# The torment of playing viola



## Guest

http://www.thestrad.com/cpt-latests/the-daily-torment-suffered-by-violists/


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## LHB

What's the highest a viola can go? Depends how hard you kick it.

A violist's fingers are like lightning; they never strike the same place twice.

A violist is like a bad prostitute; they only know one position.


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## Ingélou

This has shocked me. I shall never crack any viola jokes again!

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PS - Taggart tells me that this is a spoof website and a staged video, so maybe I'll weaken...


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## SeptimalTritone

God she's beautiful. I want to marry her.


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## Morimur

SeptimalTritone said:


> God she's beautiful. I want to marry her.


Hide your daughters, everybody-Septimal is on the prowl.


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## Dim7

SeptimalTritone said:


> God she's beautiful. I want to marry her.


Soooooooooo beta.


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## ComposerOfAvantGarde

SeptimalTritone said:


> God she's beautiful. I want to marry her.


Viola players? They'd have to be a last resort....seriously?


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## Guest

What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

What's the difference between a seamstress and a violist?
The seamstress tucks up the frills.

Why is a viola solo like premature ejaculation?
Because even when you know it's coming all too soon, there's nothing you can do about it.

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a crushed viola in the road?
Skid marks before the skunk.

Why do violists get hate the Kama Sutra?
Too many positions.

Why do violists have pea-sized brains?
Because all that alcohol has swelled them.

You are lost in the desert. You come upon a good Violist, a bad Violist, and a large white rabbit. Of which of the three do you ask directions?
The bad Violist. The other two are mirages.

What do you call fifty Violists buried up to their necks in sand? 
A short shortage of sand.

And so on.


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## SeptimalTritone

ComposerOfAvantGarde said:


> Viola players? They'd have to be a last resort....seriously?


But _I'm_ a...

Oh.


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## Ilarion

Morimur said:


> Hide your daughters, everybody-Septimal is on the prowl.


Hahahaha - That was such a funny repartee. Septimal, be careful of where you tread - My friends named Smith&Wesson and Heckler&Koch you will not want to meet


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## Ilarion

ComposerOfAvantGarde said:


> Viola players? They'd have to be a last resort....seriously?


My friend Linda Womack is a beautiful violist and she's married to a great man and they have wonderful children. I showed her what you wrote - She was greatly offended. So please, be jut a little more circumspect, ok?


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## KenOC

If you _really _want to be offended:

Q. Why don't violists get Ebola?
A. Even a virus has its standards.


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## Ilarion

KenOC said:


> If you _really _want to be offended:
> 
> Q. Why don't violists get Ebola?
> A. Even a virus has its standards.


Je ne comprends pas...


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## ComposerOfAvantGarde

Ilarion said:


> My friend Linda Womack is a beautiful violist and she's married to a great man and they have wonderful children. I showed her what you wrote - She was greatly offended. So please, be jut a little more circumspect, ok?


Ilaron: i play viola :|


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## Ilarion

ComposerOfAvantGarde said:


> Ilaron: i play viola :|


Thats great...Hey, might you know the name of a, I believe, Canadian violist who recorded Bach's Cello Suites transcribed for viola?


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## jericollins

Tanya Solomon did it, but she is not Canadian, so you might be thinking of someone else.


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## 1611PB

In high school I sat next to the violists. They coined the use of the phrase "once in a blue moon" and were ecstatic to learn of five-string violas as it meant they would actually get to do something other than sit at rest or 
play back-up.

The viola is such an underrated ******* child in the string section. 

How do you become the butt of a bad orchestral joke? You play an instrument almost entirely covered in range by the bass section and the treble section covers all but the "C" string range. You know it's bad when the cellists are mocking you by making their instruments seem to laugh on command.

What is the difference between the double bassist & a violist?
One is rare but has a job in the orchestra. The other is the product of an adulterous union of superfluity & boredom.


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## 1611PB

Well, that's interesting; the word I used meaning a fatherless male was censored. 
Sigh. Political correctness is more backward than a viola.


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