# Lonely! Oh, so lonely!



## mstar

How often do you feel lonely? Why? What do you listen to when you are lonely? Does what you listen to when you feel lonely bring you to tears?


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## Gilberto

I voted 

Never, I'm an optimist ....even though I'm really not an optimist. 

I'm never lonely because I know God is always with me. And that is why I'm pessimistic too, but don't ask. Please.


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## Ravndal

You have to start turning off the anonymity when voting, so we can see what others vote


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## Itullian

Yeah. I live alone and i'm lonely sometimes.
Right now I listen to opera. It doesn't bring me to tears though.
But i'm happier alone I think.
than living with someone. 
I tried that with my brother. 
I love him, it just didn't work out.


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## Krummhorn

mstar said:


> . . . What do you listen to when you are lonely? Does what you listen to when you feel lonely bring you to tears?


I rarely get lonely - cabin fever, yes, but lonely, very very rare. I have too much to do in my golden years to even think about being lonely.

But for those very rare times, I listen to Messiaen organ works ... in a completely darkened room.

I also listen to those same organ works when traveling at night on trips in the car.


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## Ingélou

Taggart & I have each other and I think I do need to have someone to talk to and share things with.

However, I do very much enjoy being alone, going walks on my own etc. Sitting in the back bedroom alone, sewing while listening to music, that is my idea of heaven. :angel: I need to have time to think and access my inside realness - otherwise, I feel ill. 

I'm not gregarious - not an optimist - and I don't believe in strong emotions except as occasional catharsis. In the past, strong conflicting emotions have torn me apart and since then, I prefer to keep my mind even and peaceful. 
In the poll, there was no category that fitted so - I didn't vote!


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## Kieran

Music never brings me to tears, but yeah, I feel lonely on occasion. It's a human thing, unavoidable. As the saying has it, you can be lonely in a crowd. I don't mind it, once it isn't clinical. Once I know it'll end, and it does for me. I go out the kitchen and see what my wife is doing there. :lol:

But loneliness is natural. Like Ingenue, I like to be on my own sometimes. I even travel on my own, visit foreign opera houses, meet friends abroad, and this can feel lonely, but in a good way. I often wish my wife or friends had travelled with me - but at the same time I'm glad they didn't...


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## SiegendesLicht

I can't say I am either an optimist or a pessimist (I guess I am a realist who gets sad, worried or angry when there are real, weighty reasons for it, and happy when there are real reasons for happiness), but I am used to being alone, and it practically never bothers me. The only time I sometimes feel lonely is on days like St. Valentine's Day, when I see a lot of happy couples walking hand in hand, while my own man lives some 1 500 km. from me, and we need a leave from work, a visa and an airplane/bus ticket every time we want to hold one another's hand. But even at times like this I still consider myself happy to know and to love that man. 

As for what I would listen to, when I feel like this... it depends. Either something cheery and upbeat, Radetzky-Marsch for example, or just the opposite, something Romantic and filled with (quote Mahlerian) "that German Sehnsucht, that so permeates Wagner".


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## bassClef

With a wife and two small children: never. Would I like to occasionally? Oh yes.


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## deggial

_never_ is closer to how I am in the sense that I'm not sentimental. Music brings me to tears often but it's because I empathise with the character (it's usually some aria that does it, instrumental music less so) not because it brings to mind something from the past or someone from my current life. Like can be difficult enough, so I feel like I should milk the most of the good times


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## Manxfeeder

After reading the comments, it just hit me: I'm never lonely until I'm in a large gathering. I love being alone; that's when I have communion with God. I also like being one on one or being in small groups. But large groups make me feel invisible; as the numbers increase, I tend to be the one who works his way to the back.

I like these pieces when I'm needing to repair the damage from the madding crowd.


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## mstar

Okay, looks like it's my turn.

I love being alone, but that just might be because of a few things: 
1. I love being alone with _nature._ It's a science! 
2. Being alone with God, especially in Adoration, makes me feel so peaceful, I love it! 
3. I'm usually not alone, since I have quite a big family. I love them, but sometimes I need to be alone! 
4. It's just who I am. I love to contemplate conjectures, theories, find patterns, stick them together, pull them apart, prove them incorrect or correct, and figure out why. That way, I can understand *why* things happen the way they do! 
5. I'm a solo traveler by heart. When I am 40/50, I want to travel the world (not all at once, though!), but I don't want to marry. I find that silence, religion, and science are enough for my time, as I think my capacity for passion is really running out. (Thanks, Rachmaninov....) 
6. I'm already too old for drama, I don't care for television, I do have friends, and we are close, but I wouldn't go to parties, so I suppose we can say it's also a matter of "continuous time-management!"

