# Cricket Stories



## Ingélou (Feb 10, 2013)

This is a thread for the interesting stories about cricket that you guys find so beguiling. 

Enjoy! :tiphat:


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## elgar's ghost (Aug 8, 2010)

I remember getting Boyks's autograph after a day's play when I was a junior member of Worcs. C.C.C. c. 1978. He told us all in no uncertain terms that he wouldn't sign anything unless we all got in an orderly queue. Although it was a summer's day he was wearing a fur hat. When he got around to signing my autograph book his signature went right over somebody else's.


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## Clayton (Nov 10, 2013)

elgars ghost said:


> I remember getting Boyks's autograph after a day's play when I was a junior member of Worcs. C.C.C. c. 1978. He told us all in no uncertain terms that he wouldn't sign anything unless we all got in an orderly queue. Although it was a summer's day he was wearing a fur hat. When he got around to signing my autograph book his signature went right over somebody else's.


Fur hat!

I think one of my favourite non cricket Boycott stories is one I heard I think last year on TMS. It was a winter tour (forgive me, the details have gone) and the team meeting was held, as usual, in the hotel bar. Geoff, was as usual absent, and so the junior team member was sent to Geoff's room afterwards to give him an update on the strategy. The door was opened by Boycott naked except for his pads.
He came on the radio soon after this story was told and did not deny it but just said he would get some batting practice in where ever and when ever he could.

Boycott, a national icon.


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## TurnaboutVox (Sep 22, 2013)

Clayton said:


> The door was opened by Boycott naked except for his pads.


This brought to mind his comments in the recent second test when Jos Buttler was hit 'amidships' by one of the New Zealand quicks, and collapsed in a writhing heap.

"Ooooh!", says our hero, "Right in the midriff. Middle stump!"


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## elgar's ghost (Aug 8, 2010)

With any other cricketer you'd think there was something_ very _kinky going on in there but as this is Geoffrey Boycott we're talking about then his explanation is perfectly believable. But what I would like to know is how the hell he managed to bowl the ball to himself while he was getting some 'batting practice' - assuming he was on his own. :lol:

I remember a story about (a fully-clothed) Derek Randall opening his front door to a reporter who was taken aback to see him wearing a pair of pads. Noticing the reporter's surprise, Randall said 'Oh, they're a new pair - I'm just breaking 'em in before the next game. Anyway, come in and meet the wife'. The reporter went into the living room where Mrs. Randall was dutifully wearing a new pair of pads as well...


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## Ingélou (Feb 10, 2013)

Nudity and cricket - well, you certainly see life in this thread...


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## elgar's ghost (Aug 8, 2010)

Ingélou said:


> Nudity and cricket - well, you certainly see life in this thread...


Well, the Boycott story eerily brought to mind a sport-themed fancy-dress party I once went to but perhaps some things are best left unsaid...


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## Guest (Jun 5, 2015)

elgars ghost said:


> Well, the Boycott story eerily brought to mind a sport-themed fancy-dress party I once went to but perhaps some things are best left unsaid...


We'll be the judge of that!

I do like a good anecdote!: (from wiki)

Viv Richards was notorious for punishing bowlers that dared to sledge him. So much so, that many opposing captains banned their players from the practice. However playing for Somerset in a county game against Glamorgan, Greg Thomas attempted to sledge Richards after he had played and missed at several balls in a row. He sarcastically informed Richards: "It's red, round and it's about five ounces, in case you were wondering." Richards then hammered the next delivery for 6, straight out of the stadium and into a nearby river. Turning back to the bowler, he commented: "You know what it looks like, now go and find it."


