# Don't Ask Me Why: Chapter 28



## Huilunsoittaja (Apr 6, 2010)

Up until 8PM, Marie was frantically correcting her program error. She didn't have time to do any dressing up for the concert since she never had a chance to go back home. Nevertheless, she finished on time, and once she passed out the programs to the ushers, went inside the hall for it to begin.
This final concert of the year was to be the most challenging program of the year. Ernest and one of his friends were both graduating, and so they had their projects to present to the public. Both of them were very formidable. Ernest was studying Sibelius, so he did the tone poem En Saga. His friend, on the other hand, was studying Mahler, and although they wouldn't do a whole symphony, picked a particular movement to analyze. Then there would be Tanya's performance. After intermission, there would be Tchaikovsky's Symphony No. 4.
Marie looked at her finishing job, which wasn't so bad looking after all. Everyone was represented now, even Ernest. She still wasn't sure why she left him out of the program in the first place, but it was likely a subconscious effort to erase him from her mind.
"I wonder if I should apologize anyhow," she wondered. There were seven minutes until the beginning, and likely he would be in the backstage very nearby. Marie got up, and slowly made her way to the stage entrance.
A number of musicians were scrambling around, talking happily, and giving each other well-wishes. Marie found Ernest talking with his conducting friend, holding programs in hand.
"Have they noticed yet?" she thought anxiously, and approached them.
"Marie?" Ernest saw her first, and drew his attention to her.
"Hey Ernest, I just came to..."
Suddenly, a thought struck her, and she went mute. Ernest turned his head to the side, frowning.
"Yes?" his friend spoke up.
"I... had just made a mistake in the program, I hope you didn't mind."
"You mean leaving me out of the program?" Ernest smiled bitterly.
"Yes," Marie looked down at the floor. "I made a second program to fix it."
"Well, good for you to fix your mistakes, I'm sure Ernest appreciates that."
The friend took a step away to meet another person, and once again they were alone, despite the commotion all around.
"How are you?" Marie suddenly asked.
"I've been better," Ernest replied darkly.
"I hope you have no hard feelings... I wanted to say sorry for how I acted."
Ernest suddenly looked confused, and didn't say anything.
"What are you implying?"
"I ought to have been more merciful to you. But there were things that I wasn't able to explain to you--"
"You'll never be able to explain to me why, Marie, because you have no explanation," he said coldly, and stepped away from her.
Marie felt herself go pale. "No, wait! I actually came to say I hoped you wouldn't really think I took you out of the program on purpose, because I didn't mean to and so I fixed it to show I didn't and, and..."
He turned around, and gave her a pained look.
"You can't fix anything... You should go Marie, we're starting now."
Marie frowned, and looked down ashamedly. Gritting her teeth, she made her way back to her seat, which was in the center and relatively alone. She brooded gloomily to herself, on the verge of tears.
"Oh, I know it was too late! He hates me now... I'm to blame... Oh, where is Tanya? ... or Marcus? ... I hope they make up tonight..."


Tanya was also backstage at that moment, but she was elsewhere in the hallways, making her way there. She felt very strange, and couldn't explain it. Her heart-rate seemed to be unusually low. Tanya finally got to the backstage as Ernest was walking on stage, so she sat by the stage-right door to listen. There was a small TV screen above that she could see him through a camera.
Tanya had watched Ernest go through this work in the rehearsal multiple times, and she still loved it as if hearing it for the first time. Ernest had been studying the tone poems of Sibelius for his dissertation. Secretly in her spare time, Tanya had listened through all the Sibelius tone poems, trying to grasp the emotionality, and thus understand Ernest's heart. As Tanya watched the backstage TV projection of the hall, she tried to go into his mind, into what he was thinking at any given moment.
"He has a wild heart, he is a journeyer... will he ever find home? Yes... I will give it to him... he's a romantic, an idealist, he want's everything to be set right... I will do that for him too... he is a loner, and feels no one can relate to him... that loneliness too, I will penetrate..."
Tanya pondered these thoughts deeply, the whole fifteen minutes. When Ernest's piece was done and there was applause, he began walking off stage. Tanya jumped up from her seat, and briskly escaped his view when he came backstage. He immediately went back into the seats, to watch the remaining performances.
"Should I stay, or should I go?" Tanya thought rapidly. She only had a moment to think.
"Stay," she resolved. She went around the other side of the backstage area, and watched the following performance from there. It was a Master's student doing a serenade for orchestra.
Through the crack in the door of stage-left, Tanya looked around until she could see Ernest. He was sitting alone, and he seemed incredibly unhappy.
"Was he displeased with his performance? He had no right to be!" Tanya thought. "I will change that for him too..."
Tanya waited on this side until the piece was over. She expected Ernest to come backstage after, which he did, but he didn't see her. Instead, he walked down the steps, and into the inner hallways. Tanya followed him quietly, taking off her stilettos which were so loud on the floor.
No one was around. Everyone was in the seats to watch, or huddled by the backstage TV. Tanya sensed an opportunity.
Ahead of Tanya, she saw Ernest enter the orchestral room. There were two sets of double doors, the inner one having a small window for viewing. She approached the double-doors, and watched him start to pace inside while she stood in the inside corridor. He was unaware that she was there.
"What's he doing?" she wondered.
The chairs, instrument cases and stands had all been pushed to the sides of the room, leaving an empty space in the center of the room. This is where Ernest was pacing. He seemed very emotionally distressed, walking very quickly, and seemed to be muttering to himself. He took his baton, and started scrutinizing it, but in a glazed-over fashion. He sat down on a chair finally on the side of the room, and put his face in his hands.
Tanya watched him with awe and compassion. She could only love him more than ever in this moment. In the overhead speaker, a romantic, pleading melody floated was coming from the concert hall.
Time stood still, and all the world beckoned her forward.
Consumed with her own emotion and excitement, she opened the inner door.


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