Hey, I'm not as young at heart as many 15 year olds. So I blame it on classical music. 

*An anecdote:* I often use Google and Youtube for both my music and doing school-related as well as composer-related research. Earlier this year, I began to see pleasant ads such as ones of Carnegie Hall and different colleges' advertisements. Happy enough with this and just beginning to examine how computers function, I decided, after a while, to check my Ads Settings on Google (who bought out Youtube). Based on my searches, I was estimated to be: 
1. Lithuanian Female. 
2. 51-54 years old. 
3. Speaking: Lithuanian, English, German, Russian, French. 
4. Interested in: Music, art, literature, electronics, home and gardening, ads, etc.

Okay, that's pretty absurd....  
I'm American, though also Middle-Eastern, not interested in home and gardening, and certainly NOT 51-54 years old!!


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## Aramis

mstar said:


> I decided, after a while, to check my Ads Settings on Google (who bought out Youtube)


Never heard of such option, can you tell how one may check it?


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## mstar

Aramis said:


> Never heard of such option, can you tell how one may check it?


Sure, just search "google ads settings" and there you go. 

Unless you use your gmail account, then it just takes the information from there.


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## Cheyenne

Hazlitt and all those other great men who needed no one but themselves for inner peace have my admiration, but I'd rather have someone else with me. That said, I avoid hoping

from outward forms to win
The passion and the life whose fountains are within.​
Perhaps De Quincey was right when he wrote that no man "will unfold the capacities of his own intellect who does not at least checker his life with solitude;" in any case I've had my share of it in youth, for my parents were never the greatest companions. It gave me, however, one of the greatest gifts of all: self-reliance. Hopefully I keep, in Emerson's words, "in the midst of the crowd ... with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude." There are few things greater than being with a good friend, and yet de la Bruyère's painful admission that it is "a great misfortune not being able to be alone" may be even sweeter: for no company will ever be great if not your own. However, do not be afraid to venture, for a fool is the man who says solemnly: I shan't change -

Resolved that nothing e'er should press
Upon [his] present happiness.​
Now enough of the excessive naval-gazing and laughably frequent use of quotations - I have someone special to ask out. Never did Milton show a softer side than when he uttered, with great eloquence:

To measure life, learn thou betimes, and know
Toward solid good what leads the nearest way;
For other things mild Heav'n a time ordains,
And disapproves that care, though wise in show,
That with superfluous burden loads the day,
And when God sends a cheerful hour, refrains.​
(I had to write a letter in early 18th century style: excuse the remnants of it left in prose and quotations - the occasional kitsch in prose amuses me.)


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## Blancrocher

Cheyenne said:


> (I had to write a letter in early 18th century style


Don't forget to conclude it in some suitably groveling fashion, such as:

Your humble and devoted servant, miserable in the absence of your felicitous company,

Cheyenne


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## realdealblues

I'm guess I'm a Realist/Pessimist.

In a sense, I'm lonely because I've always been alone, but at the same time I don't mind being alone. I don't need someone around 24/7. The only thing that I think would be nice to experience is to connect with someone on multiple levels because it's something I've never had.

I have friends with whom I have a mental connection with. I've had girls whom I've had a physical connection with. I've had friends whom I've shared a spiritual connection with. I have certain people I share an emotional connection with. But I've never had anyone in my life whom I could connect with on multiple levels and I always thought that would be something nice to experience. So if I'm lonely, I think it's more from not being able to connect with someone across the board. Having a true companion if you will to talk to about anything or nothing and still have that feeling.


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## Ondine

Lonely? No. 

Solitude, seclusion, relinquishment? Yes.

There is a lot of joy in solitude. Of course I have my partner and we share things, at least the important ones, and between those there is solitude. He, too, loves it. 

So we abide peacefully at home. We both love silence, too. Suddenly he likes Bach then I love Mozart. It's a great deal.

Honestly I have never felt lonely. Maybe in the 'teen' years with all that drama but not really as a strong feeling or an absolute certainty. 