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## elgar's ghost (Aug 8, 2010)

dogen said:


> We'll be the judge of that!
> 
> I do like a good anecdote!: (from wiki)
> 
> Viv Richards was notorious for punishing bowlers that dared to sledge him. So much so, that many opposing captains banned their players from the practice. However playing for Somerset in a county game against Glamorgan, Greg Thomas attempted to sledge Richards after he had played and missed at several balls in a row. He sarcastically informed Richards: "It's red, round and it's about five ounces, in case you were wondering." Richards then hammered the next delivery for 6, straight out of the stadium and into a nearby river. Turning back to the bowler, he commented: "You know what it looks like, now go and find it."


Love that story. What a great batsman Viv was - he always seemed to have all the time in the world even against the fastest stuff. When the West Indies were hammering England with monotonous inevitability during the 70s and 80s it was still something of a privilege to watch him seize the initiative in an instant and then systematically tear the opposition into pieces.

Anyway, I'm glad Krummhorn explained his avatar - all this time I'd been labouring under the misapprehension that it was showing some kind of sculpture rather than a pipe organ.


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## Guest (Jun 5, 2015)

elgars ghost said:


> Love that story. What a great batsman Viv was - he always seemed to have all the time in the world even against the fastest stuff. When the West Indies were hammering England with monotonous inevitability during the 70s and 80s it was still something of a privilege to watch him seize the initiative in an instant and then systematically tear the opposition into pieces.


Indeed. His whole manner told you all you needed to know. He seemed to be concentrating more on his gum-chewing than where he was going to be nonchalantly knocking the next delivery for six.

If I'd been the bowler I think I'd have just left the field!!


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## Guest (Jun 5, 2015)

This prompted me to watch some bits on Youtube.

Bob Willis.

I think that's all I need say.


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## Skilmarilion (Apr 6, 2013)

99.94 -- now that's one hell of a cricketing story.


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## Haydn man (Jan 25, 2014)

I believe it was Glen McGrath the Australian bowler who asked one of the opposition batsmen why he was 'so fat'
Apparently the reply went along the lines of 'because every time I F*** your wife she gives me a biscuit'
Don't know how true this one is but it's a good story


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## elgar's ghost (Aug 8, 2010)

^
^

One of the best retorts ever. I wouldn't be surprised if the Aussie slip cordon laughed their heads off.

I think at least one batsman greeted a bowler with the words 'How's your wife and my kids?'


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## Skilmarilion (Apr 6, 2013)

A personal story: I was playing for Long Marston CC a little while back, in a game away at Aston Rowant (lol).

It was a corker of a cricket match. We fielded first, and I took two wickets with my leg spin, but they managed to get 244 (I think) off their 50 overs.

Since in these matches you can get a draw by not being bowled all out, despite not chasing down the opposition's score, we had expected to be 'going for the draw'. Now, our usually vulnerable batting line-up played wonderfully and we realised halfway through that we had a great chance of getting the 245 required to win.

Despite a wobble from our middle order, we were something like 225-8 after 48 overs. One of our batsmen then nailed the 49th over for 18 runs, and we were 243-8 after 49 (need two runs to win, one to tie).

50th over:

first ball: dot
second ball: dot
third ball: *Wicket* (that same batsman who'd launched the last over was out caught in the deep) 243-9
fourth ball: Skilmarilion comes into bat at #11 and is on strike (lol) -- dot
fifth ball: dot
sixth ball: *Wicket**

* so, I couldn't manage to do anything from those 3 balls off a very swingy left-arm quick. I missed the very last ball -- if it had been left like that, the game would have been drawn since we hadn't been dismissed yet we were short of their 244.

I happened to forget in that moment that a draw was in play, and assuming that we were going to lose anyway, began to run for a frantic bye to try and tie the game, even though the wicketkeeper had the ball and wasn't far away from the stumps. My batting partner, realising this, was unmoved. I was more or less standing next to him at the other end, when their keeper knocked the bails off to run me out by a mile ... *and to give them the victory*.

A blunder of epic proportions to say the very least!

When we played them in the return fixture at home later that summer, I played a solid part in a dominant win, and it was at least some sort of redemption. :tiphat:


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## elgar's ghost (Aug 8, 2010)

Bet you didn't get so many offers of a beer from your teammates after the first game. Was your captain upset?


