# Dear Composer, a word of advice...



## Ingélou (Feb 10, 2013)

If you could write a quick warning note to a composer (or performer) about one thing they did wrong in life or music, what would it be?
Mine would be, Dear Monsieur Lully, I know that your players can be idiots, but please try not to lose your temper when holding your conducting staff...
I wish I knew enough to think of a 'musical warning', but I do hope that someone else can...?


----------



## EddieRUKiddingVarese (Jan 8, 2013)

Dear Edgard,

Please be more careful with your compositions and don't leave them lying in a warehouse...............

Regards
Eddie


----------



## Weston (Jul 11, 2008)

My Dear Johann Sebastian Bach. To the Greater Glory of God, please ditch the Chorale Prelude. Contrapunctus XIV is a more urgent matter.


----------



## Weston (Jul 11, 2008)

An open letter to the esteemed Sir Edward Elgar, GVCO.

Sir, if there is a hidden variation, could you let _someone_ in on it, just in case -- you know -- no one ever figures it out?

Yours,
Posterity.


----------



## Sid James (Feb 7, 2009)

A boost to some composers self esteem issues. I'm being very pop psychology now!

Dear *Bruckner*, you are a great composer, no need to ask advice of others or let others do cuts to your works. Life's too short for that - not to speak of endless revisions.

Dear *Sibelius*, you said for people not to worry about what critics say, as nobody builds a monument to a critic. Well, practice what you preach man, don't worry about ideologes pushing their idea of what is music onto you - you do your music, you don't need their approval!

Dear *Tchaikovsky*, its okay to be self critical, but not to a fault. You are great! Don't be so hard on yourself!


----------



## KenOC (Mar 7, 2011)

To: Geirr Tveitt, Kvam Norway

Mr. Tveitt:

Have you considered the advantages of off-site document storage? Consider the disaster a fire at your property would cause without backup copies! We offer a wide range of document duplication, storage, and retrieval solutions...


----------



## Sid James (Feb 7, 2009)

Some more:

Dear *Wagner*, cut wasting time on rassenkunde and endless operas and give me more stuff like Siegfried Idyll. I mean stand alone stuff to that level, not stuff I need hours to sit through and be hanging on for ages for the good bits.

Dear *Mozart *and *Schubert*, finish your unfinished works please (Great Mass in C from Wolfie, & Symphony #8 and #10, String Quartet #12, etc. from Franz). But Wolfie's requiem isn't on the list as hardly fair to ask him to finish it since he gave up the ghost when he was writing it.

(& a cheeky as hell one - its just a joke guys, don't let the attack dogs out!) -
Dear *John Cage*, do think through whether 'composing' 4'33" is a good idea or not. It risks becoming a gimmick which can overshadow your other works containing actual music, which I think is great music, not fodder for endless debates about philosophical concepts etc.


----------



## SiegendesLicht (Mar 4, 2012)

Before anyone else says it:

Dear Mr. Wagner,

Whatever else you do, please keep your opinions about Mrs. Mendelssohn and Meyerbeer to yourself. And thanks for the wonderful music.

Faithfully yours,
S.L.


----------



## EddieRUKiddingVarese (Jan 8, 2013)

^
"(& a cheeky as hell one - its just a joke guys, don't let the attack dogs out!) -
Dear John Cage, do think through whether 'composing' 4'33" is a good idea or not. Is it a gimmick which will end up overshadowing your other works containing actual music, which I think is great music, not fodder for endless debates about philosophical concepts etc. )"

Now that is one good piece of advise (and would save many crazy threads of wasted time here too).


----------



## Norse (May 10, 2010)

Dear Igor S.,

You should refrain from saying to that Italian journalist that you're Mussolini's biggest fan. In a few years it won't look very good.


----------



## Sid James (Feb 7, 2009)

EddieRUKiddingVarese said:


> ^...
> Now that is one good piece of advise (and would save many crazy threads of wasted time here too).


Yeah and not only here. Whenever people mention John Cage, and I mean even educated people, ones I know have tended to talk about 4'33" cos that's the thing they know from him. Its the worst case I think of one work - I you call it a 'work?' even - overshadowing the rest of a composer's output. & in the case of Cage, I think its a liability more than an asset. But history is done and dusted. We can't go back but I wonder if he'd have done it knowing how to many people, his name is synonymous with what they see as one of the great musical jokes of history. Would Mozart be justly served with being rememberd only for his musical joke piece for example?