It is curious because I am not very practical with daily relationships with humans even when I have been studying -and teaching- them for years; I can't connect too much with the human species. They seem always troubled. Maybe because I think I know humans fairly well I am pretty cautious handling them with a healthy distance 

Don't mess with humans! my grandma' used to warn me quite frequently :lol:


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## Huilunsoittaja

I'm in general not very lonely. When I'm alone, it's because I want to be alone, tired from already being exposed to people. I ate dinner alone this evening because I am tired, I can't be social all the time, not even for meals. At the school of music, classes are much more interactive than normal academic classes. I'm constantly talking to people or observing people during the day. And even now my day's not over, I have to go back to the school of music tonight for 3 more hours... sigh...

But real loneliness...?
There are certain phrases that have been told to me that make me really feel a sense of isolation more than anything else.
"No, I don't share that feeling with you."
"No, I didn't notice that."
"No, I didn't think that was funny."
Those kill my heart. If people say those to me (_or even if I find myself saying those phrases_), I close up my heart to people and become escapist. I just wanna run away and bemoan the fact that I wasn't able to relate to somebody in a certain situation, or even worse, someone wasn't able to relate to _me_. Well if they, who may be my best friends or even my family, aren't going to relate to me, who will?? People on the internet usually. *sad laugh*


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## mstar

Huilunsoittaja said:


> I'm in general not very lonely. When I'm alone, it's because I want to be alone, tired from already being exposed to people. I ate dinner alone this evening because I am tired, I can't be social all the time, not even for meals. At the school of music, classes are much more interactive than normal academic classes. I'm constantly talking to people or observing people during the day. And even now my day's not over, I have to go back to the school of music tonight for 3 more hours... sigh...
> 
> But real loneliness...?
> There are certain phrases that have been told to me that make me really feel a sense of isolation more than anything else.
> "No, I don't share that feeling with you."
> "No, I didn't notice that."
> "No, I didn't think that was funny."
> Those kill my heart. If people say those to me (_or even if I find myself saying those phrases_), I close up my heart to people and become escapist. I just wanna run away and bemoan the fact that I wasn't able to relate to somebody in a certain situation, or even worse, someone wasn't able to relate to _me_. Well if they, who may be my best friends or even my family, aren't going to relate to me, who will?? People on the internet usually. *sad laugh*


Wait, Huilu. I didn't notice that.

I really don't share those feelings with you.

And I didn't think that was funny at all....

(Hmm.... The mean side of mstar. Never seen that one before? )

Just kidding, just kidding....


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## Huilunsoittaja

mstar said:


> Wait, Huilu. I didn't notice that.
> 
> I really don't share those feelings with you.
> 
> And I didn't think that was funny at all....
> 
> (Hmm.... The mean side of mstar. Never seen that one before?)
> 
> Just kidding, just kidding....


:lol: Nice one...

*Still goes and sobs by herself*


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## ArtMusic

Well, if one feels lonely, one could come here to TC to talk about classical music - Bach, Mozart and ... bliss!


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## julianoq

I almost never feel lonely - actually, having to go every day to an office for almost 10 years I always felt the need for more time alone. Now I am working at home but I have little time with my wife since she works in an office, so sometimes I feel a little lonely spending most of my days only with my dogs and my music, but most of the time I am quite happy with it. To go back to the office (will happen eventually) will be terrible.


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## mstar

ArtMusic said:


> Well, if one feels lonely, one could come here to TC to talk about classical music - Bach, Mozart and ... bliss!


Brahms and Mahler. They dominate here. 

Speaking of lonely, I got so nostalgic yesterday after all these lonely/nostalge threads, I decided I will pasar un tiemo con mis amigos y mis libros para la semana. Adieu!


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## techniquest

I'm lonely more or less all the time, but I mask it well. I've always been alone so I've had to get used to it, but it doesn't alter the fact that the thing I'd like most would be to have a companion - to know what it is to be loved and cared for. However, being the kind of person I am (over-50, overweight, gay and into classical music), the chances of anything changing are just about zero.


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## Blancrocher

techniquest said:


> I'm lonely more or less all the time, but I mask it well. I've always been alone so I've had to get used to it, but it doesn't alter the fact that the thing I'd like most would be to have a companion - to know what it is to be loved and cared for. However, being the kind of person I am (over-50, overweight, gay and into classical music), the chances of anything changing are just about zero.