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## sospiro (Apr 3, 2010)

Ingélou said:


> This is a thread for the interesting stories about cricket that you guys find so beguiling.
> 
> Enjoy! :tiphat:


Ahem. Guys _and_ gals. 



dogen said:


> This prompted me to watch some bits on Youtube.
> 
> Bob Willis.
> 
> I think that's all I need say.


I love Bob Willis.

He changed his name from Robert George Willis to Robert George _Dylan_ Willis as he was such a fan (as am I). I once sent him a good luck card and changed the lyrics of the first few lines of Desolation Row

From

_They're selling postcards of the hanging
They're painting the passports brown
The beauty parlor is filled with sailors
The circus is in town_

to

_They're touting tickets for the test match
They all think Boyc's a clown
Edgbaston is filled with groupies
The Pakistanis are in town_

I bet he thought I was nuts!


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## elgar's ghost (Aug 8, 2010)

Willis once barged in front of me when I was queuing for ice cream at New Road and the swine emptied the booth of all the choc-ices which he bought for his Warwickshire team.


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## brotagonist (Jul 11, 2013)

The Cricket and the Lion (from Sacred-Texts.com)

EARLY one morning a young lion was out taking a walk through the fresh monte when suddenly he came upon a large plain and a big lagoon full of fresh, crystal water. After looking for a while, he went on his way. He stopped and grubbed in a little hill of dry trash, and out of it jumped a cricket. The lion wanted to crush him with his heavy hand, but the lively cricket jumped from one side to the other and sang thus: "chik chik chik."
The lion said to him, "Who are you?"
"I am the chief of a tribe more valiant than you or your tribe, answered the cricket. And he kept on singing "chik chik chik."
The lion replied, "You want to make fun of me, but you are mistaken. I am the king of the forest, of all of the big and the brave animals. They are good soldiers, and strong."

"My soldiers are not very big in stature, but in valor, they are immense, braver than all the tigers, wolves, and lions!" said the cricket.
"I am displeased," said the lion. "Today I declare war on you."
"My troops are ready," said the cricket, "chik chik chik chik."
"Here, close to this lagoon, we will meet tomorrow," said the lion, shaking his head.
It was winter-time. The lion went into the forest and gathered together the animals of the claw, lions, tigers, wolves, coyotes, and many other felines.
The cricket went to some bee-hives. To the bees he said, "Go and advise all of your companions of the wing that we will fight the people of the claw." So the bees called up all the insects that fly and sting, and also the scorpions and ants. All met on the plain where the battle was to take place so that all the ground was covered with them. The insects hid among the stalks and among the branches. There, they awaited the day.
Early in the morning, the cricket and the lion met. The cricket was accompanied by four cockroaches and six Granddaddy-long-leg spiders. The lion was accompanied by four coyotes, seven wolves, and many other animals of the claw.
"Where are your soldiers?" asked the lion of the cricket.
"Don't ask me any questions. Let us battle!" said the cricket.
"Come on, boys!" shouted the lion. And all of the animals entered upon the plain.

The ants and scorpions broke up out of the earth and commenced to bite the paws of the soldiers of the lion. Wherever one might look came the tiny animals with their tails pointed. The bees and hornets came in like a cloud, and they began to bite the mouths, tails, and eyes of the enemy. The cats found no way to defend themselves and howled with pain and leapt high in the air. And the insects attacked more violently, covering the entire bodies of the animals, climbing over them and biting them many times. The big animals cried from pain and fear. Desperately they ran and threw themselves into the water.
The insects retired to the branches, and the lion ordered the coyote to go out and scout to see if those little birds of the devil were still somewhere about.
The coyote walked out a little way and shouted, "Do you give in?" Then to the lion he said, "They are finished." He had no sooner said this than a troop of hornets descended on him. He ran and fell again into the lagoon.
The animals stayed in the water all day until night arrived. At last they came out, the lions, tigers, bears, and wolves, all the people of the claw. They stepped very softly and quickly, going to the forest with no desires ever again to battle with the insects.
Yaquis say that there is no small enemy. Everyone can defend himself. The cricket continues to sing, "chik chik chik." He is not afraid.


