# Light bulb Jokes



## superhorn (Mar 23, 2010)

How many Mafia guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change the bulb and one to shoot the witnesses .

How many straight San franciscans does it take to change a lightbulb? 

Both of them .

How many Juilliard students does it take to change a lightbulb?

100 . I to change it and 99 to say they could have done it better .

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb ? Fish !

How many graduate students does it take to change a lightulb ?

One, but it takes him nine years .

How many college freshmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

They don't learn that until their sophomore year .

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? That's not funny !










:lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Jeremy Marchant (Mar 11, 2010)

How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. But the lightbulb really has to want to change.


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## sospiro (Apr 3, 2010)

How many maintenance guys does it take to change a light bulb? Or in this case, a fluorescent light fitting?

Five. 

This happened in our office last week. We stood there & counted the guys & fell about laughing.


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## Art Rock (Nov 28, 2009)

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? 

Two. One to hold the giraffe, and one to put the clocks in the bathtub.


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## Fsharpmajor (Dec 14, 2008)

How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb steady, and one to drink until the room spins around.


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## Fsharpmajor (Dec 14, 2008)

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They'd rather be in the dark.


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## elgar's ghost (Aug 8, 2010)

How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

10 - one to change the bulb and nine to criticise the bulb for going electric.



How many corporate management types does it take to change a light bulb?

100 - one to change the bulb and the other 99 to write reports on how expendable the last one was.



How many women with PMT does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. "Why six?" BECAUSE IT JUST DOES, ALRIGHT?!*

(* It was a woman who told me this one)


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## Jeremy Marchant (Mar 11, 2010)

How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb? 
Three. Two to fetch the wood and one to enlighten the novice.

How many quantum physicists does it take to change a light bulb? 
Two. One to change the bulb and one not to change it.

How many quantum physicists does it take to change a light bulb? 
They can't. If they know where the socket is, they cannot locate the new bulb...


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## Jeremy Marchant (Mar 11, 2010)

How many censors does it take to change a light bulb?
One to ---- ------- ----- and another to ---- ----- ---- while ---- ---- -- -----with a ------


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## jani (Jun 15, 2012)

How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? 
9000, one does it and the the rest 8999 tell how much better they could have done it.


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## Ukko (Jun 4, 2010)

How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
2 - 1 to change it and one to pick it up after it was dropped. Afterwards, both will say that the operation went very well.


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## Lunasong (Mar 15, 2011)

Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

A: You can unscrew a light bulb.


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## aleazk (Sep 30, 2011)

Jeremy Marchant said:


> How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?
> Three. Two to fetch the wood and one to enlighten the novice.
> 
> How many quantum physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
> ...


I love the last one... I will have to steal it.


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## Klavierspieler (Jul 16, 2011)

How many egomaniacs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one. He holds the bulb in place, and the room revolves around him.


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## Philip (Mar 22, 2011)

aleazk said:


> I love the last one... I will have to steal it.


It doesn't make sense and it's not even funny...


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## aleazk (Sep 30, 2011)

Philip said:


> It doesn't make sense and it's not even funny...


Of course it doesn't make sense, it's a joke, isn't it?.


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## Jeremy Marchant (Mar 11, 2010)

Philip said:


> It doesn't make sense and it's not even funny...


It's a hilarious take on the _uncertainty principle_ in quantum mechanics, originally proposed by Werner Heisenberg, which asserts that there is a fundamental lower limit on the precision with which certain pairs of physical properties of a particle, such as its position and momentum, can be simultaneously known.

... but maybe you knew that!


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## Sid James (Feb 7, 2009)

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
- One, but she needs a brunette (who actually has brains) to tell her what to do.

How many council workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
- Four, one to change the lightbulb, another to document on paper that its happening, another to photograph it for legal records, and another to stand around and do absolutely bloody nothing.

How many musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
- One to 'compose' the conceptual performance piece a la John Cage, another to buy the lightbulb, another to buy the ladder needed, another to change the lightbulb, another to film it, a group of their friends and admirers to be the audience...but this can all change...its all based on 'chance'...art = life.


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## Jeremy Marchant (Mar 11, 2010)

How many voyeurs does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but they'd much rather watch someone else do it.

How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.

How many amoebas does it take to change a lightbulb ?
One...
No, two... 
No, four... 
No, eight...


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## Jeremy Marchant (Mar 11, 2010)

How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, it's a waste of time because the new bulb probably won't work either.

How many optimists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they're convinced that the power will come back on soon.


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## Jeremy Marchant (Mar 11, 2010)

One.
How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb ?


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## Jeremy Marchant (Mar 11, 2010)

How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. It's left to the reader as an exercise.

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.
If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.
Therefore, by induction, for all n, where n is a positive integer, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

References:
[1] Weiner, Matthew P., [[email protected]], "Re: YALBJ", 1986


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## sospiro (Apr 3, 2010)

Jeremy Marchant said:


> How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
> None. It's left to the reader as an exercise.
> 
> In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.
> ...


Yes

............


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