# Not a poll: what's your EQ?



## Jeremy Marchant (Mar 11, 2010)

EQ - quality of emotional intelligence (EI).

My definition of EI: "Emotional intelligence is the ability to have insight into the emotions of oneself and others, by being aware of, identifying and assessing both one's and others' emotions, and having the ability to control one's emotions".

It's not a poll because polls are not emotionally intelligent pastimes.

But do you feel you have insight into, and control over, your emotions? And insight into others' emotions?


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## PetrB (Feb 28, 2012)

Pretty damned canny after all these years, not that it is visible to the naked eye -- but it is super useful in not only dealing with people, but in having the radar up and out to know who not to deal with, or how if one must.


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## ComposerOfAvantGarde (Dec 2, 2011)

I am a very emotional person but I can't identify a lot of emotions in other people.


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## MaestroViolinist (May 22, 2012)

Yeah, I think I'm pretty good.


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## Ukko (Jun 4, 2010)

ComposerOfAvantGarde said:


> I am a very emotional person but I can't identify a lot of emotions in other people.


Pay attention. When 'inter-relating' with another person, make you ego shut the fook up, and listen; absorb body language. Empathy can be learned.

I realize that it is difficult for a mid-teen to curb the ego; just do what you can. It gets easier later, when you've got 'it' together - and you'll be way ahead of the strutters and spurless roosters out there (and here, far as that goes).


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## MJTTOMB (Dec 16, 2007)

no, mental illness somewhat robbed me of those abilities. i was familiar with them once, though.


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## Kopachris (May 31, 2010)

I consider my EQ quite high.


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## Klavierspieler (Jul 16, 2011)

Something I struggle with immensely, especially with trying to identify my own emotions.


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## Ravndal (Jun 8, 2012)

Hilltroll72 said:


> Pay attention. When 'inter-relating' with another person, make you ego shut the fook up, and listen; absorb body language. Empathy can be learned.
> 
> I realize that it is difficult for a mid-teen to curb the ego; just do what you can. It gets easier later, when you've got 'it' together - and you'll be way ahead of the strutters and spurless roosters out there (and here, far as that goes).


I don't belive empathy can be learned. And if so, it's fake.

You can learn how to read peoples emotions, but empathy, the compassion comes naturally.


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## Kopachris (May 31, 2010)

Ravndal said:


> I don't belive empathy can be learned. And if so, it's fake.
> 
> You can learn how to read peoples emotions, but empathy, the compassion comes naturally.


Not necessarily. Perhaps "learned" is the wrong word, but a person _can_ go from being generally cold to generally compassionate.


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## ComposerOfAvantGarde (Dec 2, 2011)

Kopachris said:


> Not necessarily. Perhaps "learned" is the wrong word, but a person _can_ go from being generally cold to generally compassionate.


Me, for example.


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## Ravndal (Jun 8, 2012)

Kopachris said:


> Not necessarily. Perhaps "learned" is the wrong word, but a person _can_ go from being generally cold to generally compassionate.


Yes, i agree. But i belive that the person always had it in him/her to have compassion.


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## Vesteralen (Jul 14, 2011)

To the OP - I assume you're talking about real-life situations and not on-line interaction? They are much, much different, I find.


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## Jeremy Marchant (Mar 11, 2010)

Ravndal said:


> I don't belive empathy can be learned. And if so, it's fake.
> 
> You can learn how to read peoples emotions, but empathy, the compassion comes naturally.


Empathy can definitely be practised, resulting in someone being more empathic than they used to be. Whether that makes it "fake" or not is just down to how judgmental you want to be about other people. The key issue is authenticity - how congruent what someone says (and is perceived consciously by the other person) is with their intent (which tends to be picked up subconsciously).

In my book, emotional intelligence is about not only being aware of our and others' emotions, it's about working with our emotions for the benefit of others. And those emotions certainly can include compassion. I'm not sure whether empathy is an emotion, surely it is a way of relating to others.


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## Jeremy Marchant (Mar 11, 2010)

Ravndal said:


> Yes, i agree. But i belive that the person always had it in him/her to have compassion.


Agree completely with this. Surely it is a component of the definition of the psychopathic personality that they don't have empathy. Every one else who don't show it are choosing to hold it back.


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## Jeremy Marchant (Mar 11, 2010)

Vesteralen said:


> To the OP - I assume you're talking about real-life situations and not on-line interaction? They are much, much different, I find.


I don't quite understand your point. In general, I would say that the way people relate to each other is independent of the media in which they choose to do it. But of course, it looks different, whether it is online (and I would definitely differentiate Skype from email), phone or face to face.


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## Praeludium (Oct 9, 2011)

As strange as is seems for me, I think my EQ must be pretty good. I tend to feel and to care about peoples' emotions. But I never show it, and never act in anyway to show it/help others, partly because I don't know how.

I control my emotions - I take distance very quickly. I never get angry and when I'm having some hard feelings I immediately think about how stupid and irrational it is. Something I let my bad feelings run a bit because it's also doing me good lol but I do it consciously.


Can't a great control of your emotions make you seem cold, when in fact you're pretty sensible to the emotions of other persons ? Isn't it a bit paradoxical ?


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## myaskovsky2002 (Oct 3, 2010)

My *E*ntelligence *I*s not high.

Martin


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## clavichorder (May 2, 2011)

myaskovsky2002 said:


> My *E*ntelligence *I*s not high.
> 
> Martin


Awww, poor Martin.


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## regressivetransphobe (May 16, 2011)

Everyone who uses the term "emotional intelligence" thinks that theirs is very high.


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## Ondine (Aug 24, 2012)

I am very emotional. Emotions are the building blocks of my affairs with things and people. 

I think I do well knowing my emotions and those of others. Even knowing my emotions it is not easy to handle them all the time as an enlightened being. So mistakes can happen, mostly, when one is overly emotional.

Maybe this is why I take some distance from too emotional composers. I need some balance in that aspect.

I really love and prefer 'face to face' relationships.

I have found really difficult on-line relationships because the lack of this 'face to face' dimension. It is like being into the 'Turing Experiment'


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