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## TurnaboutVox (Sep 22, 2013)

Haydn man said:


> I believe it was Glen McGrath the Australian bowler who asked one of the opposition batsmen why he was 'so fat'
> Apparently the reply went along the lines of 'because every time I F*** your wife she gives me a biscuit'
> Don't know how true this one is but it's a good story


Eddo Brandes of Zimbabwe. Said to be true, but if so Brandes was very quick-witted indeed.


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## Proms Fanatic (Nov 23, 2014)

Have any of you read 'Cricket's Strangest Matches' by Andrew Ward? This has quite a lot of amusing events and is worth a read.


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## Skilmarilion (Apr 6, 2013)

elgars ghost said:


> Bet you didn't get so many offers of a beer from your teammates after the first game. Was your captain upset?


Well the guys on both teams were pretty good sports and didn't take it too seriously -- around 30 seconds of wild celebrating from the Aston Rowants notwithstanding. 

This was Long Marston's 3rd XI, and we were in Division 10 (lmao) of the Cherwell (?) league. You can't get relegated from Div 10, and we were near the bottom -- I assume if we'd had more hopes of promotion the captain might've been a little less understanding!


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## Clayton (Nov 10, 2013)

dogen said:


> We'll be the judge of that!
> 
> I do like a good anecdote!: (from wiki)
> 
> Viv Richards was notorious for punishing bowlers that dared to sledge him. So much so, that many opposing captains banned their players from the practice. However playing for Somerset in a county game against Glamorgan, Greg Thomas attempted to sledge Richards after he had played and missed at several balls in a row. He sarcastically informed Richards: "It's red, round and it's about five ounces, in case you were wondering." Richards then hammered the next delivery for 6, straight out of the stadium and into a nearby river. Turning back to the bowler, he commented: "You know what it looks like, now go and find it."


Sir Viv was talking about this story on TMS during the tour in April. It is one of his favourite stories too but he did confess it was just a story...


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## Clayton (Nov 10, 2013)

originally posted elsewhere as an idea for an opera but also one of my favourite cricket stories...

My idea for an opera

“Nerissa Love”

24th December 1953
Tangiwai, New Zealand

The collapse of a dam causes the damage to a bridge over the Whangaehu river causing a train crash. 151 people were killed, amongst the dead was Nerissa Love, fiancée to Bob Blair, NewZealand cricketer who was on tour in South Africa.

26th December 1953
Ellis Park, Johannesburg, South Africa

Bob Blair is a good fast bowler in a not very good New Zealand side and they are up against it. It is day two of the second in a five match series and they have already lost the first by more than an innings. They are playing for pride.

Blair received the news at 3:00am and is not expected to play. 

Chasing a South Africa first inning score of 271, the New Zealand batting side is being battered by a ferocious pace attack by Neil Adcock. Bertie Sutcliffe has retired hurt, hospitalized when a ball hits his head and splits his earlobe. Lawrie Miller similarly retires hurt, hospitalized after being hit in the chest. 

Bertie Sutcliffe returns to the crease, head bandaged but fast runs out of partners and is about to leave the field when Blair appears, having heard the news of the batting collapse at his hotel. He walks out to a standing ovation from all the spectators. 
The final partnership added a further 33 runs in ten minutes, including 4 sixes (one by Blair) and a four.