----------



## violadude (May 2, 2011)

Dear Sibelius, Please find it within yourself to keep composing for the latter half of your life. Your future fans will thank you dearly. 

Dear Mahler, Alma is trouble. Turn back now!!

Dear Glass, I like Einstein on the beach and some other pieces, but get a new gimmick, please.


----------



## GreenMamba (Oct 14, 2012)

Dear Alban,

It wouldn't kill you to compose a bit more. And buy some insecticide.


----------



## EddieRUKiddingVarese (Jan 8, 2013)

Dear Gesualdo,

I know you are crazy but a word of advice, don't display your dead wife and lover in front of your castle, mutilated bodies always attract attention. 

Ah also while we are at it, another word on advice - dressing the mutilated Duke of Andria's body and in your dead wife Maria's night dress- now that was just tacky don't you think.................

Eddie


----------



## mamascarlatti (Sep 23, 2009)

Dear Puccini. Don't let the text put you off. Keep working on Turandot. You don't have much time left.


----------



## Huilunsoittaja (Apr 6, 2010)

Dear Glazunov,

This is an intervention. Friends, colleagues and family that are trying to help you make the best decision. The champagne has got to go. You will feel much better for doing so, and you will be able to compose much more, let alone have a longer life. Find another past-time, maybe duck-watching, or counterpoint exercises?

Sincerely,
you biggest fan

p.s. if you get bored of the counterpoint exercises, move to _real _exercising. :tiphat:

I can only say such blasphemous things because he's my beloved.


----------



## Huilunsoittaja (Apr 6, 2010)

Norse said:


> Dear Igor S.,
> 
> You should refrain from saying to that Italian journalist that you're Mussolini's biggest fan. In a few years it won't look very good.


I learn something everyday...

:devil: :tiphat:


----------



## waldvogel (Jul 10, 2011)

Mon cher M. Dukas:

You are an excellent composer. Your compositions should be heard by the world, not used to kindle fires.


----------



## neoshredder (Nov 7, 2011)

For some reason this thread reminded me of CoAG. I think he has some potential to create some great music. Hope he keeps the inspiration alive.


----------



## waldvogel (Jul 10, 2011)

Huilunsoittaja said:


> Dear Glazunov,
> 
> This is an intervention. Friends, colleagues and family that are trying to help you make the best decision. The champagne has got to go. You will feel much better for doing so, and you will be able to compose much more, let alone have a longer life. Find another past-time, maybe duck-watching, or counterpoint exercises?
> 
> ...


Could you forward this message to Mr. Mussorgsky, if it's not too late?


----------



## Sid James (Feb 7, 2009)

Re Glazunov and Mussorgsky...or many a Russian composer (eg. Arensky was also an alcoholic, and Shostakovich didn't mind a drink or two -or three or four! - even used booze to boost his inspiration now and then, but I don't know if he was an alcoholic exactly), I think its so much ingrained in their culture that within that culture alcoholism is kind of normal, if you get what I mean. I'm not judging, just saying. But it is sad.


----------



## HarpsichordConcerto (Jan 1, 2010)

Dear Johnny C

Just cut the crap with your conceptual pieces and things, and start writing some proper notes. History will be much kinder with your legacy.

Your best buddy
HC


----------



## Nereffid (Feb 6, 2013)

Dear Pyotr Ilyich,

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! DON'T DRINK THAT WATER!


----------



## EddieRUKiddingVarese (Jan 8, 2013)

Nereffid said:


> Dear Pyotr Ilyich,
> 
> NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! DON'T DRINK THAT WATER!


Add some vodka


----------



## Norse (May 10, 2010)

Dear Maurice,

Forget about Prix de Rome, it's not going to happen.

Also, please develop a phobia of taxis.


----------



## Kieran (Aug 24, 2010)

Dear Ludwig,

Tone it down a little, please. Can hear you from miles away.

