# 1st draft of Large Orchestral Piece



## emiellucifuge (May 26, 2009)

Ive been working on this movement for quite a while now, its a first completed rough draft. 

Im sure there is still much to work on.
Also please bear in mind that it is an awful computer rendering, and is no substitute for a true performance.

(Apologies for the crackling sounds)



Any constructive feedback welcome!


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## ScipioAfricanus (Jan 7, 2010)

in all honesty, it has great ideas and some nice melodies but I find it directionless and disjointed. You need to make it flow more. Don't try to put all your ideas into one movement. Save some for the other movements least you overload one movement.


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## emiellucifuge (May 26, 2009)

First of all - thank you!

Yes the cohesion proved to be a great problem for this piece. I found that the materials hardly suited a development and therefore favored more of a transformation. Maybe the connection - or at least the metamorphosis are not obvious enough. I realise also that the ' Exposition' is disproportionately big and may need to do some balancing.

In any case I did not introduce new ideas throughout the piece, did you follow with the score? If you do then it should be possible to trace everything to a few different germs. Then again, maybe just hearing doesnt provide enough connection.


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## Edward Elgar (Mar 22, 2006)

It reads like Shostakovich, is he an influence? I liked it. The "dies irae" piano left hand bit was effective, as was the wind scherzo-like passage. You've obviously paid good attention to orchestral colour. As for the form, there were lots of ideas (could be a good or bad thing) and I couldn't tell what was an event and what was a bridge passage (again, could be a good or bad thing). Your harmonic and melodic vocabulary has expanded beyond the simplicity of tonal constraints which is good. You could be even more adventurous!

You keep committed to your own convictions and play to your strengths. Yours are obviously creating atmospheres and orchestrating material. I'd listen to Beethoven and Shostakovich symphonies and see which aspects of them make them really work. Also try the music of Louis Andriessen, your countryman. His music is boss!


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## emiellucifuge (May 26, 2009)

Thank you for your comments!

I feel honoured by such a comparison, he certainly is. 

When you say, for example, that my harmonic and melodic vocabulary has 'expanded'. Are you then relating or comparing this piece to an earlier piece, as if to describe a progress or improvement in my composition?

Thank you for the suggestions, I have definitely heard of Andriessen (there are often articles about him in the papers here) but not yet listened.


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## Edward Elgar (Mar 22, 2006)

emiellucifuge said:


> Thank you for your comments!
> 
> I feel honoured by such a comparison, he certainly is.
> 
> ...


When I say your harmonic and melodic vocabulary has expanded from the simplicity of tonal constraints, I mean you're not relying on the simple V - I for your material. I haven't heard any of your other pieces.

Not listened to Andriessen and he's on your doorstep?! Shameful!


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## emiellucifuge (May 26, 2009)

Ah so you mean it is expansive? 

Im so very sorry.. I will get to it right away!


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