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## Headphone Hermit (Jan 8, 2014)

I'm always tickled by the claim I heard that a pre-war touring Aussie side complained at Lords because the consomme was cold :lol:


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## Headphone Hermit (Jan 8, 2014)

I knew that the weakest batsman was often dismissively called a 'rabbit' but my friend was known in his league as 'The Ferret' .... because he was put in after the rabbits


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## elgar's ghost (Aug 8, 2010)

Headphone Hermit said:


> I'm always tickled by the claim I heard that a pre-war touring Aussie side complained at Lords because the consomme was cold :lol:


:lol:

Some great quotes gleaned from the 'net and elsewhere...

Derek Randall (him again) was at some function and when sampling the nibbles he allegedly moaned to some-one that 'this blackcurrant jam tastes like fish to me...'. It was caviar.

'He played that like a dwarf at a urinal' - Navjot Sidhu as Sachin Tendulkar stands on his toes to play a shot.

'You're an off-spinner who comes in at no. 10. The only thing you know about fast bowling is how hard it is to get your own bat onto it'. A village player's tetchy response to his captain's suggestion of how to bowl to a certain opponent.

'If you couldn't smell burning then you know it was salad...' Simon Hughes on the delights of the catering facilities at Northamptonshire CCC back in the 80s.

'I'll sign only if you've got my new book with you'. Tony Grieg's charming response to my polite request for an autograph at New Road in 1977.


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## EddieRUKiddingVarese (Jan 8, 2013)

2015 Aussie Ashes touring team photograph. 








Watch out pommies, we are just warming up in the West Indies.........


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## elgar's ghost (Aug 8, 2010)

^
^

About 20 years ago that dog probably could have bowled England out.


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## jenspen (Apr 25, 2015)

TurnaboutVox said:


> Eddo Brandes of Zimbabwe. Said to be true, but if so Brandes was very quick-witted indeed.


Or possibly was unaware that McGrath's respected wife (Member of the Order of Australia) was years dying a long and painful death.


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## jenspen (Apr 25, 2015)

Which Australian fast bowler and attacking batsman turned his Mosquito back to the war zone to take a detour over Bonn - in homage to Beethoven? And which young Australian all-rounder did he later introduce to (and inspire in him a life-long passion for) classical music and ballet?

*http://www.abc.net.au/classic/content/2015/04/20/4217284.htm


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## elgar's ghost (Aug 8, 2010)

Without looking I'm going to guess Keith Miller and Richie Benaud.


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## jenspen (Apr 25, 2015)

elgars ghost said:


> Without looking I'm going to guess Keith Miller and Richie Benaud.


You're a good guesser elgars ghost.


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## Headphone Hermit (Jan 8, 2014)

Here's a story for you .... Once upon a time, long,long ago, on a dull and overcast day on the banks of the River Trent, a blond-haired warrior in gleaming whites steamed in and within the first hour of play, the entire innings was ended and a new word entered cricketing vocabulary - pommicide 

oh .... wait, its not a fairy tale after all :lol:


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## elgar's ghost (Aug 8, 2010)

Serious oof! potential there, mate.

Went onto a few non-Sydney paper websites and some blame is apparently attributed to a bias in favour of New South Wales players. And our bad pitches. Also checked out a few New Zealand papers who didn't have much sympathy with Australia's predicament for some reason.


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## Skilmarilion (Apr 6, 2013)

elgars ghost said:


> Went onto a few non-Sydney paper websites and some blame is apparently attributed to a bias in favour of New South Wales players. And our bad pitches. Also checked out a few New Zealand papers who didn't have much sympathy with Australia's predicament for some reason.


I think missing out on Harris before the series even began is under-appreciated. Hazlewood is not as capable it seems, and Johnson has only been able to really turn on the heat on that bloody flat deck at Lord's. Dropping Haddin was poor too, not least because Nevill looks fairly ordinary out there.

Their team needs a big overhaul. Clarke may be done, and I don't like him dropping himself down to No. 5. How is that rising to the challenge? Rogers is retiring. It seems like Watson and Haddin are finished. Voges?