Regards,

Me


----------



## ptr (Jan 22, 2013)

Dear Mr Cage,

Please keep up your thought provoking work! Your conceptual works like 4'33 will divide generations to come between those that are afraid of the concept of music developing past 1792 and those that understand that music is a constantly evolving organism mostly consisting of silence!

Thank You, Your most affectionate

/ptr


----------



## Kieran (Aug 24, 2010)

ptr said:


> Dear Mr Cage,
> 
> Please keep up your thought provoking work! Your conceptual works like 4'33 will divide generations to come between those that are afraid of the concept of music developing past 1792 and those that understand that music is a constantly evolving organism mostly consisting of silence!
> 
> ...


An alternative to this:

Dear Mr Cage,

I love 4'33", and I only wish that all your work sounded exactly like it.

Yours with great affection,

An admirer


----------



## SiegendesLicht (Mar 4, 2012)

Sid James said:


> I think its so much ingrained in their culture that within that culture alcoholism is kind of normal, if you get what I mean. I'm not judging, just saying. But it is sad.


Unfortunately you are right.


----------



## moody (Nov 5, 2011)

Dear Senor Enrique Granados,do not embark on the ferry "Sussex" to France because there are German submarines lurking. 

Dear Herr von Webern, it is not wise to go outside at night during the curfew to enjoy a cigar, An American soldier might see your light and shoot you.


----------



## jani (Jun 15, 2012)

Dear Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, don't waste your time writing music which is only aimed to please the aristocracy.
Write only what your heart desires.


----------



## ComposerOfAvantGarde (Dec 2, 2011)

jani said:


> Dear Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, don't waste your time writing music which is only aimed to please the aristocracy.
> Write only what your heart desires.


Dear Jani,
Leck mich im Arsch
W.A.M.


----------



## MaestroViolinist (May 22, 2012)

ComposerOfAvantGarde said:


> Dear Jani,
> Leck mich im Arsch
> W.A.M.


I am secretly rotflmao off. On the outside I am completely disgusted by that post. :lol:


----------



## moody (Nov 5, 2011)

MaestroViolinist said:


> I am secretly rotflmao off. On the outside I am completely disgusted by that post. :lol:


But it was a good answer was it not ?


----------



## Xaltotun (Sep 3, 2010)

Sid James said:


> Dear *Bruckner*, you are a great composer, no need to ask advice of others or let others do cuts to your works. Life's too short for that - not to speak of endless revisions.


This would have been my first thought!


----------



## Guest (Feb 23, 2013)

Dear Mozart,

Enough with the Alberti bass in your piano works--try some actual counterpoint.

With utmost respect,

G.


----------



## Crudblud (Dec 29, 2011)

Dear CoAG,

More castanets, please.

Lord Crud of Blud XIV


----------



## Weston (Jul 11, 2008)

Kontrapunctus said:


> Dear Mozart,
> 
> Enough with the Alberti bass in your piano works--try some actual counterpoint.
> 
> ...


I couldn't agree more. We owe it to the human race to invent a time machine so we can go back and tell him this. While we're at it I'd ask him to cut back on the appoggiaturas too.


----------



## Hausmusik (May 13, 2012)

SiegendesLicht said:


> Before anyone else says it:
> 
> Dear Mr. Wagner,
> 
> ...


Good one, but who is Mrs. Mendelssohn?


----------



## Hausmusik (May 13, 2012)

Dec. 1935

Dear Sergei,
Become a Christian Scientist if you must, but whatever you do, do not return to the Soviet Union.
Yrs., etc.

PS: Loved the new violin concerto.


----------



## superhorn (Mar 23, 2010)

Dear father Antonio ; please write something different for a change, will you ? How many times can you write the same violin concerto ?


----------



## KenOC (Mar 7, 2011)

superhorn said:


> Dear father Antonio ; please write something different for a change, will you ? How many times can you write the same violin concerto ?


There's actually an answer to that... :lol:


----------



## mamascarlatti (Sep 23, 2009)

superhorn said:


> Dear father Antonio ; please write something different for a change, will you ? How many times can you write the same violin concerto ?


OK:


----------



## trazom (Apr 13, 2009)

Kontrapunctus said:


> Dear Mozart,
> 
> Enough with the Alberti bass in your piano works--try some actual counterpoint.
> 
> ...


