 12 2004, 02:21 AM
> *DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!
> [snapback]1483[/snapback]​*


I really like this one, maybe because I read so much Dr. Seuss nowadays!


----------



## Nox (Jul 22, 2004)

...one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish...

...I think I have about 3 books memorized...LOL...


----------



## baroque flute (Jul 21, 2004)

I like this!! :lol: It pretty much sums up what each of them would say, doesn't it? "I missed one?" :lol: (greed) The political ones are all very well done.


----------



## baroque flute (Jul 21, 2004)

GEORGE W. BUSH: "We cannot allow just any chicken to cross the road in an age of terror."

TOM RIDGE: "New intelligence tells us that chickens have joined Al-Qaida, and may be carrying weapons of mass destruction."

DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES: "Chickens must be required to get licences before crossing roads"

RUMSFELD: "There are unknowns we know we don't know, and unknowns we don't know that we don't know. This one is unknowable"

Farmer JONES (in Animal Farm): 
(Before the revolution): "Let 'im rot!"
(After the revolution): "Animals! Animals!"

POLICEMAN: "It was fleeing the scene of the robbery."

SHAKESPEARE: "To cross or not to cross, that is the question."

COMPTROLLER: "Is that the most cost-effective method of getting to the other side?"

NOAM CHOMSKY:
"The chicken didn't exactly cross the road. As of 1994, something like 99.8% of all US chickens reaching maturity that year had spent 82% of their lives in confinement. The living conditions in most chicken coops break every international law ever written, and some, particularly the ones for chickens bound for slaughter, border on inhumane. My point is, they had no chance to cross the road (unless you count the ride to the supermarket). Even if one or two have crossed roads for whatever reason, most never get a chance. Of course, this is not what we are told. Instead, we see chickens happily dancing around on Sesame Street and Foster Farms commercials where chickens are not only crossing roads, but driving trucks (incidentally, Foster Farms is owned by the same people who own the Foster Freeze chain, a subsidiary of the dairy industry). Anyway, ... (Chomsky continues for 32 pages. For the full text of his answer, contact Odonian Press) "

KENNEDY: "Ask not what this road can do for the chicken, but what the chicken can do for this road."

OLIVER NORTH: "National Security was at stake."

DARWIN: "It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees."

ASHCROFT: "We have begun to keep profiles on all chickens."

STALIN: "I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette." 

MALCOLM X: "It was coming home to roost."

MARK TWAIN: "The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated."


----------



## CONVERT94 (Oct 5, 2006)

Dennis Hastert: I don't recall hearing about any chicken.


----------



## CONVERT94 (Oct 5, 2006)

Dennis Hastert: If I did hear about a chicken and I don't recall it, I am sorry.


----------



## CONVERT94 (Oct 5, 2006)

Dennis Hastert: I don't recall being sorry I did not hear about a chicken even if I don't remberer recalling hearing about the chicken.


----------



## CONVERT94 (Oct 5, 2006)

SEN. GEO ALLEN: You mean that MacacaChicken over there?

DICK CHENEY: I see no reason for a chicken to cross the road.

TED KENNEDY: Chicken, chicken? Yummy.


----------



## EddieRUKiddingVarese (Jan 8, 2013)

ha ha ha ha ha ha, will these zombie posts be more than TC can handle


----------



## Klassik (Mar 14, 2017)

Interesting. Convert94 seem to know about Dennis Hastert's history of pulling James Levines long before any of us knew. Hmm. Honestly though, what else would one expect from someone who worked for a law firm called Dickstein Shapiro? :lol:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dennis_Hastert

Anyway, given Convert94's immense political foresight, I say that TC ought to bestow some ceremonial figures to his post count. Then again, perhaps not. We wouldn't want to insult the fellow by having TC posts on his record.


----------



## hpowders (Dec 23, 2013)

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He was studying to be a chicken minister.


----------



## ldiat (Jan 27, 2016)

chickens....my kid has about 30 in the back yard. just down the street another house hold have chickens. a hole in there fence lets a rooster and 2 hens cross the road and roam the street daily. this is no joke a true story!
ps on face book i am a member of ready www.BackYardChickens.com


----------



## Klassik (Mar 14, 2017)

Dickstein Shapiro sounds like the name of a TC member. I can see their introduction thread now:

"Hi, I'm new here. My name is Dickstein Shapiro and I love Richard Wagner."

Dickstein Shapiro's slogan, according to Wikipedia, is "Experience Dickstein Shapiro." Boy, let me tell you, I know I'm not the only one here who has waited their whole life to experience Dickstein Shapiro. But, given that Dickstein Shapiro is probably a poster here, I feel that we have already experienced Dickstein Shapiro. I probably didn't like the experience.

Notable Dickstein Shapiro alumni include the aforementioned Dennis Hastert, Lewis "Scooter" Libby, and Ira Lee Sorkin, American attorney best known for representing Bernard Madoff. Wow. I'm not so sure if I want to experience Dickstein Shapiro after all.


----------



## EddieRUKiddingVarese (Jan 8, 2013)

Working for Dickstein Shapiro would stain you for life


----------