England have been really good for the most part, but as a whole I think a fairly mediocre standard of cricket has been played throughout a lot of this series. The NZ series was better -- too bad it was only 2 matches.


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## TurnaboutVox (Sep 22, 2013)

Skilmarilion said:


> England have been really good for the most part, but as a whole I think a fairly mediocre standard of cricket has been played throughout a lot of this series. The NZ series was better -- too bad it was only 2 matches.


Root apart though, the batting has been frenetic and inconsistent (not as frenetic and clueless as Australia's 3 - 11 mind you). Has Ian Bell also had his day? How long can Cook keep going?


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## Skilmarilion (Apr 6, 2013)

TurnaboutVox said:


> Root apart though, the batting has been frenetic and inconsistent (not as frenetic and clueless as Australia's 3 - 11 mind you). Has Ian Bell also had his day? How long can Cook keep going?


Yeah true. Oddly enough England didn't need much batting to win this series, especially in the last two games. Lyth is a question mark. Ditto Bell in the long-term, and Bairstow and Buttler in the short-term.

Also if we're going to bat Moeen at 8, can we not pick Rashid instead? I just don't get this at all. Of course we're playing Pakistan in the UAE later this year. They're so averse to picking a proper spinner that it wouldn't surprise me if they go with 3 quicks and Moeen in the first game out there. 

Cook will keep going until he has the most test runs in history, even if it means playing 'till he's 46.


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## cwarchc (Apr 28, 2012)

Second hand Australian cricket bats for sale
Hardly used:lol:


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## TurnaboutVox (Sep 22, 2013)

cwarchc said:


> Second hand Australian cricket bats for sale
> Hardly used :lol:


The edges have been well used, to be fair.



Skilmarilion said:


> Yeah true. Oddly enough England didn't need much batting to win this series, especially in the last two games. Lyth is a question mark. Ditto Bell in the long-term, and Bairstow and Buttler in the short-term.
> 
> Also if we're going to bat Moeen at 8, can we not pick Rashid instead? I just don't get this at all. Of course we're playing Pakistan in the UAE later this year. They're so averse to picking a proper spinner that it wouldn't surprise me if they go with 3 quicks and Moeen in the first game out there.  Cook will keep going until he has the most test runs in history, even if it means playing 'till he's 46.


Moeen the batsman impresses me. What's he doing at No. 8 when Buttler doesn't look half as good? Maybe he should even bat above Stokes.

Moeen the bowler, not so much. He never seems to know where it's going to land at present, not an asset for an off-spinner. England do seem very reluctant to give Adil Rashid, who is also a decent batsman, a chance, don't they?


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## Proms Fanatic (Nov 23, 2014)

The problem with Rashid is that his spin bowling isn't all that great either. While Moeen keeps scoring runs, I don't see Rashid getting in unless the pitch warrants two spinners.


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## Skilmarilion (Apr 6, 2013)

How about Monty for old time's sake? 



TurnaboutVox said:


> Moeen the batsman impresses me. What's he doing at No. 8 when Buttler doesn't look half as good? Maybe he should even bat above Stokes.
> 
> Moeen the bowler, not so much. He never seems to know where it's going to land at present, not an asset for an off-spinner. England do seem very reluctant to give Adil Rashid, who is also a decent batsman, a chance, don't they?


Yes exactly, because at this point they're playing Moeen as a bowler. That's pointless. Either he needs to be batting higher, or we should start exploring "proper" spin options towards long-term success.

The rise to No. 1 in the world back in 2011 (and a lot of other success) just straight up wouldn't have happened without Swann.

Also, an interesting possibility is drafting in a batsman to replace Buttler and have Bairstow keep wicket. I'm thinking James Taylor. :tiphat:


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## Headphone Hermit (Jan 8, 2014)

Skilmarilion said:


> How about Monty for old time's sake?


Poor chap - isn't even playing for Essex' 2nd XI despite them being bottom of the league


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