Besides the early violin sonatas and piano sonatas, I don't think he uses Alberti bass more than any other composer of the classical era. Try piano sonatas KV 533 and 576, lots of counterpoint in those.


----------



## Eschbeg (Jul 25, 2012)

Dear Mr. Stravinsky,

Please note that the word is "galliarde," not "gailliarde." The manuscript to _Agon_ is set to be delivered to the printer tomorrow; if you get this message in time, please verify whether you would like us to make the correction.

Your editor


----------



## Guest (Feb 23, 2013)

Dear Milhaud, Reich, Cage, Offenbach, Riley, and Glass:

Please stop.

Thank you,

G.


----------



## Crudblud (Dec 29, 2011)

Kontrapunctus said:


> Dear Milhaud, Reich, Cage, Offenbach, Riley, and Glass:
> 
> Please stop.
> 
> ...


I can agree with four of those. I like Cage and Offenbach though.


----------



## Ramako (Apr 28, 2012)

Dear Schubert,

Please do not get syphilis. If impending and inevitable death improves your inspiration I'm sure we can work on the doctors to provide some false alarms for you if that would help.

Yours,
Ramako


----------



## SiegendesLicht (Mar 4, 2012)

Hausmusik said:


> Good one, but who is Mrs. Mendelssohn?


She owes her existence to the time of the night when I was writing this and to the imperfection of my English :lol:


----------



## Ramako (Apr 28, 2012)

Dear Haydn,

Good job, but still... Any particular reason you stopped composing symphonies?

Also, if you're going to go in for oratorios, please find a decent librettist.

Thanks,
Ramako


----------



## Ramako (Apr 28, 2012)

Dear Bach Senior,

When you write some of the greatest masterworks ever written please do not put 'for the student' anywhere on them, as it makes the rest of us feel depressed.

Cheers,
Ramako


----------



## Nereffid (Feb 6, 2013)

Dear Herr Mahler,

Re: the Andante of your Sixth Symphony.

Needs more cowbell.


----------



## ComposerOfAvantGarde (Dec 2, 2011)

Crudblud said:


> Dear CoAG,
> 
> More castanets, please.
> 
> Lord Crud of Blud XIV


Dear Lord Blud with Crud in it XIV,

Another shipment of 167,000 tonnes of castanets will be arriving at Bluddy Port on the 29th of February 2013 as you require.

CoAG


----------



## SottoVoce (Jul 29, 2011)

Dear Shostakovich,

Get as far away from Russia as you can.


----------



## ComposerOfAvantGarde (Dec 2, 2011)

SottoVoce said:


> Dear Webern,
> 
> Quit your cigar addiction. It is a deadly habit.


Good one!


----------



## SottoVoce (Jul 29, 2011)

ComposerOfAvantGarde said:


> Good one!


Unfortuanately, someone beat me to it. So an equally necessary word of advice has been given to another composer.


----------



## Kieran (Aug 24, 2010)

Dear Herr Wagner,

After you finished the Ring Cycle, were you ever tempted to compose the Hobbit Cycle?

Yours,

Frodo fan.


----------



## EddieRUKiddingVarese (Jan 8, 2013)

SottoVoce said:


> Unfortuanately, someone beat me to it. So an equally necessary word of advice has been given to another composer.


But they are sooooo good


----------



## ComposerOfAvantGarde (Dec 2, 2011)

EddieRUKiddingVarese said:


> But they are sooooo good


Gosh I hope you don't end up like Webern in 1945!!!


----------



## Kieran (Aug 24, 2010)

Dear Franz,

You have a fixation on that bloody trout - AND you have syphilis! Is the fish in any danger?

Yours sincerely,

A concerned fisherman


----------



## ComposerOfAvantGarde (Dec 2, 2011)

Dear Elliott Carter,

Sorry to hear you didn't get that DVD on time.


----------



## Kieran (Aug 24, 2010)

Dear Igor,

I listened very carefully to the Rite of Spring and I didn't hear anything about the Responsibilities of Spring. Everybody these days knows their rites but not their responsibilities, which is sickening. I hope a future version will include about an hour of music about Springs responsibilities, which include punctuality, care for the elderly and not spitting chewing gum onto the pavements.