I'm sorry to hear this. I'm sure you've made every appropriate effort, but I'd recommend that anyone in a similar situation look into possibilities on online dating/relationship sites. Skyping with someone with compatible views about music and literature (and less important things like politics) might be a good introduction to someone nearby or further afield that one wouldn't be likely to meet otherwise. Best of luck, in any case--I know there's no easy answer.


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## Garlic

I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll never really understand people, the best I can do is copy their behaviour and try to look like I know what I'm doing. It all feels like an absurd game that almost everyone else knows the rules to. Making a distinction between social loneliness and existential loneliness, I think the latter can be a good thing if not suppressed, although it can be painful and alienating, it can lead to a stronger foundation in the long run.


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## Ondine

Garlic said:


> I'll never really understand people,


I know about that, @Garlic



> [...]the best I can do is copy their behaviour and try to look like I know what I'm doing. It all feels like an absurd game that almost everyone else knows the rules to. Making a distinction between social loneliness and existential loneliness, I think the latter can be a good thing if not suppressed, although it can be painful and alienating, it can lead to a stronger foundation in the long run.


I understand that.


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## mstar

I'm a pretty social person, but after spending seven hours or so on something that I know my teacher doesn't read, and a few other assignments, including a lab I still need to type up and figure out how to get some extra points on that, and study for this insane test, or so, and figure out what I'm doing for geometry, I need a break. I guess that's called _sleep._ *sigh*

So I'm a little lonely. I just started to listen to music, though, so an excellent performance of Mendelssohn's Octet (again) is doing me some good, I hope.


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## Jaredpi

Pessimist, you will always be happy.
If you go into a game, for example, expecting to lose, and you win, you are pleasantly surprised. It is not a big deal if you lose because you were expecting it. 
If you go into a game expecting to win, and you lose, you are sad. It is not a big deal if you win because you were expecting it. 
So a pessimist is usually happy.


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## vincentfernandes

Yes, I do, more and more these days but let's hope that's just a phase. I tend to listen to:

Dumbledore's Farewell (Nicholas Hooper)
The Killing (Harry Gregson-Williams)
Ich habe genug (Bach)
In the End (Amy Macdonald)
Right Next Door (Robert Cray)

And other things that don't come to mind now.


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## mstar

Gilberto said:


> I voted
> 
> Never, I'm an optimist ....even though I'm really not an optimist.
> 
> I'm never lonely because I know God is always with me.


Wow.

I was looking for some of my old posts from Current Listening, and I came across _this._ Right away. 
And it hit me, and it blew my mind. 
I mean, I never thought that way, really. Seriously religious? Yes. Science-minded? Yes. Realist? Yes. Absurdist? No. But still... _still..._
It was a breath of fresh air.

And the irony was that this was originally _my thread._


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## Pugg

But then again, you started it almost 3 years ago.


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## Potiphera

I've never experienced loneliness . I can't imagine I could ever be lonely. Though sometimes I wonder about my neighbour living alone, she always is glad to have a chat.


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## Pugg

Potiphera said:


> I've never experienced loneliness . I can't imagine I could ever be lonely. Though sometimes I wonder about my neighbour living alone, she always is glad to have a chat.


Me neither, sometimes I am alone due to work of my other half, but never feeling alone.


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## Strange Magic

“You are a philosopher, Dr. Johnson. I have tried too in my time to be a philosopher; but, I don't know how, cheerfulness was always breaking in. ”

As we recall, Johnson and Boswell,while strolling about, met Dr. Johnson's old schoolmate Edwards, who uttered the above remark as the two re-established their relationship. In my advancing years, I find myself more and more attuned to Edwards' attitude, as it mirrors my own innate personal optimism. Objectively, though, I'm neither optimist nor pessimist, but a realist inured to whatever befalls our species and our planet. Also, I cannot be lonely, as I am surrounded by the works of millennia of great artists and thinkers who are the best and most rewarding of companions.


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## drpraetorus

Unfortunately, I suffer from Depression. Without my meds I would be on the always side. Music in my strongest med.


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## Ingélou

drpraetorus said:


> Unfortunately, I suffer from Depression. Without my meds I would be on the always side. Music in my strongest med.


Sorry to hear it. Hope it continues to be a manageable condition & wishing you all joy in your music.


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## Dim7

I am a realist.... as opposed to those who believe their own beliefs are false.


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