Yours Watchfully,

The Moral Majority


----------



## Eschbeg (Jul 25, 2012)

Dear Chopin,

I was rummaging through a box of your things and found a folder labeled "opus 28." The contents of the folder appear to be a set of fugues. Please let me know what you would like me to do with them.

George Sand


----------



## superhorn (Mar 23, 2010)

Writing that kind of opera was not his hobbit .


----------



## DrKilroy (Sep 29, 2012)

Good lord... Hobbit puns here?

 

Best regards, Dr


----------



## Taggart (Feb 14, 2013)

ComposerOfAvantGarde said:


> Dear Jani,
> Leck mich im Arsch
> W.A.M.


Ah, the original inspiration for the Pogues.:devil:


----------



## DeepR (Apr 13, 2012)

Dear Alexander,

Please shave very, very carefully!

Yours sincerely, DeepR

P.S. I am ready for transfiguration. Where do I sign up for the Himalayas?


----------



## userfume (Nov 21, 2012)

Dear Mozart and Beethoven,

Please write a cello concerto!


----------



## KenOC (Mar 7, 2011)

Dear userfume,

Please commission one. The price is 50 ducats. Thank you.

L. van Beethoven


----------



## Kieran (Aug 24, 2010)

KenOC said:


> Dear userfume,
> 
> Please commission one. The price is 50 ducats. Thank you.
> 
> L. van Beethoven


Dear Userfume,

I promise I'll do a better one than him, on time, and for 40 ducats!

Yours in dire straits,

'Amadeus'


----------



## KenOC (Mar 7, 2011)

Interesting page on what Beethoven was actually paid in US dollars. Samples only, missing a lot of works and concerts and commissions...$100K for the Missa!

http://lvbandmore.blogspot.com/2010/08/813-how-much-was-beethoven-paid.html


----------



## Huilunsoittaja (Apr 6, 2010)

Dear Anton Arensky,

GO GET HER AND STOP WRITING SONGS ABOUT HER!!!

Sincerely,
You biggest fan :tiphat:


----------



## TudorMihai (Feb 20, 2013)

Dear Mr. Holst,

Please write music for Pluto to make the suite complete. Also, write music for Earth to let us hear your feelings about our home planet.


----------



## neoshredder (Nov 7, 2011)

TudorMihai said:


> Dear Mr. Holst,
> 
> Please write music for Pluto to make the suite complete. Also, write music for Earth to let us hear your feelings about our home planet.


Music for Earth? Try Shostakovich. :evil: And Pluto isn't a planet.


----------



## Sid James (Feb 7, 2009)

Kontrapunctus said:


> Dear Milhaud, Reich, Cage, Offenbach, Riley, and Glass:
> 
> Please stop.
> 
> ...


Being a bit of a smart alek here but three of them are stopped. Well, they're dead. Solves ya problem!



SottoVoce said:


> Dear Shostakovich,
> 
> Get as far away from Russia as you can.


Someone reading about him told me he would have left Russia, or defected at one stage. He was allowed out to the USA and UK for example, but always went back. This person said there is evidence that Shosty was threatened by Soviet authorities that if he didn't come back, there would be serious consequences for his relatives who remained behind in USSR. Eg. they would be imprisoned or even worse harm would come to them.

I would guess, going by the culture during the Communist era of countries behind the iron curtain that these threats would have been implied. Dunno if they're documented or circumstantial, but I'm not surprised by this. However they where happy to see the back of some people, eg. Solzhenitsyn who was virtually deported under Brezhnev's rule (Brezhnev reversed many of Khrushchev's reforms, turned back the clock on liberalisation), and others voted with their feet at that time - Rostropovich, Barshai, Kondrashin...

So what I'm basically saying, Shosty may well have little choice in the matter. He had to stay in the USSR, regardless of what he wanted, he had no choice. It was blackmail. Typical of these dictatorships, isn't it? How sad.


----------



## DrKilroy (Sep 29, 2012)

TudorMihai said:


> Dear Mr. Holst,
> 
> Please write music for Pluto to make the suite complete. Also, write music for Earth to let us hear your feelings about our home planet.


Holst wrote the pieces with the Roman deities in mind, not the planets themselves, actually.  This excludes Earth.

However, Pluto is not a planet.  We could ask Holst to write a movement about Eris as well, then.

Still, I do not think that anything should be performed after Neptune - it is so perfect an ending to the suite.

Best regards, Dr


----------



## Bone (Jan 19, 2013)

neoshredder said:


> And Pluto isn't a planet.


It's still a planet to me

Dear Maestro Strauss,
Please look at and encourage trombones - they do so enjoy playing your music.


----------



## KenOC (Mar 7, 2011)

Bone said:


> It's still a planet to me


It's still a planet to all right-thinking people. And it was a planet when Holst wrote his work. Or would have been if it had been discovered then.


----------



## Feathers (Feb 18, 2013)

Dear Alexander,
Please try keep your super talented son safe (maybe by teaching him how to swim?) so that he, along with his talents and potentials, would not be drowned at age 11. 

Dear Pyotr, 
Please think twice before marrying her. =/


----------



## peeyaj (Nov 17, 2010)

Dear Schubert,

If you didn't wrote those godawful operas, you could leave us with more masterpieces. 

Thanks.

JP


----------



## ptr (Jan 22, 2013)

DrKilroy said:


> Holst wrote the pieces with the Roman deities in mind, not the planets themselves, actually.  This excludes Earth.


As the good Dr writes, Holst did not give a hoot about Astronomy, his game was rather *Astrology*, and Pluto don't matter for astrologists.. (as will any decent book about the Planets will confirm..)

/ptr


----------



## DrKilroy (Sep 29, 2012)

Although I realise that, I still like to think about the actual planets when I listen to the music. 

I am surprised that so little music has been inspired by astronomy, the objects in space - I think it is a fascinating subject. I am planning to compose some work about astronomical objects, but my composing skills are still in diapers at the moment. 

Best regards, Dr


----------



## KenOC (Mar 7, 2011)

ptr said:


> As the good Dr writes, Holst did not give a hoot about Astronomy, his game was rather *Astrology*, and Pluto don't matter for astrologists.. (as will any decent book about the Planets will confirm..)


Tomita wrote a pretty high-voltage arrangement of The Planets that turns it into an interplanetary tour of...the planets! Well worth hearing. Here's Jupiter.


----------



## ComposerOfAvantGarde (Dec 2, 2011)

Dear CoAG,

Please get off TC and go back to your homework.


----------



## KenOC (Mar 7, 2011)

To H. Rott:

Brahms is *not* planning to blow up your train. Trust me on this.

It's actually somebody else! Nyaaa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

--A friend


----------



## ComposerOfAvantGarde (Dec 2, 2011)

Trains...that reminds me...

Dear Dvorák,

I hear you have a keen interest on train-spotting, have you ever been _tram-_spotting though? It is one of my pastimes.


----------



## SottoVoce (Jul 29, 2011)

DrKilroy said:


> Although I realise that, I still like to think about the actual planets when I listen to the music.
> 
> I am surprised that so little music has been inspired by astronomy, the objects in space - I think it is a fascinating subject. I am planning to compose some work about astronomical objects, but my composing skills are still in diapers at the moment.
> 
> Best regards, Dr


On the other hand, there has been many astronomers who have been inspired by music. Here is one of the more famous ones: William Herschel






Not bad. Much better than Rosseau's work, but I can't say the same for Nietzsche's. ETA Hoffman's work is also fairly good as well.


----------



## KenOC (Mar 7, 2011)

Herschel became interested in astronomy after he had written his symphonies. Another Brit combined the two passions: Robert Simpson. "He was a member of the British Astronomical Association and - unusually for an amateur - was made a Fellow of the Royal Astronomical Society."

His symphonies reflect, at some level, his interest in the heavens. Here's the opening of his 9th Symphony.


----------



## violadude (May 2, 2011)

Dear Beethoven, Please provide a note on your 5th symphony that forbids anyone from taking the theme and transforming it into a vapid disco song. I know you don't understand, but trust me on this.


----------



## superhorn (Mar 23, 2010)

Dear Carl Nielsen , please get around to writing your planned concertos for oboe, bassoon and horn to ocmplete your projected series of wind concertos for the Copenhagen woodwind quintet .


----------

